31 Days to Becoming an Author

September 26, 2013 by Kelli

UPDATE: When I set out to write this series of posts, I NEVER imagined it would be as popular as it has become. But in the almost year since I published this series, it’s gotten consistent traffic, and remains my highest trafficked post via Pinterest to date. So…

I have decided to publish this series as an ebook. 30 Days to Becoming a Writer will release on Amazon on August 25, 2014.

Click here to purchase your copy today!

No, that’s not a typo – The book is a 30 Day Guide, not 31 Day Guide. I condensed the material into readable chapters, and organized it in a way that gives readers a comprehensive guide to writing and publishing in an easily digestible format.

I will be removing the posts from this space in an effort to preserve the integrity of the book, but as soon as the book goes live, I will include the link where you can purchase these posts for your online library.

My hope and desire it that people will be inspired to continue to create, to write, and ultimately, to author the words that float in their heads and hearts. I’m so honored to have you all on this journey with me. I hope that you will benefit in your career as a writer from the tips offered in 30 Days to Becoming an Author. For more information on the book, and for more Pinterest-worthy images to promote it, go to KelliStuart.com.

Thanks for taking this journey with me!

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*Ask and Ye Shall Receive! Several people asked me if they could subscribe to the blog to have it delivered to email and I finally figured out how to do that! (And by “figured out” I mean that I had someone set it up for me.) Enter your email in the box to the left to have posts sent straight to your inbox.

Yay technology! And Yay people who know how to use it better than I do!

Carry on, then…

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I am not a planner. I’m not really sure how it is that the personality cards fell as they did given that my mom is a planner times fifteen. She plans when she’s going to plan. It’s something to behold.

I’m assuming I got the fly-by-my-seatedness from my dad. Maybe? Dad, am I right?

(I’m pretty sure I’m right.)

Because I generally tend not to plan very far in advance, I always feel like I should get some sort of recognition or medal on the rare occasions when I am super prepared. Those moments are few and far between and quite frankly, I find it exhausting to organize for the future. It’s a wonder I get anything done at all.

I have been in a noticeable blogging funk lately. The blogging world has evolved and changed quite a bit in the last five years. People want their information faster, shorter, and much more visually than they did before. Niche blogs are the focus right now – Foodies, decorators, DIY-ers, and coupon-ers. Blogs that offer a short burst of information, helpful to every day life, and complete with pretty pictures are what the masses want when they open their computers.

It’s hard for the story tellers to keep up.

This year, between fighting depression, finishing my novel, editing my novel and now pitching my novel, I haven’t really been able to fuel the flame of successful blogging – particularly because I’m one of the story tellers who feels like she’s swimming outside the niche.

(SIDE NOTE: I’d like someone to create a band and name it Swimming Outside the Niche. Then make really cool, funky jazz with just a hint of coffee shop flare. And if you do, please send me one of your CD’s for free. Thankyouverymuch.)

Alright, so where am I headed with all this? For the past three years, my friend Myquilin, better known as The Nester, has done a 31 Days challenge. The idea is to stretch yourself and write one post a day throughout October on one topic.

I tried to do this last year, but I literally decided to jump in on October 1 without any clue of what I would write about. (Please reference the opening paragraph regarding my lack of planning ahead.)

Needless to say, I didn’t do a great job. My topic was difficult to define, a bit ambiguous, and I had no idea how to generate 31 posts out of it. By the end of the month, I chalked myself up as a failing 31 Day writer.

But time heals all failures, and it’s another year so I’m going after it again, and do you know what I did last night?

I outlined my entire 31 Day series!

Someone give me a medal, quick!

Now for some, I fear my topic may be a little dry. You might not be interested, but I hope you’ll still follow along because I think you’ll enjoy learning the ins and outs and tricks of the trade I plan to share. What is the topic?

At first I worried that it would be pretentious of me to write an entire series on becoming an author, but then I quit shaming myself for the skills and experience I’ve gathered on this topic and embraced the fact that I am indeed qualified to write these posts.

So write them I will, and I am ridiculously excited to do so. At this point in my blogging, I need something a little more concrete to write about. I need to focus less on trying to think of funny stories, and more about the business and art of creating story (although plenty of humor will be thrown in, because you know I can’t help myself…). I would love it if you’d follow along as we cover such topics as:

– What makes a writer a writer? And what makes a writer an author?

– Writing with Purpose

– The Mechanics of Fiction

– The Mechanics of Non-Fiction

– Character Development

– Setting Fees

– What To Do When You Hit the Inevitable Plateau

And there will be so much more. We’ll cover how to find an agent and how to find a publisher, manuscript lengths, and how to write a book proposal that publishers will want to read.

I was at this writing gig long before blogging became popular. Before I finished my own novel, I helped others develop and sell their novels. I’ve written book proposals that sold, and book proposals that got thrown into the mush pile because they stunk. I’ve ghost-written several books and co-authored a book, and I made countless mistakes along the way.

I love writing, and I love to see others reach their dreams of publication. So for 31 Days, we’re going to explore this topic together.

Well, what do you know…I think I just found my niche.

I’ll link up each 31 Day post as I put them up. I reserve full rights to change, edit or move these posts around because there’s a solid chance I’ll have to do that!

31 Days to Becoming an Author:

Writer vs. Author

Creating a Space to Create

What Do I Write?

When Do I Write?

Inspired Writing

To Outline or Not to outline?

The Mechanics of Great Non-Fiction

The Mechanics of Great Fiction

Character Development: Creating Layered Characters

Developing a Killer Storyline

Don’t be a Passive Polly

Come and Ride the Grammar Train

The Process of Writing a Book

When You Hit the Inevitable Plateau

The Dreaded First Draft

What if I Write and No One Reads?

The Benefits of Ghostwriting

How Editing Makes You Better

A Writer is a Reader who Reads all the Books

The Power of Words

Setting Your Fees

The Art of Being Published in a Cut Throat World

Finding Representation

The Query Letter

The Book Proposal

I Am A Writer

Communities to Enhance Your Writing

Write for Yourself…And Also for Them

You Can Write A Book

Time to Dream

Filed Under: 31 Days, Blogging, Novel, writing Tagged With: 31 Days, How to publish a book, The Nester, writing, writing a novel

These are a few of my favorite things

September 25, 2013 by Kelli

My sister-in-law, Becke’, frequently shares posts detailing some of her favorite things, so today I am going to follow her lead and share a few of my favorite things with you.

Because I know you’re dying to know about the things I love!

So without further ado:

1.) VIVO Per Lei facial products – Don’t they just sound fancy? A few months ago, I ran into the mall to pick up a couple of things, and as I walked by one of the center kiosks, a man pulled me aside. Now, normally I don’t stop when those people try to sell me things, but when someone with a romantic Italian accent says, “Excuse me? You are very beautiful. Can I show you a product that I think will further enhance your beauty?” IT’S HARD NOT TO STOP!

So I let him give me his pitch and show me his products and I tried to walk away because, as we all know, I have a ~~mild~~ major addiction to skin care products and being in close proximity to products made with Dead Sea Minerals was sending me into a dangerous downward spin of desire! Seeing that I was about to walk away empty handed, the handsome Italian, who also happens to be the owner of the company, handed me the soap and told me to try it for free.

“Tell me about yourself,” he said as he massaged lotion into my hand. I mentioned my book, and told him where it was set, and my friends do you know what happened?! That handsome Italian started speaking to me in Russian. I can’t make this stuff up. I hadn’t heard Russian in months and suddenly an Italian, raised in Germany and Israel, facial-ist to the stars, is speaking Russian to me in the middle of a mall in Tampa, Florida.

I took that as confirmation from the Lord that I was to invest in some product.

Y’all this stuff is amazing! It’s so amazing, I just wrote the word y’all! Do you hear the seriousness inside my voice?!

Thank you to my new Russian speaking Italian friend for introducing it to me. Visit the website to check out his products. They are some of the best I’ve ever tried, and I’ve tried a LOT. All the products are made with Dead Sea Minerals in Israel, which means they’re holy, right? I say right.

2.) My Macbook Air. Penny. I love her, and that is all.

3.) Wyler’s Chicken Noodle Soup starters. Random? Yes. But for a girl who doesn’t love to cook, I adore a meal that I can throw together in less than an hour and that all five people in my house will eat without complaint. Glory!

4.)We bought a Papasan chair from Pier 1 Imports a few weeks ago and it has become the most coveted seat in the house. We fight over it daily. In fact, I think it might have some magical powers, because my children all want to sit in it and read. My children who do not like to read. Magic, indeed.

5.) I bit the bullet and bought the Insanity program a couple of weeks ago. Now, confession – I do not love the workouts. They make me think, and sometimes say out loud, bad words. Plus, Shaun T keeps telling me to find my core and I want to scream at the TV, “I can’t! It disappeared when the third baby was born!”

These workouts are hard in an I-want-to-punch-someone-in-the-face sort of way. But I do love that after only a week, I already feel stronger and like I’m getting results. So this one is less love and more love-hate, but it still counts.

6.) Rain. It’s been raining for three straight days now, and while I’m getting slightly annoyed by all the falling water, I must say the sound of it hitting the window is lovely. It makes me want to curl up in the magic Papasan and read a good book.

Okay that’s all! Now I’m off to ~~clean the house~~ read a book in the Papasan. If you have any favorite things you think I should know about, please share in the comments. Particularly if it pertains to skin care products. That’s right – I just asked you to fuel my addiction.

Boom!

Happy Wednesday, y’all!

Filed Under: Blogging, Exercise, Product Reviews, Random Tagged With: Feeling random, insanity, My favorite things, Pier 1 Papasan, Shaun T, Vivo Per Lei, Wyler's Soup

The Poor Among Us

September 23, 2013 by Kelli

Photo by Keely Scott

I’m not really sure how to start this post. I want to write something poetic and pure – something that will tug at your heart strings and make your pulse quicken just a bit. I want to paint an image for you that will stir your soul. I’d love to give you a word picture that will cause the hair on the back of your neck to stand on end.

I want my words to hold just enough weight that you cannot help but jump into action.

I’m simply not that good.

“Poverty is not necessarily an issue to solve; it is an opportunity to serve. As we go through each day, our heart’s cry should be, Lord, where would you have me give, serve, and invest myself to bring hope to the poor?” Johnny Carr, Orphan Justice

I read the book Orphan Justice: How to Care for Orphans Beyond Adopting in March, which to be quite honest was a terrible time to read that book. I was fighting depression and I sobbed like a tiny child through most of the book. It’s a wonderful book, though. I promise it is! I plan on reading it again now that I’m more emotionally stable.

Poverty is a wicked beast. It’s convoluted and tricky and there are no easy solutions to the problem of poverty. In Mark 14:7, Jesus Himself said that the poor would always be among us. As long as this world continues to rotate in its current state, poverty will be an issue among the people. So what do we do with that? If the poor will always be among us, then why even try to solve it?

First, the fight to end extreme poverty is not entirely out of reach. In fact, great strides are being met every single year. Extreme poverty is defined by the U.N. as living on less than $1.25/day. 30 years ago, 52% of the world’s population lived in extreme poverty. Today that number is estimated at only 26%. So while the poor will always be among us, the extreme poor have much to hope for.

A year and a half ago, I walked among the extreme poor. I held their hands, clapped to their songs and learned that valuable lesson that Hope is Slow. I look back at the photos and remember those days and sometimes feel so desperately trapped inside my own comforts. I want to do more. I want to help. I want my life to be so much more than plush couches, clean clothes and an overflowing pantry.

It’s a desperate thing to feel trapped.

But the chains are loosed when I remember that today, right now, I have the ability to help two. We have added a second sponsored child to our family. A little girl named Lydy from the Philippines. A few weeks ago, we received our first letter, but the letter wasn’t from Lydy. It was from her father, and his words moved both Lee and I to tears:

“We hope and pray that the Lord will continue to prosper your family as you render your good works and reach out to people for Christ…Thank you so much and may God bless you richly!”

Image by Keely Scott

I know I’ve already asked you to consider giving of your resources to another ministry recently. I’m asking you again, today, to consider giving. Perhaps you would like to help fund a new minivan for Mercy House Kenya. Wonderful! No gift is too small. Ten Dollars gets them one step closer to purchasing a vehicle that will allow them to transfer the girls and babies back and for to the doctor, to church, to every day errands. What a gift it would be!

Perhaps you’re ready for a longer commitment and you’d like to sponsor a child through Compassion International. I can speak without faltering when I say that the funds you give in child sponsorship are changing lives. They are building communities, ending hunger, helping eradicate extreme poverty.

Perhaps you already sponsor and would like to do a little more. Please read this post that I wrote in Tanzania about the many different ways you can be involved in Compassion International.

“Poverty is not necessarily an issue to solve; it’s an opportunity to serve.”

What a gift it is to join with a community of givers and serve. Thanks for being a part of this with me.

Filed Under: Blogging, Compassion International, faith, Grace, Ministry Tagged With: compassion international, Eradicating extreme poverty, giving, Mercy House Kenya, poverty

Crazy is as Crazy does so don’t miss the Crazy, Yo!

September 20, 2013 by Kelli

Daddy has been out of town for a week. Five solid days of crazy without the buffer of a male voice to TAME SAID CRAZY!

I’ve done fairly well, but last night I hit a wall. Tired, I was. Exhausted. I wanted the small children in my midst to go to bed. To sleep. Because honestly I was starting to feel a bit like this:

So we made it home from soccer practice, had the obligatory ice cream snack, then I asked the small children to stop screaming (why with all the screaming?!) and go get ready for bed. Instead, this happened:

Now my first reaction was to get angry because HELLO?! Did you not hear the words that came from my mouth? I said get ready for bed, not put on cheesy music and have an air guitar jam session.

But then I took a breath and simmered down a minute to actually watch them, and a strange thing happened.

I laughed. I laughed because these small children are freaks in the best sense of the word. They’re so weird and I do really love their weirdness.

It became quickly apparent that however ready I was for bed, they were not ready to the same degree. So we put on our shoes, grabbed the dog, and took her on a walk. In the dark. In the rain.

They ran around the block yelling and somersaulting through every. single. yard. (Sorry neighbors.) And we all laughed, which felt good because this solo parenting thing can be a drag.

We made it home and through the bedtime routine quickly and when the house was finally, mercifully quiet I whispered a prayer of thanks before falling into bed. I’m glad I didn’t miss that moment last night.

That crazy moment, with my little freaks.

Happy Friday, friends. May your weekend be filled with just enough crazy to keep you laughing. *wink wink*

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Life, Motherhood Tagged With: Crazy town, Exhausted Mom, Family Guy, Kids, we are freaks

Guest Post: Minivan Must Haves for Moms

September 19, 2013 by Kelli

One of the things I love most about this fascinating world of social media is the ability to make friends all over the country. Most of the women I interact with on a regular basis, I’ve never even met personally, and yet I feel a deep gratitude for their friendship.

I “met” Jenny Sulpizio when I joined the writing team at The MOB Society. After reading just a few of her posts online, I knew I liked her. If we lived closer, we’d be fast friends for sure. I love her heart and her wit. Jenny’s recently released book, Confessions of a Wonder Woman Wannabe: On a Mission to Save Sanity, One Mom at a Time, is a pleasure to read. It’s funny and motivating and encouraging and just so darn practical.

I’m pleased to have Jenny here today sharing a few of her tips for Minivan Must Haves. When you’re finished reading, consider hopping over to Amazon to buy her book. You won’t regret the purchase. So, without further ado I give you:

Minivan Must Haves for Moms

Okay, so not all of us drive minivans, but as mamas hauling precious cargo, we know one thing for sure: those cars of ours need to be stocked from front end to rear bumper in order to stave off any major (or minor) emergency while on the road, Amen?

In my recently released book, Confessions of a Wonder Woman Wannabe: On a Mission to Save Sanity, One Mom at a Time, I discuss (in depth) the numerous items our vehicles need to carry in order to prevent a kiddy catastrophe from taking place. From wet wipes to emergency snack supplies, our cars serve as much more than just a mode of transportation–they are our second home of sorts, and need to be stocked accordingly.

But what about those of us responsible for driving said minivans?

Aren’t moms in need of a few items ourselves in order to save our sanity, and ward off any major mommy emergency while cruising down those streets? Of course! We need a stash of Sanity-Saving Mommy Must Haves (SSMMH’s for short) on board at all times. So what goes into a kit like this, you ask? By polling my girlfriends and wracking my own brain (well, as much as possible that is), I came up with several objects we’ll need to conceal in those swanky vans of ours at all times. Yep – Our very own, personalized mommy emergency kit(s):

1. The Bible: Whether it’s the actual Bible, a devotional, or a piece of paper with your favorite verse written on it, you need some form of Scripture somewhere in your car at all times. Amen?

(Amen)

2. Feminine Hygiene Products: I can’t tell you how many times I’ve needed one of these items only to find them in tatters at the bottom of my purse, exposed and unable to be used (well, without risking a meeting with TSS or something). Store these items in a zippered pouch, within your trunk where they’ll remain in tact and ready for use when you need them.

3. Money: Whether it’s for the parking meter, a coffee run, or any other last-minute need that finds you scrambling for spare change, keep some extra moola in your car…preferably hidden where small hands (or big ones) can’t find it.

4. Travel-Size Everything: Ladies, load up on everything you could possibly ever need (you know-aloe vera, lotion, miniature deodorant, etc.), and pack it within a sealable crate in your trunk. When a mommy emergency rears its ugly head, you’ll be prepared, ready, and stress-free. Talk about a sanity-saver!

5. Chocolate: A stash of chocolate may just be what most of us mommies need after an adventure in the mommyhood. Sure, it may not be the best idea as far as storage purposes go (especially during the hot summer months) but when this mama’s in need of some calming down, there’s nothing like a king-sized bar and the chocolaty goodness it’s comprised of to help smooth a situation over. Yum!

Now these are just a few of the ideas I’ve got to keep stress away while on the road. And as we all already know, the more stress we can prevent and the more sanity we can save? Well, it’s a really good thing!

Wanna find out some more ideas? In need of more tips and practical advice? Click here to win a copy of my new book, or click this link and head on over to Amazon and get yourself a copy right now.

Author Bio: Jenny Lee Sulpizio is a wife and mother of three who enjoys writing about anything and everything under the sun, but especially loves to instruct, motivate, and guide other moms with practical advice, tips, and a whole lot of comic relief in the process. Jenny is a contributing writer for The MOB Society and Moms Together, and is the author of the recently released guide for all mamas titled, “Confessions of a Wonder Woman Wannabe: On a Mission to Save Sanity, One Mom at a Time.” To find out more about Jenny or to follow her blog, visit www.jennyleesulpizio.com.

Filed Under: Blogging, books, Guest Post, Minivans, Motherhood, Product Reviews, The MOB Society Tagged With: Confessions of a Wonder Woman Wannabe, Guest Post, Jenny Sulpizio, Minivan Must Haves

When you wish you could see Him face to face…or back

September 18, 2013 by Kelli

A few weeks ago, on a whim, I decided to join the Tuesday morning Bible study at our church. The bratty teenager in me had been battling this decision for some time, because somehow I still feel like I’m young enough to say that the only people who attend Tuesday morning Bible studies are women who are older. And then I looked in the mirror, tallied up the wrinkles, remembered that I have three elementary age children and swallowed the pill of reality.

But I was apprehensive.

We are going through Beth Moore’s The Patriarch’s, and you guys we are three weeks in and it is completely wrecking my already tender heart. I feel like it was written just for me to experience at just this time. Had I done this study a year ago, I wouldn’t have been nearly as moved as I am today.

Last week’s lessons were particularly challenging, especially given the fact that last week was when I finally, fully laid down the adoption and said so out loud. Oh how my heart ached through the week. My soul was weary and weepy.

Then I read the story of Hagar and for a few days my spirit grew restless and anxious.

For those who may not know, Hagar was an Egyptian slave who lived in the house of Abram, serving as his wife, Sarai’s maid. Though Abram had been promised an heir by God, he and Sarai had yet to have a child and Sarai, in her grief and impatience, commanded Abram to take her maid as his wife.

“Since the Lord has prevented me from bearing children, go to my slave; perhaps I can have children by her,” Sarai told her husband, and Abram agreed. (Genesis 16:2)

It’s so easy to pick apart this passage and point out the blatant and glaring errors in this plot, but it’s good to remember a few things. First, as wrong and ugly as that practice sounds, it was not uncommon in those days. A female servant becoming a second wife for the purposes of bearing children was not considered wrong then, and though not a designed or desired practice by God, to Abram it could have seemed like a practical solution to what seemed to be a real problem.

Second, God uses flawed people who struggle in their faith to carry out His plans and promises and thank goodness He does, amen?

So Hagar and Abram conceived a child and Sarai, naturally, writhed in jealousy and bitterness because she got what she wanted but did not consider the outcome of such an ill conceived plan. Things got so uncomfortable that Hagar fled the house, escaping her mistress’s cruelty and this is where the story took the breath straight from my lungs.

As she rested in the wilderness, an Angel of the Lord found her and comforted her in her emotional suffering. He told her to return to Abram’s house and that the child she carried, who was to be named Ishmael, would receive a promise of many offspring.

There, in that wilderness place, Hagar became the only person, male or female, in the Old Testament to give God a name. The God who Sees.

“I have now seen the One who sees me,” Hagar said when the mist of the moment faded away. (Genesis 16:13)

God saw her pain and her distress and He met with her. It is generally believed that the Angel of the Lord referred to in Genesis 16:7 was God Himself and, as Beth Moore so beautifully explains, the literal Hebrew translation of Hagar’s words is “Have I really seen the back of Him who sees me?”

In Exodus 33:20, God allows Moses to see Him, but He had to do so from inside the cleft of a rock and he could only catch a glimpse of God’s back as He passed by because God’s glory is too great for our feeble human eyes. “You cannot see my face,” God spoke. “For no one can see me and live.”

I was so struck by this lesson. First, just the reminder that God sees us in our distress, when the wilderness closes in, was something I desperately needed because I have felt so terribly lost and alone this year. But He sees and He knows and the comfort that brings is difficult to describe.

But I had another emotion, one so great that I almost felt a panic well up inside me – I wished I could see Him. I longed so desperately to see His back, to have a physical, real and tangible glimpse of Him. I wished that He still revealed Himself to us today the way He did in Old Testament times. I wished I didn’t have to listen so hard for that still small voice because what I wouldn’t give for a burning bush right now.

It took me a few days to work past that before I could embrace the Truth of today: We have the revealed God available to us in scripture, and His power ignites from the pages of His word. We glimpse His back when we read His Words in scripture. He hasn’t need to issue in person promises anymore, because all of His promises were complete in the life, death and resurrection of Christ. And so what now?

I look up and praise the One who sees me. He has revealed Himself to me, and His glory is evident every day. I will likely never have a moment when I come face to face with Him incarnate on this earth, but that does not diminish His power or glory, and oh does it make the prospect of heaven seem so much sweeter.

If you, like me, are longing to see His face today, take comfort in the fact that He Sees yours, and rejoice in the knowledge that you are not alone. I am praying for everyone who reads these words, that they would have a fresh encounter with the God who Sees.

Happy Wednesday, sweet friends.

Filed Under: Adoption, faith, Family, Grace Tagged With: Adoption, Beth Moore, faith, God, Grace, grief, The God who Sees, The Patriarchs

Miss Minivan America

September 16, 2013 by Kelli

Last night I caught a few minutes of the Miss America contest. Is it called a contest? Is that the correct terminology? I just don’t even know.

Now, I’m going to start this post with an apology to anyone who may happen to love Miss America. If you were a beauty pageant girl and get warm fuzzies whenever you think of strutting around in a bikini and heels, then this post might not be for you. With that said, I will confess:

I don’t get it. I do not get the allure of Miss America. I know everyone says it’s about the scholarship, and these girls are so well rounded, but all I see are young ones wearing too much make up, dancing awkwardly in the sand, then strutting their stuff in a two piece on national TV. There are other ways to get scholarships, right?

Now I must confess, I was kind of pulling for Miss Kansas. Mainly because she speaks Chinese and shoots guns and somehow this made her a little more rockstar. But still, after five minutes of watching the broadcast, all I could think of was Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality falling on her face and I got the giggles and had to ask Lee to change the channel back to football.

Lee says I’m just jealous because I’ve never been on Miss America. I told him he’s right and maybe I’ll start my own Miss America contest. Miss Minivan America.

Then he told me there’s already something like that – apparently it’s called Mrs. America and it’s for…well I can only assume it’s for married people? Older women? The more pressing question is HOW DID LEE EVEN KNOW THERE WAS SUCH A THING?! Who is he?

It’s concerning, really.

Back to my point, though. If I were to design my own pageant, it’d be Miss Minivan America and we would eliminate that pesky bathing suit portion of the whole shebang, because all of us would have had multiple children and we know better than to throw on a skimpy two piece in front of the world.

Instead we’d replace the bathing suit portion of the show with an athletic clothing parade. Yoga pants and tennis shoes would be the uniform of choice and we’d strut comfortably in front of the judges. Some could even wear skorts if they felt so inclined, because we all know that the skort combines the comfort of shorts with the fashionability of a little skirt.

I think I’d keep the evening gown portion of the show, because what minivan mom doesn’t enjoy getting dolled up every once in awhile? Of course, to keep it realistic, she’d have to have at least one spit up stain on the gown and there would likely not be enough make up in all the world to cover the bags under her eyes, but dang it, she’d rock sequins like it was nobody’s business.

For the question and answer portion of the show, we’d ask super important questions like, “How do you prepare a dinner for five in 20 minutes or less?” Or how about, “What are your tips for optimum daily function on three hours of sleep?” Or “You have three children: One begins projectile vomiting in the middle of the grocery store while the other pulls an apple off the bottom of the pile sending the rest tumbling across the floor. The third wails in horror as she’s covered in vomit. How do you handle this situation with both grace and poise?”

As there are no good answers to any of these, we’d all probably bark “WORLD PEACE” into the microphone, which would be a satisfactory answer, because who doesn’t want world peace, right?

The talent portion of the program would be most interesting as it would likely find women performing all sorts of miraculous acts such as simultaneously fixing dinner, folding laundry, talking on the phone and signing take home folders all while ignoring a whining toddler. And all this would be done in her cute athletic skort, of course.

Perhaps another contestant would be working on her computer while taking a phone call from the school about a child who is sitting in the nurses office with a sore toe and petting the neglected dog who whines at her feet.

A third contestant would demonstrate the art of cleaning a rancid minivan in under ten minutes. (Grab a large trash can, sweep everything into it, even if it’s not trash, spray Febreeze on the seats and call it a day).

The possibilities for talent would be endless!

And there wouldn’t be any super blonde Barbie hair or dancing on the beach. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Ponytails would be the preferred hairdo with roots that were at least a half-inch thick. And contestants would wear just enough make up to look human.

Now naturally, you cannot have a contest without a reward, so what on earth could we give to the crowning champion of Miss Minivan America?

Six hours alone to do whatever she wanted.

Now that would be a pageant worth competing in.

Amen?

Amen.

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Filed Under: Domesticity, funny stuff that happens, Minivans, Motherhood Tagged With: I don't understand, minivan moms, Miss America, Motherhood, pageants

Drive Mercy

September 13, 2013 by Kelli

It’s hard to put into words the admiration I hold for Kristen and her husband. It would make her uncomfortable to know I admire her. Though I’ve never met her personally, I know from a few shared emails and from years of reading her blog that she doesn’t want any credit for the amazing work that’s being done through Mercy House Kenya.

My admiration for her and her husband does not come from the results of their work, but rather from the evidence of their obedience. They said “yes” to a really, really hard thing. They chose to follow the path of, as she calls it, a “God-sized dream.”

There’s a true beauty in obedience. When we’re willing to sacrifice everything, to lay it all down and follow the hard path, amazing things can happen. We’re all on the path to obedience in some way or another, whether we know it or not. It could be choosing to raise our children a specific way, following a dream, or simply living in a way that inspires others.

This week, Lee and I took a final step of obedience. Actually, this step was more mine than his, but he’s walked each step of the way with me. This week we officially acknowledged, out loud, our decision to stop pursuing adoption for the time being. In making this decision, we felt like the best way to lay this dream and longing down on the altar of obedience was to return the funds that were donated to us for the purpose of adoption.

It no longer felt right to keep those funds for something that may never happen.

I hate writing these things. I hate that I’ve had to lay this desire down. I wish this wasn’t my lot of obedience. And yet…

There’s something beautiful about sacrificing for obedience. There’s a new hope that’s birthed from fully dying to self and opening your hands wide – to saying “Yes” when it hurts.

Kristen and Terrell said yes to what God had planned. They felt a calling that, at first, seemed ambiguous and cloudy. Help women and babies in Africa. Where do you even go with a desire like that? If you’ve read along with Kristen’s journey and the start of Mercy House Kenya, then you know that what started as an ambiguous idea has turned into a huge dream that is currently changing the lives of 12 young mothers and their babies.

Mercy House Kenya is more than a maternity home – it is a place where mothers and children are kept safe, and are kept together. Mercy House is orphan prevention, and in this time of uncertainty in our own family, Lee and I feel passionate about remaining at work in the process of orphan care. If we can’t bring one to our home, then by God I want to make sure children remain in their own homes.

Right now, you and I have an amazing opportunity to do something big – something huge. And we can do it from right here, in our own homes. We can go to Kenya today without leaving the comfort of our own homes.

Mercy House and (in)courage have teamed up with a group of bloggers to kick start a four month campaign to help provide essentials to the safety and sustainability of Mercy House and it’s 12 moms and 12 babies.

There are five projects that we would love to see completed just in time for Christmas and Phase 1? The phase you and I are jumping in on? It’s perfect.

We are going to be a part of raising $8,750 that will help purchase a new van for Mercy House.

What do you think? Can we bring a little Minivans Are Hot to Kenya?!

I THINK WE CAN!

As of yesterday, we are almost half way to this goal. Today, by the end of the day, I’d love to see the funds fully raised for the new Mercy House van. This is something worth rallying for, my friends! This is a powerful testimony of the amazing things we can do together when we’re willing to say “yes!”

Will you join us as we help buy a van for these 12 mothers and their young ones? Will you help us change lives on the other side of the world? Will you be a part of the miracle? Here’s how it works:

Click this link to head over to the Pure Charity page, which will allow you to give directly to the purchase of a new Mercy House van.

You can see the other projects that are coming up in the next few weeks by clicking here. By Christmas, we’d love to see $74,000 raised to complete all five necessary projects. This is huge. This is the power of social media at it’s very finest. This is the way to bless and be blessed.

So who’s in? Who wants to be a part of this one really big thing?

Would you do me a favor and share what’s going on here? Would you tell your friends? Let’s work together to see this first phase of (in)Mercy completed by the end of the day.

May your “yes” and my own be blessed today. Happy Friday, friends.

Filed Under: Adoption, Blogging, faith, Family, Grace, Kids, Ministry Tagged With: (in)courage, (in)Mercy, Mercy House Kenya, Obedience, orphan prevention, Pure Charity, Saying Yes to God

I’m Just a Mom in a Minivan

September 12, 2013 by Kelli

Last night, my husband read me an Op-Ed written by Russian President Vladimir Putin and published in the New York Times. Upon hearing the first few paragraphs, I couldn’t help but shrug my shoulders and reluctantly find myself nodding in agreement with his assessment of the current situation with Syria.

By the end of the article, however, I was angry. When we’ve been publicly chastised by a foreign leader inside our own newspapers, something has gone drastically, drastically wrong.

All day long yesterday, I had a knot in my stomach as I considered the current political situation of our country and the unrest around the world. I felt frustrated and angry. I tried to push those feelings aside, because really who am I to be angry? I’m a white, middle class mother of three who lives in a nice house, has plenty of food and drives a (smokin’ hot) minivan across town. My husband has a good job and we are healthy.

Somehow I feel like these things give me less of a right to be angry. Who am I to complain? What have I got to be angry about?

It dawned on me this morning, however, that I have every right to be angry. In fact, I have three solid reasons to feel anger. I kissed them all good bye this morning and as the bus drove off a deep sadness joined the anger burning in my chest. I’m both sad and angry – two equally distressing emotions that lay heavy against my heart.

I have been severely let down by the men and women who were elected to serve our country – the people who are supposed to be my voice. I shudder to think of all that could go wrong in the remaining three years of this president’s term. I’m frightened to think of all that could change leaving my children in a permanently neutered world.

I’m angry because the leaders who were supposed to represent me and my family have ignored us. They’ve turned their backs on us. They are more interested in political games and popularity posturing than they are in my interests. They’re busy trying to put round rolls on square pegs.

And in the meantime, I’m sitting on the sidelines, hands folded patiently, knuckles growing white as I try to maintain control. I’m looking at my children and praying they stay healthy because the current landscape of healthcare has changed so much that visiting the doctor outside of our regular well child visits can quickly become a financial burden. And don’t even get me started on antibiotics.

I’m listening to news of a potential involvement in a war that doesn’t belong to us and my hands begin to tremble. I resist the urge to run to Facebook and air out all my pent up anger ALL IN CAPS FOR EFFECT, because what good will it do? It doesn’t matter how I feel – they’re going to do what they want to do and isn’t that sad?

I read the news articles and shake my head at the back and forth between our leaders who I no longer feel are working in the best interest of my family. They’re posturing themselves for the next election. They’re playing chess, drawing red lines in the sand, trying to save face.

They’re playing roulette with my children’s future and I don’t appreciate it.

By nature I’m a glass half full kind of girl. I’m prone to hope, prone to look for the best, always assuming that things can only get better. I try hard not to speak ill of my leaders. There is so much noise in the world right now. So many people flinging their opinions out in a way that is hateful and spiteful and disrespectful. I don’t want to add to the fray.

I have a deep amount of respect for the office of President. I don’t for a second assume it to be an easy job. I respect anyone who even has the aspirations to become president because I know that the path is marred with stress, difficulty and a huge amount of responsibility.

Because I have such a deep respect for the office, it pains me to think ill of the man in office. Though I did not offer him my vote, when it was all said in done, I hoped to see him succeed, because his success would directly impact my family. Perhaps he thinks he has succeeded. I don’t really know – I don’t know what to think anymore.

I know what I can do, though : I know that I will continue to chauffer my children in my (smokin’ hot) minivan, and as I do I will teach them the things that made our country great. I’ll tell them what it means to serve your country, to serve God, to serve others. I’ll teach them the Constitution and try to help them decipher it in a world that is hell bent on tearing it apart.

I will teach them to be kind and generous. I will teach them to care for others and love well. I will teach them what true leadership looks like. I’ll teach them to respect their leaders even when they disagree. I’ll teach them to stand up for what’s right even if it isn’t popular.

I’ll do all these things and I will continue to cling to the little strand of hope I have left that things will get better – that maybe the politicians will hear me and will want to earn my trust back. It seems unlikely because, after all, I’m “just” a mom in a minivan.

But I can hope…right?

Filed Under: faith, Family, politics Tagged With: Disappointment, Minivan Mom, politics, Putin's Open Letter, Syria

Insta-Wednesday: September

September 10, 2013 by Kelli

Remember last year, when I lamented Florida’s lack of fall and I longed for boots and scarves and lattes and all the glory that comes with autumn?!

I wore boots and a scarf to church last Sunday. It was 90 degrees out, but I did not care. I’m bringing the fall to Florida. Look out now!

And of course, always remembering, never forgetting, the events that reshaped our country on this day 12 years ago. It is an ever present shadow that we will always live beneath. We remember those lost, we weep for those who are still directly affected.