Don’t hate me because I live by the beach

I’m taking a break from my 31 Days topic because, quite frankly, I’m a little bored with it. I can only be serious for so long, folks, then my brain starts to smoke and tremor with the need to be ridiculous. I am not what you might call a “deep thinker.” I mean, I can pontificate (look out now big word!) and dwell on things now and again and from time to time, I do feel the need to dig deep and write and talk pretty.Β 

But then the silly must come out and I have to release the inner dialogue of humor that runs on a constant loop in my head or so help me, I will end up bursting out laughing at the most inappropriate of times.

Like church.

Or a funeral.

Or pretty much any situation that requires a certain amount of decorum and maturity.

So basically, I’m a twelve year old boy.

*this is the part where I eloquently transition to a new topic*

I shipped the kiddies off to school today and came to the beach. Because…well, because I can. Don’t hate. I’ve seen you all on Facebook talking about apple picking and pumpkin patching and wearing your scarves and boots and drinking your yuppy Starbucks.

blah, blah, blah…

All I have right now is the beach. Somebody call the Waaaambulance…

For the next three months, I will be desperately missing St. Louis. Just brace yourselves for it. It is what it is. I miss the pumpkin patch. I long to visit Eckert’s and stock up on 52 lbs of apples that we will never be able to eat before they all rot.

I miss the chill of fall and my boots. Sometimes I sit on the floor in the closet and whisper to my boots tenderly. I remind them that they’re still loved and I run my hand over them so they know they’re not alone. I may even whisper My Precious now and then, just so they know I’m here and I miss them.

Do not judge me!


While I am longing for autumn, I will fall back on the only thing I have. A rockin’ pair of sandles and the sunny shoreline of my favorite beach. And I will remind myself that Jesus probably likes the beach better than pumpkin patches and apple orchards, too.

And I will feel better.

Come January, I’m sorry, but I will no longer miss Midwest weather. I won’t miss snow and ice and temps that make you feel like your nose is falling off the second you step outside. I will walk outside with glee, and my boots and I will probably be reunited a few times before it gets too hot and I must send them back to the closet.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

*insert clever transition sentence here*

It’s a rough time to be four years old in the Stuart household these days. In the last two days, the four year oldΒ in our midst has colored on the bedroom carpet with purple marker…and the wall. He has slammed into the curtains in a moment of preschool insanity and pulled the curtain rods from the wall. And he has dropped and shattered a glass jar on the tile floor.

Guess what happens when your entire house is tiled and a glass jar shatters?

Glass. Goes. Everywhere.

You know what? Discard what I said above. It’s not hard to be a four year old right now – it’s hard to be the mother of a four year old right now!

I feel like this right here:

I bet she has a four year old bird back at the nest who is slowly, and completely by accident, destroying everything, too. I feel her pain. I just might curl up next to her and bask in the sun. She totally has the right idea.

*pretend I say something wildly hilarious here*

So I’m gonna go now. I’m sitting in a coffee shop right by the water and the beach is calling my name. Literally, I hear it. The waves lap the shore and each time they do I hear, Keeelllliiiii….Cooooommmmeee….Plllllaaaaaayyyyyy.

I shall not ignore the ocean any longer lest I be smote.

Have a good Tuesday. I feel so much better having released the nonsense inside my head.


Winky Face!!! πŸ˜‰


  1. I love this post, particularly the italicized transitions. OK, the nerd in me is totally coming out.

    I’m pretty sure I could live near the beach. But fall would be the hardest time to be away from Kentucky. But, really, let’s face it, when it was 100 degrees and oh-so humid my cooling off option wasn’t nearly as … well … cool as yours. Beach trumps public pool or lake any day.

    • Yes, it’s true. Living in Florida is only a hummer for the three holiday months of the year. The rest of the time it pretty much rocks. πŸ™‚

  2. I traversed the purple mountains majesty of North Carolina and trekked (scratch that…I was in a car…I drove) across the *ahem* interesting state of South Carolina to get to a beach several weeks ago.

    My thighs did not have a great time due to severe chafing. I’ve never encountered that problem before in my life, but given the fact that I have downed several Baby Ruths in my day (not to mention a few root-beers)…I suppose it was to be expected at some point.

    And given that I would not wish that problem on any person in the known universe I am offering you my free advice for this “predicament” due to your enviable locale. You can prevent this by a) being skinny so as to ensure your thighs will not touch b) lubricating heavily or c) wearing pants at all times.

    And remember…friends don’t let friends chafe. Or wear bathing suits in public when they clearly need to think about upsizing to mamaw’s capri pants and muumuu.

  3. I laughed my way through this post. Love your humor!

  4. So many reasons here why I love you and why we get along so well. Plus you used the word smote. But where is the picture of you curled up with the seagull???

    • Would you believe she flew away when I crawled near? But who can blame her. She probably just needs a few moments alone without someone tugging in her feathers. πŸ˜‰

      I owe you a phone call…

  5. Ok – another view here. I spent today at Eckerts’ Millstadt Fun Farm – surrounded by clear sunshine, blue skies, hilltop breezes, and the giggles of school tour kids. I work at Eckerts – and I can say that the apple crop is wonderful and the pumpkins are coming in all sizes. And I am certain that Jesus enjoyed the day – cause I know he was there with me – all day!

    • Well sure He GOES there, Brad. I mean, obviously.

      But He must love the beach more, right?



      Ah well…enjoy Eckerts for me please, will you? πŸ™‚

  6. Nick Cooper says

    As I drive all over the United States I see alot of beautiful places and think to myself “yeah I’d live here.” Then reality sets in that I love FL too much to leave. When its hot and humid you wish for colder weather and now I’m in WI its 50 high and mid 30’s low I wish for warm weather. Eventually you live in FL long enough 60 degree’s will be too cold much less 10 degrees I experienced in Chicago last year.

    • Well that’s true. I used to always complain about the weather in STL because it went from hot to cold overnight. But now that we are here, I miss the cool. Not the cold. Seriously…I cannot WAIT for Florida in January! I dream about it, even. πŸ™‚

  7. I will think of you at the lovely sunny warm beach as I bundle up and traverse the pumpkin patch and corn maze with my son’s kindergarten class tomorrow, and I WILL be jealous of you! Isn’t it true, we always want and yearn for what we don’t have? I will try to be grateful for the fall weather and pumpkins and the pink cheeks while I mourn having to store my sandals away and break out the boots πŸ™‚ And as far as small boys are concerned – I think it is in their nature to be mini-mounds–of-mayhem. My 5yr old got into Grandma’s calligraphy ink tubes and decided to pop one open to see what the red liquid was inside…ON.THE.BEIGE.CAPET and ALL.OVER.HIS FINGERS and TOES….who knew that 1/2 oz of ink could make such a HUGE mess!! *sigh* ….and to think, I VOLUNTEERED to chaperone 5 little kindergarteners at the Pumpkin patch – eek!

  8. oh oh…and I’m totally stealing this quote from you…I think I need to print it out in vinyl letters and paste it somewhere I will see it daily – I LOVE This

    “I shall not ignore the ocean any longer lest I be smote.”


  1. […] Remember last year, when I lamented Florida’s lack of fall and I longed for boots and scarves and lattes and all the glory that comes with autumn?! […]