Top 10 ways to know you’ve watched too much Little House on the Prairie

10. When the kids are exasperating you, you burst out, “I declare,” in a huff.
9. Your six year old comes to you, clutching his stomach and says, “Mom, I don’t feel good. I think I’ve got the mountain fever.”
8. You have a sudden and bizarre urge to sew something…even though you don’t know how to sew.
7. You wish you owned a pair of snowshoes and a rifle.
6. You ring a bell to signal to the kids it’s time to eat.
5. You have a hankerin’ for a raspberry pie.
4. You use words like “hankerin'” in conversation.
3. You’re craving cornbread and honey.
2. You feel the need to read your Bible in the King James version.
1. Your kids are calling you Ma.

Day two of a snow day (this time due to frigid temps) means we’ve been bunkered down in front of the fire watching more of the adventures of the Ingalls family. We’ve seen Carrie fall down an old mine shaft and Laura survive the Spotted Mountain fever (although in reality she only had poison ivy). We’ve seen Pa swim through a creek and battle three armed men to get Doc Baker and we’ve learned that Mr. Edwards lost his first wife and child to the fever.

And we’re experiencing a little cabin fever of our own. We will have to go out later because there are a few necessities that we need, but otherwise, we’re in for the day. Here are a few shots from our snow fun yesterday. I did manage to get the kids to a park to sled, but the wind was whipping and it was so bitterly cold that we didn’t last long. In fact, Tia, Landon and I sat in the car and watched Sloan sled for most of the time.

Ah well – I tried. Happy snow day everyone!
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Battoning Down the Hatches…or something like that.

Well we didn’t get the eight inches of snow they were predicting yesterday (it looks more like 3-4 inches to me) but it’s still flurrying a bit out there so we’ll see what happens.  The kids are enjoying their first ever snow day and right now are all piled up on the couch in their soggy pull ups and diapers watching Micky Mouse Clubhouse.

The weatherman says that the snowstorm is finished (but what does he know?) but our temperatures will be falling throughout the day.  Falling from 17 with a windchill of 1.  They’re saying by midday we should have wind chills hovering somewhere around -15 to -20.  I told you the other day about my extreme hatred for cold weather.  It makes me all flustered and cantakerous.

To compound things, Lee is currently at the airport waiting on a flight to take him to Phoenix for a work meeting.  Phoenix…where it’s warm.  (mutter, mutter, grumble, grumble)

So, like Ma Ingalls, the children and I shall power on.  We will survive our manless estate during these record low temperatures.  I will brave the weather so my kids can sled down the small hill in our front yard.  I will throw salt on the driveway and shovel away some of the snow.  I will churn the butter and bake corn bread from scratch…

Okay, I’ll probably just rip open a box of Mac and Cheese.  I’m more of a modern day Ma.

And we will likely spend most of our day inside where I pray the children do not eat each other alive.  If you try to call later and I don’t answer it’s because I’ve locked myself in my bedroom and curled up in the fetal position.

Hopefully all our together time looks like this:

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Happy and Gettin’ Along:

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We’ll drink hot cocoa and eat the oatmeal cookies that Landon and I made yesterday:

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Yes, we will enjoy this snowy morning and we will gather before a roaring fire when the wind chills dip to dangerously low levels.  We will read books and eat cookies and watch movies.

It may not be so bad after all.

2009 – A “Wordy” Review

I got this idea from C-Jane’s blog. I’m not quite as spunky a writer as she is, but I liked looking through my 2009 posts and remembering the fun and crazy words that composed and marked the past year.  

January

The Inauguration: Thoughts From a Conservative: This was one of my few ventures into politics on my blog. I don’t do it often, but sometimes the urge to comment on the political temperature of our country gets the best of me.  Political posts always lead to interesting comments.  I also ended up on the news during this particular event. 

Boredom Leads to Strange Things: An Epic Battle: In which Sloan and I developed an entire story using his Star Wars figurines and a doll house.

Feburary:

Hoops and Tears: This was one of my more poignant and introspective posts of the year. I don’t often venture into the recesses of my heart on my blog, but this was a decisive moment in my year and it’s a prayer that my heart still whispers for my child.

The Master Cleanse: A Reflection: Perhaps one of the funnier moments of our year. This was the description of mine and Lee’s abismal attempt at the Master Cleanse diet. 

March:

Minivans are HOT!: I got my new site up and running with this post.

Memo to My Husband: My kind (and fecicious) way of asking my husband not to screw the lids of the kids’ sippy cups on so tight.

April:

Sick and Twisted or Just Plain Funny?: If my children ever end up needing professional counseling, this post may contain some explanation as to why.

Easter Blunder: My husband made a man blunder on Easter Sunday of all days. It made for a great memory…and gave me a reason to laugh at him – good naturedly of course.

May:

Can I Just Go Back To Bed?: The Infamous haircut heard ’round the world. It was Sloan’s lone foray into hair maintenance – he was fired, effective immediately and lasting for all of eternity.

The Art of Taking Tea: A friend and I threw a kick-butt tea party.

June:

The Lotus in a Field of Mud: I love yoga – I just don’t understand it…

Why I’m in Turks and Caicos: I got to take the trip of a lifetime with my mom as we travelled to her childhood home in South Caicos. It was amazing.

July: This was a big posting month for me…

Six Years: My baby turned six. *sob*

Then and Now: I took these comparitive shots of Landon on our favorite stretch of beach.

Heavy and Light: In which I go all introspective again.

I’m sorry but it’s all I’ve got today…: My pitiful, yet painfully honest, admition that I would gladly allow Zac Efron to make a Cougar out of me (though since I’ve written this post I’ve been informed that a woman in her thirties is actually referred to as a Puma).

August:

On Immunizations: I ventured into another hot topic and posted our decision to alter and withhold some immunizations for our children.

Missions Week: I hosted my first Missions Week in which I featured missions organizations and missionaries that are near and dear to my heart.  You can read all of the posts by clicking on the link at the top of my page.

September:

The President’s Address to Our Children: I got political again and in doing so stepped in a big pile of *&%!  This particular post ended in me getting an email from Fox and Friends to be interviewed on their morning program.  Unfortunately I was out of town when they needed me and was unable to do the interview.

A Party in the Heavenlies: My son asked Jesus to be his Savior. A momentous day for sure.

October:

Don’t let the door hit you in the –: The one where I admit that sometimes my mothering skills are reduced to clapping my hands.

Pumpkins and Funnel Cakes – A Lovely Combo: I worked on taking and posting better photographs with this post.

November:

I Blame it all on Them: This post found me lamenting my dying brain cells – a phenomena I blame entirely on the children.

Mature Woman my BLEEP: My dermatologist had a severe case of verbal diarrhea. 

December:

The Three Wise Men, The Construction Worker and the Lady Down the Street: This one is pretty self-explanatory. 

The One Where My Mom Claws Come Out: I almost had to take a girl out at the mall. Don’t make mama bear angry!

Whew – It’s been a fun ride, this blogging thing.  I’m so glad I have these stories documented and I’m so grateful to have you guys journey with us.  I know I’m not the most talented writer out there and I don’t always spin the most fascinating stories, but this blog has been a fun release for me and I enjoy your company!

I’m hoping to improve my writing skills in this coming year, while also providing a fun and witty journal for my children to look back at one day.  This is the literary road map of their childhoods.  I just pray that I do them justice.

Happy 2010.

Which, can you believe it’s 2010? I really thought we’d have flying cars by now…and Hoverboards. 

Blast those Hollywood movie makers…

The One Where My Mom Claws Come Out

*update* I returned to the mall today to file a formal complaint and noticed that there was a phone number on the sign in front of the trampolines (where the same girl was working again today, I might add).  I called the number and spoke with the man who owns the trampolines.  He was very kind and extremely apologetic for her behavior.  He told me that this was the second complaint in two weeks he’d gotten on this girl…and she only works two days/week.  Yikes.  Anyway, he apologized profusely and told me he would be calling me in the next couple of days to set up a time for me to bring the kids in and let them bounce for free.  So I just wanted to put that out there – it was the employee, not the establishment and I’m very pleased with the outcome.  Happy New Year everyone!

Tonight I had the privilege of taking Sloan on a date to the movies.  We are not movie folk.  Lee and I don’t love going to the movies (it’s more that we don’t love paying for the movies) and so we rarely go, which means I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve taken Sloan to the theater.

Needless to say, going to see a movie is a HUGE treat.  So huge, in fact, that as we walked through the mall, Sloan grabbed my hand and put it on his cheek and said, “Thanks for taking me to the movie mom.  This is the bestest night of my whole life…AND of my whole year!”

Glad I could finish out 2009 with a bang for you little man.

We saw Alvin and the Chipmunks.  Sloan thought is was HI-LAR-I-OUS.  He slapped his knee, he bent over and gripped his sides, he cackled and I think I even heard a guffaw.  Even I thought it was a funny movie, though I had considerably more fun watching him clutch his sides in hysterics than I did watching the screen.  (The two scenes that had him laughing until I thought he might have an accident? When Alvin gave the football jocks a wedgie and when Theodore got trapped beneath the sheets after Toby passed gas. Ugh – is he all boy or what?)

After the movie, Sloan wanted to walk around the mall for a bit and since it was date night, I decided to give in and let him pick one more special thing to do.  He chose to jump on the inflated trampolines in the center of the mall.  Lucky for me, I still had Tia’s wallet in my purse from a trip to the store the other day and I was able to borrow the cash needed from her to allow him to do that. 

Remind me to replace that before she starts looking for her wallet!

We approached the gates of the trampoline area and Sloan asked if he could jump.  The girl in charge looked up from her soup in a bread bowl long enough to roll her eyes then slid off her chair and stomped over to us and flung the gate open.

“Take off your shoes,” she barked at Sloan.

“What?”

*eyeroll* “Take. off. your. shoes,” she said all slow and snotty like.  At this point my blood reached a simmering point.  I took a deep breath and told myself that maybe, just maybe, she had low blood sugar and our interuppting her dinner was causing an adverse reaction in her body.  Benefit of the doubt.  I was working hard on it.

Once Sloan had his shoes and jacket off, he climbed up on the trampoline all giggly and smily – oblivious to the snotty girl yanking the belt around his waist.  She jerked the straps up then gave him a little shove backwards to the center of the tramp.  And my blood reached boiling point.  I literally had to grip the sides of the gate to keep myself from lunging over.

At this point, another family walked up and their daughter headed in to the other trampoline, receiving the same rude and rough treatment.  The other mom and I made eye contact.  I could see that her blood was at the same temperature mine was.  Her knuckles were white too.

Our kids commensed to jumping.  Sloan wooped and hollered and had the time of his life.  I tried to enjoy his glee, but I was too busy watching the girl, making sure that she was doing her job and keeping an eye on the jumpers.  She wasn’t.  She was busy pouring her soup into her bread bowl and taking a bite.

After a few minutes, she lowered the kids down and without a word motioned for Sloan to step forward so she could remove his harness.  He wasn’t looking at her so he didn’t see her.  She motioned again.  He still didn’t see.  So she kicked at the tramp with her knee to get his attention and when he looked at her she motioned vigorously and rudely for him to step forward…still not talking and asking him politely.  Then she yanked – and I mean literally yanked – his harness off and stomped over to the other tramp.

When she came to me for the money, I was taking very deep breaths.  My face was so hot I feared it might spontaneously combust into a flaming inferno.  I leaned way forward and put my nose about an inch from her and began speaking through clenched teeth.

I said, “I understand that it’s late and you’ve probably had a long day, and I see that you are trying to eat some dinner so I’m assuming you’re hungry, but the way that you just treated my son is unacceptable.  You’ve been nothing but a snot from the moment we stepped up here and I want you to know that I was watching you and I don’t appreciate it.”

At this point, she rolled her eyes at me.  She ROLLED HER EYES AT ME.  Perhaps I misjudged her earlier.  She didn’t have low blood suger, she had a freaking death wish.

To my credit, I kept my cool and never raised my voice, although my hands began shaking with fury.

“Nobody pushes my kid around, do you understand?  That’s my kid right there and he deserves your respect and you will respect him.  I don’t care if you like your job or not – you have no right to push my kid around and think you can get away with it.”

I then handed her the money and said, “I will pay you this money, but I want you to know that I am going to the Information desk where I will be filling out a complaint and recommending that you be removed from a job that requires you working with children since you clearly don’t want to be around them.  And I sincerely hope that you shape up your attitude and treat the children standing in line behind me better than you’ve treated my son.”

She stared at me and did not respond.  Not even a nod.  Oh my Lord, you guys, it is by the grace of God I was able to step away I was so furious.

I grabbed Sloan’s hand and as calmly as I could walked away.  As I stopped to put his shoes on him, the dad of the other little girl that was jumping with Sloan walked by and gave me two thumbs up.  I also noticed a mom who had been standing in line behind me leave the line. 

Good.

When I got to the Information desk, they told me they were out of complaint forms (!) but I could come back tomorrow and fill one out in the main mall office.  And you better believe I’ll be doing that.  That girl has no business working that job.

As we left, Sloan asked me why I told that girl to change her attitude – I decided to use it as a teaching moment and explained to him that that girl was rude and disrespectful not only to me, but more so to him. 

“We’re a family, kiddo, and if someone isn’t treating your family right, you need to defend your family.”

He nodded and I think he got the message.  He’s a perceptive kid and he knew that she wasn’t acting kind.  (Kind!  She wasn’t acting human…she was a little monster.)  For my part, I’m actually pretty proud of how I handled the situation.  I have a tendency to, ahem, fly off the handle and when she rolled her eyes at me I had to fight H-A-R-D not to raise my voice and use a few choice words.  Seriously – just thinking about it right now I’m biting my lip with such force that I may pierce it. 

But I knew little eyes were watching and I kept my cool.  And I think she got the message.  I don’t think she cared, but she got the message.

Yay me! *deep breath*

Now I’m off to go release on the punching bag in the basement…

Baby Number 4

Well, it finally happened. It was inevitable. I really wanted it to happen, although the urge got stronger over this past year.  I’m grateful that my husband was willing to do this for me and for our family, too.  He’s a good guy.

 My family has expanded.

Everyone – meet Lucy.

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Isn’t she pretty?  Lee gave her to me for Christmas.  I had grand plans of him wrapping it up and me opening it on Christmas morning because I think it’s important for the kids to see us opening gifts from one another, but once I got my hands on my precious I couldn’t give her up.

There’s a hidden lesson in that somewhere.

The kids saw us setting it up anyway so I just explained that daddy gave mommy her present early.  Yay me!

I seriously am in love.  And so I’ll keep this short so I can go explore all that Lucy has to offer.  And she has a lot to offer!  She’s real perty.

So I’ll leave you with photos from our first Christmas this weekend, which we were blessed to celebrate with Lee’s parents.  I’m so sorry to neglect you all like this, but a shiny new laptop tops creative posting.  I’ll be back tomorrow!  Lucy has promised to make me a better blogger.  I trust she’ll not fail me.

America the Bo-ring!

It was a packed weekend and there is just so much to share and document!  But by far, the highlight of the weekend was the annual Russian-American school Christmas party.  I look forward to this party every year.  It’s loud, chaotic and loads of fun.

I’m tellin’ ya – the russians know how to throw a party!  It just makes me happy because it makes them happy.  Seriously, grown ups and kids alike have a ball.  And who wouldn’t when characters like these come out for Christmas?

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This is Winter.  She sang, she dance, she whooped and hollered and kicked up her heels.  Who knew winter could be so much fun?

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See?  She’s having a ball.

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Then there was this fella.  He was the MC and he sang everything in a warbling, Dean Martinesque voice.

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Then, of course, there was Baba Yaga, the forest witch who’s always trying to ruin Christmas.  She sings too…

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And what is Christmas without Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf?

Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up.

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And look how much fun they’re having?  Don’t you wish you were there?  And yes, that’s a singing tiger on the end.  I told you it was a fun party.

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And then the older fella on the left came out (I’m not sure who he was supposed to be – his mic was muffled so I couldn’t understand him) and he went fishing and pulled out the singing fish, which you can see on the right.

And of course, the highlight of the party is the unveiling of Ded Moros (Father Ice aka Santa Clause) and his granddaughter, Snegurichka.

They sing too…

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Sloan and Tia thought it was rockin’ awesome.

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And why wouldn’t they?  They got to sing, dance, play toss the ring on the goose…

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They didn’t dress in costume because I forgot about the tradition of kids dressing up for Christmas.  But other kids dressed up, like this little doll:

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Who can resist a little blonde boy in a cow costume?

And at the end, Ded Moros, alongside all the other characters, gave out Christmas gifts.  Sloan came home with a digital photo ornament, which he thought was the bee’s knees, and Tia got a huge art set. 

Ded Moros gives good gifts.

I gotta tell ya, when I go to parties like this I realize how boring America is.  I mean, all we’ve got is Santa, Frosty and Rudolph.  Bo-Ring.  Give me a singing tiger and dancing bear and then we can celebrate Christmas!

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S Razhdyestvom! (Merry Christmas)

What goes around comes around…or comes up in our case.

Take a trip with me will you.  It’s a trip down memory lane.  Pull up a chair, grab a cup of bubbling hot tea and head back to 1984.

I’m six years old and we are preparing to move from the LA area to Wisconsin.  Before we leave, we (and by “we” I clearly mean my parents since they called the shots back then) decide to visit a few sites in LA that we missed in the couple years that we lived there.

One of those sites is a tour of the Queen Mary, a retired ocean liner that’s famous for something or other.  I honestly have no idea what it’s famous for.  I was six.  I didn’t pay attention to the tour guide.

Before we boarded the Queen Mary, however, we got a big pancake breakfast.  As we headed to the ship, I felt a distinct and uncomfortable rumbling in my stomach.  When I mentioned it to my parents they gave me a highly unsympathetic, “Sorry babe.  You’ll be alright.”

As we ascended an escalator somewhere inside the Queen Mary, my stomach began to flip upside down.  Again I mentioned the issue to my parents.  They were behind me and even though I couldn’t see them, I heard their eyes roll back in their heads.

“Kelli,” my mom said, “You always have a stomach ache.  You’re going to be fine.”

Hmph.  It wasn’t my fault that I was scrawny and gassy.  I kept my mouth shut.  And the tour commenced.

Just as we reached the main deck, the tour guide took us to a railed off section that looked down into the engine room.  The famous engine upon the famous Queen Mary that’s famous for…something.

As I looked down at the massive engine and listened to the tour guide drone on and on about the inner workings of the old ship my stomach flipped again and as it did so, it propelled the food I had eaten earlier up and out of my mouth with vicious force.

What happened next is a bit of a blur.  I remember running across the main deck of the ship spewing this way and that, my mom’s hand over my mouth trying to contain some of the wreckage. 

I remember my dad running behind us, dragging my brother along and yelling, “Take your hand off her mouth, she’s gonna choke!” 

I remember some strange man running next to my mom, yelling and pointing her to the nearest bathroom.

And that my friends is the story of the day I desecrated The Queen Mary.  I think I was in college before I was able to eat pancakes again.

Now, fast forward 25 years to last night at a birthday party for a friend.  Tia was complaining of a tummy ache.  But given the fact that she ate massive amounts of candy and cookies at her class Christmas party yesterday, I held out hopes that it was simply an upset tummy.

She can’t help it that she’s scrawny and gassy.

When we arrived at the bounce house, she jumped all of two minutes and then came and sat down, still complaining of a tummy ache.  An hour into the party, my fears were confirmed when Tia clamped her hand over her mouth and her eyes widened. 

We were as far away from the bathroom as we could possibly be, we were surrounded by other children, and standing on a carpeted floor next to a giant blow up bounce house that I knew would not be easy to clean.

So I grabbed her hand, clamped my other hand over her mouth and we took off.

We almost made it.  We made it at least to the hallway, which was mercifully tiled, before the dam broke.

And that was the day Tia desecrated BounceU.  It’s not nearly as bad as puking all over a historical landmark, but the circumstances were similar nonetheless.

And as I cleaned up the poor girl in the bathroom, I wondered if perhaps this was one of those things that fell under the umbrella of my mom’s prayer that someday I have a child that was just like me.

Not cool, mom.  Not cool.

Wherein I leave you with more photographs

Today, as the temperatures are hovering in the teens, I am longing to be back in this lovely place.  Yes, loooooonging…

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This adorable little boy will be two in five days.  Excuse me while I go sob in the corner for a bit.

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Turns out Tia has a knack for gymnastics.  After only a few weeks of lessons, she was bumped up to a more advanced class where she is the only three year old in a group of four and five year olds. 

She’s perfected her cartwheel and now does it off our ottoman whilst pretending that it is a balance beam.  She is freakishly strong and has no fear.  But really, does this surprise anyone?  Remember this picture, which I took when she was not yet two years old?

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Then, of course, there was this post which described the catalyst for us actually signing her up for a gymnastics class. 

Mmm-hmm…We’re not shocked that she’s got some talent in the gymnastics arena.  Unfortunately, she’s going to be way too tall for the sport, but we’ll let her keep it up for as long as she enjoys it.

And speaking of Tia – wasn’t it just yesterday that she looked like this standing next to her not yet four year old brother?  She is now less than two months away from being four herself.

If anyone has discovered a way to make time stand still, please pass on the secret.  Pa-leeeeaaase.

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And this one just because.  Oh he’s yummy…

Happy weekend everyone!

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There are few things cuter…

There are few things cuter than a little girl in a leotard,

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wearing leg warmers,

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staring at you with big blue eyes,

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waving around a baton,

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laughing with her friends,

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twirling around,

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giggling,

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and all around having the time of her life.

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Yes, there are few things cuter than that…

Except, perhaps, a little boy

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standing like a little man with his hands in his pockets.

Because I only have time for bullet points

– I have just a short amount of time to spend on the computer today so this is going to be a random bullet list of all the things on my mind today.  Aren’t you excited?!

– I was at church until 11:00 last night rehearsing for the musical which opens this Thursday!  Please come watch it if you’re in town.  It’s going to be great.  Tonight is dress rehearsal, tomorrow we have the night off and Thursday we open.  There are six performances you can attend and you can purchase tickets here.  There are only a few tickets left for the Thursday evening show and the Sunday afternoon show, but Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night all have plenty of seating still available!  Bring your kids – it will be fun for everyone!

– It’s amazing how productive I become when my schedule is jam packed.  Already this morning I’ve bathed, fed and dressed three kids; I’ve vacuumed the floors in the entire house; I’ve folded a load of laundry and I’ve cleaned a bathroom.  I will be gone most of the morning helping set up for the musical, then I plan to stay busy this afternoon getting my house in order before going back to church.  Whew – it’s like running a marathon.

– When I gave the kids their gluten free cereal with Almond Milk the other day, Sloan asked me if I was feeding them poison.  Nice.

– On the plus side, I did manage to get Landon to eat an entire plate of Salmon yesterday!  And Sloan and Tia both polished off a large helping of broccoli last night.  Landon took one bite and gagged, but at least he tried it.  We’re making progress.

– While I’m done with a majority of my Christmas preparations, I still have a lot to do.  Next week will be as crazy as this week trying to prepare.

– I went to a Bible study yesterday morning that really convicted me on my need to be more intentional about educating my kids on the true meaning of Christmas.  I came home with a ton of ideas.  Now if I could only find the time to implement them…

– I really want to send out Christmas cards, but I’m not sure it’s going to happen this year.  We’ll see how next week pans out.

– Every morning after Sloan gets on the school bus, I let Tia watch Handy Manny and the Imagination Movers.  I feel a little guilty about allowing her to sit and watch TV for that long every single morning.  But it allows me to get things done like blogging, showering and cleaning up so I push the guilt aside.  Is that terrible?!

– I feel sad about the Tiger Woods situation.  My heart hurts for them.

– I just sneezed all over the keyboard.  I need to go get some cleaner and wipe this up.  Have a happy Tuesday and get your tickets for the Christmas dessert musical theater at First E-Free this weekend!

Ba-Bye.