Minivans Are Hot

My laziness knows no bounds

December 20, 2011 By Kelli 11 Comments

It was a beautiful December day here in the Sunshine State. Days like today are why people spend their winters in Florida. We spent much of the day soaking in the warm rays of the sun, while also being delighted with a cool breeze.

For those of you who live somewhere cold, please don’t hate me.

The view from my perch.

Around 1:00, the natives grew restless. I didn’t feel right letting them watch a movie on a day like today, and in return they didn’t feel right about letting me sit poolside and read.

Savages.

So after an hour of hearing about the injustice of such imposed boredom and the true cruelty of expecting them to entertain themselves I packed up the antsy brood and off we went to the park where I planned to continue my lounging while they ran off pent up energy.

Upon arriving at the park, I rejoiced to find a long swinging bench mercifully vacant and I settled in for a bit of relaxation only to discover that the smallest of the children had different plans in mind.

“Hey Mom, wanna play house wif us?” Landon asked. I looked over at Tia who widened her eyes pleadingly, which is a completely unfair tactic. Puppy dog eyes are cruel and unusual.

“What do I have to do to play house?” I asked wearily.

“How about you be the Mom and we’ll be the kids,” Tia answered.

Um…

“Okay,” I said. “Kids, go play and let Mommy rest for a bit!”

“No, Mom! That’s not how you play!” Foot stomp.

Seriously?! Puppy dog eyes and a foot stomp? She’s good, ladies and gentlemen.

“But I’m the Mom so I can tell you what to do, right?”

“No, Mom. You have to get up and come over here and drive us to school. Then you have to take us to the store and then you have to take us to Chuck E Cheese. That’s how you play!”

Funny. I always assumed that playing pretend actually took us out of real life.

“Okay,” I said. “But this swinging bench is my car so hop in.” And away we drove. I dropped them off at school, then picked them up, then we headed to the store.

“C’Mon, let’s go shop.”

“Uumm…” I stalled. “Let’s pretend I broke my leg and I have to ride in one of the motorized carts at the store. This bench will be my cart.”

“Aw, yeah!” they yelled and away we went. Notice that so far, I haven’t had to move from my bench.

Finally the “errands” were done and we arrived home. ”Alright, you guys go play now,” I said waving them on, stepping out of my role as pretend Mom and into my role as real Mom. It’s all very confusing, I know…

“No, Mom! Now you need to make dinner!”

*sigh*

“Tell you what,” I reasoned. “How about you be the Mom now and I will be the long lost Aunt who came for a visit, okay?”

“Alright! What’s your name?”

“Uh…Toto? Oh and hey – let’s pretend that I came from far, far away and I’m super tired so I have to lay down and sleep. How does that sound?”

“Hey, yeah!” they cried. “And this bench can be your bed and we will rock you while you sleep!”

Deal!

So I laid down, closed my eyes and they rocked me back and forth, back and forth until I literally began dozing off.

“Mom. Hey Mom!” They shook me and I squinted up into their displeased eyes.

“This game is boring,” Tia said with a frown. “We don’t want to play anymore.”

“Yeah,” echoed Landon. “It’s bowing.”

“Can we go play on the playground?” Tia asked.

I looked at them for a silent moment then let out a small sigh. “Well, alright. If you really want to go play, I guess I don’t mind.” And off they ran, forgetting all about needing my entertainment. I laid back down then, my swing moving slowly back and forth in the afternoon breeze. Alone.

Seriously. I should get some kind of award for that…

Filed Under: Florida, funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Motherhood, Tia Tagged With: Entertaining kids, I think I need more sleep, Motherhood

Four is More

December 15, 2011 By Kelli 13 Comments

Four.

It all just happened really…

Really…

Reeeeaaallllyyy…

Fast.

No longer a baby.

Loaded with personality.

“Wiggle your nipples, Dad!” he begged last night.

Different day. Different blog. Definately a story that needs to be told.

Part of me longs for one more day with this baby.

Probably the same part of me that wishes I was still in my twenties…

But mostly, I just really adore this amazing little boy.

This boy who turns FOUR today.

Happy Birthday, Landon.

Visual proof of the personality that keeps us in stiches. Man, I love this kid…

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Landon Tagged With: Four Years Old, Growing up, Happy Birthday, Kids, Time Flies

Hey Mom

November 21, 2011 By Kelli 12 Comments

The boy who doesn’t need sleep pulled a fast one on me the other night. What with his fuzzy head and killer smile, it’s really not that difficult for him to have me at his beck and call, but Saturday night was no less than a supreme use of his killer cuteness.

Supreme.

After keeping him up way too late the night before when we went out to dinner with friends (Friends! We have friends!), Saturday found him in desperate need of a nap almost from the moment he woke up that morning. It is his nature to fight sleep until the very last moment and fight the nap he did.

But finally, he gave up the fight and fell deep into slumber. So deep, in fact, that I could not rouse him to save my life. I picked him up. I shook him. I gave him a cup of juice, which he drank in his sleep. I sat him on the couch and he promptly fell asleep sitting up. He fought waking as much as he did sleeping, which means by the time I finally got him to move around he had had far too long of a nap.

Which led to bedtime disaster.

For over an hour he was up and down and I, who had not been so lucky to get a nap, was at the end of my rope. Using my sternest and firmest mom-voice, I let him know in no uncertain terms that should he set one more toe out of his bed he would suffer the wrath of Zombie Mommy.

He blinked twice, totally not buying my empty and, let’s face it, lame threat.

Thirty minutes later I was piled up in bed with my iPad, gloating in my victory over his near-four-year-old crazy. Lee was out for the night and I finally had a bit of peace and quiet. Until…

I saw his tiny little eyes peek around the corner. I ignored him, hopeful that maybe he would remember my threat (and yes, I actually told him that if he got out of bed I was going to turn into Zombie Mommy…oh yes I did) and abort his current mission to drive me insane. I kept my eyes on my glowing smart board until I heard a soft rustle. I looked down to see him on his stomach on the floor. He was in nothing but a t-shirt and his Buzz Lightyear Underoos and his tiny little spaceman backside stuck up in the air as he army crawled slowly across the floor.

This was better entertainment than the iPad so I continued to watch as he was completely oblivious to my stares. He crawled past the foot of the bed, his raspy breath a complete giveaway of his whereabouts. I heard him crawl to the opposite side of the bed and then it got quiet.

And I waited.

A minute later, I saw his Calvin hair slowly raise up, followed by his white eyebrows and then his saucer blue eyes. He met my stare, his gaze equal parts delicious and mischevious.

“Hey Mom,” he said, his voice all sugary. Then his face broke into a naughty little grin.

And me? Well, I completely lost it and started laughing uncontrollably. He joined in and together we cackled, me at him and him at me. Then he crawled up into bed, snuggled close and fell fast asleep.

As a recap – he disobeyed, I gave empty threats, he disobeyed again, I laughed and he ultimately got what he wanted.

That, folks, is how you get this parenting thing done. If you’re looking for any parenting advice, feel free to ask. Clearly I’ve got this mothering business down…

Filed Under: Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Motherhood Tagged With: Kids do the darndest things, Motherhood, parenting

Cry Me a Freakin’ River: Part Two

November 6, 2011 By Kelli 27 Comments

“It’s only hair,” I keep whispering every time this small boy comes strolling by. He glances up at me out of the corner of his eye and gives me that mischevious grin and I blink back the tears. “It’s only hair. It’s only hair. It’s only hair.”

That is my mantra.

I got Landon’s hair cut this weekend and in doing so, I went ahead and ripped my heart out and handed it to him. He’s carrying it around in his back pocket now…

Geez, Kelli. Get a grip. It’s only a haircut.

You’re right. It is only a haircut. But it also is one more step forward out of babydom and I’ve told you before, I’m not ready for these toddler years to end. Everytime I look at Landon, I still see this kid:

And this one:

But somewhere along the way, my baby with the Bieber hair turned into a boy with opinions. He possesses clarity and wit and can connect events and moments together in a coherent manner. He is one month from four and I am fighting off a minor panic attack.

“I wanna hab thpike haiwr,” he told me as we walked into the salon. And I fought off tears as I watched the stylist shave off his long surfer dude locks and give him the big boy spiked haircut he desired. I knew in doing so, we were officially saying goodbye to the baby.

I don’t know what it is about this kid, but he has had me wrapped, tied and sewn around his little finger since the day he came squalling into the world. He is a delight and of the three, he is the one I most long to hold back…to slow down. Sloan has always been so big and advanced that watching him grow and get older, while still emotional, has been exciting. I can’t wait to see what he’ll do next.

Tia has developed so many interesting and beautiful traits in the last year that I am delighting in her growth.

But Landon…

Maybe it’s because he’s the baby. Perhaps it’s due to the fact that he’s such a munchkin that I sometime forget he’s almost four. It could be that he’s the most affectionate of the three, still wanting to snuggle close throughout the day.

Whatever the case, he’s the one that makes me long for a pause button. I wish I could just make time stop, so I could really, truly cherish the moments when he presses his soft cheek to mine.

Before his cheeks thin out and his torso lengthens, I want to just hold him and breathe him in. Before his muscles are defined and he develops the sinewy body of a little man, I want to tickle his Buddha belly and feel the powdery soft flesh of his arms. I want to hear his laugh and memorize his movements. I want to kiss his nose and feel his tiny hand pressed in mine. I want to feel the warmth of his weight snuggled against my chest in the darkness of the early morning.

I want every one of those moments to be doubled.

He wanted to stop taking pictures. I think he's giving me the bird...

I know there are delightful days to come. I know without a doubt that the joy and light that this child brings to our family won’t be dimmed with age. But for now, for today, I feel a mixture of emotions.

I am sad that he is growing so fast. I’m sad that a simple haircut changed him from a baby to a boy in an instant.

I’m excited to see what the future holds. Because he is my third born, I know there are milestones and joys that lie ahead. There are changes to come that are natural and good and I am anxiously awaiting the process of watching not only Landon, but all three of my children grow up. It’s beautiful and wonderful and thrilling and exhausting and I’m overjoyed that I get to be witness to their growth.

I just wish that it didn’t have to happen so fast.

Filed Under: faith, Family, Kids, Landon, Motherhood Tagged With: Big Boy Haircut, Cry me a freakin' river, Mama's Crazy, Motherhood

Takin’ Care of Business

October 20, 2011 By Kelli 22 Comments

This post comes to you with a sheepish, yet polite, request for help. I hate talkin’ shop, but wanted to just toss a few little things out there. Don’t worry, though. This post won’t be all dry. I’ve got a gem of a story to tell you at the end.

It’s my dangling carrot.

So here’s the deal, friends. I stink at self-promotion. It makes me wildly uncomfortable. As I told someone recently, it makes me feel a bit like the girl standing on top of a table in a crowded room and screaming LOOK AT ME!! And I’ve never been much of a table top kind of girl.

Ahem.

But, my goal in the next few months is to beef up the readership and participation on my blog. And to do that, I need your help. If you read something on here that you like, would you mind forwarding it on? You can hit the little Facebook button at the bottom of the page, or if you’re the Tweetin’ kind, you can give a little Tweet.

You know…if you want.

Also, well I don’t talk about it much and, to be quite honest, I don’t utilize it much, but I DO have a Minivans Are Hot Facebook page that you can like by clicking riiiiiiight…here. You don’t have to drive a minivan to like the Facebook page, but I will warn you that should you choose to follow the blog AND the Facebook page, you will likely start to feel the pull of the minivan.

Because minivans are bringing sexy back.

Huh?

Whatever.

If you do read something you like and have a second or two to respond, well, I’ll confess – I’m a bit of a comment whore. I promise I will respond to you…or you can respond to one another. I like community so let’s build a community of minivan lovin’ (or hatin’ – you know who you are) women…and men, too. I know you guys are reading.

Finally in the manner of business, I would like to ask if there’s anything you guys would like me to specifically write about. Is there are particular topic you like better? Is there something you’d like me to avoid discussing (the frequency of my childrens bowel movements? DONE! – Look how accommodating I am)?

Seriously – let me know.

Now, on to that carrot:

The Scene:

A beautiful, sunny Florida afternoon. The kids are playing outside while I enjoy a few quiet moments alone to do whatever I want – which means I’m cleaning the kitchen…again. The windows are open and a beautiful, cool fall breeze is drifting in. Nothing can break the perfection of this moment. Nothing, that is, until I hear a scream that rattles the glass throughout the house.

The back door flings open aaaaaaaaand CUE DIALOGUE!

“Mooooooooommmmm!!!” Tia shrieks, running into the house all sweaty and red-faced. Sloan comes running after her with a tormentuous (this is my blog – if I say that’s a word…it’s a word) grin on his face.

“What in the world?” I say as she throws her arms around my waist and cries. “What’s going on?”

“Sloan stole my gun!” She cried. Sloan throws his hands up in mock innocence. “What’d I do?” he yells.

“What gun, Tia?” I ask, detaching her from my leg.

“My pwetend gun! I was fightin’ the bad guys with it and Sloan took it and now the bad guys are gonna kill me!”

Pause.

Uuuuummm.

“Tia, if it’s a pretend gun, can’t you just get another one?” I try my best to say this without rolling my eyes.

“Nope, she can’t,” Sloan says with a smirk. “Because I destroyed all the guns in the imaginary gun shop.”

“Yeah!” Tia cries again. “And he ate the pie I made for Justin Bieber who was gonna come over for dinner at my pwetend house! I don’t LIKE Sloan.” She stomps her foot and runs to her room, slamming her door.

“Whatever!” Sloan yells in return, huffing to his room.

Landon walks in at this moment and strolls past me with string and a crowbar tucked under his arms.

And this folks is why I am slowly but surely losing. my. mind.

The End.

Filed Under: Blogging, Family, Florida, funny stuff that happens, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Minivans, Motherhood, shameless self-promotion, Sloan, Tia Tagged With: Blogging, Building Community, mama's going crazy, Minivans Are Hot, Self Promotion

Utah, A Bomb and a Slithering Sea Snake

September 5, 2011 By Kelli 16 Comments

The first week of school is tucked firmly beneath my belt. This is fancy talk for, I survived. So did the kids, by the way. Landon barely. Apparently I neglected to mention to him when we began that school occurs every. single. day. So on day two, as he toddled into the kitchen, his morning Cup ‘a Joe nestled firmly between his teeth (read: sippy cup of juice), he asked me the same thing he asks me every morning.

“Mommy? What we gonna do today?”

“We have school again today.”

Shock.

Horror.

Face crumbles, juice falls to the floor and a great deal of weeping doth commence. “But we alweady did school yestewday!”

Um…yeah. Apparently school every day isn’t his favorite. By day five he started to come around, though he never met the news that school was about to begin with much glee. You can’t please everyone, right?

Not that school was a wash for him. We worked on learning the States last week. We labeled them on a map and each day learned to identify a few more. By the end of the week, Sloan was able to point to and label 30 States. Tia could label about 15 and then needed a few prompts for the rest. Landon can point to about 6 when asked where they are. But all on his own, he can label one State.

Utah.

For some reason Utah. Not Florida. Not Missouri. Utah.

Why?

There is no way for me to answer that question. I don’t know why. All I know is my three year old can point to Utah when shown a blank map. I am so proud.

We are one with the fish

As a reward for a great first week of school, we finished lessons early on Friday and headed to the The Florida Aquarium in Tampa. We got up close and personal with the sting rays, we growled at the sharks and we made silly faces at the alligators. And we topped it all off with some good old fashioned water play.

Grrrr....

As an impromptu history lesson, we walked next door to the American Victory Ship, one of only four operational World War II ships in the country. It was the end of the day and they were preparing to close, but they let us have the run of the ship before shutting everything down. We rang the bells, visited the captain’s quarters and fought mighty battles against the enemy warships and alien droids.

We won each battle with nary an injury. It was truly a victorious ship.

Just before leaving, one of the sailors aboard the ship took us into the Engine Room and gave us a quick history lesson. The ship was built 70 years ago (not 60 hundred as Landon guessed…by hey – he can identify Utah, right?). And the massive vessel was built in only 55 days. Not 25 years as Sloan guessed. But hey…he can point to 30 States on a map, right?

“Can you take us out on a ride in this ship?” Sloan asked the Sailor-man. I just wish my child wasn’t so shy, ya know?

“Well, no. Not right now. We’re dry docked right now. There are a lot of things that need to be done to get a ship out to sea.”

“Oh,” Sloan said, not masking his disappointment at all. This week’s homeschooling theme is “Tact and How To Use It.”

Seeing his crestfallen face, Sailor-man smiled. “You know,” he said. “Every once in awhile we do take this beautiful ship out for a spin on the water. You have your mom find out when we’re going to do that again and make sure you all come out to take a ride with us, okay?”

Sloan grinned and clasped his hands together at his chest. “Okay!” he cried, his eyes dancing. “When we go out, can you shoot off a bomb? Please?” He did use lovely manners making his Mama brim with pride.

“Well,” Sailor-man said, his own eyes twinkling, “Now I’m afraid that’s frowned upon…”

Pause. Silence.

“What do you mean?” Sloan asked.

And we all laughed. Me with the “Oh I’m so embarrassed I will explain this to him later” Mom laugh, and Sailor-man with the “I used to be a little boy and I had a few little boys of my own so I totally understand what’s going on inside his head” laugh. And off we went.

Sunday night brought beautiful, perfect Florida weather. There was an ocean breeze perfect for fishing and we traipsed down to the dock at sunset where Sloan immediately snagged a beautiful, large blue crab. After a bit of dancing and a whole lot of finagling, we got him in the bucket and gave him a pinfish to play with. Lee pulled in a good sized catfish that we all ooed and aahed over until it came time to take him off the hook, then we all scattered and let Lee handle the honors alone.

We’re a brave bunch.

The night ended early, however, when Sloan’s line bent over and he struggled and fought and pulled up a…friggin’ snake. When we figured out that’s what was on his line, Tia sprouted wings and flew 50 feet in less than a second. I danced and yelped while Lee held his arms straight out and yelled “STOP! Do not pull that thing in.” He grabbed the pole and shook it until the long (too long) sea monster finally fell off. And with our hearts hammering in our throats, we packed it in and marched inside, cooking our crab for a little late night snack.

How was your holiday weekend?

Our bedtime snack, courtesy of Sloan.

Filed Under: Family, Florida, funny stuff that happens, Homeschool, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Motherhood, Sloan Tagged With: American Victory Ship Tampa, Fishing, Homeschool, kids say the darndest things, Sea Snakes, The Florida Aquarium

What was important is now a necessity

August 7, 2011 By Kelli 7 Comments

Three weeks ago Landon wouldn’t put his face under water without a good deal of weeping and gnashing of teeth. If water splashed even in the vicinity of his eyes, he wailed and stumbled around blindly until he was given a towel to wipe away the unwelcome and foreign liquid from his face.

Then one day he decided he wasn’t scared anymore. And now I’m the one who is terrified. Because my cautious baby with a healthy respect for the water has turned into this:

While in the ocean, he is required to leave his swim vest on. As soon as we enter the pool, though, the vest comes off and he is ninety to nothin’, balls to the walls, kamikaze, I’m-gonna-cause-Mama-to-gray-early scary. Twice we’ve had to tell him not to do front flips off the side. To which he replies with wide eyes, “Why, Mom? It’s so fun!”

This is why, starting tomorrow, he will be in swim lessons every day for the next two weeks. Fun for him, peace of mind for me – everybody wins. I knew swim lessons were going to be important when we moved to Florida. Now, however, they have become a necessity.

While the other two were brave in the water, neither were this…um…terrifying. Here they all are (with my cousin Leslie’s little boy) jumping off the back of the boat together:

You’ll notice the older three are all wearing masks to prevent salt water up the nose. Not Landon. Nope. Salt water doesn’t phase him a bit. That kid’s gonna have the cleanest sinuses on the block.

He’s a brave one, my little guy. I have no idea where he gets it from:

What about you? Do you have a child who is aging you early?

Filed Under: Family, Florida, funny stuff that happens, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, summer fun Tagged With: Children swimming, Landon, Life, mama's going crazy, Safety

Good Morning to You

June 10, 2011 By Kelli 5 Comments

He crawled up in bed next to me and laid his head on my pillow. I rolled over, caught in that fuzzy state between dreams and reality. His soft cheek pressed up against mine, satiny skin dotted with freckles.

I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him close, breathing in deep the smell of little boy. Summer is in his hair – dirt, sunscreen and sweat. My eyes have yet to open but I feel his eyes on me, his breath smelling of apple juice. I squeeze him close and I hear his mouth stretch into a smile. His tiny little arm wraps around me and he returns the early morning squeeze.

Pure bliss.

“Good morning, buddy,” I say, finally forcing my heavy lids to part. He looks up at me with wide, crystal blue eyes and his tiny little bow tie mouth leans in for a kiss. It’s delicious and precious.

“I’m glad to see you,” I whisper in his ear. “How are you this morning?”

There is a quiet pause as his warm little body snuggles close to mine. Then he giggles – magic.

“I jus’ fawted.”

*sigh*

So how was your morning?

Filed Under: funny stuff that happens, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Life Tagged With: Funny things kids say, Life, little boys, Motherhood

Childhood

June 1, 2011 By Kelli 11 Comments

I am going to post some pictures, but before I do, I feel compelled to offer this warning:

The photos you are about to view contain images of extreme cuteness. View with caution, particularly if you are sensitive to happiness, small children and unabashed joy. These images should not be viewed by the faint of heart or anyone with an aversion to the following items: babies, puppies, rainbows, sunshine or happiness as they will not be emotionally equipped to handle the cute. If you suffer from hard heartedness, view with caution and with full awareness that you may be forced to smile. Proceed carefully and it is advisable to let out a hearty “Aaaawww” while viewing to prevent your heart from exploding.

Phew. Now that I got that disclaimer out of the way, you’re free to look. Does anything scream childhood more than this? Tell me. Anything at all?

Aaaaaawwww…

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Landon, summer fun, Tia Tagged With: Kids, sprinklers, summer fun, things I love

Happy Birthday, Mom

May 17, 2011 By Kelli 11 Comments

So this video isn’t nearly as cool as I wanted it to be. But as we all learned yesterday, I’m not really that cool anyway, so this actually fits quite well.

Today is my awesome Mom’s birthday and she’s half way across the world. I so wanted to fly to England and surprise her for her birthday, but alas, it wasn’t to be. Instead I had the kids write down 60 reasons why they love their Byshka (short for Babyshka – Grandmother in Russian). And here they are, all 60 reasons.

Unfortunately you can’t understand a word Landon says due to his lisp and inability to say several letters but he’s painfully cute so it doesn’t matter.

(A small disclaimer: I promise I bathe my kids, although in this video they are visibly dirty. The bruise on Tia’s chin is the result of an unfortunate run in with a parked car as she sped down the hill on her bike. We’re still working on riding without training wheels. The mark on Landon’s nose is the result of me not clipping his nails soon enough. I have no idea what’s on Sloan’s face. Carry on…)

Mom, I love you and I hope you’re having a grand time in London today. We’re sending kisses from across the pond. I think we’ll even pick up a little birthday cake and eat it in your honor today. So thanks for having a birthday – it gives us an excuse to splurge on a cake. And cake is good.

Love you and see you in a few weeks!!!