My People

I was fifteen years old the first time I visited the former Soviet Union.  An entire world opened up before me in brilliant technicolor.  Amidst a backdrop of dark clouds, we stepped off the plane and my soul lit up.

“I’m coming back here,” I whispered.  I knew because it was as if I had stepped into a place already familiar to me; a place that had been carved out for me long ago.  I just needed to find it.

Our trip lasted fourteen days, but I fell in love in less than a second.  It wasn’t just the glamor of the foreign trip, though there was a bit of that.  We were only a handful of years removed from the fall of the Iron Curtain and as Americans we were still treated very much like royalty.  But it was more than that.  I felt like I knew those people.  Their language was like the chords of a melody to me and I soaked it up as though I had been ravenously searching for it my entire life.

It was love at first sight.

And I did go back.  I went back the next year and the one after that.  I minored in the language in college and while others in my class moaned and complained about the work, I asked for more.  I met with my professor in the afternoons and had him explain the grammar to me over and over (I still don’t get it).  I bought book after book and in my spare time practiced translating stories.

I’m only now realizing how weird that is…

I went to Ukraine my junior year and lived with my adopted people.  It was the hardest and most wonderful four months of my life.

This has always just seemed natural to me.  It’s felt natural to meet Russians everywhere I went and to befriend them…because they’re my people.  I don’t speak as fluently as I’d like to anymore, but the sound of the language still sets my heart aflight.  It is a melody that I can’t describe and that has only been recently revealed to me as…odd.

When we lived in Texas and I coached at WOGA, I often attended the Russians only parties because why wouldn’t I?  I fit there.  My favorite memories of that time are looking out to the back porch and seeing Lee standing in a circle with all the Russian men as their mouths moved in rhythmic fashion.  When they laughed, he laughed.  When they nodded their heads, he nodded his head.  He had no clue, but he didn’t care.

He’s my people, they’re my people. You remember him kissing the cross, right?

My husband is so good to push me and prod me to keep up my skills in Russian.  There are many times when we are in public and we hear Russian and he immediately introduces me and makes me start speaking.  Sometimes this drives me crazy because it’s uncomfortable and embarrassing and because people look at me like I’m a nut job.

But I’m so grateful for his prodding because he knows me so well.  He knows how much I love and need to accompaniment of Russians.  Without it, I feel a bit lost at times…

When we lived in St. Louis, I never really thought it odd that my children were the only children with two American parents in the Russian school.  It just seemed natural to me that my children should be there.

They’re our people.

Moving down here I have already, again, been blessed to meet and make Russian friends.  As we all gathered around the table on Halloween night, they asked me…

Why?

“Why what?” I asked.

“Why do you speak Russian?”

No one has ever really asked me that question before and I didn’t have an answer.  Because I love it?  I love everything about the culture and the people, the food and the traditions.

Because you’re my people, I wanted to say.  But that sounds odd, so I just shrugged and smiled.

“You are the first American I ever meet,” said the man next to me, “That want to know Russian.  I don’t understand.”

And I don’t either.  I don’t know why God embedded these people so deeply into my soul.  I don’t know why my heart shakes when I hear the language spoken.  I don’t know why I feel at home in a group of Russians.  I don’t know why I long to go back to the country and take my children there so badly that sometimes I physically ache.  I really don’t know why.

I just know I love it.  They are my people and I love them.

The Tapestry of Now

Life’s adventure rarely leaves time for long enough pause to question.  How did I come to this and what brought me here?  It’s only upon stepping back from the tapestry and observing that we’re able to truly see the Artist’s flair.

What looked to be a tangled web of yellow thread was really a sunbeam.

The woven blue lines folding in and out grew into a vast ocean when stepping back.

Did you know that sometimes you can step back and look at even the most recent past and see beauty?  Did you know that if you take just a minute to breathe, you might be amazed at what’s developing right before your eyes?  Did you know that sometimes the present feels tangled and knotted but upon closer examination, it’s really shaping up to be something…grand?

I’m there.  Right now.

I didn’t want to “provide my children with a home education program” as the State of Florida asked me to word it in my letter to the Superintendent.  But somehow I knew I was supposed to.  And it scared me.  It still scares me.

But here we are.  Two weeks in and dare I say we’re having fun?  And if I step back for a few minutes and let the weight of this responsibility slide off my shoulders, I am able to see something beautiful being pieced together.

 

The root word + the suffix =

My kids and I are enjoying one another.  Naturally there are moments of frustration.  There are certain children who are to remain unnamed who, apparently, are so easily distracted that the simplest of tasks can turn into the most painful.  There are whiny moments and at least once a day I have to stop myself from tossing my hands in the air in exasperation.

But, more than anything else – we’re laughing together.

 

Russian lessons

We’re living life together and learning as a whole.  Similes, compound sentences, geography…who knew learning could be such fun?  They can label every state on the map and, as an added bonus, so can I.  Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, eh?

 

Tia loves to do "hard math."

And suddenly, without even knowing really when or how it happened, I became that mom.  The mom who schools her children in the home…and likes it.  I still don’t know if this is a permanent situation for us.  I honestly don’t know.  But for right now, I’m enjoying this bumpy little ride.

 

Taking a compound sentence from Sloan’s journal and pointing out the conjunction. He was also required to use one simile. My poor kids…stuck with a mom who finds a freakish amount of glee in similes and compound sentences.  You should feel sorry for them.

As I look back at the tapestry being woven these past few weeks, I’m in awe of the beauty and the masterful way it’s all slowly coming together.

Even if there are a few stray threads still needing to be plucked…

I wrote out a few conjunctions and turned around to talk with Tia for a minute. When I heard snickering I turned back around to find Sloan had edited my writing slightly.  Silly little boys make the tapestry a little more fun and…colorful, wouldn’t you say?

*sigh*

Ulyana

Sveta and Uly

We met eight years ago. Both of us young, married and in love with the world. She was my translator and for one month she acted as my guide. I was on a grand adventure. I was touring the country of Ukraine, interviewing veterans of the great war, World War II. I was five months pregnant and became ill almost the second I set foot in the country. And she made sure that I was well taken care of as we traveled.

We took trains and taxi’s, my pregnant belly bouncing all over the pitted roads, me hanging on for dear life becuase the taxi driver’s seat belts were broken.

“He wants you to trust him,” she said. I heard the sympathy in her voice. She knew I was uncomfortable. Over the course of our adventure, Sveta and I bonded. My mom was with us and the three of us became fast friends – family. Separated by an ocean, but filled with trust and love for one another.

Sveta and her husband, Vova, were fairly newlywed and were devastatingly cute. They were, and still are, madly in love and it just made me smile to see them together. They were mushy and gushy, but not in an uncomfortable way. They just made you happy.

One of the stops on our trip was to Sveta’s hometown of Dunaivtsi. We spent two days with her family, her Mom and Dad fussing over me and making sure I was well fed and taken care of. I ate her Mom’s green borscht and it was, quite possibly, the most wonderful meal I’ve ever eaten. Ever.

Sveta and I laughed a lot on that trip. Her sense of humor was so keen and her English so sharp that she was easily able to keep up with my random wit. We visited fortresses and classrooms. We spent time in colleges and she stood by my side as a group of veteran soldiers poured out their hearts, and their memories, to me in vivid detail.

Sveta became more than a friend. She became a sister.

And for eight years, Sveta and I have remained the dearest of friends. We’ve rejoiced in children born and mourned pregnancies lost. Her first born, Ulyana (Ulya) and Landon are just days apart. I’ve watche dSveta, through her blog, as she’s grown into such a wonderful, beautiful, lovely mother. She is expecting her second child now and I’m just so proud of her and excited for her.

But tomorrow Sveta and Vova need your prayers. Ulya was born with specific health challenges that have brought them to a point of needing surgical intervention. The surgery is tomorrow and it’s dangerous and meticulous and difficult. No parent ever wants to see their child suffer pain or discomfort. It’s stressful and frightening.

Would you please pray for Sveta, Vova and Ulya tonight and tomorrow?

Pray for peace as Sveta and Vova wait. They are currently in Kiev, where the surgery will take place and they will remain there as Ulya recovers. Pray for Sveta in particular as she is dealing with major stress while pregnant. Pray for her safety and for the safety of her unborn child.

Please pray for the doctors as they work on Ulya, a sweet little girl with a vibrant personality. Pray that they have wisdom and special skill.  Pray for protection over her little body.  Pray for Ulyana’s bones, that they would be strong and that her body would be able to withstand the procedure.  Pray that this surgery would only enhance her life.

Sveta and Vova have been on my heart for some time now as they prepared for this day. They have been concerned and frightened, as any parents would be. It just felt right to share this prayer need with you all and I’m thankful because I know that you all will lift them up.

Svetochka, I love you and I, along with many others, will be praying for you, Vova and Ulyana tomorrow!

Thank you, everyone, for supporting a sister in need! I appreciate it more than I know how to express.

May Day

On Saturday, Lee and I took the kids to a 70th Anniversary Commemoration of the Nazi Invasion of the Soviet Union.

Try saying that five times fast.

For an hour and a half, we heard stories from local veterans about their experiences during World War II.  Most of them were Jewish and experienced the effects of the Nazi hatred as well as the Soviet hatred.  It was emotional and poignant and beautiful and sad.

The kids didn’t appreciate it at all.

“When can we go,” they whined over and over.  And like any good Mom, I shushed them and shot them daggar eyes, melting them from the inside out.

At then end of each testimony, each speaker (most of whose stories were read by younger family members while they stood up front), made very similar statements.  They lauded freedom.  Freedom to practice religion, freedom from oppression, freedom to survive, freedom to love.  Those men and women are deeply loyal to the lands of their birth.  But they are also deeply loyal to their adopted land.

Attending this ceremony cemented my desire to bring the history of the former Soviet Union alive.  It reignited my passion for the people of Ukraine, in particular, as several of the speakers were from Ukraine, from towns and cities I have visited.

We Americans have no idea the depth of suffering other parts of the world have experienced.  That’s not to say we can’t sympathize, of course.  I feel deep pain for the suffering around the world.  But I don’t truly understand it because I haven’t lived it.  My pain at the suffering we endured on 9/11 is even different from my fellow countrymen who were directly affected by the loss of loved ones.  But think of this perspective:

It’s estimated that Ukraine lost up to 10 million people during World War II.  That’s half of the population of the entire Soviet Union and twenty percent of the entire world’s death total.

I know my children are young and I don’t expect them to appreciate or even understand why I continue to expose them and push them toward the language and history of that part of the world, but I hope to the depth of my soul that someday, as they grow in maturity and understanding, they will develop not only a love for Ukraine and the russian language, but also for all the different cultures of this world.

I also hope that they will grow with the understanding that they have been privileged to be born in the most amazing country in the world.  It is a flawed nation, to be sure.  But America is a land to be loved, a loved to be applauded and a land that deserves our deepest appreciation.

That’s the lesson I’m hoping to teach my children as they grow.  One of them, anyway.

Handstands in Heaven

Alternately titled: Car Ride of Random

We were heading home from Russian school, altogether as a family (in our smokin’ hot minivan that we now officially own, no less.  HAWT!).  It was raining.  Again.  We were tired and a little hungry since I failed in my mom duties and forgot to pack us dinners to go.  But we were together as a family and  that made everything a little bit better.

“Hey Mom,” Sloan piped up.  “Why do girls always pick on me and bully me?”

“Probably because they like you,” I replied.  I know the girls in question and I’m not entirely sure that’s why they’re picking on him.  I think they’re just ornery, but I felt compelled to give the standard issue Mom answer as clearly directed in Article 16, Section C of the Mom’s Bylaws for Dealing with Difficult Questions.

Lee turned around and grinned at Sloan.  “Told ya,” he said.  It’s the standard issue answer for Dad’s as well, apparently.

“But why do they like me?” he asked.

“Because you’re cute and you’re smart and funny.  Why wouldn’t they like you?” I answered.

“Hey Mom,” Tia yelled from the back seat.  It was raining hard, we had to yell.  “When I go to school and I wike some boys, I’m donna bully dem, okay?”

*This is the part where I desperately thumb through the Bylaws. There are no instructions.  No INSTRUCTIONS!*

“No, you shouldn’t pick on boys,” Lee answered quickly.

“Why?” Tia asked.  “You said dats what girls do when dey wike boys.”

DARN THOSE STANDARD ISSUE ANSWERS!

“Just don’t pick on boys.  Treat others the way you want to be treated.”

WAM!  The Golden Rule.  Works every time…

“Hey Mom,” Tia yells again.

“Yes.”

“Can we do handstands in heaven?”

Laughter ensues, but then I look in the rearview mirror and see a very serious face.  She wants an answer.

“Well, I don’t see why not,” I say.

“I think you’ll be able to do all the gymnastics you want in heaven,” Lee answered.

“Hey Mom, LOOK!” Landon screeches from his seat.

“What?!”

“I saw a kangaroo back dere by da road.”

You saw a kangaroo?!”

“Yeah!  Turn around.  Mom, turn around,” he’s quite serious.

Lee looks back at him.  “Did you see a kangaroo back there buddy?”

“Yeah!” He cries.

“Was it a real kangaroo?” Sloan asks craning his neck.

“No.  It was pwetend.  It was a pwetend one, Dad.”

And then we were home.

Who says riding in the car is boring?

Compassion International: Tell Us Your Story

It is no secret that I love Compassion International.  Sponsoring a child has been such a great experience for our family.  Our kids love to talk about our sponsored child, Jonri, and what he’s doing.  We love to receive letters in the mail with a picture he’s drawn.  And there is no sweeter prayer than that of our four year old daughter: “Deaw Dod.  Pwease be wif Jonwi an helwp him know about You.”

Let’s all say it together…Awwwwwww.

So when I received an email today from the Compassion team asking if I would join with others to tell my own story of how I was impacted as a youth and how the praise and love poured into me by an adult has shaped me into who I am, I quickly jumped at the chance.  First the premise:

Wess Stafford, President of Compassion, shares the “Tell Us Your Story” idea here.  You can read his words and his encouragement, or you can watch the video.  The basic idea of it is that all of us have been impacted in some way or another by someone in our past.  Whether positive or negative, we are all a product of our youth.  So what or who shaped you?  Who are you today and what led you to that point?

In thinking back to the many adults who have poured into my life in the past, I realized how deeply blessed I have been and how much encouragement I received in my formative years.  But when I thought about who I am today and what weighs most heavily on my heart, one specific incident came to mind that forever altered and shaped who I have become.  Here is my story:

“You have a real knack for languages,” he told me as I sipped my cup of hot tea.  I was freezing….the kind of cold where you can no longer feel your extremeties.  We were in a pizza parlor in Red Square, right in the heart of Moscow.  I was fifteen.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I mean you hear the sounds really well and you repeat them perfectly.  You should study russian.  You could come live with Helen and I.”

Five years later, I did just that.

Sergei Petrochenko was the interpreter for the squirrley group that made up our missions team on my first trip to the former USSR.  I shared with you how I wound up taking that trip and the man responsible for it here.  Gary Varner is another person I can quickly point to who spoke wisdom and grace into my life as a youth and drastically shaped who I am today.

Sergei and his wife Helen were young and adorable and I shared an immediate connection with them.  Maybe it was because I took such an interest in their language.  Perhaps it was because the moment I stepped off the plane I fell in love with their country.  It’s likely because when God Himself knit me together He placed a special place in my heart for that area of the world.  It was ordained from the beginning of time.

As Sergei and I stood and ate pizza, a dirty, wild looking man approached our table.  He held out dirt encrusted hands and mumbled something in russian.  I looked at Sergei who studied him closely then gestured his hands toward our unfinished pizza.  The man mumbled Spaseeba, grabbed two slices and quickly exited the building.  I looked curiously back at Sergei who for a solid week had engrained in all of our heads never to feed someone who came begging.

“Why did you give him food?” I asked.

“Because he needed it,” Sergei replied matter of factly, taking another sip of his tea.

“How did you know?”

“He had russian eyes,” Sergei replied.  And that was the end of the conversation.  It is a brief moment in my life that I have never forgotten. 

Fast forward five years.  I am twenty years old and I am spending a semester in Kiev, Ukraine with Helen and Sergei studying russian.  It turns out Sergei was right.  I did have a knack for languages and I had fallen in love with the nuances of russian.  It was during my four month stint in Kiev that I experienced another defining moment…and this moment was a direct result of the pizza parlor conversation with Sergei five years earlier.

I was on a taxi bus when I noticed an old man laying in a busy street.  He was close to the sidewalk, but fully on the road and he looked injured.  I tossed money at the cab driver and jumped out of the van, dodging cars as I dashed across the street.  I knelt down in front of the man, who smelled of liquor and had a deep gash on his forehead.

Pomogeetya, Podjalusta, he wept.  Help me.

I pulled off my scarf and pressed it to his head and began yelling for help.  And people just passed me by.  They looked right at me as they walked by on the sidewalk.  Two younger men laughed at me as they passed.  I heard one of them say to the other, “Stupid American.  He’s drunk.”

But as I looked into his eyes, I knew there was more to the story.  This wasn’t a man who stumbled in a drunken stupor into the road.  He had the “russian eyes” that Sergei had mentioned.  Eyes that conveyed a true sense of need, of pain, of desperation.  Yes, by the smell I could tell he had been drinking, butsomehow I knew that wasn’t what caused his fall.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, someone stopped and offered help.  In my broken russian I told the story as an ambulance drove up to us.  They loaded the man into the back of the truck and whisked him away…I never even knew his name.  The man who helped me shook my hand and introduced himself.  Pavel.  He spoke english.

“The man was robbed.  He said he was in the street for much time.  Why did you stop?”

I shrugged and offered the only explanation I had – “He had russian eyes.”

He looked at me for a moment, nodded, then turned and walked away.

I have the distinct blessing of having been poured into by many, many people over my lifetime.  A few names of the people who have impacted me: Gary Varner, Robert Burkhart, Mrs. Baumbach, my high school Liturature teacher who told me I had a gift with words, Richard and Candy Martin, the list could go on and on…

But Sergei Petrochenko’s words when I was fifteen set me on a path that God created me for from time’s inception.  Because of Sergei’s words my children are learning russian, my husband and I are praying about how we can have an impact in Russia as a family, how we can minister to orphans, if we should even adopt an orphan.  The last time I heard from Sergei was December 30, 1998.  After I came back to the States he and Helen divorced and I lost track of him.  How my heart longs to see him again.  How I yearn to show him the impact he had in my life…to introduce him to my children and let them show off their language.  I hold out hope in my heart that God has that reunion planned for someday…

Words have a powerful and life altering effect.  They can change a life for the worse…but, as in my case, also for the better.

How were you impacted as a youth by the words of an adult?  If you feel so inclined, please share your story.  I would really love to hear it.

I Said “A Boom Chicka Boom…”

This post has nothing to do with that title – I have just really wanted to title a post that for a long time now…

Actually, this post really has to do with nothing at all.  You’re ripe with excitement to read further aren’t you? 

Maybe I should do an entire post of one liners.

So there was this blogger who walked into a bar…

Nah.

We’re T – four days and counting until the big trip.  I’ve had some freak out moments in the last few days, the biggest being when I realized that we might have to cut Hallstatt out of the itinerary.  My Hallstatt.  My preciousssssss

I fretted and fraught (fraught?) and worried and moped.  But it was a reality that we had planned way more than we could probably feasibly accomplish in our short time over there.  And I really didn’t want to cut out Tuscany.  Something had to go.  Until…wait a minute.  Maybe not.

What it boiled down to is this: We need to be flexible.  We I need to be willing to cut out Hallstatt if it becomes apparent that there is just no way we’re going to make it all the way there and still have time to book it down to Tuscany.  And so I still have hope, my friends.  You see, the goal is to try and stay off of the AutoBahn (and Autostrada) as much as possible.  We want to explore and get the flavor of the land.  We want to round a curve and be looking down at a village nestled in the mountains.  This means that it will take longer to travel.  But it also means we’re going to have an adventure.

And if we miss Hallstatt, we’ll just have to go back, right?  Deal!

Moving on…

See?  More one liners.  There is always room for one liners.

Too bad these aren’t the funny kind of one liners.

They’re kind of boring actually…

Ah well.

Sloan woke up with a low grade fever tonight.  I gave him some Tylenol and piled him back in bed where I hope he’ll wake up fever free for school tomorrow…because I’m that mom.  If you’re not dying, you’re going, kiddo. 

We’ll see. 

We will also be buying Emergen-C in bulk tomorrow.  And Zinc.  And Echinacea.  I will not come down with a fever on my dream vacation.  Oh, and to our parents who are splitting kid duty for the ten days while we are away: I’m so, so sorry.  Here’s to hoping whatever Sloan has doesn’t spread.  Or maybe he doesn’t have anything.  Here’s to hoping that.

Speaking of Sloan – he and I had a duke it out, we-might-not-make-it homework session tonight.  I won.  Barely.  We’re having this minor issue with child #1 in that every.single.time we bring him to the table to do homework, he brings along a massive chip on his shoulder.  He is heaping with sass these days and it’s never more apparent than when he is under educational duress.  It is especially evident when it comes time to do russian homework. Ay-yay-yay.

When it was all said and done and that which could have been completed in twenty minutes was finally finished after an hour of sweat and tears (no blood, thankfully) I felt defeated and dejected.  Now that I know he is running a low grade fever I feel a little better, but the truth is – homework is often painful.

But, just before bed, Sloan grabbed my hand and led me back to our bedroom and sat me down on the bed.  “We need to have a little talk,” he said.

“I had a bad attitude tonight and I was just angry and upset and sometimes russian is really hard and I feel like I can’t do it.  But I didn’t act right.  I wasn’t ‘quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry’ and I’m sorry.  Will you forgive me?”

He did that on his own.  Without any prompting.

My heart is still a little gooey.  Of course I was quick to offer my forgiveness and apologize for my lack of patience.  Amends were made and we agreed to work as a team to make homework more fun.  It is moments like those that I truly, truly love being a parent.  Sure it’s cool when they hit a home run or draw you a picture, but when they exhibit a heart attitude that you have worked so hard to help shape and mold?  That is when parenting is most rewarding.  Just when I felt like I was the worst mom ever and totally incapable of successfully parenting that boy, he reminded me that his sweet little heart is full of gold nuggets just waiting to be dug up and harvested.

Do you harvest gold?  Did I just mix metaphors?

So yes…parenting is wicked hard.  But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I wouldn’t even trade it for Hallstatt, Austria.

I Said “A booma ticka rocka ticka rocka ticka boom!”

The End.

Post edit: Sloan woke up fever free this morning and he happily skipped to school (well, happily skipped onto the school bus anyway).  Whoop!

Where Two Or More Are Gathered

10I was fifteen years old.  A sophomore coming out of a time of rebellion.  I was dealing with a lot of questions and deep hurts.  Some of the questions are still unanswered, some were the creation of youthful immaturity.  But the fact remains, my soul was ripe for harvest.

I was approached one Sunday afternoon about an upcoming mission trip to the former Soviet union with an organization called Student Venture.  “Would you like to come?” he asked.

I blinked.

“Let me ask my parents,” I replied.

How does one ask her parents if she can go to the former USSR for Spring Break? 

Turns out, I didn’t have to do much convincing.  My parents were not only supportive but were quite excited for me to take this trip.  I am indebted to them for their willingness to push my brother and I to experience life to the full. 

And so it came that in March of 1994, I embarked on a journey that would forever alter the course of my life.  And the man who led me on that journey was Gary Varner.  For two weeks, Gary led our team through the streets of Belarus, and on a side trip to Moscow.  Because we were not that far removed from the dismantling of the Iron Curtain, we were treated like rock stars.  It was baffling and exhilerating to be followed and clung to.  We visited schools and shared the Gospel of Christ, we put on night time events, we made friends, we traveled on public trams and buses, we visited Lenin’s tomb and stood before St. Basil’s cathedral, we played wicked April Fool’s day pranks and we laughed much but slept little.

I came home a changed young woman.  Suddenly life was no longer about me.  And I knew I would be back.  Not just because I felt an odd kinship to that area of the world, but because I couldn’t imagine a better way to serve, learn and grow than under Gary’s leadership.

Two more times, I returned to the former USSR with Gary and his wife Carol.  They became a guiding force in my life, pouring countless hours into my development as a young woman.  They prayed for me and with me.  They held me accountable and challenged me.  And they were a grand example of living out the calling of God with passion and zeal. 

I grew such a passion for that area of the world, in fact, that I decided to minor in Russian in college.  I even lived in Ukraine for a time, studying the language and reveling in a culture that has become like a second home to me.  Today, my children are learning Russian.

All of this because Gary took notice of my yearning heart and poured into me as a fifteen year old.  He didn’t have to.  He could have passed me over, assuming me too spiritually immature for such a trip.  But he didn’t.  He believed in me and he continued to encourage me throughout those very confusing years called adolescence.

Over the years, as life ebbed and flowed, I lost contact with Gary and Carol on a regular basis.  We kept up via the cyber world and through mutual friends and I learned how Gary’s ministry in Russia grew and expanded.  For some reason, the door never really opened for me to go on another trip with Gary.  Part of that was my fault – I let the business of life convince me that taking off on a mission trip for two weeks was simply too difficult.  Part of it was simply circumstances.

This past November, Gary was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer.  And he has been in a fight for his life since that moment.  A few weeks ago, I had the privilege to see my former mentor again – to soak up his wisdom and wit in person once more.  And I realized how much I had missed him.  And in the three hours that I spent sitting in Gary’s living room, he blessed me in a most profound way.

The cancer, and the treatment required to fight this particular brand of disease, has left him in a lot of pain and with little ability to do much other than sit, think and pray.  And, of course, pour into the hearts of those who come to see him.

When my friend Lindsey, who was with me visiting Gary, asked him what his times with the Lord have been like he stopped and thought.  “I can tell you what they haven’t been,” he said with a smile.  “I determined from the moment I heard the diagnosis that I would not ask God ‘Why.‘  It’s not my position to question the Sovereignty of the God of the Universe.  And to be quite honest, God doesn’t owe me any explanation.”

I’ve mulled over Gary’s words quite a bit in the last couple of months.  And I have fought the urge to ask the question myself.  But Gary is right.  God is Sovereign.  I don’t understand Him.  I’ll never understand Him.  For all of eternity, I will be in awe of Him.  So who am I to question His Sovereignty?

This Sunday, June 27  has been deemed an International Day of prayer for Gary Varner.  For over twenty years, Gary served overseas, working with orphans, teenagers, newlyweds, and the elderly.  He has been the hands and feet of Christ and the thousands who have directly benefited from his sacrificial love want to gather now on his behalf.

Would you consider joining with us in prayer for Gary this Sunday? 

Here are a few ways you can pray:

  • Pray for a miraculous healing of Gary’s body.  Medically speaking, the kind of cancer that Gary has doesn’t look good.  But we serve a God who is the Great Physician – the Gentle Healer.  May we pray with boldness, placing our urgent request before Him.
  • Pray for Gary and his wife Carol as they deal with the stresses of chemotherapy.  The regiment Gary is on now is brutal - pray for strength to endure.
  • Pray for Gary’s children.  His son, Lt Clayton Varner is currently stationed in Iraq.  Pray for his safety and return to the US in August.  Gary’s daughter, Jessica, is currently serving in Athens, Greece with Campus Crusade for Christ.  Pray for her safety and protection in that unstable environment.
  • Pray that Gary, who is also an accomplished writer and author, would be able to finish the second installment of his popular novel.  Outside of missions, Gary has a deep love for writing, but the chemo has left him unable to finish his book.  Pray that he would have miraculous moments of clarity throughout his days to be able to release the creative giant inside.  As a writer myself, I know and understand how desperate it feels to have pent up creativity and no way to release it.

I’m sorry this post was so long, but my urgent and desperate hope is that thousands of people would unite and lift this man up on Sunday and that together we would all be partakers in God’s unfailing miracles.

If you would like to join the thousands who will be praying for the Varners, would you do me a favor and leave a comment letting me know?  I’d like Gary and Carol to have tangible evidence of the working and moving of the Spirit through the faithful prayers of many. 

Thanks everyone!

Random bits of information and a question

* Today is the day.  We’ve waited four months for this.  We’ve cried and labored.  We’ve thrown our hands up in frustration and cheered at small victories.  We’ve begged and pleaded and felt utterly desperate.  And today we will see if our hard work and efforts paid off. 

What, pray tell am I talking about?  Why – I am talking about Landon’s weigh-in!  Yes, we are going to see if he’s gained the 3/4 of a pound that the doctor wanted him to gain.  Given that he still eats only a few bites of food per day, I’m a little nervous.  But I think he’s gotten taller so I’m hoping that compensates for everything.

* Speaking of Landon, I love his hair long.  It’s so very cute the way it hangs in his eyes and bounces when he runs.  But the other day, I must admit I started to feel sorry for the him as he had to tip his head back to an uncomfortable angle just to see anything.  So I trimmed the front of his hair just slightly…

Slightly too much.  I’m going to need to take him in because now he looks like he has a mullet.  Remind me to never, ever, ever try and trim my children’s hair.    I really should know better…

* I’m sitting next to my daughter who is wearing the most adorable little bubble dress with her hair up in frilly bows.  I would take a pictures to show you, but I’m lazy and don’t feel like it – you’ll just have to trust me.  She is sugary sweet and looks like a little doll.  It never gets old dressing little girls.

* I’m still upset about the russian adoption situation and frustrated that no charges have been brought agains the woman who sent her adopted son back to Russian with a note pinned to his chest.  Why on Earth hasn’t she been charged?!  I don’t get it.  The child was legally hers, he was officially an American citizen and by the letter of the law, he was her son.  Does this mean when I’m having a particularly difficult day with my son, I can ship him to Russia without fear of repercussion?  Because, trust me, there are times when that sounds appealing…

The whole situation makes me angry.
* Lee and I took the kids to the local high school last night and ran the track with them.  It was really fun.  We sprinted, raced, jumped and laughed.  Lee strapped a parachute to his back for wind resistance.  He looks ridiculous while running with that thing, but it’s a great workout so he does it anyway. It was fun to watch to watch him use it until he ran past Sloan and the parachute caught the back of his head, yanking his feet out from under him and resulting in a fat lip.  Good times…

* We watched our two favorite shoes last night: Glee and LOST.  LOST did not disappoint.  Seriously, I think I’m going to go through withdrawls when that show ends this year.

Glee, however, was a little disappointing.  It was Madonna night so I expected big things.  It did make me laugh out loud several times (I love Sue Sylvester), but it also made me uncomfortable.  The whole high schooler’s dealing with sex thing makes me squirm.  Remember how I felt after seeing the movie Valentine’s Day? 

To Glee’s credit, they did handle it as well as I would expect a Hollywood produced show to handle it.  It was all about female empowerment and girls taking control of their bodies and not succombing to pressure.  So, you know, that’s good.

But as I watched all I could think was how in the world do parents with teenagers deal with shows like this?  Because I don’t know that I would want my kids watching that show if they were older.  And yet it’s such a piece of popular culture, I wouldn’t doubt that they would want to watch it.  So what would I do?  Would I let them watch it and then dialogue with them afterwards about what a healthy, godly view of sex is?  Or would I simply not let them watch it?  Parents with older children, give me your thoughts.  I really want to know.

Do shows like Glee that are light hearted and fun and uber-popular make parenting a headache?  Do you let your children watch them?  How do you handle these pieces of culture that bombard our kids with messages that aren’t enitrely healthy?

Do share!

On the Russian Adoption Situation

As a family who is seriously praying over and considering the possibility of international adoption (particularly from Russia or Ukraine – I’ve written about my love for the adoption process before here), we are following this story pretty closely.  It breaks my heart to read about this situation and I find myself frustrated and angry.

When any parent enters an adoptive situation, particularly with an older child as this one was, there is the potential for psychological or emotional issues.  Any child that has been neglected and virtually unloved for much of his life is going to have problems adjusting and accepting love.

If what the adoptive mother in this situation says is true, then I agree that the little boy she adopted had severe emotional problems and that she likely felt overwhelmed and incompetent to parent him.  But here’s the kicker:

YOU DON’T PUT A CHILD ON AN AIRPLANE WITH A NOTE PINNED TO HIS CHEST AND SHIP HIM BACK TO RUSSIA!!!!!!!

The absurdity of what she did is astounding.  This is a child – not a defective puppy or a ripped shirt that you can just return.  It’s a CHILD.  A child she agreed to parent, incidentally.  She never told her adoption agency of the problems she was having with her son. 

Her SON.  She adopted him.  He was her son.  In my mind, that is abandonment and she should be ashamed of herself. 

No.  She didn’t make anyone aware of the struggles.  She didn’t ask anyone for help.  She just shipped him back.  What did she think was going to happen?!  Did she think the Russian government would send her a thank you note?

Thank you, Madam, for your honesty and forthright thinking in this sensitive matter.  Of course, we would be happy for you to come over and take a look at our other children and find one that better suits your needs.  Perhaps a mild and meek little girl who will sit quietly and let you brush her hair all day long.

Ugh!  Can you tell this story has gotten me a bit riled up?

There are so many ways this woman could have handled this situation.  She could have given her adoption case worker a heads up, first of all.  She could have gotten counseling both for herself and for her son.  The fact is that she hadn’t even had this boy for a full year.  So no – I don’t think she put any effort into helping this child overcome his obvious issues.

There are even reports that in December, this woman told her adoption agency that she would like to adopt a second child from overseas – something she was discouraged from doing right away.  So clearly, this woman has an equal amount of problems and likely shouldn’t have adopted in the first place.

But what about the child she shipped back?  What happens to him now?  He’s branded as being violent and psychologically unstable.  He spent the first seven years of his life in a Russian orphanage and he is finally told he has a mother – someone who will love him unconditionally – and what does she do?  She abandons him.  Sends him packing.  What will this do to this precious boy’s heart?  It literally makes me sick to think of this little boy and what he’s been through.

And now, because of this woman’s foolish, careless and selfish decision, Russia has shut down adoptions to the U.S. until better regulations can be set in place.  I don’t blame them.  I just hope that this doesn’t destroy the trust forever.  I also hope that this doesn’t set into motion stipulations and regulations that are so impossible to meet that U.S. families will no longer be able to afford Russian adoptions.

The fact of the matter is that adoption is never to be taken lightly.  In my viewpoint, if you are called to adopt a child and a child is placed in your care, then that child was ordained for you by God just as your biological children were ordained for you by God.  I know not everyone probably holds that same viewpoint and it’s probably really easy to say that if you don’t have a problem child.  But I know many people who have adopted or fostered children from around the world who had severe emotional problems and I have seen the power of perseverence and love in the life of a troubled child.

Does that mean it was an easy road for those families?  Nope.  Not at all.  But they didn’t love their adopted child any less than they would have a biological child who had a difficult temperament.

If Lee and I choose to follow this route of adoption, we will, of course, pray that God spare our adopted child of severe emotional distress.  But I trust beyond a shadow of a doubt that should God choose to give us a child that is more difficult to parent, He will also equip us with the grace to parent the child well.

I could go on and on about this, but I think I should stop now before I break out in hives.  And I shall now climb off my soap box and carefully tuck it away once again…