Mature Woman My *BLEEP*

I went to the dermatologist the other because I’m having this little problem with my skin.  The problem?

My skin is breaking out worse than a prepubescent teen!  That younger looking skin we’re all looking for?  Yeah, I have it…but not in a good way.

I’m pretty sure I’ve never had breakouts like this before – ever.  And I have bad skin.  I’m chalking it up to severe hormonal imbalances.  Here is my completely unsubstantiated, non-scientific reasoning:

In the last ten years, I have either been on birth control pills or I have been pregnant.  In the nearly two years since I’ve had Landon, my body has had to figure out how to regulate itself.  And it’s failing miserably.

Actually, I hate being on birth control.  It makes me into a crazy lady.  I took the Pill for only 18 months after Lee and I got married, then stopped because I felt like a nut on it.  And eight months later, I had a baby in my belly.

After Sloan was born I didn’t take the pill again and 19 months after he came, I was pregnant again.  I got pregnant for a third time only 13 months after Tia was born.

And here I am, two years out of having my third child and my face is all wacked out, my stomach is acting weird and a whole host of other hormonal related issues are taking place. 

Awesome.

So I went to the dermatologist and I asked him for voodoo medicine that would make me all better.  Do you know what he told me?  Do you KNOW what he told me?!

“It’s your age,” he said, his eyes inches from my face.  “Generally the more mature woman has issues with breakouts along her jawline.”

I’m sorry…did you just say the more mature woman?!  The more maTURE WOMAN?

I am far too young to be described as the “more mature woman!”  No sir.  The more mature woman is in her sixties.  And that’s what I told him.  And he laughed, then shrugged and said maybe.

And then he saw that I wasn’t laughing – I was serious.  And he laughed again, but it was a more nervous laugh.  Then he said, “You know…it’s just a common problem I see for women in their thirties.”

Hmph…more mature woman.  Clearly he doesn’t know that I’m only 29 plus a couple of years.  Poor man.

Then he gave me my voodoo cream and out I went, my near two year old on my hip, to buy a miniskirt and a crop top, which the more mature woman would not wear but a young woman would!

Okay, I didn’t buy a miniskirt or a crop top, because I’m a wise YOUNG woman.  I merely took myself home and slathered on the aformentioned cream and waited for it to work it’s magic, while repeating to myself over and over:

You’re young, you’re young, you’re young, you’re young…

More mature woman my *BLEEP*

Incidentally, I really like my dermatologist.  He’s a very nice man.  Clearly a little misinformed, but nice nonetheless. 

Comments

  1. The NERVE!
    Don’t they teach them how to not hurt people’s feelings in medical school? Apparently not!

  2. Is there a possibility that you are pg with all these symtons????

  3. NO!!! There is not a possibility of that. If that were the case, I fear I might have to bury Lee…

  4. Anonymous says:

    Way to tell him Kelli, you are cracking me up!! Hope the voodoo cream works for ya. You know what tomorrow is right?

  5. Sorry I am your Anonymous up above!

  6. There is nothing like some post partum hormones to mess you up nice and good. I always thought once you got through puberty you were in the clear until menopause. But oh no, they say nothing about crazy pre, during and post pregnancy hormones. Right now I think my body is so desperate to get pregnant all my husband would need to do was make a sideways glance and bam, knocked up again.

  7. HA HA HA HA HA! Um,…you’d better watch out who you tell these stories to my dear. This is cannon fodder! Jeremy will be home in just a few weeks and you know he’ll be reading your blog…he he he he..Miss you! Still working out girls night. I think that Monday will be good.

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  1. [...] I, myself, have felt very sluggish lately.  And I’ve already told you about my severe hormonal imbalances, which are also causing stomach issues.  I need to detox my diet a bit and I need to help my [...]

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