No post today. I’m recovering from a wicked headache that’s left me feeling sluggish, tired and a fuzzy-brained. So for fun I give you the video Lee and I made last year.
We are such dorks.
Happy Monday, everyone!
From our family to yours
December 25, 2011 By 4 Comments
I pray you all had a lovely, wonderful Christmas filled with joy, laughter and maybe even a bit of silliness. Thanks for taking a journey with me this last year. We’ve covered a lot of ground and so many of you have walked us through this season of change. Seriously…thank you.
I bid you all drive forward in your minivans, proudly entering this new year with your heads held high and your back seats clean.
Here’s to another year of crazy!
The Debate of our Generation
March 6, 2011 By 15 Comments
I try to keep things light around here. I don’t like starting fights and I don’t like confrontation. I tried all of that some in the past and, honestly, wasn’t crazy about the drama that followed. So I stopped.
But this is not something that I can keep silent about any longer. I think this is an important issue that we should be discussing. I think it’s time we all took a deep breath and had a reasonable conversation like the grown ups that we are. This issue is very sensitive to some and I’m not sure that there’s a right or wrong answer, but I do know we need to discuss.
Watch the video and then let me know YOUR thoughts. How do you feel about this issue? This may be the debate of our generation so I want to hear what you have to say. And remember, we are all entitled to our own opinions. Don’t be afraid to share how you really feel. This is a safe place…
The day I questioned everything I knew to be true
October 25, 2010 By 9 Comments
Saturday night found Lee and I in the minivan, kids in tow, heading out to the mattress store to purchase two new mattresses. Never mind that the kids desperately needed them. Never mind that Tia’s mattress was so cheap that is was literally falling apart and becoming a potential hazard. Never mind that both mattresses had been peed on so many times they could be deemed a health code violation. Never mind any of those things. The fact is simply this:
I went out on Saturday evening to buy mattresses and thought it was fun.
Hi, my name is Kelli and I am a bona fide minivan mom.
Ah, but we haven’t even got to the best part of the story. What? Surely you know there would be more to this story than the fact that I had a hoot buying twin mattresses on a Saturday night, right? A hoot!
It was the incident that occurred when we returned home that sent my world aspinnin’. It started simple. We came home so Lee could drop the kids and I off and return to the mattress store to pick up our most exciting purchases. We had to remove the car seats and fold down the back seats and clean up a bit. And it was during this event that I began to question my entire identity.
The title of my blog is Minivans Are Hot. With the operative word being Hot. I know, I know…Minivan and Hot together in a sentence is an oxymoron. And most days I would beg to differ and would launch into a diatribe about how it’s sexy to be a mom and how minivan moms have it goin’ on and I would work my hardest to convince you that I was right. Until Saturday night…
What I found in the back seat of my minivan was anything but Hot. Let’s start with what I found under the seat, shall we? It was sticky…it was brown…it had flecks of leaves and dirt stuck to it. What was that?!
From there I removed the kids car seats to find enough dried, crumbled food to feed a small pack of wild baboons. It was sealed into the lining of the seat fabric and had to be scraped out with my fingernail. *heave* Don’t even get me started on what I found in their seats.
But the piece de resitance came when I crawled into the way back and looked inside the cup holder. It is here that I gasped, looked at my husband and exclaimed, “Gross! This is why minivans are NOT. HOT.” Then I clutched my chest with the gravity of my statement and fell in dramatic Disney Princess fashion onto the seat, the back of my hand against my forehead…
No I didn’t. That last part didn’t happen – mostly because I wouldn’t want to lay on those seats for $100. Maybe for $1000, though.
In the cup holder sat dried, crusted, molded bread. It appears my children are stock piling food in the back seat of our minivan in the event that a giant meteor should come crashing down to earth and we need to seek shelter inside the car for a significant amount of time. It also appears that they have eaten portions of a sandwich and then shoved the remaining portion in the cup holder and have, every day for who knows how long, been looking at this rotting sandwich and ignoring it.
It’s like I’m raising little cave people!
I promptly dug out the rot and marched to the trash can. My husband, sensing my impending melt down went dashing for the Shop Vac in the basement. Being the super hero that he is, he spent the next half hour sucking the muck out of our minivan while I went inside and lectured my children on the importance of throwing away rotten food. I also tried to talk myself out of changing my blog title from Minivans Are Hot to Minivans Are A Place Where Horrors grow Beneathe the Seats and in the Cupholders While You Yourself Obliviously Drive From Here to There Thinking You Are Looking Fine When Really You Are Controlling a Moving Science Experiment.
But in typical Hero fashion, my man came inside just as I was certain that my entire online identity was going to have to be realtered and yelled “Ta-Da!” I walked outside to see the seats clean (hey look! The fabric’s grey…) The cup holders clean…er. They still have a sticky substance that I can only assume will need to be chisled out at some point (probably just before we decide to sell the car). And it smelled much more pleasant too. It was actually quite nice in there.
I smiled at him and jumped into his arms. Small birds flitted about our heads as he spun me around and when we kissed little animated hearts floated up into the dusky sky.
Alright…that last part didn’t happen either. Sometimes I wish I lived in a cartoon.
Despite the cleanliness of my car, however, I couldn’t shake the fact that I had outwardly acknowledged the un-hotness of my minivan. And so I’m here to retrain my mind. And if any of you are having a hard time believeing that Minivans Are Hot like I am, then why don’t you join in with me as we repeat the mantra over and over.
Minivans are hot, minivans are hot, minivans are hot, minivans are not, minivans are not…
NONONONONO!!!!
Let’s try again.
Minivans are hot, minivans are hot, minivans are hot…
Do you believe it?
My Minivan is cooler than your Lexus!
October 20, 2009 By 6 Comments
Due to several car trips in the last few months, our minivan has taken a bit of a beating. Covered in dead bugs, splattered with mud and sporting the drop marks accrued during our deluge of rain last week, her sleek black exterior has lost a little bit of it’s luster.
It’s not often that one reads the words “sleek” and “luster” in the context of a minivan, I know.
So yesterday afternoon, I took my rockin’ hot minivan through a specialty car wash. You know, one of those car washes where actual humans scrub your car?
After pulling her loveliness into line, I got out and shopped around the convenience store for a few minutes before heading out to watch them remove the layers of dirt that had been holding her back all these weeks. And what did I find when I came out?
I found my minivan sandwiched between two Lexus’s (is the plural Lexi?) who were also being scrubbed to shiney perfection. Then a third Lexus pulled up, followed by a BMW and a fourth Lexus.
And finally, the Créme de la Créme – a gorgeous (and I’m not a car person) sports car pulled up and parked nose to nose with my van. I have no idea what brand it was, but it was somthin’ fancy, let me tell ya!
And guys, I kid you not, my van blushed and giggled when that thing parked in front of her.
And so, there I stood, the girl who brought her hoopty van to a class act party. I was the like the stray dog at a country club. The sore thumb. The minivan surrounded by Lexi!
I tried to play it all cool like this was only my day car, but you should see what I drive at night. But my mom garb didn’t help the situation – that being my unwashed hair, jeans, tennis shoes and puffer vest.
Oh, then there was the fact that I forgot to bring cash to tip the boys washing my car and had to scrounge for enough change to make it worth their while. I, my friends, am nothing if not classy.
The best part of the whole process, though, was watching the boys attempt to work my tricked out van. What she lacks in style she makes up in sheer awesomeness! I mean, hello! She has an automatic back hatch and one automatic side door, which I have child proofed, so the poor guys kept getting stuck inside the car when vacuuming because they couldn’t figure out how to open the door and got confused as to which was automatic and which was manual.
Good times.
And then, of course, there are the multiple – and I mean mul.ti.ple – scratches on the car from the kids running their bikes down the sides. Yep – that’s how I roll.
So when the guys finally finished her up and handed me the keys, I climbed inside my now sleek and lusterous minivan and started her up. Next to the purring sports car, she sounded like some sort mammoth as she roared to life.
And with that I held my head high, looked down upon the lowly sports car and I pulled out of Lexusland, driving her hotness off into the horizen. I hope everyone watching wasn’t too jealous…
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