I am continuing to revel in inspiration this week, as well as being blessed by friends who love me so much, they even work hard behind the scenes to surprise me. Jenni came to town for our trip – my dear friend who I’ve missed so much sacrificed time with her family, rented a car and drove here to meet us and did it as a surprise.

I am more than inspired – I am honored.

This quiche from the quaint little downtown area was lick the plate good.

Me. Honored and inspired and wearing my sassy hat.

It’s a horse with a fascinator!

Four women teeming with creativity, bravery and wicked humor.

Hope brimming

Filed Under: faith, Friendship, Grace, iPhone, Novel, Photography, Travel, writing Tagged With: California, Food, Good friends, Inspire, Novel, Photography, Writer's Retreat

It turns out “Inspire” has become the theme of our annual Writer’s Retreat.

How could I be uninspired in a beautiful place like this?

One can be inspired to create and one can be inspired to eat. In one day’s time I have been inspired to do both.

Thelma and Louise

Sweet Land of Liberty

Can I be so bold as to encourage you to find what inspires you and dive in?

Whether it be artistic or concrete, public or private, simple or complex – each of us was created with inspiration, a need to turn around and create something.

And when we give in to inspiration and creation in any form, we live life fully, impacting the world around us.

So go ye therefore and be inspired and I will do the same!

Over and out.

Filed Under: faith, iPhone, Life, Novel, Photography, Travel, writing Tagged With: Art, Beauty, California, Creating, Inspiration, iPhone Photography, Writer's Retreat

I’m off to California today for a week of writing and editing, creating and imagining, laughing and crying, eating and more eating.

It’s time for our annual Creative Weekend in the hills of Northern California, but this year the adventure grows as I’m flying into San Diego to meet my dear friend Wendy (remember how I told you everyone should have a Wendy? Everyone especially needs a Wendy in California – they are the best Wendy’s.) She and I will then travel up through the state of California to the lake house that has formed the backdrop for some of my greatest creating the last few years.

It’s totally Thelma and Louise, but hopefully without the cops, dramatic angst and the driving off a cliff business.

Although if Brad Pitt wants to drop in on the trip I will not complain. No I will not.

So that’s where I’m headed today. I’ll be writing from the lake and I look forward to the quiet, uninterrupted time to simply think and process.

You know who else is blogging from the field today? A new team of Compassion Bloggers. They leave for Nicaragua today and they will be writing their stories all week. Please jump on over to the Compassion Bloggers site and support those writers. It’s an emotionally draining process to take one of those trips and I can tell you that comments and prayer support and encouraging words are enormously sustaining so please consider backing them up as they craft word pictures of the beauty that Compassion creates from ashes.

Have a great week, everyone!

Filed Under: Compassion International, Life, Links, Ministry, Novel, Travel, writing Tagged With: California, compassion international, Creators, Girl's Getaway, Nicaragua, Novel, Travel, writing

Dreamy Little Worker

May 20, 2013 by Kelli

I’m busy working toward my dream of seeing my book published.

I am writing and editing and pitching and querying and editing and writing and reading and pitching.

I believe in this book.

I believe it has great potential.

I believe it needs work.

I believe it’s pretty dang good.

I believe it will be published.

It’s overwhelming, all the work that goes into making a dream come true.

But in the end….

While I keep working, please, please, please visit my friend Jenni’s website. She’s the one who took that spectacular photo of the yellow flowers.

Don’t you just want to reach right into the screen and pluck that gorgeous flower?

Jenni and her family are continuing on their year long journey around the United States.

Her pictures are inspired, but even more inspiring?

They are chasing their dream.

Do you have a dream you’re chasing?

Filed Under: Life, Novel, Photography, writing Tagged With: Avodah Images, Dare You 2 Move, dream chasing, Writing and Novel

The Words on my Desk

April 29, 2013 by Kelli

The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis – The best book I’ve read in a long time. It has totally rocked my faith and honestly saved me from a bout of bitterness at the present circumstances of life.

With God in Russia by Walter J. Ciszek, S.J. – The fascinating true story of Father Ziszek who was falsely accused in 1940 of being an American Spy and sentenced to hard labor in a Russian prison camp in Siberia. He would remain imprisoned for 23 years.

The Secrets of a Freelance Writer by Robert W. Bly – This book (or my version of it, anyway) is a bit outdated as it was printed before the boom of online social media, but it still gives practical tips for how we writers can actually make a little bit of money at this freelance gig. Because friends, I need a new computer. Mine is hobbling toward the finish line and really, at 745 in computer years, she’s lived a long, happy life. But it’s time for a replacement and before that can happen I need some money.

Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys by Stephen James and David Thomas – I haven’t started this one, but The MOB Society will be leading us through it during this month’s Book Club. Check it out if you want to be involved. I’m looking forward to it!

Bonhoeffer: Paster, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxes – I’ve been slowly making my way through this book. It’s wordy, but it is so, so good. It’s given me a GREAT glimpse into the world of Nazi Germany, which has helped further bolster the historical nature of my own novel. In addition, the story of Bonhoeffer’s life is challenging and fascinating.

How to Write a Book Proposal by Michael Larsen – The time has come for me to get down to the dirty business of getting my book published and part of that process is writing a book proposal. This is not the fun part of the process, I might add, but it is necessary.

Write the Perfect Book Proposal by Jeff Herman and Deborah M. Adams – See above.

So that’s what I’m reading. How about you? What words are sitting on your desk top, or beside your bed, or on your couch or kitchen countertop or wherever it is that you get lost in a book?

Filed Under: books, Novel, writing Tagged With: books, C.S. Lewis, My Eclectic Taste, reading, writing

The Peace and Comfort of Art Created

April 24, 2013 by Kelli

I am deep in the trenches of editing my book, which is more overwhelming than it sounds. As I read through it a second time, this time with the words of those who have read and offered constructive criticism, I find myself swallowed in the process. It is equally daunting and peaceful.

In the background, the Mozart station plays on Pandora filling my mind with the peace and comfort of art created. I love the way the notes mold and push and swell and fall and each have their place.

My mind still feels full and twisted and confused by all that has happened over the last few months. Sometimes I feel like a lost little puppy. But when I stop thinking and start creating, peace takes over and wraps me tight. I just re-read these words from my novel. They were spoken by a father who had to let go of his son. I wrote this two years ago, but I needed to read again it today.

“Pain is an interesting emotion. It’s more than physical, though it certainly manifests itself in physical ways. As I hug my son for the last time, my arms physically ache as though the muscles are tearing from the bone. And when I pull back and look into his brave but tear filled eyes, I feel my heart rip.

I think I even hear it.

I won’t get that piece of my heart back. And that is the interesting thing about pain. It never leaves you. Sometimes it dulls and other times you may feel healed, but pain always leaves a mark – a scar as a reminder that life and love aren’t free. Pain changes everything.”

©Kelli Stuart, April 2013

I hope I don’t sound terribly angsty and sad. I’m not – in fact, right now in this moment I am enormously satisfied. I still feel unsure of what tomorrow will bring, but today is alright.

Today there is peace in the process of creating.

And there is Mozart.

And…well, I can’t lie – there’s also some coffee and a little bit of chocolate involved.

So tell me friends – how do you all find peace and calm when life feels twisty and unsure?

Filed Under: faith, Novel, writing Tagged With: contentment, faith, Grace, Novel, Peace, writing

On writing and grief and finishing that book

March 26, 2013 by Kelli

I finished my initial read through of the book last night. My first reaction? Thank God it’s not too bad. I’ve never done this whole writing a 450 page novel thing. This is my first rodeo, so I didn’t know what to expect. Couple that with the fact that it’s been almost three years since I started this draft of the book and you have a writer who’s a bit nervous.

I wrote the beginning of the book a long, long time before I wrote The End. What if it didn’t connect?

Now admittedly, there are a few gaps to be worked out and the ending needs some sharpening. I wanted to finish so badly that my fingers were literally flying over the keyboard. It took me a little over two years to write the first 150 pages of that books. It took me just shy of 9 months to write the final 300 pages.

The story finally came tumbling out.

In a lot of ways, the book writing process very much mirrors a birth process. Only, honestly, I think it’s mentally and emotionally harder to write a book than have a baby.

I am connected to this story in a way that no one else will ever really understand. The characters became real to me. I dream about them at night. I hear their voices in my head. It all sounds so strange, but it’s not unlike the connection I felt to my unborn children.

I knew them before I saw them. I dreamed of them. I was connected to them in a way no one else could be, because they were a part of me.

Parts of my story are connected to this story. I used to feel a little ashamed and embarrassed about how long it took me to write this book, but I realized in the last week as I read through it that I needed to take that time. There are parts of this story that I could not have written if I hadn’t had the experiences I had.

I needed to experience childbirth and motherhood.

I needed to experience the heartache of losing the hope of a child.

I needed to experience the darkness of depression.

Friends, the last few months have been very, very hard. I’ve tried not to overdo the drama of it all on the blog, but I have not been in a good place. I am always right on the edge of an emotional breakdown. Most of the people who see me on a regular basis know this all too well as I basically cry at the drop of a hat.

In truth, I hardly remember the month of January. It’s as though that entire month has been blocked from my subconscious. I have never felt more alone or experienced a deeper pain than I did in that month. I couldn’t eat, I was in a constant state of fatigue and I lived from moment to moment in a fog of emotional pain.

Feburary is a bit brighter, but the memory of that month is shrouded in fog. That was the month I began to process my heartache – to share it and open up about the depths of the pain I felt.

March has been a little better, but the wound is still fresh and the grief can be set off at any moment.

And in these two and a half months since grief crashed down on me, I’ve written 175 pages. The words poured out and they became cathartic and brought about healing in an almost beautiful way. I transferred my grief to my characters, people who were experiencing a darkness much deeper than my own.

I don’t know if I wrote the story well, but I do know that writing the story helped me heal.

Writing a book requires that you pour your heart out. It’s hard and long and arduous and painful, but in the end, a sort of life is birthed from the process. Your hard work produces a miracle. A piece of you is transferred to the outside and you have a tangible evidence of the labor and pain.

It is, indeed, like the birth of a baby…if you were birthing a baby while running a marathon and spinning plates on a long, tall stick. The metaphor gets convoluted – roll with it.

I’ve passed my book out to my first round of test readers. I have several people lined up waiting to read it and I’m both excited and terrified. I know it needs work, but I also believe in the potential of the story. There are edits to comb through and rewrites to prepare for. There are holes to fill and there’s probably more research to be done.

(Oh sweet mercy, how I hate research. Can I just take a brief moment to tell you how many times I wished I had been given something easier to write about? Why couldn’t I just make up my world and my people? Historical fiction?! Oy…)

But all of that is okay, because there is still room for healing in my heart. The world isn’t dark and lonely anymore, thanks to a few people who have stepped up beside me and begun walking through the grief with me, and also thanks to the process of pouring my heart out to the story that I was given.

I needed to write this story at this time – to give birth to the characters in this way. Soon I pray I will have the opportunity to introduce this book to the world, but for now I covet your prayers as I begin editing. I long to present a book of excellence – a story that brings honor not to my name, but to the God who entrusted me with these stories.

Will you pray with me?

Filed Under: books, faith, Grace, Novel, writing Tagged With: Depression, faith, Grace, grief, healing, Novel, writing

Spring Break Photo of the Day: The End

March 11, 2013 by Kelli

The End

The END

THE END!

THEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD!

I finished my book last night.

Over ten years of research – of starting and stopping, writing and tossing.

Tears.

Sweat.

Blood.

(Literally. I’ll tell you sometime about the day I fell flat on my face in Kiev…while five months pregnant. Good times…)

454 Pages.

139, 743 words.

THE END.

What am I going to do now?

I’m going to Disney World! The kids and I leave today and yes…I think this week is going to be magical.

Because I finished.

Filed Under: Novel, Spring Break, writing Tagged With: book, Dreams come true, Finished, Novel, writing

The End is Nigh…

February 11, 2013 by Kelli

If we were dating, I would tell you it’s not you, it’s me. I would hold your hand and tell you that we’re not breaking up – I just need a little space. I need some me-time.

That’s what I would say if we were dating.

Friends, I am *thisclose* to finishing my book. The first draft, that is. Serious edits loom before me like a massive thundercloud waiting to suck me into its vortex. I am slightly nervous, but mostly I am excited because I AM *THISCLOSE* TO FINISHING MY BOOK!

I wrapped up one character’s story a couple of weeks ago. Another character is on her way to redemption, a third character is approaching an impasse of faith and the fourth character needs only to fight to survive. I know where they’re going and, quite honestly, some days I just can’t get my fingers to type it all out fast enough.

I can’t really focus on writing well here and finishing over there so I will be writing less here until I have brought each character to where they need to go. I’ve read before of authors who grow attached to their characters as though they are real people. As crazy as it sounds, I get that. I owe it to these characters to finish their stories.

I owe it to the hundreds of World War II veterans who shared their very real stories with me both in person and through letters.

I owe it to the country that holds a large piece of my soul.

I owe it to my husband and children who have been encouraging me to accomplish this goal for a long, long, looooonnnngggg time.

I owe it to the numerous friends and family members who have cheered me on and who have waited patiently as I wade through this novel writing process like a slug in molasses.

I owe it to all of you who have read the sneak peeks and who now wait to read the missing pieces!

I owe it to the God who planted this idea and love in my heart and gave me the story to tell. Oh how I pray I do it justice.

I told you before I won’t be sharing anymore of the novel with you here. I was tempted today, but I resisted. I want you to read their stories in their entirety so you can love these characters with me. I want you to hope for redemption as I have hoped for it. I want you all to join me on this awesome journey.

I take a huge chance in putting all of this out here. Believe me, I feel the pressure of sharing this with you, because what if this book sucks? What if you all get it and start reading and end up tossing it aside in disgust and ultimately using it to balance a wobbly table? The thought makes me cringe.

I suppose every author feels this way at some point. Perhaps us first time novelists feel this pressure more, but I don’t think this fear is unique to me. There is a great risk in laying your heart out for the world to read. There is a great chance to be taken when you work as long as I have on a single work and you lay it before the public for scrutiny.

But I keep going back to the fact that this book has chosen me and I have poured all of my heart and emotion into it. I long to tell these stories in a true and authentic way and to be excellent in my portrayal of the people and history that hold my heart.

So I’m not breaking up with you. I’m really not. I’ll still be popping in and I’ve got more stories to share. But today – this week – this month – there are people who need my attention a little bit more.

Wait for me?

(This is the part where I’d give you an awkward but friendly hug to let you know that we’re all good and we will always be friends.)

Filed Under: Blogging, Novel, writing Tagged With: book, Finishing Strong, Novel, writing

A final sneak peek

October 23, 2012 by Kelli

I haven’t written many of my trademark witty posts lately. I’m sorry about that. I tried to think of something funny to write about today, but I got nothin’.

Actually, I have several things…but I can’t share them. The kids are at the ages where they get all embarrassed and mortified at the thought of me sharing anything about them. I mean, SHEESH! Don’t they know we’re living in the technical age when all of life is lived under a bowl and nothing is left private?

They’re holding me back, they are.

Please note the sarcasm. I do not want any nasty notes about how I need to respect my children and guard their privacy.

Anyhoo, the kids have done and said and written some HI-LAAAAA-RIOUS things as of late. But alas, I will not share it with the world because there will be plenty of opportunity for me to drive my children to a counselor’s office, but oversharing their childhood will not be one of them.

So I’m not really feeling that funny today. I do have a couple of ideas rolling around, though, so stay tuned. I’ll make you laugh again, dear readers. I will make you howl with delight, roar in helpless hysterics, chuckle with amused glee.

Or I will bore you to death.

Today I am going to give you one last sneak peek at the novel. This is the last time I’ll let you see what I’m writing until the finished product is in your hand. I don’t want to give too much away. I want to leave you hanging a bit. To recap, here are the teasers I’ve already let you read:

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can

Another Peek

Okay, so the final peek? Are you ready? Here it is.

A little set up: A young man named Oleg has gone missing. Hans is a German soldier who has fallen in love with Luda. He is helping the family find out what happened to Oleg. I know it sounds confusing. You’ll just have to read the rest of the book to figure it all out!

Hans looks hard at me and I nod, squeezing his hand in reassurance. He nods back, then shifts his gaze to Alexei again.

“Oleg and the other prisoners are being forced to construct a secret hide out for Adolf Hitler. It is to be a place where war time operations are discussed and where Hitler can come to vacation and hide.”

“What?” Baba Mysa gasps and she sinks down into a chair next to her husband. Katya shrinks back against the wall, her hands still clutching her chin.

“Hitler is constructing a hideout in Vinnitsya?” Alexei says, his eyes wide with shock, anger and fear.

Hans nods. “This is top secret information among the ranks,” he says and together he and I sit across from Alexei and Baba Mysa. “They are calling the hiding place Werwolf, or Vervolfy.”

“When will it be completed?” Alexei asks.

“Very soon, I imagine,” Hans replies. “The prisoners are now digging underground tunnels which will work to allow Hitler the freedom to wander from one building to another without exposing himself outdoors. I’m told that Hitler is planning his first stay for July.”

“That’s just a couple of weeks away!” I exclaim and Hans nods soberly.

“There isn’t much time,” he says quietly.

“How is Oleg?” Baba Mysa asks. Her voice is tired and her eyes drawn. This week has aged her.

Hans looks at her closely and I see him judging how much he should admit. “He is tired,” he answers. “And I believe he is sick. All of the prisoners are sick.”

Everyone sits quietly for a moment as we ingest this news. Finally, I speak. “What are we going to do?” I ask.

Hans looks at me and grabs my hand, then he turns to the rest of the group. “I am going to get him out,” he answers. “If I don’t, Oleg will be killed.”

Alexei leans forward and pressing his elbows against the table looking hard at Hans. “They will kill all the prisoners when construction is complete, won’t they?” he asks and Hans nods slowly. Katya begins to weep softly and I feel my hands begin to shake.

“Will you be safe?” I ask.

“Stupid girl!”

We all jump at Katya’s outburst. She shoves herself away from the wall and lunges toward me. Alexei manages to catch her just before her fist hits my face. “You’re worried about this…this…GERMAN while my brother is being forced to build a hide out for the devil?! I hate you! I HATE YOU!”

Alexei drags his daughter from the room as she writhes and squirms in his arms. The tears fall hot against my cheeks and Hans wraps his arm around my shoulders protectively. In the background, I hear my son begin to wail.

“I will get the baby,” Baba Mysa says, standing up slowly. She looks at Hans closely. “I believe Luda, now,” she says. “You are a good man. Forgive my granddaughter’s emotions. Thank you for what you are doing.”

Hans nods and Baba Mysa moves quickly to retrieve Sasha.

“I’m sorry, Hans,” I cry. “I’m so sorry.”

“Ssshhh…” Hans whispers. “It’s okay. I understand. I know that Katya is upset and I believe she has the right to be angry at me. But I don’t like her anger at you.”

“I’m afraid of losing you,” I weep and I bury my face in his chest, his strong arms engulfing me in a tight embrace. “I’m so afraid.”

Hans lets me cry for a moment before pushing me back. He wipes the tears from my cheeks gently and offers a small smile. “I’m afraid, too,” he says. “Which is why I have to do what I’m going to do.”

The sound of his voice stops me cold and I look up at him closely. His eyes burn bright and his jaw is set firmly. “What are you going to do?” I ask.

“I’m going to free Oleg,” he answers. “And then I’m going to kill Adolf Hitler.”

©Kelli Stuart, October 2012