She is sugar and spice and everything nice, but she also has a bit of frogs, snails and puppy dog tails in her.
Or, you know, night crawlers.
Ugh…
Say It Enough, You'll Start to Believe It
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She is sugar and spice and everything nice, but she also has a bit of frogs, snails and puppy dog tails in her.
Or, you know, night crawlers.
Ugh…
Sloan: “Hey Mom! What if I had a fire bootie?”
Me: “Um…what?”
S: “What if I had a fire bootie? Then, if a dinosaur started chasing me, I could just toot and it would be like a rocket and I could get away.”
Me: *silence* There’s really no way to respond to that.
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Sloan: “Tia! Stop copying me.”
Tia: “Stop copying me.”
S: “Tia, stooooop.
T: “Tia, stooooop.”
S: “Mom, Tia is copying me.”
T: “Mom, Tia is copying me.”
Me: “Tia please stop copying Sloan. That bothers him.”
Tia: “Well I can’t help it. My bwain tells me to copy and I can’t say no to my bwain.”
Me: “Well, you’re gonna have to learn to say no to your brain, honey, or you’re gonna have a lot of trouble in life.”
Sloan: “Yeah. And some of that trouble will be with me.”
Someone tell me again…how long until school starts back up?
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Me to Landon: “What’s your name?”
Landon: “Bubba.”
Me: “No, what’s your real name.”
Landon: “Uuuhhh…Hey you Bubba?”
I swear we don’t go around calling that child ‘Hey You.’ Just want to make that clear.
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Tia: “Mom! Sloan called me a wowyer.”
Me: “A what?”
Tia: “A wowyer.”
Me: “What’s a wowyer?”
Sloan: “A lawyer, mom. I called her a lawyer.”
Me: “Oh. That’s not a bad name, Tia.”
Tia: “Yuh-huh. He said it mean and he said I’m a big, fat wowyer.”
Me: *sigh* “Sloan, don’t call your sister a lawyer, please.”
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Tia: “Mom, I weawy, weawy, weawy wish I was a boy.”
Me: “Why?”
T: “So I can stand up to go potty and so I can carry guns.”
Me: “Well I can’t help you with the potty thing – that’s just how you were made. But girls can carry guns just like boys.”
Tia: “They can?”
Me: “Sure.”
Tia: “Can I have a gun for my birfday? A weal one?”
Me: “No.”
Tia: “But I fought you said girls tan carry guns?”
Me: “Pretend guns, honey. Sloan doesn’t even have a real gun.”
Tia: “Yuh-huh. He said he could shoot me dead wif it.”
Me: “Sloan! Come here please.”
Our wedding reception was a heck of a party. If I had to do my wedding over again, there are only two things I’d change. Number one – the videographer. They edited a bunch of footage out (who edits out footage of someone’s WEDDING!) and included some seriously cheesy background effects.
Seriously.
When Lee and I kissed after cutting the cake, they freeze framed us and the background turns to fireworks with wonky elevater music playing.
Ser.i.ous.ly.
Number two – I’d have an evening wedding. We scheduled our wedding for 2:00, which means that people began leaving the reception way before I was ready to leave. I wanted to keep dancing, keep partying, keep enjoying all of my very favorite people gathered in one place.
But as the crowd began to dwindle, Lee and I realized we needed to make our grand exit or there would be no one left to see us off. Except, of course, for our wedding party of eighteen (who were contractually bound to do our bidding for however long we deemed it necessary).
So we prepared to leave. But not, of course, before deciding to head outside to see what kind of damage had been done to our getaway car. It was at that moment that my dad pulled us aside and told us to look outside the picture window at the Country Club grounds.
“That’s how you’ll be leaving today,” he said with a wicked little grin. Our reaction?
Sitting 100 hundred yards out on the expansive green lawn was a helicopter waiting to whisk us around the Arch and drop us off downtown. That…was a good surprise.
So we prepared to leave. But I didn’t want to leave. So instead of running through the crowd of bubble blowing guests, we slowly meandered our way down, hugging everyone along the way, me crying like an ugly gopher…again. I was terribly, terribly emotional.
To be honest, I don’t remember much about the helicopter ride. Again because I was crying! Sheesh. Poor, sweet Lee. I managed to pull myself together by the time we got to the Arch though and my new husband no longer had a look of panic on his face as my tears subsided.
We headed out to the San Juan islands the next day for our honeymoon where we kayaked, sailed and hiked for a week. The hiking would prove to be one of our first memory moments together as man and wife.
Our resort was nestled roughly a mile from the base of Mt. Constitution. Three days into our trip, we decided to hike Mt. Constitution. So we called the concierge and set everything up. They would drop us off at the base and we’d make the trek up the hill moutain. Our driver asked us, before dropping us off, if we were sure we wanted to hike the mountain. We smiled and thanked him for his concern and assured him that we were indeed able bodied adults who were capable of climbing a little moutain.
His concern should have been our first red flag. The second red flag came about twenty minutes into the hike, when we were still making our way to the actual base of the mountain (turns out he dropped us off about a mile away…nice) and a camper asked us what our plans were for the day.
“Oh, we’re going to hike Mt. Constitution,” we replied, all bright eyed.
“Wow,” she said. “That’s ambitious.”
We rolled our eyes and went on our merry way. See? Look how happy I was.
One hour into the hike, I started to get a little tired. “I didn’t realize we’d be walking at a 90 degree angle the whole time,” I huffed to Lee.
“It’s a mountain!” he responded. “What did you think?”
“I dunno. I guess I just thought it’s be a leisurely stroll.”
Two hours into the hike we ran out of water. And pretzels. Because we’d only packed one bottle and a small baggie. Because we’re from the midwest. It honestly never occurred to us that climbing a mountain would be difficult. Not once.
Three hours into the hike we were starting to get angry. Surely we had to be close to the top. We finally saw more human life coming down the hill mountain – it was our first human contact since “ambitious” woman.
“Are we close to the top?” I asked, trying not to look like I was dying, though indeed, I was.
The guy laughed. He laughed.
“You’ve got another mile and a half at least,” he said with a grin, drinking his bottle of Evian. Punk hiker with his punk water…
And so on we hiked, and we hiked and we hiked. And just when we didn’t think we could take another step there was a clearing in the trees. With a surge of energy, we powered forward and burst through as if we were charging the gates of heaven itself. And we found ourselves looking over a breathtaking scene. We had done it. We were 400 yards from the summit.
We reveled in the beauty for a few minutes before turning and walking to the viewing area at the top of the mountain. As we rounded the corner, I gasped.
“There is a parking lot up here!” I exclaimed. “And cars are in it!”
“You can drive up here?” Lee asked. “Why didn’t anyone tell us this?!” It took several minutes for us to get over the fact that we could have just had the driver drop us off at the top rather than go through the pain and toil of hiking the 4.5 miles. I imagine the driver laughed all the way back to the resort.
We looked over the edge of the viewing platform for a few minutes, then I turned to Lee and informed him that I would not be walking back down the hill mountain. We had dinner plans in three hours and I knew there was no way we’d make it in time. So Lee did what any respectable new husband would do.
He hitched us a ride.
We hopped in the back of a pick up filled with retirees who were beyond thrilled to help out a couple of naive newlyweds. And we did indeed make our dinner reservation on time.
And that, my friends, was the last time Lee and I climbed a mountain.
To read the rest of our love story, click here.
Thank you, Pixar and Disney, for making me a blubbery, sobby mess. Thank you for gently forcefully ripping my heart from my chest and using it to play ball for 109 minutes. Thank you for making me so emotional that my husband, when asking what I thought about the movie, had to make a hasty retreat as tears shot out of the corners of my eyes like daggers.
Thank you, Pixar and Disney, for Toy Story 3.
I took my kids yesterday to see the final installment of the Toy Story saga. It’s been 15 years since I saw the first Toy Story. I was a senior in high school. Now I’m a mom of three. And the message of this movie was not at all lost on me. Especially given the fact that Tia sat on one side of me clutching her beloved Lovey Bear and Landon sat on the other, his Sock Monkey nestled snug beneath his arm. I couldn’t help but look at those two little toys, both so loved and content at this moment. What will it be like in fifteen years when they are cast off – no longer needed for comfort and companionship?
Excuse me for a moment while I go sob in the bathroom…
It didn’t even dawn on me when we left the house that they were carrying those toys with them to the theater to see a movie about the fate of beloved toys. But looking at my babies as Andy drove away on the big screen with his faithful companions left to watch his tail lights fade in the distance, I got so terribly emotional. It doesn’t help that I’m slightly hormonal, or that it’s been a tough week parenting.
As we drove home after the movie, I glanced in the rearview mirror at these children of mine – children who I love desperately. Time goes by so quickly. Yesterday (or so it seems) I married Lee. And then I blinked and it’s suddenly ten years later. If I weren’t such a prim and proper lady I’d let out an expletive. Instead I’ll settle for a simple, WTH! How does it move so quickly?
I read this on Nicole’s blog yesterday:
“When you’re holding your baby and he’s falling asleep in your arms slowly and the evening is slipping away and your mind is racing through the thousand things at the top of your list, and you begin to feel – as all fathers and mothers inevitably feel from time to time – that you’re wasting your time taking care of this little kid, try to remember that next year you won’t be able to hold him in the same way, he won’t go to sleep in your arms, and after a few more years, you’ll be happy to get a hug on the run. Our children are here to stay, but our babies and toddlers and preschoolers are gone as fast as they can grow up – and we have only a short moment with each. When you see a grandfather take a baby in his arms, you see that the moment hasn’t always been long enough.” S. Adams Sullivan, The Father’s Almanac
This parenting thing is hard. “Enjoy it,” everyone tells you, “Because it goes by so fast.” Even a bunch of animated toys told me the very same thing yesterday. What no one tells you, though, is that sometimes you have to work really, really hard to enjoy it. And that is, perhaps, what had me most emotional. I know it goes by fast, I know I need to enjoy it, I know I need to cherish the moments because they’re over in the blink of an eye – but to be quite honest, I don’t always enjoy being a mom. I love my kids, of course. They are so much a piece of me that I hardly remember life without them. But raising them…it’s hard.
Of course, it’s supposed to be hard now. “Put in the hard work when they’re young so that when they grow into teenagers you can reap the rewards of that hard work.” This is another piece of sage advice I cling to. On the days when it feels like all I do is battle, I remember that it’s better to battle them now when the environment is controlled than to battle them as teenagers when the battlefield is full of hidden mines and has a much larger scope.
But I would be lying if I said that I enjoy every moment of every day. Because I don’t.
I do, however, enjoy more than I don’t enjoy. Stay with me…Yesterday, and the few days leading up to it, was a hard day. There were many battles, many fights, many tears. And I was battle weary. Today, this morning, has been filled with sweetness. The kids have played together this morning without argument (and when I say argument, I mean screaming bloody murder at one another – sorry to any neighbors who were awakened by Sloan and Tia’s death match on the front porch Sunday morning). They’ve been pleasant and sweet, obedient even. And it hasn’t been a stretch to enjoy them. Yesterday, I had to search a couple of times for ways to like them.
So I was partly grateful to Toy Story for reminding me, yet again, that the time I have with my children when they’re young is fleeting. Yesterday was one day. There will be more days like it – days when loving my children is easy but liking them is hard. But I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I dread this time in our lives coming to an end. There are sweet days to come, moments to celebrate, birthdays to rejoice in, milestones to accomplish – but the days of them sitting in my lap, a stuffed animal tucked beneath their arms…those days won’t last forever. And it’s those moments that I cherish the most. I tuck each one away in the crevices of my heart.
And I will now commence to crying once more. Dumb cartoon movie…
Thursday’s are our crazy days. A week’s worth of activities are packed into one afternoon and it requires me to be organized in order for things to run smoothly. Me. Organized. Those two words next to one another are a bit of an oxymoron. In fact, I recently wrote up a product review and giveaway for 5 Minutes for Mom in which I lament my organizational capabilities and I now have three calendars in my kitchen trying to help me stay on top of life.
They’re not really working, if you must know. There’s this funny little phenomenon wherein you must actually look at the calendar ahead of time in order to know what you’ve got planned for the day. Weird, huh?
So yesterday we tore out of the house at 4:35 to try and make it to Tia’s Russian class at 4:45 on time. At 4:32 I remembered I needed to pack a dinner because we would go straight from the kids russian lessons to Sloan’s baseball practice. So I threw some rolls, a few bananas, a package of ham and a chunk of banana bread in a plastic bag and off we went.
About 25 minutes before the end of the kids lessons, Landon grabbed my face and pulled it down to his. “I pooped,” he whispered. He didn’t need to tell me – the smell gave it away. It smelled like death – warm death…you get the point.
And then I realized…I had forgotten a back up diaper. I went out to the car to see if maybe, by God’s sweet grace, there was a diaper under a seat. No luck. And the smell was getting worse. Let’s just say Landon had a bit of a stomach ache yesterday. This hadn’t been the first, or even second, dirty diaper of the day. It was foul.
So I took him to the bathroom in the church building where russian school meets and began coming up with a plan. I swept my eyes around the sterile lavatory, trying to decide what I could do to remedy the situation until I had the chance to get a diaper. Toilet paper and paper towls – surely I could come up with a reasonable solution using those materials. Blast! If only I had some scotch tape and a paper clip!
I looked to my right and noticed on the wall were three small white cabinets. I decided to look inside and see if perhaps there might be a diaper in there – I know, I was reaching. The situation was getting desperate.
I opened the first cabinet and found the jackpot – a large supply of Depends and Kotex. Perfect. I stripped Landon of the death wrap around his bum and cleaned him up, then grabbed a Depends and stuck it on the inside of his shorts. But it wouldn’t stick. In case you’re wondering, Depends are not very sticky on the bottom…just an FYI in case you ever need them. Ahem.
So I grabbed two Kotex, pulled the stickers off the back and wrapped them around his waist, connecting them to the Depends to form somewhat of a diaper. Unfortunately this meant they were stuck to his skin which was uncomfortable and made him walk like a mini-Sumo wrestler for the remainder of our time at Russian school. I then hastily sent Lee a text asking him to bring us a diaper to baseball practice.
And that, folks, is how I have officially become the MacGyver of Mommydom. (MomGyver, if you will)
*groan*
The end.
Pretend that these pictures are from Sloan’s first game of the season. Let’s pretend that this wasn’t the first time I actually remembered to bring my camera with the memory card in it. Let’s pretend that I’m much more organized than that and that I would never actually forget to put the memory card in my camera until the season was half over.
Nope not me. I would never do that. Enjoy photos from Sloan’s, ahem, first ball game.
Sloan is the only player on his team with a groupie. We can’t decide if we should change Landon’s nickname from Bubba to Mini-Sloan because he wants nothing more than to be exactly like his big brother. This means that whenever he can get his hands on Sloan’s uniform, he wants it on.
It may possibly be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen…
Play Ball!
Yesterday was the big day. Landon got his cast removed. I’ve never had a cast before, but I imagine that had my arm been wrapped in plastic for almost a month I would want to bend and straighten my elbow over and over and rub my hand up and down my arm like he did. It was really adorable. He seemed quite thrilled with his ability to once again move his arm. He now has a removeable splint that he’s supposed to wear while he’s playing (so essentially all day long) for the next month.
Right. Good luck with that. He’s already figured out how to take it off.
I had to take all three kids with me to have his cast removed. I was worried. But they did great. They didn’t freak out when the saw was turned on and niether one of them asked if they could have a cast put on.
I cleaned out the bins of old clothes in the basement yesterday. I filled four oversized garbage bags to be dropped off at Goodwill and a fifth garbage bag filled with clothes that had apparently been home to our mouse family last year. Do you know what it does to someone like me to have to stick her hand in a bin that has obviously harbored small furry creatures? I’m surprised I didn’t go into cardiac arrest. I kept expecting little zombie mice to start crawling out of the box and up my arms. I didn’t even try to see if any of the clothes were salvagable. I just dumped them in the trash bag.
*shudder*
Lee and I are still attempting to keep up with P90X. The workouts themselves, while hard, are not that bad. Finding the time to do them, however, if proving to be a bit of a challenge. I can only get up at 5:00 AM so many days before I turn into crazy-psycho-needs-some-sleep mommy. I figure I’m of better use to my kids awake and alert but slightly flabby than super fit and walking in my sleep.
And finally, to cap off this most random of posts, I will let you know that it appears someone got a hold of my new camera yesterday and took several pictures. I’m not going to name any names, but the evidence is compelling.
To read my latest post for STL Family Life, click the tab on the right or right here.
Part of my Craig’s List money went toward a minor room redecoration. I never liked the bedding I bought for our king size bed a couple of years ago and last year when we recevied our new furniture it just accented the ugliness of our bedding. So I bought new bedding.
Here’s the thing – I don’t have a decorator’s bone in my body. Which makes the fact that I recently started freelancing for a decorator’s blog slightly humorous, wouldn’t you say? The fact is, I just don’t know how to put together a room. I don’t know what looks good where, how to hang photos, what pieces to use for accents – it’s just not my strong suit. So given that knowledge, I’m pretty proud of the minor changes I made to our bedroom.
Obviously, finding the right bedding was my first goal. As soon as I saw this bedding online, I fell in love with it. I ordered it two months ago and it just arrived yesterday due to back order issues. Just in time for my birthday. Yes, I am 29 AGAIN today. Lee seems to luck out on birthday gifts wouldn’t you say? Last year our furniture happened to arrive the day before my birthday as well.
So here we are, one year later, and my bed is finally outfitted properly.
I also bought new side table lamps since our old ones didn’t match and were not even remotely cute. Behold, the glory of a cute side table lamp:
Many thanks to HomeGoods for being the perfect place for non-decorators like me to shop. And naturally we needed a few accents in the room to pull it all together. Naturally.
Lee’s not overly crazy about the urn. “It’s weird,” he keeps saying. “What’s the purpose?” And I’m all, “Dude, you obviously know nothing about decorating a room…”
Weird urn aside, I like how things are coming together in there. I still need to figure out what to do in one naked corner and I need to re-hang a few pictures that don’t look right and, eventually, I’d like to repaint the walls. But what color? Those are the types of decisions that stress me out.
For now, however, I’m going to rest my head on some cute pillows and let out a sigh of accomplishment because I conquered my fear of redecorating a room!
Now if I could only get my husband to take the suitcases down to the basement as they are totally messing with my Feng Shui.
I feel like I’m living in an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond.
All photos were taken with my new point and shoot, courtesy of my parents. I love my Pentax and the quality of pictures it takes, but the thing is a mammoth and, to be honest, I wasn’t crazy about hauling it around the Zoo with me. It made me nervous. So I’m excited to have a smaller camera that I can stick in my pocket. Thanks Mom and Dad.
This weekend has been full of time together. Blessed, sweet, down time together. We’ve done things like:
Hit the baseball…with our eyes closed.
Worn our soccer shirt because we’re sad soccer is over.
We haven’t let a little thing like a broken arm slow us down.
We’ve enjoyed having daddy all to ourselves for three whole days.
We’ve made funny faces while hitting the baseball.
We’ve let daddy give us instruction on our batting stance.
We haven’t worn shoes.
And we’ve eaten Star Wars Pancakes.
We’ve all spent time at the park and the pool as well as spent time this morning as a family praying for Sgt. Jeremy Nevil in Afghanistan. We love you Jeremy! We can’t wait until you’re home with your precious family.
Happy Memorial Day. I pray that it’s been blessed as we remember the men and women who have sacrificed so that we could enjoy the blessings of freedom.
May the Force be With You All!
Yesterday was a big day in the life of the first born. He graduated.
Kindergarten, that is. I’ve never fully understood the point of kindergarten graduations to be honest, but if having a promotion ceremony means I get to watch 60 five and six year olds sing songs and beam with pride, then I’ll take it. Because it was awesome. I almost got a cavity from all the sweetness.
But here is my dilemma, oh internets. When I was three, I sang my first solo in church. It was Away in the Manger and I belted it out with pride. I have a vague memory of my dad standing at the bottom of the steps snapping a picture. By the time I was in Elementary School I was a performing addict. I would put plays on at my home making my brother suffer endlessly as he played a host of characters in my little productions. I loved drama (shocker, I know) and I loved singing on stage.
I was like a tiny Rachel Berry with a Wisconsin accent.
So how is it, my friends, that I have a child who is so terribly stage shy? Even more? He’s got a great voice, loads of personality and can feel the nuances and rhythms of music extremely well for a six year old. Yet every time he gets on stage he looks like this:
To his credit, he was one of four children who were asked to stand around the microphone for one song and he did it without bursting into tears. He didn’t sing his heart out, but he DID stand up there in front of the mic and I was thrilled. That was a big step for him and I almost clapped my hands raw.
I tried to upload the video but YouTube was being funky and I don’t have all day for it to load. I know you’re disappointed.
In celebration of the graduates accomplishment, I let him pick the restaurant for lunch – he chose Cheeburger, Cheeburger. So off we skipped to the mall, his graduation cap firmly placed on his head throughout the entire lunch. He is a first grader now.
How is it possible that I have a first grader?! Didn’t I just graduate college, like, yesterday?
My birthday’s coming up next week. That, combined with the fact that I have a first grader is causing a minor panic attack.
In addition to the commencement ceremony, we decided to hit the deck for the first time this year. The pool deck, that is. I’m so glad my kids love to swim. And they’re really good at it. They take to the water like little fish. And for the first time, I don’t have to be right in the water with them. I have to be close in case Landon’s float flips him over, but I don’t have to be in the water with kids hanging on me.
Which means I can sit on the side and work on my tan – because that’s what life is all about…gettin’ tan.
I kid. Don’t worry, I do watch my kids while they swim. While I’m getting a tan…
Sometimes I watch them through the lens:
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