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Intentional Parenting

November 5, 2009 by Kelli

In the few years that it’s been since Lee and I become parents to one child, then a second and finally a third, we’ve learned a LOT about this journey called parenting. A LOT.

And from what I hear we’ve only scratched the surface. *deep breath*

One of the things we are learning in large amounts right now is the idea of intentional parenting.

This is not a new or ground breaking concept. Plenty of people are parenting with intention and Lee and I were doing so to an extent before the year 2009 – but this year has definately been a year of growth for us in our parenting.

While we have been intentional in the past about teaching our kids basic, common sense virtures like sharing, kindness, obedience, etc…We’ve learned this year that we need to step up to the plate and really dig into this parenting thing.

Before, so much of our parenting took place only in the now. We were controlling the behaviors in the hopes that the immediate future would be impacted and changed, but we weren’t necessarily thinking of down the road.

Not that we were completely oblivious to the people our children would someday become. Like any parents, we often dream of who our children will grow into. We have hopes, dreams and ambitions for them. And the number one prayer of our hearts since the day any of them entered this world was that they would grow in wisdom and stature and they would find favor with God and man.

But back to intentional parenting. This year has been about learning how to parent our children with the future in mind. Why do we want them to obey immediately? Certainly immediate obedience makes our day run much more smoothly. But beyond that, a child who is taught to respect and obey his parents immediately will grow up with a respect for authority and a drive to complete tasks in a timely fashion.

But it’s a not a blind obedience that we’re asking for. Before this year, I used to think that because I said so was the parental charge for action. It was the acceptable excuse and was never to be questioned. Ever.

Now, while I still believe there is a time and place for because I said so, I try harder to give my kids a reason for their obedience.

You need to put your shoes on right away because if you don’t, we won’t be able to get to school on time and you will have to walk into your classroom late and that would be embarrassing.

You need to pick up your toys because if you don’t, mommy or daddy might trip over them and get hurt.

You shouldn’t run in the store because someone might not see you and you could cause them to fall and get hurt or break something.

We’re trying to instill in our kids a moral reason why they need to obey. Not just demand that they obey. We’re also reinforcing to them the fact that when they do obey immediately, things will go well with them. Life is much smoother for a child who knows how to respect the authority of adults.

Life is also much easier for adults who know how to respect their authorities. Isn’t it?

You see, we’re trying to be intentional about teaching our children how to live responsible lives. I require them to make their beds simply because it’s a responsible thing to do. We ask them to clean up their toys simply because they need to take responsiblity for the things that are theirs. So that someday, as adults, they will know how to live lives that are responsible and effective.

So that I won’t send off two boys into marriage and stick their poor wives with slobs who don’t know how to help out around the house (Lee is a great example for our boys in this area).

And so I don’t send off my daughter off to be a wife and leave her with no clue how to take care of a home, cook a meal, care for others.

It’s intentional, you see, this thing called parenting. And it’s hard. It’s really, really hard. It’s so much work. It takes so much energy and time. And my kids are still young. God help us when the game of life gets more complicated than cleaning up a little Play-Doh and picking up LEGO’s.

This concept of intentional parenting is very deep. And if you’re interested in more, I highly recommend the study Growing Kids God’s Way. It’s an excellent study on the the why’s and how’s of training up morally responsible, enjoyable, godly children.

And now I am off to intentionally get my younger two out the door to a gymnastics class.

Filed Under: discipline, Family, Kids, Life, Motherhood Tagged With: Growing Kids God's Way

The Day a Boy Became a Man

November 4, 2009 by Kelli

On December 21, 2003, Sloan’s first tooth popped through his swollen little gums.

And on November 3, 2009 that very tooth fell out.

And, in his mind, he has now become a man.

He came into our room this morning much earlier than I would have liked filled with awe and excitement as he held up the three crisp dollars the Tooth Fairy left for him. She also wrote him a letter congratulating him on his tooth loss – because she’s cool like that.

He was very concerned about her taking his tooth, so I let him write a note last night asking her if he could keep it.

And now I have a question for you, internets.

What do you do with kids teeth when they fall out?

Should I keep them in a little baggie and tuck them away in his baby book?

Because – um – ew.

Filed Under: Kids, Life, Random, Sloan Tagged With: Tooth Fairy

The Truth in Blogging

November 3, 2009 by Kelli

My friend, Nicole, has a great post today about keepin’ it real in blogging. The idea is that many times us blogger mama’s tend to keep things positive and not really show the messy in life.

It can be very deceptive and even discouraging when it seems that these people you read and grow to love are perfect mothers who always prepare fresh, organic fare for their children, have a hot meal on the table when their husbands get home and smell of roses when they sweat.

In general I think I have a pretty good balance on this here blog. I’ve let you know the times when my heart has been heavy, I told you I clap my hands at my kids, and who can forget this little escapade? But, for the most part, I like to keep things light on my blog. I don’t record every single thing we are doing in our lives here – first because that would be incredibly boring and second – because the world doesn’t need to know everything.

So today, in an effort to keep it real, I share with you some of the bad/funny moments in my home.

– My youngest child woke up in the middle of the night last night and wouldn’t go back to to sleep so I finally put him in his crib where he cried loud and hard for an hour and a half. And I put the pillow over my head and attempted to go back to sleep.

– When his loud crying woke up Tia, I plopped her back in bed and when she started crying I shushed her sternly, threatening to throw away her Halloween candy if she woke Sloan up. (I did apologize for being so harsh this morning. In my defense it was 4:30 am and I’d already been awake for an hour and a half.)

– While I know that I should be working with Sloan every day on his English reading and his russian homework, I often times talk myself out of it simply because I’m lazy and don’t feel like it. I’m working on being more diligent so that I can pass that on to my children. It’s hard.

– I am over committed this holiday season. It’s almost feeling out of hand and all I can think is that I just need to get through the next 6 weeks and it will all get better.

– I suffer from mommy guilt a lot. I am constantly thinking about how I could have/should have done something better in my parenting (a post about how we are learning to parent intentionally is coming tomorrow). I have to work hard not to get bogged down in that attitude.

– I spend too much time on the computer. I’m working really hard at limiting my internet time so that I’m focusing more on my kids and my house. Is there a 12 – step program for that?

– My third born is a terrible eater. And I’ve never had a terrible eater before so I don’t know what to do with him. So many times I just let him drink his meals. This morning he had a cup of Emergen-C and a cup of diluted antioxidant water and two bites of pancakes. He just refuses to eat. It’s insane!

– I’m not very good at grocery shopping. I always spend a ton of money yet never seem to have anything for dinner. I know, I know – I should plan out my meals in advance so I get the right ingredients and save money…

– I’m not overly organized – see above.

– Sometimes I don’t start dinner until 5:00, which means we eat a lot of pasta and other quick and easy meals. Again, see above.

– Sometimes I drop my kids off in child care at the gym, then I go sit in the hot tub instead of working out.

Okay, that’s enough confessing for now. What about you all? Do any of you have any confessions you’d like to make? Do share.

Oh, and I do smell like roses when I sweat so I’ve got that going for me…

Filed Under: Blogging, Family, funny stuff that happens, Life, Motherhood Tagged With: Keepin' it Real in blogging

Pumpkins and Funnel Cakes – A Lovely Combo

October 25, 2009 by Kelli

If you must know – there were also three Kool-Aids, two hot dogs and sloppy nachos involved. Yum…

Filed Under: Family, Halloween, Holidays, Kids, Life Tagged With: Rambachs Pumpkin Patch

There seems to be no escaping…

October 23, 2009 by Kelli

H1N1 is spreading around here like wildfire. Every day I hear of new cases, more schools closing and so on and so forth.

We decided not to vaccinate our kids against H1N1. We decided this for a couple of reasons. First of all, the vaccination is too new. I don’t trust it – plain and simple. And I cannot get a concenses from doctors as to whether or not it’s a good idea. Some say definately get it, others say definately don’t. So in my mind, the risks outweigh the benefits.

Second, I’m not even sure that I would be able to get it. Sloan’s school has to keep pushing back the date on the vaccine because they haven’t received their supplies yet and I would only be able to vaccinate him. I don’t even know that I could get it for the other two – if I wanted it, that is.

Third, I feel like it’s inevitable that we’re going to get the swine flu. I’m taking every precaution I can think of short of holing ourselves up and barring the door. The kids are getting double the amount of vitamin C, I’m faithfully administering their JuicePlus vitamins, I’m serving them more green vegetables and raw fruits, we’re washing hands, I’m *limiting the amount of dairy they receive, I’m washing sheets more frequently in hot water and so on and so forth. I’m not really sure what else I could be doing.

Despite all of that, however, I feel like this H1N1 thing is a ticking time bomb and I would almost rather we just get it and move on. I know that sounds terrible and I’m not hoping my kids get sick, but if they’re going to get it, I’d rather it happen sooner rather than later so we can move on our merry way.

I heard on the radio this morning there are 1300 confirmed cases of the swine flu in the St. Louis area, which is more flu than doctors usually report in an entire season. It really is spreading like the plague. Even my friend Nicole has been affected and she takes similar precautions to me.

So we’ll see what happens. I heard that this week there were 13 confirmed cases at Sloan’s school and five kindergartners were home sick today (I don’t know if they were any of the confirmed cases or not) so we’ll just take it one day at a time. I did get the kids a seasonl flu shot this year for the first time since 2006 in the hopes that if they do come down with the swine flu it will be a milder case. Who knows? It’s just crazy.

* There are studies that say that dairy products increase the amount of muscus your body produces, so by cutting back on dairy, I’m hoping to help their bodies eliminate as much unneeded mucus as possible. I can’t cut it out all together, as my kids love their milk. But I’m pretty much only giving it to them in the morning at this point, rather than throughout the day.

Anyway, moving on…

Today was Sloan’s first field trip to the pumpkin patch and oh my goodness he was excited. He’s talked about it all week. Yesterday when it rained all day long, Mother Nature and I had a long talk about how she better not ruin my boy’s first time to go somewhere with his class, and she obliged somewhat – if you count freezing cold and overcast obliging. But alas, at least there wasn’t any rain.

I didn’t think I would get to go because I didn’t have anyone to watch Tia and Landon, but at the last minute my friend Jessica offered to keep them and I was able to surprise Sloan and show up. I’m so glad I went! It was fun to see him in that environment. Thanks again Jessica!

And I think he was glad I was there. When no one was looking he gave me a big hug. Of course, when he was eating lunch with one of his friends, he said I was weird. Ha!

I’ll take it.

So that was a fun highlight of the morning. And now I’m off to get the house in order because Lee and I are going on a date tonight. A date! What is a date?!

I’m not sure what we’re going to do. We wanted to see our friend Joe and his band play downtown, but they aren’t going to start playing until 10:30 or 11:00. Couple that with the fact that our babysitter doesn’t drive, which means I’ll have to drive her home and the knowledge that we have three little alarm clocks that will drag us out of bed at the crack of dawn tomorrow.

Needless to say, we’re not going to do that to ourselves. Getting old bites.

We may go see a movie instead, which sounds like an old person thing to do, but I was thinking about it today and I’m pretty sure it’s been about two and a half years since Lee and I went to the movie theater together.

I think we’re due for a movie night…

Happy weekend!

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Life, Sickness, Sloan Tagged With: h1n1

We made it!

October 22, 2009 by Kelli

Wednesday nights are busy for us. The kids have Awana’s at church and Lee and I serve in the music ministry. So it’s always late when we get home on Wednesday and roll our sleepy babes into their beds.

And this morning was the first time we’ve ever overslept. I rolled over at 7:15 this morning and for a brief moment thought about just going back to sleep and letting Sloan play hooky today.

But reason got the best of me and I dragged him out of bed around 7:30, clapped my hands several times, and managed to get him on the bus at 7:57 with hair and teeth brushed, and a tummy full of Cheerios.

Because I rock.

Of course, Landon is still in his soggy diaper and jammies, but one out of three ready to go isn’t bad, eh?

The thing is, it’s so hard to wake them up when they look like this:

I couldn’t even get a picture of Sloan because he was snuggled so deep into his covers that all I could see was a smattering if blonde hair splayed across his pillow.

So the day started a little hectic but the good news is, we’re all well rested! How was your morning?

A post I wrote about my family heritage went up on 5 Minutes for Mom yesterday. Go check it out when you get the chance!

Filed Under: Kids, Life, Motherhood, Random, School Tagged With: waking sleepy kids

My Minivan is cooler than your Lexus!

October 20, 2009 by Kelli

Due to several car trips in the last few months, our minivan has taken a bit of a beating. Covered in dead bugs, splattered with mud and sporting the drop marks accrued during our deluge of rain last week, her sleek black exterior has lost a little bit of it’s luster.

It’s not often that one reads the words “sleek” and “luster” in the context of a minivan, I know.

So yesterday afternoon, I took my rockin’ hot minivan through a specialty car wash. You know, one of those car washes where actual humans scrub your car?

After pulling her loveliness into line, I got out and shopped around the convenience store for a few minutes before heading out to watch them remove the layers of dirt that had been holding her back all these weeks. And what did I find when I came out?

I found my minivan sandwiched between two Lexus’s (is the plural Lexi?) who were also being scrubbed to shiney perfection. Then a third Lexus pulled up, followed by a BMW and a fourth Lexus.

And finally, the Créme de la Créme – a gorgeous (and I’m not a car person) sports car pulled up and parked nose to nose with my van. I have no idea what brand it was, but it was somthin’ fancy, let me tell ya!

And guys, I kid you not, my van blushed and giggled when that thing parked in front of her.

And so, there I stood, the girl who brought her hoopty van to a class act party. I was the like the stray dog at a country club. The sore thumb. The minivan surrounded by Lexi!

I tried to play it all cool like this was only my day car, but you should see what I drive at night. But my mom garb didn’t help the situation – that being my unwashed hair, jeans, tennis shoes and puffer vest.

Oh, then there was the fact that I forgot to bring cash to tip the boys washing my car and had to scrounge for enough change to make it worth their while. I, my friends, am nothing if not classy.

The best part of the whole process, though, was watching the boys attempt to work my tricked out van. What she lacks in style she makes up in sheer awesomeness! I mean, hello! She has an automatic back hatch and one automatic side door, which I have child proofed, so the poor guys kept getting stuck inside the car when vacuuming because they couldn’t figure out how to open the door and got confused as to which was automatic and which was manual.

Good times.

And then, of course, there are the multiple – and I mean mul.ti.ple – scratches on the car from the kids running their bikes down the sides. Yep – that’s how I roll.

So when the guys finally finished her up and handed me the keys, I climbed inside my now sleek and lusterous minivan and started her up. Next to the purring sports car, she sounded like some sort mammoth as she roared to life.

And with that I held my head high, looked down upon the lowly sports car and I pulled out of Lexusland, driving her hotness off into the horizen. I hope everyone watching wasn’t too jealous…

Filed Under: funny stuff that happens, Life, Minivans Tagged With: car wash, Minivans

A few deep breaths…and maybe a stiff drink

October 15, 2009 by Kelli

On Saturday morning I will be moderating a panel at the St. Louis Interactive Festival. I’m so excited about this event. After last year’s Festival, I made it my goal to be considered knowledgable to be asked to speak and lookie here!

Except…

Oh dear God I’m so nervous I feel like I’m going to be sick. And I’m only a moderator. I’m just asking the questions. I’m not even speaking as a definate authority. But I’m still nervous as all get out and here’s why:

(Don’t you love how naturally I segued into this next paragraph thereby sucking you all in to read about my neurotic little mental breakdown? You didn’t even know it happened did you? You had no idea you were being manipulated. Muahahaha!!!)

Okay – so I’ve never really “officially” been in the workforce. The few years I had between marriage, college graduation and children were spent developing a career of sorts in writing and editing while also coaching gymnastics and working as a personal trainer. In short, I’ve never had a “real” job. I’ve never had a steady paycheck or limited vacation time (a huge perk to working for yourself, by the way). I’ve never been to an office party or had to wear a suit to work.

In short – my life has been awesome! Ahem.

So I get around all these uber successful people and I’m all, “OMG (I actually think omg ) why would they want to listen to me? So I’ve written a couple of books – who cares? I did all of that in my pajamas! I’ve never been in the rat race. What do I know?”

And on and on it goes until I’ve got myself all in a tizzy thinking about standing in front of a group of people who are all really career focused, employed, making the big bucks, doing cool things like hosting radio shows, producing movies, running major publications…

And then, of course, there is the importance of figuring out what to wear! Oy!

So I’m taking deep breaths tonight. And I thought about having a stiff drink but I feel like I’m getting sick so I settled for NyQuil instead.

It’s going to be fine. I’ll picture them all in their underwear and all will be good.

Plus, I need to remember that I haven’t exactly had my head in the mud these last few years. I mean, I have produced three pretty spectacular human beings and I do maintain a blog that’s all the awesome.

…

Okay, I was hoping that if I patted myself on the back a little, I’d feel better, but I’m still nervous and now I feel like a dork for tooting my own horn. I think it’s time for me to go to bed and wake up tomorrow with a new sense of empowerment.

Yeah – that’s what I’m gonna do…

Filed Under: Blogging, Life, Random Tagged With: St. Louis Bloggers Guild, St. Louis Interactive Festival

Don’t let the door hit you in the—

October 8, 2009 by Kelli

Mornings are crazy. We manage to get out the door, but not without a bit of stress. Can anyone identify?

Here’s how a typical (hectic) morning in the Stuart household looks:

Up at 7:00 – I know, I know…We should get up earlier; things would run so much more smoothly. I got it!

After breakfast is eaten, beds are made, teeth are brushed and kids are dressed, it 7:55. Awesome – we’ve got 5 minutes before the bus arrives. Just enough time for my blood pressure to level out.

Oh, but wait! It’s getting colder, which means we need coats on, and oh yeah! The hall closet is so packed with coats that by the time I dig one out that actually fits, it’s 7:58. Up goes the blood pressure and, at this point, I actually begin clapping my hands.

Yes, sometime in the last year, I actually morphed into the mom who claps her hands at her children. “C’Mon guys, we gotta go out. Let’s go, go, go!” clap, clap, clap.

By the time we manage to get out – usually Landon is the one who ends up outside without his shoes or coat on…poor third child – my heart is racing and I feel like I need a stiff drink. Don’t worry – I don’t imbibe. At least not yet.

Once child #1 is packed off to school (loaded down with hugs and kisses – I’m not mean mommy), it’s time for mommy to get dressed because I’m usually shivering out on the front porch barefoot in my pajamas. Once I get myself dressed and ready and finally get the poor third child fully clothed, I usually discover that Tia has shed her socks and shoes somewhere in the recesses of our house.

And by the time I get her shoes back on her feet, Landon has shed his shoes somewhere in the recesses of the house. So I threaten Tia within an inch of her life if she removes her shoes again, I clap my hands a few times for good effect, I locate Landon’s shoes and I pack the two younger kids in the car, not even bothering to put Landon’s shoes back on his feet.

At this point, I usually notice that the dog’s food and water bowls are bare and guilt sends my running back in to fill them.

When I come back out, it’s not uncommon to find Tia jumping around in the car rather than sitting in her seat with her belt buckled. Thus necessitating the need for more clapping.

My hands are getting raw.

I hop in the car and then it hits me. Where are my keys?! Where are my KEYS?!?

With the clock an ever present reminder of just how late we really are, I search, I tear, I mutter and growl, I stomp around the house, I pass the key ring hanging just inside the door where Lee always tells me to hang my keys when I come in and I glare at it for good measure.

(This evening, when running late for russian school, I may or may not have muttered a few choice words under my breath as I frantically searched for my missing car key. All the while Lee looked at me in mild amusement and wisely stayed out of my way. I found it in the bottom of my purse, by the way. Only after I checked there for the third time.)

Usually, though, I find them someplace really obvious, like the pocket of my jeans, or on the bathroom floor, or under the crumbled mess of snacks in the bottom of the diaper bag.

And somehow, I make it out the door, dropping Tia off with seconds to spare (loaded down with hugs and kisses, of course).

And many days I head to the gym where I drop Landon off and I fight the urge to curl up in the fetal position in a dark corner and suck my thumb.

Seriously, while I make it seem absolutely awful, our morning routine is not horrible, but it is hectic. Getting three kids dressed and ready to get out the door can be stressful.

So what about you? How do you make it out the door in the morning?

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Life, Motherhood

It’s an off day

October 6, 2009 by Kelli

Well, it’s just been a nutty morning so I’m taking a little bloggy break today. There are errands to run, doctors to visit, children to love on, clothes to fold, carpets to vacuum, rooms to clean (it appears that a group of angry fairies flitted about my home last night leaving destruction in their wake…*sigh*) naps to take and so much more!

I hope you’re all enjoying this lovely, albeit wet, Tuesday. I’ll be back tomorrow!

In the meantime, if you’re looking for a good laugh, this post made me snort my McCalister’s sweet tea out my nose…

Filed Under: Life