Archives for 2011

Mind the Gap

February 8, 2011 by Kelli

Summer '09 147

Praying for my kids is something I passionately believe in and often forget to do on a consistent basis. I pray for patience with them (six snow days later, that’s almost become a mantra) and I pray for grace to love them well, but I don’t always pray for them.

I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s because to do so would require me to slow down and really get still. I’m not good at that. I hate sitting still. Unless I’m on a beach.

Maybe that’s what we need! We need to move to the beach. My kids would be covered in prayer then. And I’d be tan…

Wait. That’s not right. Scratch that.

The point is, I’m not good at sitting down and really pleading on behalf of my children. I have great days followed by a plateau of mediocrity and on and on the cycle goes. But the desire of my heart remains unchanged. I long to see my kids grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. I long to see them grow beyond a head knowledge of who Christ is and to develop a heart knowledge of Him.

I long to not screw them up.

I think my most consistent prayer for my kids is my pleading with the Lord to fill in the gaps where I am lacking as a parent. On the days when I’m impatient, crabby, tired or just not all there like they need me to be, I pray that the Lord steps in and makes whole any damage I may have unintentionally caused.

This is not an excuse for me to be lackadaisical in my parenting.

Lackadaisical…that’s a great word, isn’t it?

I wake up every morning desiring to be the mother my kids need me to be. I wake up every morning with a prayer on my heart to love my kids in a way that honors God and shows them they are blessed, cherished and loved. And, in the moments that I fail, I ask the God fill in the gaps where I am lacking.

And then I rest in the assurance and knowledge that He loves my kids more than I could ever possibly hope to.

How do you pray for your kids? Do you have specific verses that you pour over them? Do you have a specific place or way that you pray for your kids? If you feel comfortable sharing, I would love to hear how you are praying over your children in an attempt to encourage and spur one another on.

Happy Tuesday!

Filed Under: faith, Family, Kids, Motherhood Tagged With: faith, Motherhood, praying for your children

Because everyone deserves to be a Pink Princess

February 7, 2011 by Kelli

Superbowl? What Superbowl? We had a party this weekend! It was girly and squealy and happy and silly.

How was your weekend?

Filed Under: Kids, Life, Tia Tagged With: Kids, princess birthday party

Defining

February 4, 2011 by Kelli

I was twelve years old. I woke up early and got myself dressed for school. I even remember what I was wearing. A white T-Shirt underneath flower printed cloth overalls.

Hawt.

I scrunched my permed hair and lathered it with gel because God knows I didn’t want those spirals to frizz out midday. I put on my white Keds and I walked downstairs for breakfast. It was early and the house was still. The frigid winter air made the hair on my arms stand tall as I bounded into the kitchen.

Mom was standing at the kitchen sink staring out the window. I knew something was wrong. The air felt like sorrow.

“What’s wrong?” I asked quietly. Mom turned to me, her eyes and nose red. I walked over to her.

“I got a call last night,” she said with a trembly voice. “Aunt Joy is in the hospital. They don’t think she will live.” And with that my mom broke down. I will never forget that moment. My mom’s head on my shoulder. For the first time she needed me.

I went to school with a heavy heart that day and a sense of dread. When I got off the bus I saw Dad’s car in the driveway. At that moment I knew, but I didn’t want it to be true. Dad was waiting for me in the kitchen and when I walked in the door he engulfed me in a tight embrace.

“Where’s Mom?” I asked.

“She is on a plane to South Carolina,” Dad said softly. He stroked my hair.

“How is Aunt Joy?” I can still feel the sense of loss when I think of that moment.

Dad paused. “She passed away,” he said.

It was February 4, 1991. Twenty years ago. It is a moment that defined and shaped my young life. It’s the moment when death became real and life became precious. It was a time when I realized that nothing is guaranteed. Someone can go in for a routine procedure and end up gone…sometimes without explanation.

The days that followed are some of the happiest and most sorrowful of my life. I am blessed with an extended family that has a depth of love, grace and heritage that is hard to match. For an entire week I was surrounded by the people who love me most and for whom I feel the deepest love. Because I was still so young, the time together with my cousins is filled with fun memories. Again, I believe that is God’s grace in protecting my still developing heart.

The reason, however, for our gathering was deeply sorrowful. There are moments of that week that are burned deeply in my memory and, quite honestly, they’re too painful to record on such a public forum. Partly because they are tucked away in places that are just mine and partly because many of them involve the pain I witnessed in others and the stories aren’t really mine to share. They are moments that I wish I could forget. One of the blessings of being a writer is the ability to recall in detail emotions and settings.

It’s also a curse…

As tough as some of those moments are to think about, they are also moments that God used to show me what grace is. My Aunt Joy’s death was not a momentary blip but was the catalyst for how God would mold and shape me as I grew. And now, as an adult, I can still look at that day twenty years ago and see God’s grace in my life. Aunt Joy’s death set into motion a whole host of trials to be overcome and brought about joy and triumph that wouldn’t have been seen otherwise.

Her death affected all of us. It shaped and defined our entire family, all in different ways. Some, like her three children, were affected much more deeply. Others, like her siblings, still feel the sting of her death. But all of us can look back on that time and say God is good and He was there.

Today I remember.

Filed Under: Family, Life Tagged With: Cooper Family, Death, God, Grace

Don’t get me wrong…

February 3, 2011 by Kelli

I love my kids. I love to be with them and I love to laugh with them and play with them and spend time with them.

But…

These flippin’ snow days are MAKING ME BATTY.

*deep breath*

I think the children are going to start eating one another.

Sloan cleaned this morning. He vacuumed and dusted, pulling dressers out and cleaning the floors behind him. This is awesome, obviously, but it’s also evidence of the fact that we’re all going a little crazy. A seven year old voluntarily scrubbing his room? Not normal!

Did you know that the average four year old asks 437 questions a day? So if I have a chatty three year old, stubborn five year old and headstrong seven year old all trapped under the same roof, using a model of mathematics called estimation, I can safely assume that I’m being asked 1,500 questions/day. I’m also being told roughly 523 times that he/she kicked me, pushed me, hit me, licked me, bit me, touched me, breathed on me. I’m being asked 47 times a day for a snack or a drink (they still expect to be fed!) and every ten minutes I’m asked if we can watch a movie, play Wii or play computer games.

It’s tempting not to say yes and let them do that all day long. But alas, I’ve found that when my children sit in front of the TV all day they turn into jittery, weepy zombies without the will to reason.

On the other hand…my kids are pretty dang funny and, despite being trapped, we have had some fun this week. It’s not that I haven’t enjoyed it – it’s just that every day I enjoy it a little less. And so do they.

A few pictures of the happier times for your viewing enjoyment.

We’re not really sure who had a better birthday yesterday – Tia or Kit.

Seriously. Where did this kid come from? He’s yet to find a camera he didn’t love…

Filed Under: Family, funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Sloan, Tia Tagged With: birthdays, Kids, mama's going crazy, Midwest blizzard, snow days, snowed in

Five Extraordinary Years

February 2, 2011 by Kelli

All of my children are miracles. They are miracles to me. All three of them own my heart and are wrapped into the depths of my soul. There is a feeling that is a little deeper, though, when I look at my daughter.

My daughter.

To hear those words when I had convinced myself I would never have a daughter…That moment is forever etched on my heart. She’s my daughter. Mine.

And I adore her.

I want the world for her.

I want to protect her from the world.

She’s beautiful and sassy and funny and awesome.

She’s my daughter.

And today? Today she is five.

5 Extraordinary Years from Kelli Stuart on Vimeo.

Happy Birthday to my sweet girl today. I look forward to many more extraordinary years…

Song by Rebekah Sullivant from her Little Lambs and Lullabies album.

Many thanks to Jim of BusyDadBlog for inspiring me to begin using video and for taking the time to teach me how to use the software. Hopefully there will be many more videos to come.

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Tia Tagged With: birthdays, children, Motherhood, Tia

I laughed until I cried

January 31, 2011 by Kelli

I am eight years old and riding in the backseat of our silver Cougar on the way home from church. It’s cold but we live in Wisconsin so that’s just par for the course. My brother stares out the window memorizing every street sign and landmark we pass, as he was known for his astute observations when riding in cars.

I am watching my parents. I’m seeing their interaction. I don’t remember what they were talking about on this day – I’m not even sure I could hear them. But I know they’re happy. I know this because my dad laughs.

Clearly I, too, am astute in observation, yes?

The sound of my dad’s laugh always made my heart soar. It was so delightful, so spontaneous. When Dad laughed, I swore that two more stars popped up in the atmosphere. It just seemed magical to hear him laugh out loud.

Mom followed suit, adding in her own cackle. As we drove down the road, they laughed hysterically. Though Brett and I didn’t have a clue what was funny, we joined in the merriment, because who can sit stoney faced when a delightful joke has been told? We laughed all the way home, not because anything was spectacularly funny, but because the joy had spread and we bubbled over.

Last night, we went with the kids to a Family Night at the Magic House for Tia’s preschool. As we drove home, Tia blessed us all with a meltdown of epic proportions. Her name hadn’t been drawn in the raffle and the world as she knew it was coming to an end. Couple that with the fact that she hadn’t had a nap that day and she was wickedly overstimulated and it seemed that life as this almost five year old knew it was devastated permanently.

For those who have been trapped in a car with a melting down four year old, you know the insanity that ensues. It is as if the car will implode with every tear shed, every moan, every groan, every kick of the feet. In perfect rhythm, Tia moaned. A deep, gutteral sound that seemed to resonate from her toes and work it’s way out of her mouth like the rumble of motorboat that comes up on you from behind, then roars past.

And I was losing my mind.

I turned and in my sternest mom voice commanded her to stop crying. Which, in case you’re wondering, commanding someone who’s crying out of control to stop is not effective. That piece of parenting advice comes to you free of charge.

You’re welcome.

So I tried the next tactic. I told her to keep crying, but just cry without making sound.

“Aaaaahhhhhhh.” “Aaaaaaahhhhhh.” “Aaaaaahhhhh…” came the reply. Like a sonic wave it repeated over and over and I felt my brain begin the painful process of implosion. So I resorted to what can only be reffered to as Stellar Parenting 101.

“Tia,” I said, my voice sharp – but loving…of course. “Stop crying. Now. Stop making sounds.” And then, as the next words flowed from my mouth I tried to make them stop. “Stop making sounds…from your throat.”

As soon as I said that, I heard how ridiculous it sounded. Lee snorted, I buried my face in my coat and we both lost it. Painful laughter. The kind that makes your stomach hurt. Tears flowing down our cheeks leaving a trail of joy and relief behind. We laughed out loud, doubled over, clutching our sides.

And then…

Her crying stopped. “Why are you laughing?” she demanded. We couldn’t answer. We were laughing too hard. And anyway, it was only funny to us – she wouldn’t understand.

Stop making sounds from your throat?

We howled and cackled and every synonym for laughter that you can think of, we did it. Before long, all three kids joined in. They didn’t understand. They didn’t know what was funny. They just knew that laughter and joy were present. My brain resolidified into a coherent, usable mass and once again the world was right. Tia forgot why she was crying and chose laughter instead.

And that was the day we saved the world…one cackle at a time.

___________________________________________________________________

I had a wonderful experience at Blissdom this year. I hope to tell you about it in bits and pieces through my posts. I was challenged in my writing, in thinking outside the box in business and in expanding my use of multimedia. Hopefully you will see the results of my time at Blissdom rather than have to read about them.

Filed Under: Family, funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Lee, Tia Tagged With: Children Melting Down, Family, Laughter, Magic House, parenting

#Blissdom

January 27, 2011 by Kelli

I’m here in lovely Opryland for the Blissdom conference this weekend. I don’t feel like I can actually say I’m in Nashville because I’m pretty sure Opryland has its own zip code.

Updating will be sparse until next week, which seems odd since I’m at a blogging conference, right? But alas, I’m off to galavant (turns out I kind of know how to do that) and paint the Opryland red (which I’m not entirely sure I know how to do).

Have a great weekend everybody!

Filed Under: Blogging Tagged With: Blissdom, blog conference, Opryland

Gems

January 25, 2011 by Kelli

“Hey Mom,” he pipes up from the back seat of our (smokin’ hot) minivan.

“Yep?” I reply.

“How old do you think I have to be to be a rock star?”

“Uuuummm…I don’t know. Maybe 25?”

His face falls. “Oh. I was hoping you would say 8.”

“Well, you can be a kid rock star if you want,” I say with a smile.

He thinks about it for a minute then responds, “Nah. I think I’ll just be a Jedi Knight.”

______________________________________________

We were driving up to the Holy Land Target and as I circle to find a parking lot, Sloan adjusts his hat. “I’m sensing that there will be girls in here that will want to look at me. My sensors tell me they’re going to like me.”

Oh good grief…

_____________________________________________________

A car drives by us one day and a teenager sits in the front seat talking on the phone. She sees us and politely waves her hand. As the car drives off Sloan says, “So. Hot.”

Whose kid is this anyway?!

___________________________________________________________

Glossary of terms:

ahmpit=armpit

wight=right

woody=really

yeth=yes

wike=like

fink=think

Landon walks in the room in a full out wail. “Tia punched me,” he cries. “Tia punched me in da ahmpit.”

Tia runs in with a look of defiance on her face. “No I didn’t!” she says with a stomp of her foot.

“Yeth, she did,” Landon wails.

“No! Wandon, I punched you in da chin. Jeez. Get it wight.”

_____________________________________________________

As Tia stomped around the house in a huff, I gently reminded her that 5 year olds don’t throw temper tantrums when they don’t get their way.

“Well…I’n not five yet. I’n still four so I guess dat’s good so I can still frow a temper tantrum.”

_________________________________________________________

“Mommy?”

“Yes.”

“When I drow up, tan I be a boy?”

“Nope. God made you a girl and you will always be a girl.”

“But I don’t wanna be a dirl.” Insert foot stomp here.

“Why?”

“Because. Boys det to do wots of fun stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Wike go potty standing up and eat fish and play baseball and be Jedi Knights.”

“Well, going potty standing up is not all that special and you can eat fish too, you just choose not to because you don’t like it. You also play baseball with daddy and the boys and if you want to be a Jedi Knight, I’m sure you could figure out how to do that. But think of all the special things about being a girl, like wearing dresses and fun tights and curling your hair…”

“Well, I would do dose fings if I was a boy, too…”

“No. You wouldn’t. Trust me on this one.”

______________________________________________________

“Mom? Tan I wear shorts?”

Landon walks out of his room when he is supposed to be sleeping wearing nothing but socks.

“No, babe. It’s 4 degrees out today. You need to wear pants.”

“No!” His chin starts to tremble. “I’n not going outside so pwease, wet me wear shorts.”

“Honey, I’m sorry, it’s just a little too cold.”

“Well…it’s not cold in Fworwida.”

“Okay, well when we live in Florida you can wear shorts in the winter but right now it’s too cold.”

A moment of silence.

“I tan wear shorts?”

I caved, he wore shorts the rest of the day.

__________________________________________________

In the grocery store, we walk down the cereal aisle when all of the sudden Landon breaks out in a rousing rendition of “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” When he’s finished, I smile and clap softly.

“That was a good song.”

He sighs and grins. “Yeah. I’n woody dood at songs, wight?”

“Yep. You’re pretty good.”

“Yeah. I’n awesome.”

It appears he’s taking after his older brother.

_______________________________________________________

Last weekend was a particularly rough sleeping weekend for my I-dont-need-sleep-its-for-the-birds third born. Of course. Because daddy was out of town. At 2:30 one night after he had been up and down since 11:00, he walked in my room for the 15th time. I had yet to sleep and I was reaching the point of melt down.

I shot up and broke the silence of the night. “Landon, get your bottom back in your bed.”

He screamed and propelled himself into my bed where he huddled under the blankets for a minute. I felt bad and, strangely, satisfied…

“I’m sorry, buddy,” I whispered. “Mommy is really tired and I need you to go to sleep so I can sleep.”

A brief pause. “Mommy, I wove you and fink your beautiful.”

He finally went to sleep next to me in bed.

Stinker.

Filed Under: funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Motherhood, Random, Sloan, Tia Tagged With: kids say the darndest things

Freedom

January 24, 2011 by Kelli

She stood up on stage and spoke softly into the microphone.

“For you were called to freedom, brethren,” she said in a reverent voice. And that was it. She didn’t finish the verse but rather, stopped there. Her point was to explain to us, her audience, that God calls us to freedom – financial freedom. This was a business conference for something Lee and I were involved in and the focus was on building your business and dreaming about what you could do if you were financially free. There were fancy boats on display and pictures of large, ornate houses were shown. And the prevailing thought was that financial freedom was necessary to experience life to the full.

I remember listening to this particular speaker and thinking that there had to be a little more. It didn’t feel right and it didn’t seem to fit totally.

So I read the rest of the verse later when I got home. It’s Galatians 5:13 and it reads “For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”

As I read, I realized this verse wasn’t speaking of financial freedom at all. In fact, I don’t believe that God commands any believer to seek after financial freedom. If anything, we are warned to be wary of wealth for it offers much greater temptation.

That is not to say, however, that wealth is a bad thing. I think that wealth in the hands of people who know how to use it is powerful and blessed. I know godly people who have a great deal of material wealth. They don’t flaunt it, but instead they use it to love and serve others. Their freedom isn’t money, or boats, or homes. It’s impacting people, loving people, pointing people to the love and freedom that is in Christ.

For two years Lee and I juggled this idea of building business to create wealth. We mulled the idea of creating wealth to “make a better life.” Until, that is, we had our first child and suddenly the idea of leaving him several nights a week and several weekends a month didn’t seem worth it anymore. What were we doing? Why were we doing it? Things weren’t adding up.

I tread on this topic lightly because I do not judge those who work for financial success. Money is necessary. It’s important. We need it to live, to eat, to provide. Money is a wonderful blessing. But financial freedom, from what I’ve learned over the years, is not about gathering wealth so you can retire at 40 and take your children on a trip around the world.

One of the activities we were encouraged to do those many years ago was make a list of 100 dreams. This was to be something that we placed out in front of us so that we could remember why we were working so hard. We were working toward the freedom to make our dreams come true.

I found the list the other day when I was cleaning out the pit that we like to call home. It made me smile, made me scratch my head and made me laugh out loud. One of my hundred dreams was to have a gardener. A Gardener! I honestly don’t even know what I was thinking. Why a gardener? That was a head scratcher…

I dreamed of taking a Grecian Cruise, owning a motor home (seriously?!) and having a home theater. Apparently at one point Lee hijacked my list because I also had Go to the Final Four Championship Game, Go the the Superbowl (okay, that would be cool) and attending an NBA Championship game on my list. I’m pretty sure I didn’t write those on my own.

It was fun to see a few of the things on my list were accomplished – buy a house, go to Italy, go to Switzerland, have a laptop. By God’s grace, we have marked several dreams off our list inadvertantly.

I no longer equate the freedom I have in God with our finances. In fact, now that I am no longer obssessed with gaining financial freedom, I feel much more free. Lee and I both no longer agree that writing out a list of 100 dreams with the idea of asking God to bless that list is the right way to approach God or life. In fact my list of dreams is drastically smaller than this original list. My dreams are simply this:

– To live my life to the glory of God, honoring Him in every activity, every ambition, every desire, every dollar earned and spent.

– To honor and respect my husband.

– To point my children to the Almighty and see them grow in wisdom, knowledge and stature.

I have been called to freedom – freedom to serve and love others with the resources I have been given. I don’t always serve well and I don’t always love well. I still get sucked into the rat race and I don’t always give freely from the abundance I’ve been given. I still long to go on a Grecian Cruise and I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to travel the world…like, ever. I believe in enjoying the financial blessings God has bestowed upon us, but only after giving back to Him first.

Like any parent, I long to be able to provide good things for my children. I want to be able to send them to college without the stress of loans, I want to give them the opportunity to see the world and the beauty of God’s creation. I hope to do some of that while also teaching them to serve others and love people. I long to show them what true freedom is and give them a foundation that sets them up for success in finances, missions, serving and loving. I long to teach them how to serve God fully with the money they are blessed with. I’m still learning that lesson myself…

I long to figure out why in the world I put “Have a Gardener” on my list of 100 dreams.

“For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” Galations 5:13

What are your thoughts?

Filed Under: Family, funny stuff that happens, Lee, Life, Random Tagged With: Finances, Galations 5:13, God and Money, teaching kids about finances

2011 Goal – I did it

January 21, 2011 by Kelli

When I was a senior in college, a fire ignited inside me. It was a love for the written word that I didn’t really know was in me. It was lit by a few professors who saw something I didn’t and urged me to think bigger. It was fanned by a fiancee who made me believe the sky was the limit and had bigger dreams for me than I ever dared to dream for myself. It burst into flame when a man I barely knew took me under his wing and made me his co-author.

The fire dulled a bit when I had my first real taste of the publishing world and the challenges that come with pursuing publication. I had a big break, and I will forever be grateful for it, but there were some roadblocks along the way that made me question whether or not I really had any talent as a writer. Comments were made that caused me to wonder if, perhaps, I had set too lofty a goal in my endeavors toward authorship.

Then I had a baby. And another one. And another one. And I just figured the dream of being a writer was over for me. Until I discovered blogging and met other fabulous writers and wondered if maybe, juuuust maybe, I should give the whole writer thing a second chance.

The end of last year brought some big encouragements my way. I met people who, despite the fact that they barely knew me, believed in me. Strangers urged me to write more.* And I began to wonder and think and ponder and pray. Still those doubts nagged in the back of my mind. What if I fail? What if I’m no good? What if I’ve set up this expectation that I’m some kind of spectacular communicator of the written word when really I stink?

If any of you read the Christmas letter I sent out that was fraught with typos, you know idea of me being a stellar communicator is laughable…

But I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe it was time for me to give my own writing a second chance. So I made a goal for 2011. I decided that this would be the year I finish my novel. The same novel that took birth my senior year of college. The same novel that I spent a month in Ukraine researching when I was pregnant with Sloan. The same novel that is so stuck in my head it’s difficult for me to even think about writing another story.

I revisited my novel last night. I liked some of what I read and some of it made me want to roll on broken glass. But the characters were there waiting for me. They are still fresh in my mind and their stories are primed for completion. The trip Lee and I took overseas last fall gave me mighty inspiration for the novel. Pictures formed in my head that weren’t there before and storylines that once seemed lifeless took breath.

It’s in there. And I have to get it out. Do you think I can convince Lee to take me on another European vacation to further my inspiration?

I don’t know if this book will be any good. I hope I at least do the characters and the story justice. The truth is, I know full well I’m not the greatest writer out there. But I also know that I have a story to tell and if I don’t get it out of my head, I might well explode. And think of the mess that would make!

Ba-dum Ching!

Yes, the story is there. And today? Today I picked it back up again. Wish me luck. I really, really do want to finish it.

*To those who have encouraged me over the years, both past and present, I can’t thank you enough. Most of you have no idea how well timed your words of encouragement were to me. I am exceedingly grateful to all who have offered words of affirmation when my heart needed it most.

(Incidentally, I do not in any way, shape or form write this post to garner more praise or encouragement or to try and toot my own horn. I am simply processing the emotions that are swirling inside. Just wanted to make that clear!)

Filed Under: Blogging, Life, Random, shameless self-promotion Tagged With: Encouragement, Writer, Writer's Block, Writing and Novel