A few deep breaths…and maybe a stiff drink

On Saturday morning I will be moderating a panel at the St. Louis Interactive Festival.  I’m so excited about this event.  After last year’s Festival, I made it my goal to be considered knowledgable to be asked to speak and lookie here!

Except…

Oh dear God I’m so nervous I feel like I’m going to be sick.  And I’m only a moderator.  I’m just asking the questions.  I’m not even speaking as a definate authority.  But I’m still nervous as all get out and here’s why:

(Don’t you love how naturally I segued into this next paragraph thereby sucking you all in to read about my neurotic little mental breakdown?  You didn’t even know it happened did you?  You had no idea you were being manipulated. Muahahaha!!!)

Okay – so I’ve never really “officially” been in the workforce.  The few years I had between marriage, college graduation and children were spent developing a career of sorts in writing and editing while also coaching gymnastics and working as a personal trainer.  In short, I’ve never had a “real” job.  I’ve never had a steady paycheck or limited vacation time (a huge perk to working for yourself, by the way).  I’ve never been to an office party or had to wear a suit to work.

In short – my life has been awesome! Ahem.

So I get around all these uber successful people and I’m all, “OMG (I actually think omg ) why would they want to listen to me?  So I’ve written a couple of books – who cares?  I did all of that in my pajamas!  I’ve never been in the rat race.  What do I know?” 

And on and on it goes until I’ve got myself all in a tizzy thinking about standing in front of a group of people who are all really career focused, employed, making the big bucks, doing cool things like hosting radio shows, producing movies, running major publications…

And then, of course, there is the importance of figuring out what to wear!  Oy!

So I’m taking deep breaths tonight.  And I thought about having a stiff drink but I feel like I’m getting sick so I settled for NyQuil instead.

It’s going to be fine.  I’ll picture them all in their underwear and all will be good.

Plus, I need to remember that I haven’t exactly had my head in the mud these last few years.  I mean, I have produced three pretty spectacular human beings and I do maintain a blog that’s all the awesome.

Okay, I was hoping that if I patted myself on the back a little, I’d feel better, but I’m still nervous and now I feel like a dork for tooting my own horn.  I think it’s time for me to go to bed and wake up tomorrow with a new sense of empowerment.

Yeah – that’s what I’m gonna do…

The one where I procrastinate

Hey internets.

It’s 9:45 on Tuesday night and I’m very tired.  Very, very tired indeed.  And yet, here I am, rapping away on my trusty keyboard.  Why? You ask.

Because I’m procrastinating.  I’m putting off.  I’m waiting until tomorrow.  Only tomorrow is today, but I’m reminding myself that no, today is today and tomorrow is tomorrow and tomorrow I’ll get it done.  Except I should have gotten it done yesterday.

Confused yet?

I pitched an article idea about a month ago and it was accepted.  I don’t want to say what it’s about yet, because I just really need to write it first.  But I’m overwhelmed.  And I can’t seem to figure out how to get it started so I keep putting it off and I need to stop putting it off and just get it done. 

I keep thinking that by some miracle of the heavens I’ll have an abundance of free time in which to process thoughts and delve into the aformentioned subject matter.  Then I wake up and remember I have three kids 6 and under and free time is a commodity of which I am sorely lacking these days.

You see, there are no free moments in my day.  Two of my three still nap, a gift for which I am immensly grateful.  And the oldest does “rest” in his room.  But his “rest” usually includes several ventures out to show me the awesome, totally cool, really sweet LEGO ships he’s constructed.  Or the lineup of Transformers he’s laid out.  There are also the frequent bathroom breaks, the much needed drinks and of course the obligatory questions of how much time he has left.

In short – there is little time to complete a significant train of thought.  Which, in general, is not a big deal as I tend to give myself a sweet break during “rest” time in which to read blogs, answer emails and otherwise have guilt free computer time.

Only, I really have some things I need to get done these days.  But I never seem to find the right time to do them. 

Which is why I am now sitting on my couch, rambling on to you poor souls instead of making my brain kick it into hyperdrive and tackle this project. 

And so I have a question for you all.  How do you carve out quiet moments in your day?  When do you find time to sit in the stillness and process thoughts?  How do you get yourself moving on those days when all you want to do is sit and breathe?  Do share.  Perhaps we can learn from one another.

Now, I’m off to sleep.  Maybe I’ll get up early to write in the morning.  Or, maybe I won’t.  I’ve gotten in bed with procrastination, friends.  And she is a persistent bed-fellow…

Balancing Act

I’ve noticed recently that I have quite a few more readers following my blog on a daily basis than I realized.  I mean, I’m not experiencing mutliple thousands of hits per day, but my readership has increased significantly in the last few months. 

While I’m grateful for this fact, as I’d always hoped to turn this more into a creative outlet for my writing and less of a family journal, I also feel a lot more pressure on a day to day basis because of it.  I find myself thinking of things to write and then talking myself out of it because I’m not really sure if anyone would actually want to read about said topic or it seems funny in my head, but translating it onto cyber-paper loses the effect.

Whatever the case, I do find myself thinking a lot more about my words, how I write and how much I really want to share with the world.

I enjoy writing about my kids more than anything, because…well, because they’re funny.  For example, yesterday Sloan came home and told us that the girl from iCarly is hot.  When Lee asked him what that meant he replied, “Uh, you know it means she’s, like, really awful…Really, I just like to say that she’s hot!”  

Six year olds say funny things and I love to capture those things so that someday, when he’s all grown up and we are at his rehearsal dinner the night before his wedding, I’ll be able to read some of the funny things he said and reminisce about the boy that he once was.

But there is a balance on how much I share about my kids.  I try to think clearly through how they might feel about what I wrote for the world to read when they get older.  I want them to laugh at these stories – I don’t want them to be embarrassed. 

So, sometimes, I keep things to myself.  Even if they’re funny.  There have been a couple of times when I’ve contemplated writing about a particular struggle or disciplinary issue, in the hopes of getting some insight or wisdom or understanding from other parents, but have refrained eventually because I don’t want my kids to look back and be ashamed or humiliated by my words.

This is a balancing act.

I also enjoy writing about motherhood issues because that’s where I am right now.  I’m in the thick of this thing called motherhood and it’s so nice to know that I’m not the only one who sometimes feels isolated.  Blogging has become my lifeline to a world outside the walls of my home.  There are some days when I get so discouraged as I look at the caller ID on my phone and realize no one’s called my house in two days.  But then I see that I have several comments on my blog and my spirits are lifted, because, while it’s not as personal, it’s still a connection.

Motherhood can be lonely sometimes, yes?

My conundrum with writing about all things motherhood, however, is that I often feel like I don’t have that much to say.  I don’t have any innovative child rearing tactics.  I’m thankful each evening when I tuck them in to bed that they’re all still alive!  I do aim to mother with purpose, but I don’t feel like I’m a good cheerleader on the sidelines of the motherhood game. 

I’m more like the pimple faced, uncoordinated kid who stumbles around the field and every once in awhile bounces the ball off her foot and falls into the end zone. 

What I mean is – I have a plan in my parenting, but I don’t have an excellent plan book so sharing mothering advice seems daunting to me.  I don’t have great discipline techniques or fun, crafty ideas, or cute recipes.  I don’t have great advice for getting your kids to clean up their rooms or how to make them eat broccoli without bitter weeping and gnashing of teeth. 

I can, however, write about each of these issues in such a way that we can all chuckle together at the hilarity of parenting.  For example, while I can’t give you point by point advice on how to get your child to obey you immediately, I can tell you that yesterday, when I told Landon to give me the penny that he found and was playing with, he promptly shoved it in his mouth and swallowed it.  Um – a little dangerous? Yes.  A little funny?  Uh-huh.  Because I’m now on poop patrol to make sure that the penny passes. 

I find that funny. 

Moving on…I love to blog about the fun things that happen in our lives.  Lee and I are so blessed – were blessed far beyond what I ever imagined we would be.  We are not rich…but we are not poor.  We have three healthy, beautiful, hilarious kids, a house that meets our needs, faithful and wise friends and we laugh every. single. day.  Our life is wonderful.

And so I blog about it.  I try to keep the blog light and fun, but OY! There’s pressure even in that.  I find myself sitting at the computer, staring at a blank screen, begging myself to think of something funny to say.  And sometimes I come up dry.  So somedays I’m just not going to be funny.  Somedays I don’t feel funny.  Like today.  Sorry.

There are other things I like to write about like, for example, politics.  But we all saw how that went for me the last time I did it, so I try to keep my political ramblings to a minimum because I want my blog to be a happy place.  There will be times when I share my views because, ahem, this is my blog.  But, in general, I try not to go overboard with the politics.

Blogging is great.  It’s fun, it gives me some sense that I’m pursuing my passion, I’m making a little money, I’m keeping a record of my children’s lives and I’m working out some of the kinks in my head.  But I am also balancing the act of sharing the right amount of information.  It is a delicate balance, but, so far, I think it’s going alright.

So what about you?  How do you balance the art of sharing your lives without sharing too much?

Compassion International

Sponsor a child online through Compassion's Christian child sponsorship ministry. Search for a child by age, gender, country, birthday, special needs and more.

I’ve written about Compassion International before, and they are a large organization, so what I’m going to tell you may not be new information, but it is information that bears repeating.

I love this organization.  They are well run, well led and are really making a huge impact worldwide in children’s lives.

I’ve been to areas of the world where poverty runs rampant.  I’ve seen children living in conditions that are heart-wrenching, filthy and, seemingly, destitute.  I’ve looked into the eyes of children who have nothing and I’ve listened to their sweet voices, all inflected with the same innocence that my own children possess.  Here or there, rich or poor, children are still children and they need love, care and…well, compassion

So what exactly does Compassion International do?  I’m so glad you asked!  Because that’s why I’m writing up this little feature.  To tell you what they do

The better question to ask, though, is probably what doesn’t Compassion International do?  From their Child Survival Program, where they provide prenatal care to pregnant mothers and offer preventative medications to children to give them the healthiest life possible, to their Child Sponsorship Program, where they offer children the funds to receive educational, spiritual and vocational training so that those same children can grow into self-sustaining adults, to the Leadership Development Program, which allows those excelling in high school who have a desire to pursue post-secondary education the opportunity to do so through help in funding – through all of these amazing programs, Compassion is changing the world.

Have any of you ever looked into the eyes of someone who has lost hope?  Have you ever seen the hollow chasm of a lost future?  It’s so easy to forget that there is a world of desperation out there.  But, through organizations like Compassion International (and another group that I’ll tell you about in a couple of days…oh, I can’t wait!) there are simple and easy ways that you and I can help be a part of this global impact. 

Do you realize what I’m saying?  With minimal effort, you can restore hope to a child who’s lost the spark?  It takes a few short minutes to sign up and requires a fraction of a fraction of your monthly income.  And just like that, a life is changed. 

The Stuart family have been a child sponsor for a couple of months now and I will testify to the fact that it is immensely fulfilling to know that 6-year-old Jonri in Indonesia now has opportunity that he did not have before.  I love hearing our kids pray for him at dinner time.  I don’t love them fighting over who gets to sit “next” to him (his picture is on the fridge) but I’ll take it because it means they’ve embraced the concept.  It’s very sweet to watch them get the idea of blessing others out of the abundance with which we ourselves have been blessed. 

Another thing about Compassion that has impressed me is their spectacular use of social media.  The internet is used to bring so much pain, so much destruction, so much hurt to the world.  But Compassion is using the internet to the glory of God.

Through their Compassion International Bloggers, Compassion is reaching a whole new world and generation with their mission for changing children’s lives.  They are using new media brilliantly and with great intention.  And, by doing so, they have expanded their message tenfold.  And I believe God is blessing the ministry because of their faithful obedience to Him.

To get more information about Compassion International and child sponsorship, visit their website.  You can also follow them on Twitter at @compassion or follow Shaun Groves (@theshaungroves), who is their Blogger Relationship Manager and fields the blogger trips to compassion sponsored areas.  The next trip they will take is to El Salvador and two of the bloggers going on that trip are Kelly and Dana, two fantastic bloggy ladies who will do a spectacular job of spreading Compassion’s message even further. 

(Incidentally, Shaun and I are both graduates of Baylor where we both participated in Baylor Religious Hour Choir.  Shaun graduated a few years before me, so we never met, but this practically makes us related, so I feel like I can write about him as though he’s my BFF – even though he doesn’t know me from Adam.  Is that kind of creepy? No?  It’s fine you say?  Great – so go visit my BFF, Shaun’s site, and learn more about him and about Compassion!)

Compassion International is a great organization to be involved in, if you are looking for a way to live out your faith tangibly.  If you’re still not sure, jump over to their site (I’ve left you about a thousand links in this post so you should be able to find your way over there for more information).  

Or you can keep checking back all week this week to find other people and organizations that you can be involved in.  But, no matter what, may you all leave your computers encouraged to know that there are ways that you, too, can make an impact on the kingdom of heaven – both great and small! 

May you have a blessed day…

Not Here – Just There

My kids spent the night at my parents’ house last night.  Which means I slept in this morning.  Until 8:00-please, try not to be jealous…

After taking a long, leisurely shower where I actually shaved without nicking my leg because I was trying to rush, and running a few errands (including getting my driver’s license renewed because it expired more than two months ago – awesome…) I am now home, kids are in their beds (or bedrooms) and I’m tired.  Even though I slept in, I’m tired.  So I’m going to go lay on the couch, because – well, did I mention I’m tired?

So no real post from me today.  But I did post over at the St. Louis Bloggers Guild this morning, so you’re welcome to jump over there and read to your heart’s content.  Then go lay down on the couch and study the back of your eyelids, like I’m going to do. 

Enjoy!

Well waddaya know…

First, I must tell you that the prodigal dog hath returned.  Yes – there has been a great deal of celebrating today, complete with a killing of the fatted calf…

Okay, not really.  But we did give her a leftover pork chop, which is pretty much the same thing so…Aaaanyway, we’re torn now.  The kids are so happy and relieved to have Sadie home.  Lee and I are relieved to not have the guilt of abandonment follow us the rest of our lives, and we are truly happy that she’s safe.  But we still don’t know if we’re going to keep her.  The family that found her are big dog lovers.  They already have a dog of their own, but they thought that they might have family members interested in taking Sadie.  So Lee and I are going to have to make a decision.

But enough about that.  How about this?  I shamelessly promoted myself on Facebook today.  I was at 10,999 views on my blog and I begged, ahem, asked for one more hit to push me over the 11,000 mark.  And do you know what I got?

I got 42 hits in just a couple of hours.  Thank you everyone, thank you so much.  You love me!  You really love me!

I know that 11,000 hits in a few months is not that much in the grand scheme, and truly, it doesn’t mean anything, but when you pour time and energy into writing and you truly have a desire to entertain, it’s nice to know that there are actually a few people reading those words.

I also realize that I’m not the best blogger out there.  I’m not the funniest, the smartest, the most creative or original.  But I really enjoy what I am doing and am grateful for the new friendships I’ve made via the lovely internet and I’ve had a ball recording our lives in the hopes that someday my children will look back on these days with joy.

So thank you to all my readers, wherever you are and whoever you are.  I don’t know why you keep coming back, but I really am grateful to you and I do strive to make the few moments that you spend here worthwhile.

And that’s all she wrote.  Well, I mean, for tonight anyway…

The good of blogging

Blogging is a great thing.  It is a powerful tool to reach numerous people with one minor strike of a key.  It does, of course, hold some negative effects, one of those being the addictive power it can hold. 

 There are days when I find myself sucked into the blogosphere as a means of procrastination.  I work really hard at not sitting at the computer all day because that’s not healthy for anyone; but some days, when I’m in a tired or lazy mood, I do tend to slack a little.

I am a work in progress.

There are a few blogs that I permit myself to read every single day.  I try not to alot any more than 15 minutes of blog reading time most days, and, for the most part, I do a pretty good job of that (save for the aforementioned slacker days…)

One of the blogs I read faithfully is My Charming Kids.  If you haven’t yet discovered this site, I highly recommend you check it out.  Jennifer (or McKMama) is a brilliant writer, witty, a great mom, an encourager, a godly woman and she’s in need of prayer.

And this is what I love about blogs.  Since she and her husband discovered the very serious nature of their son’s heart problem in the womb, the world – yes, I said world – has mobilized in prayer for their son.  And we have witnessed miracle after miracle in that little boy’s life.

Stellan is now 9 months old and he is sick again.  Will you pray?  Will you allow this thing called the internet be used for good and cry out on behalf of a family that is desperate for healing?

For as much evil as the internet has brought into the world, it is beyond encouraging to see the good, and to participate in the good, that the internet holds.

So I ask that you join me today in praying for Stellan.  A little miracle boy whose earthly heart is weak.  And may we all rejoice in our ability to be a part of God’s miracles.
Prayers for Stellan

No post today

We are in sunny Flordia!  After getting up at 4:15 this morning and tearing our children from their beds at 4:45, we have arrived.  We’ve already been swimming and now the kids are eating and then they’re headed off to bed.  In the meantime, please visit the St. Louis Bloggers Guild and read the post I wrote today about Blogging to Preserve History.  I’m proud of this post.

Another Story from the Mission Field

After the first year of living in South Caicos, my grandmother realized that my mom and her older brother needed a better education than she could provide. So she and my grandfather made the difficult decision to send their kids back to the States for boarding school.

But how to get them home was an issue. In the early ’60’s, Caicos was hardly a booming tourist hot spot. There were no major airports, and even if there had been, they had little money transport the children back and forth.

So my grandparents took a gigantic leap of faith. It’s something that I couldn’t fully appreciate until I became a mother myself.

On occasion, small planes would land on a small, beach landing strip in S. Caicos. When it came time for the kids to head back to school, they had to pack their suitcases and be ready at all times. If a small plane landed on the beach, Poppy Jim would race to meet the pilot and ask him where he was going, and if he had room for two young children. If the pilot said yes, my grandfather would zoom back to the house, blaring his horn, which was his signal for the kids to grab their bags and leave.

Crazy, huh?

One does not do that unless he has full faith in God to keep his children safe.  My mom was only 11/12 and her brother is two years older.  They were very small.

When the kids arrived in Miami, they would get word to their parents that they made it, then they left to live with grandparents for the school year.

The deal they had with their parents was that they could come home at Christmas and for summer break.  But, in 1962, it looked like the funds would not be there to bring the kids home.  On December 10, 1962, after realizing that the supply ship with the food was not going to arrive on time once again, my grandmother wrote:

I can see why many missionaries give up and go home.  The discouragements and disappointments that come all at one are more sometimes than we can take.  I thank the Lord for His sustaining Hand.  Hellp me, O Lord, to be more thankful and more patient!

Poppy Jim was in the States at this point, with Mimi under the impression that he was picking up a few supplies and going to see the kids.  He was scheduled to return on December 14, but, as was always possible in the Caribbean, there was a possibility that he would miss his flight or his flight would be cancelled.  And Mimi feared this disappointment dreadfully.  December 14, 1962 she wrote:

Breakfast is over and I’ve washed my hair and I’m trying to dry it so I’ll look nice to meet the plane.  I’m almost afriad to get out of the truck for fear he won’t be on the plane.  I wouldan’t want the villagers to see how disappointed I’d be!!  I may sit in the truck and then I could cry if I like.

What she didn’t know is that Poppy Jim had scraped together enough funds to bring her kids home as a surprise.  Here is what she wrote in the next entry:

He brought my kids home!  My baby brought my kids home!  My Dusty and my own Candy.  Thank you, Lord – Thank you for the best Christmas present ever.  My kids and food, too!  Food for all of us – we’ll have a party!

That last part always makes me cry…

Why I’m in Turks & Caicos

A few months ago, my mom asked me if I would like to accompany her on a trip to trace the unique heritage of our family.  Her offer was even more enticing when she said that she and dad had enough miles saved up to get our plane tickets for free. 

I’m a smart girl – I know a good deal when I see one.  And so, with the blessing of my husband, I jumped on the opportunity to go to Turks and Caicos islands in the Carribean where my grandparents were pioneer missionaries in the early 1960’s.

All I can say is thank God they weren’t pioneer missionaries to the Arctic because this trip would be far less appealing…

In October of 1961, my grandparents, Jim and Betty Cooper, packed up their four young children and moved to South Caicos.  It is a small, primitive, yet beautiful, island in the Turks and Caicos chain.

Immediately they established their ministry, building a church, conducting backyard Bible clubs and inviting the islanders into their home as a part of their family.

My grandfather also travelled to other islands within the Caribbean, establishing himself as a gifted preacher and teacher.  To this day, my grandfather is well known, loved and remembered in the islands.

When in the islands, Poppy Jim realized that his job would be much easier if he had a small airplane so he could get from island to island with a little more ease.  So, he prayed for a plane and God provided.  Once he owned the plane, he taught himself to fly it.  This man was nothing short of extraordinary.

And if he was extraordinary, then my grandmother was the saint by his side.  When people hear that they were missionaries in the Caribbean, the first response is often, “Wow – they really suffered for Jesus, huh?” usually said with the utmost sarcasm.  But this was no resort life.  They had no electricity, no running water and sometimes very little food. 

I have my grandmother’s diaries from those years and every other day she writes about someone being sick.  The years were not easy – life was difficult.  But they loved their work and so they persevered with their calling.

My grandmother found 1,000 different ways to prepare SPAM, she served alongside her husband, a man she calls my darling over and over in her pages.  I admire my grandmother, who went to be with Jesus ins 2004, very much. 

While in South Caicos, my mom and her family lived in this house.  I hope it’s still standing.  South Caicos got hit pretty hard in the hurricane a couple of years ago so I’m not sure if it will be in tact or not – but I do hope.  Incidentally, have you ever seen more beautiful water in all the world

There are so many stories to tell about my family’s Caicos years.  I will probably write them out a little bit at a time over the next few months.  For now, though, I leave you the words of my grandmother, written on Friday, May 1962 when they had run out of food and were waiting on the supply ship to bring new rations:

Oh-I’m hungry! We haven’t eaten since 11:00 am yesterday.  We had some instant coffee in our suitcase so we had coffee and then took off to the beach for a “sea bath.” And I mean a bath.  We went in the sea and we also brushed our teeth with the salt water.  Then we took up our watch for the little green Crusader (supplies would arrive on this)-she became most precious for she held our food.

Jim finally arrived about 10:00 am and it wasn’t before 12:30 before we got our food.

Finally we ate. Peas and rice, canned beef, bread and hot orange Crush. I never knew realized that hot drinks could taste so delicious. Ah- food. We were about sick with hunger.

Today I will be in Provo, snorkling and Snuba-ing (we will dive down about 20 feet).  Tomorrow starts the quest into my heritage.  I’ll tell you more later.