Hey Moms! You’ve got this…

I became a mother nine and a half years ago.

For the most part, transitioning into motherhood was a very natural thing to me. I wasn’t overly cautious or concerned about germs and allowing others to hold my baby didn’t send me into fits of anxiety. I had no problem letting my infant cry it out when he needed to sleep and I never felt guilty leaving him with a babysitter or grandparent so I could sneak away for a date with my husband.

But there was an area where I felt almost completely inept as a mother, and that was in taking care of my child alone if Lee had to travel. Thankfully he did not travel often, but when he did, I almost always asked one of the grandmothers to come stay with me because I did not think I could handle solo parenting, even for a weekend.

I had no idea, friends, how easy it was back then. No idea! My child slept for twelve hours, napped twice a day and could not argue with me. What the heck was I afraid of?!

Last October, Lee began a new job. Yes…another new job. We like to keep things exciting around here. When he began this new venture, I knew he would have to travel more and the old me – the one who thinks she is incapable of flying this ship solo – had a slight panic attack.

But you know what? I’ve got this. I have got it.

Moving from St. Louis to Florida a year and a half ago was one of the hardest things we have ever done, but as we exit the fire and fog of the year, I see so many good things that have come out of it.

Our marriage is stronger.

Our family is stronger.

We are no longer afraid of risk.

We no longer feel confined by the trappings of comfort.

We have seen and experienced God in a whole new way.

And for me, personally, I realized I’m a heckuva lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.

We moved to Florida and in the midst of an emotional crisis, I somehow managed to band my little family together. Homeschooling the kids for that first year here, while by far one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, allowed me to fall in love with being with them. It gave me the opportunity to flex my mommy wings and see that flying this ship isn’t so bad after all.

And while I know that putting our children back in school was the right decision, there is a big (HUGE) part of me that really, really misses homeschooling. I miss being with them every day. Yes, I like the time I have to myself, but when I put my kids back on the bus this morning, I had to swallow hard over the lump in my throat.

They make me happy

Lee’s been at his new job for three months now and I have never seen my husband so happy in work. In all the years I’ve known him, I’ve never seen his eyes light up the way they do with this job. He loves what he is doing and I love how happy he is.

But…

The travel is intense – for right now, anyway. For the next three months, Lee will likely be traveling three-five days every week. Is this ideal? No, not in the slightest, but this type of intense traveling will be temporary and so, once again, I am digging in my heels, clenching my teeth and pep talking my way through the days.

Nine years ago I couldn’t have done this – I couldn’t have handled him being gone this much.

Five years ago I couldn’t have handled this.

Three years ago I couldn’t have handled this…not emotionally. I would have been a basket case…and I probably would have gained a rather unhealthy dependancy on Nutella to get me through my days.

But God has walked us through the fire and prepared us, prepared me, for such a time as this. Do I like flying solo this often? No. Does Lee like traveling this much? No.

But I’m stronger than I give myself credit, we are happy and thriving and we are going to be just fine.

And…I have a massive jar of Nutella if the days get to be a little too overwhelming. (Yes, my dad got us another twelve pound jug of Nutella for Christmas…because he loves me.)

So Mama’s, if you’re feeling weary and tired and alone, don’t forget – you’ve got this. You can do it. You’re stronger than you think. And a spoonful of Nutella always makes things a little better.

*wink, wink*

The normal that is

I didn’t have the chance to speak to my kids at all last week while I was gone. Really, it was for the best. It’s easier on them if I don’t call and…well, it’s easier on me.

Upon landing in Atlanta, I called my family and for the first time in eight days I heard my first born’s voice over the phone. He has always has the sweetest voice and this phone call was no exception. On the phone he is still little, the high pitched nature of his melody singing through the phone and straight to my heart. I would have cried if he hadn’t made me laugh.

“Hey Mom,” he said. “You sound different.”

“I do?” I asked. “How do I sound different?”

“Well…,” thoughtful pause, “You sound Chinese.”

Boys. No matter where you are in the world, boys know how to have a good time and make you laugh.

Scott Williams had all of us fist bumping all week long. Is there anything more universal than the fist bump?

I’m slowly reintegrating into everyday life. We started school today, much to the kid’s chagrin. We’re almost done with the year, but there’s still work to be done.

As we prepared to come home, Shaun warned us that we may experience feelings of frustration, confusion, anger and sadness. I’m so happy to report that I am apparently totally normal because I have experienced every single one of these emotions.

Every. single. one.

Prayers are coveted. For me, for my children, for all the bloggers who went on the trip. Shaun laid out some specific prayers in his post today. My poor children are, unfortunately, bearing the brunt of my emotions. I may, OR MAY NOT, have plopped a glass jar on the counter yesterday and told them they will have to pay me .25 every time they complain about something.

My nerves are a bit frayed.

 Jet lag hasn’t helped.

We will adjust to this change. It’s funny, every single thing around me is exactly the same as when I left (well, except for my house, because my mother-in-law, who is an awesome decorator, redecorated and organized my house while I was gone and Sweet Mercy it looks nice around here). But while everything looks “relatively” the same…

It all feels so different.

Even blogging.

Bear with me Pray for me as I adjust.

Oh, one more thing…

We ran out of Nutella today. THIS DOESN’T HELP THE SITUATION!

That's 12 pounds of awesome that somehow disappeared...

*sigh*

Photos of everything but Nutella by Keely Scott

Just a few things

Nutella = The nectar of the gods.

I can’t seem to remember what day of the week it is. This has been a crazy, awesome, exhausting, amazing week full of friends, family and very little sleep.

I want to write something super funny that will keep you laughing. But I don’t feel funny right now. I’m happy, content, filled with joy but not feeling overly humorous. I am feeling sore, though, thanks in part to the FOUR vaccinations I received yesterday sandwiched in between two really tough workouts.

Why do I do these things to myself?

I don’t know.

I’d say it makes for good blog fodder but clearly it doesn’t. I did write an entire post on getting my shots but decided in the end that it wasn’t funny enough to post since I didn’t actually faint when I got them. I just sucked on a Dum Dum and laughed inappropriately to compensate for my terror of needles.

Today Thor gave me a free evaluation and training session at the gym. It was a sign on perk. He measured my body fat (like that’s not at all intrusive) and asked me about my sleep and eating habits.

I *might* have lied a little. But that’s just between you and me, m’kay?

I did make the mistake of telling him that my biggest struggle in working out is not pushing myself hard enough. He exercised vigilante justice on my laziness and was all, “I’m doing this to show you what you’re capable of.” So I kicked him in the shins.

No I didn’t.

That would have made for a cool blog post.

Between the shots and the evil overlord’s (yes, I know I just called him Thor but I like to mix metaphors every once in awhile to keep you on your toes) torture session I can’t lift my left arm above my waist. I do have a rather large bump at the top of my arm, though, which looks kinda cool from a certain angle.

From other angles it just looks weird.

I need to take my typhoid medication tonight. I didn’t know what typhoid was until I googled it. All I could think of was Little House on the Prairie and images of being packed in ice came to mind. I’d rather not get typhoid. It sounds awful.

Our friend Sarah is visiting this week on Spring Break with one of her friends. The nicest two college girls I have ever known in all my existence are staying in my home, playing with my children and making me feel young again. I can’t tell you how much it warms my heart to have them here.

The twelve pound jar of Nutella is back. I did NOT tell evil overlord Thor about the Nutella. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. It might kill me, but Thor and his oversize muscles will be safe and I will die happy so mum’s the word. We actually dropped the can the night after we got it and it was so heavy that a hole puntured right in the side. Our first reaction? SAVE THE NUTELLA!

Don’t worry, no Nutella was lost and the jar now sports a rather radical looking bandage in the form of painter’s tape.

I’m thinking I need to start cooking with Nutella. Maybe then I’ll finally have something to Pin on Pinterest.

I haven’t logged onto Pinterest in over a month. Commence with cyber-stoning NOW.

Tomorrow we have to take the kids to the Post Office to have their Passports renewed. We’re trying to decide which one of them we like the most so we don’t dip into that child’s college fund to pay for it. It’s a toss up on which one we’ll choose.

I’m just kidding. We don’t play favorites.

Most days, anyway.

Have I mentioned that this has been an extra fabulous week?

Too bad it hasn’t produced stellar blog posts, eh?

*sigh*

Tell me about your week. What’s made YOU laugh? Do you want to compensate for my lack of funny by sharing something extra humorous? Anybody? Anybody?

Bueller?

Thankful in November

IMGP5673My sister-in-law (who is all kinds of awesome) is doing a month long series in which she details that which she is thankful for.  Imagine that!  Giving thanks in the month of Novemeber…who ever heard of such a thing?

I, personally, love the idea of focusing on that for which I am thankful.  It’s so easy to get bogged down in the negative, in the business and craziness and OMGI’MNOTGONNASURVIVETHIS moments of life that sometimes I have to stop myself and remember the happy.

In general I’m not much of an Eyeore type person.  I’m thankful for that because with some of the heartaches that I have faced in the past, it would be very easy to be an Eyeore.  But then again, it’s that way for all of us, isn’t it?  We’ve all faced pain, heartache, trial, hurt.  We all have the choice to dwell in the pain, live in the past and simmer in the hurt.

Or…

We can move on, step forward and let the past fade in the distance.  For some, that’s easy to do.  For others, it’s much harder due to deeper wounds, harsher trials or simply because they are hardwired from conception to stew, analyze and think.

So today I’m focusing on the thankful.  I have been so bogged down lately that I really haven’t had time to stop and think and…thank.

Outside of the obvious (my husband and kids…what kind of wife and mom would I be if I didn’t mention them, right?) I’m thankful for where we are in our lives right now.  We’ve walked a bit of a tightrope in the last few months and it had every potential end in a stomach dropping plunge.  But, instead, the tightrope has slwoly widened and we are once again feeling a bit more secure.  Not comfortable, of course, as we are ever on our guard, but we have definately seen blessing in the last month.

I’m thankful for that.

I’m thankful for the memories I made travelling Europe with my husband where he snapped the above picture on our last day in Italy as I lounged in a park in Bellagio.  I was looking at the mountains across Lake Como and marvelling at God’s majesty, totally in awe of creation.  I’m thankful for that day, for that moment and for the many pictures that are seared into my brain from across the seas.

I’m thankful for the career I’m slowly but surely beginning to develop in writing, editing and social media.  I wasn’t looking for this and it kind of fell in my lap and I just have to say – I’m having the time of my life.  I’m still navigating the waters of what is feasible for me to pursue and what needs to be sacrificed as I also tend to my young brood.  But I’m thankful for opportunity, whatever it might be, that comes my way and I’m totally enjoying the ride.

I’m thankful for Nutella.  It’s just so very, very good.  On everything.  Including pizza crust, on which we slathered an entire can a couple of weeks ago and presented it to the kids as dinner.  Which leads me to the next thing:

I’m thankful that I can still please my kids with a Boboli Pizza crust and a can of Nutella.  I’m thankful that my seven year old still thinks it’s cool when I accompany him on field trips.  I’m thankful that my four year old still wants to hold my hand and sit in my lap.  I’m thankful that my two year old tells me I’m beautiful almost every day and then squints his eyes in a mischevious grin because he knows it melts my heart.

I’m thankful for my soft bed and thick pillows even though I don’t get to enjoy those as much as I would like to.

I’m thankful.

I’m also now craving Nutella.

I’m thankful that Target is only a couple of minutes away and they faithfully stock Nutella on their shelves.

What are you thankful for?