On the wings of love

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Before we get started, I’d like to give you a moment to let the cheesy ’80’s ballad wash over you.  Go on, sing it out.  You know you want to…

Feel better?’

Great.

There is no great way to transition from obscure ’80’s music to prayer, but I’m gonna give it a try.  Consider yourselves transitioned.

Once upon a time I was an early riser.  While the rest of my generation slept until noon, I could often be found at sunrise jogging through the streets of my neighborhood.  This was pre-baby when I still enjoyed jogging and my body moved in a more coordinated rhythm to make it possible, of course.

In college, I spent many an early morning watching the sunrise as I crammed knowledge into my over-functioning brain.  In early motherhood, when it was me and one tiny baby, I watched the sunrise as I whispered prayers into his ear.  I prayed he would grow into a man of character, a man of grace, a man of stature and wisdom and knowledge.  I prayed that he would be strong and courageous, filled with love and a desire to help those in need.

But something happened to me in the seven years since I three times became mom.  I lost my sense of wonder at the morning.  My bed grew warmer and more comfortable.  My children pitter pattered their way through the house at such an hour that in order to beat them up I really needed to rise while it was still night, just so I could welcome the morning.

With this unfortunate phenomena, I also lost my ability to passionately cry out on their behalf.  My prayers for them became kernels of popcorn, popped up here and there throughout the day and rarely scratched the surface of my true desires for them.

“Help him understand love.”  “Give her the courage to fail.”  “Show him who You are.”

Generic.

A series of issues has brought me to a place of longing once again.  Longing for the morning.  The smell of life rising.  The glint of dew on green grass and the painted reds, oranges and yellows stretched across the sky.  Of darkness fading into morning light.  Of fatigue mixed together with anticipation, staving off the sleep that still lingers.   Longing stillness enough to hear.

To hear the wind blow.  To hear the birds sing.  To hear the Voice, still and small, waiting on the wings of love for my heart’s cry.

(How’s that for blending the ’80’s with prayer, eh?)

And my prayers are rising once again.  A new song, a new desire, a new longing.  I lay them down and wait.  Sometimes I fall asleep in the pool of desire and heartache that I’ve only just surrendered.  Sometimes I wait and listen.

For Sloan I pray Hebrews 10:19-24.  May he be free from the guilt that so often weighs him down and pulls him back, his tender heart torn over sin, yet wrestling with the flesh.  I pray Galations 5:22-23 and 1 Peter 1:5-6: self-control to make the right choices.  I pray for wisdom in mothering such a strong willed, lion hearted child.  I offer praise for being chosen for a clearly difficult task.

For Katya I pray 2 Timothy 2:10, that her heart would be turned toward the Savior and she would desire to know Him.  I pray Colossians 3:12, that she would be free from the apathy that her spirit seems bent toward and would be filled with compassion.  I pray 1 Thesselonians 5:15, that she would find more joy in kindness than she does in torturing her brothers.

I pray that I would have the belief that that last prayer could possibly someday be answered…

For Landon I also pray 2 Timothy 2:10.  I pray that even at a young age, he will know and understand how high and deep and wide and vast is the Father’s Love for him.  I pray Ephesians 6:1.  I pray that he will delight in obedience and that the mischief that brings that twinkle to his eye would be harnessed, but not snuffed out completely.  Because the mischief makes him oh so fun.

I pray verses over my husband that are sacred and are between me and God.

I don’t always give in to the call of the morning.  Though I desperately love it, sometimes the call of my bed is more tempting, more comfortable, easier and warmer.  But as spring is bringing change and decision, I find myself with a bit more urgency to reaquaint with the earliest hours of the day.  And to pour over my children in the quiet that comes so rarely.  I don’t whisper it in their ears anymore, as I am no longer cradling them in the rocking chair.  But I pray that as I release my pleas, they take off on the wings of love and settle within the hearts and spirits of the little ones I love so dearly.

When and how do you pray for your children?

Oh Canada

I’m working on my northern accent today.  I’m saying “Eh?” alot and I throw in “That’s what I’m talking aboot,” every now and then.

Why?

Because I’m going to Montreal tomorrow!

The lovely Janice of 5 Minutes for Mom sent me an email last week that said something to the effect of, “Hey, do you have a passport?  Would you like to go to Montreal next week to visit the set of a new family friendly movie that’s being filmed there?”

To which I promptly responded something to the effect of, H#*% yeah!

No I didn’t.  I don’t swear…hardly ever.  I promise I don’t!  I might’ve thought it, though…

So yes, I’m hopping on a plane tomorrow morning and flying to Montreal.  I won’t be there any time at all, honestly.  I probably won’t even get to see the city, but whatever.  It is an adventure and I love a good adventure, dontcha know.

I also adore my husband who takes these things in stride and gives me his full support.  I could not do this sort of thing without his awesome attitude.  I seriously have the greatest man on planet Earth.  Plus, well…he’s pretty dang good looking, too.  (He’s been working out – yowza)  And he makes me laugh.  And he’s all mine!  You can be jealous.  S’okay.

So I’m cleaning today and packing and doing laundry and making out lists and writing thank you notes to the lovely people who are helping out with the kiddos while I’m gone.  It’s amazing how much work has to be done when you are leaving for three days.

The next time I talk to you I’ll be in blustery Montreal!  Now that’s what I’m talking aboot, eh?

I should fit right in…

A Royal Tea Party

No time to blog today.  The Princess and I are taking tea as we watch the wedding of the century.  The Prince accompanied us for awhile, but quickly got bored and headed outside to ride the royal tricycle.

Toodles!

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Today.  Despite the endless rain.

I

Am

Happy

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Dear Mom and Dad in England

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Hi.

So while you were off galavanting (something I’ve found you seem to be quite good at) about the English countryside this weekend, I was left to handle Easter on my own.  While you toured Shakespeare’s birthplace and hiked through the animal infested forests, I realized that not only did I need to create some kind of Easter feast for my family, but I also needed to fill up Easter baskets with goodies.  I realized this on Saturday.

I would like you to know that I managed to squeak by without you but I almost ruined Easter for good.  And Christmas too.  And I blame it almost entirely on you.

I dashed out Saturday afternoon for a last minute grocery run, in the rain.  Me and the entire senior citizen population of St. Louis County.  I bought a pork roast.  Not even a pre-packaged one from the refridgerated section, but an actual one from the meat guy.  He’s not a butcher is he?  Do I just call him the meat guy?  Whatever.  I bought it from him.  He wrapped it in white paper.  Fancy.

Score one for me.

I also purchased a round birthday cake with a picture of a bunny on it.  And ice cream.  I was rocking the Easter preparations.

I purchased 45 plastic eggs to put in their baskets.  Why so many?  Because I didn’t buy anything else.  You know, dear mother, how you always filled up our baskets with fun little trinkets and goodies as a kid?  Yeah…I didn’t do that.  I kind of forgot.  Thank God I had the DVD’s you purchsed for the kids before you left for England, right?

Minus one for me.  Holding steady at 0.  Plus six for you, though, for planning way in advance.

When I got home I tried to sneak by the kids with the plastic eggs.  You know, because how was I going to explain that the Easter Bunny used eggs we already owned.  I failed, though.  Eagle Eyes Tia saw the eggs and screeched with delight. 

“What are those for?” they all asked, pushing in on me like tiny little blonde vultures.

I thought quick on my feet, though.  You would’ve been proud.  “We’re going to put them in your Easter baskets and see if the Easter Bunny fills them up while you sleep.”

BOOM! Score three for Mommy.

They each got a movie, a chocolate bunny (of course) and 14 eggs, which the Easter Bunny did fill while they slept.  Except the Easter Bunny is stingy and paranoid about their teeth rotting out so the eggs only had one chocolate or a couple of jelly beans in them.  When it was all said and done they only had a snack bag amount of candy.

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Three measly jelly beans...

Three measly jelly beans...

“Is dis all dere is?!” Tia exclaimed after searching through her basket.  There were no stickers, no toys, no coloring books.  “Mom, where does the Easter Bunny come from exactly?” Sloan asked, a little disgruntled.  “Is he real?” 

I had to bite my lip from answering, “Look, the Easter Bunny moved to England, okay?!”  Minus four for Mommy.  I hereby stand at a negative 1.

“That’s what they say,” I answer, dodging the question.  “Well, is Santa real or is he just a guy in a costume?”  Six eyes stare at me intently.

“St. Nicholas was a real man who delivered gifts to boys and girls,” I answered, sweat beading on my hairline.  “Hey look!  Breakfast is ready – come eat quick!”

Plus 1 for dodging a bullet. 

I did remember to put the pork roast in the crock pot (God’s gift to half brained moms) the night before so Easter dinner was partially prepared early.  Which was good since I had to be at church at 7:30 and didn’t get home until 12:45, which means Lee was in charge of Easter lunch.  They ate without me.  Pork Roast, Stove Top stuffing from a box and sourdough bread.  No vegetables or special sides to make the meal memorable because I wasn’t there to fix.

I get plus 2 for preparing the meat early, but minus 1 for not preparing anything else.  I think this leaves me at a plus 1.

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The rest of Easter Sunday was quite lovely, actually.  While we desperately missed being with family, I must say it was nice to just be our little core unit of 5 for the day.  I reminded me, Mom and Dad, of all those years when we were growing up and didn’t have family close by.  My holiday memories are filled with leisurely afternoons with you all and Brett. 

We went to Applebees for dinner, which felt kind of lame, but it made the kids happy so I’m giving myself 1 point.  And when we came home, we cleaned up the house, put on our jammies, ate bunny cake and watched Yogi Bear as a family.  I’m awarding myself another point for going with the flow.

So that means my final tally came in at plus 3.  Not bad.  Easter wasn’t a total wash after all. 

But it still would have been better with you here.

Have fun for the remainder of your English adventure.  Tell Will and Kate I said hi…

Love, Your Daughter in St. Louis.

If only they looked alike...

If only they looked alike...

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I laughed until I cried when I saw this picture. Landon's head looks detached from his body.

I laughed until I cried when I saw this picture. Landon's head looks detached from his body.

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Studio Shot!

Studio Shot!

Olympic Gold 2024?

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About a month ago, we received an email from Tia’s gymnastics facility inviting her to be a part of an advanced developmental team.  The idea is that for the next year and a half, she and several other advnaced 5-7 year olds will learn bigger and harder skills with the goal of entering into competitive gymnastics.

The decision for whether or not to do this turned into quite a big deal for Lee and I.  We stressed and prayed and talked to a lot of people about whether or not we should allow her to participate in this class.

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The training schedule for this program is not overly strenuous.  It’s only 3.5 hours a week of gym time.  But Tia is also only 5 and we didn’t want to push her into something too early.  For over a year, Tia has been in a preschool aged class and she has been far too advanced for the group.  While most of the girls in that class were still trying to figure out what foot to put in front to successfully turn a cartwheel, Tia was performing running round off’s with almost perfect precision.

She’s kind of a natural.

Try not to be jealous of the art that is this photo. It's like you're there watching, isn't it?  Ah, who're we kidding - I stink at indoor photography.

Try not to be jealous of the art that is this photo. It's like you're there watching, isn't it? Ah, who're we kidding - I stink at indoor photography.

On the other hand, Lee and I are fairly certain that gymnastics is not a long term sport for Tia, mainly because she’s going to be too tall.  As a former competitive gymnast and gymnastics coach myself, I have a bit of experience with this sport.  I thought an opportunity like this for my daughter would thrill me, and it did.  But it also terrified me!  One of the questions Lee and I wrestled through was this:  Tia will likely outgrow this sport by the time she is a preteen, so do we need to waste the time and money on training for something that she won’t be able to do long term?

"Take my picture wike I won da gold medal, Mom!"

"Take my picture wike I won da gold medal, Mom!"

Ultimately we decided to give her the chance to try it out.  We’re trying it for two months.  The practices are twice weekly and yes, it means our schedule just got a little crazier given that baseball season has also recently begun.  Even if she doesn’t do gymnastics past the fifth grade, the skills she is learning will serve her in any sport she chooses.  She’s learning strength, coordination, flexibility and discipline.

Plus, she’s pretty excited that within a few months she’ll be doing back flips on the trampoline.

So we’ll see what happens.  At the end of May we’ll decide if we’re going to continue with this program or just put her in an advanced class without the goal of competition.  This may disappoint the boys who spent the evening last night doing what boys to best.

Watching girls.

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Because they’re funny, that’s why

I heard a comment recently from someone who claimed to love reading “Mommy blogs” but hated when bloggers went on and on about their kids.

Um…I don’t think you like reading “Mommy Blogs” then.  (Not a fan of the “Mommy Blog” term…couldja tell?)  That’s like me saying I like fish but don’t like when it tastes fishy.  Riiight.  Let’s just call a spade a spade.  I don’t like fish.  Unless it’s thickly breaded and double dipped in a vat of oil then served with a side of ketchup.

That’s my kind of fish.

When I first heard this statement I found myself a little self conscious.  I mean, I talk about my kids all the blasted time here.  What if I’m boring people?  Because let’s face it, I can say that I’m only blogging to keep a record of the cute and funny things they do until I’m blue in the face, but we all know I want you to like me.

And I want to remember the cute and funny things they do so I can look back ten years later and smile…and humiliate them.  It’s a scrapbook that yields sweet revenge.

I’m only half way kidding.

So here it is: I am a blogger who happens to be a mom.  Write what you know, correct?  Well right now, I know Mom-ing.  (I could have written I know Motherhood but turning “Mom” into a verb sounded like more fun.)  So I’m going to write about Mom-ing, and all the other stuff that interests me that doesn’t involve my kids.  Which isn’t a lot because I’m kind of in the trenches of this Mom thing.

So today I’m writing about my kids, because dang it my kids are funny.  Maybe they’re only funny to me and their grandparents, but I don’t care.  This post might seem a little fishy, but I’ll try and deep fry something for you another day, okay?  Just indulge me, if you could be so kind.  Tomorrow I’ll write about something more riveting…like my house.  You’re on the edge of your seat – I just know it!

Lee left yesterday for a two week training in New Jersey.  Before the kids and I headed off to church, he buckled everyone in and doled out last minutes hugs and kisses.  He and Sloan managed to squeeze in an early round of basketball before we left.  I’m sure the neighbors were thrilled.

As Lee leaned in to kiss Sloan, my tender hearted man-child teared up a bit.  Lee smiled and touseled his hair and Sloan grinned, shaking his head.

“I’m not crying,” he said, all macho-like.  “My eyes are just sweating.”

My eyes are sweating a bit as I type this.  Happens to the best of us…

Sloan continued.  “Hey Dad, will you get us a present when you go to New York?”

“Sure,” Lee said.  I think his eyes were a little sweaty too.  “What do you want me to get you?”

“A girlfriend,” Sloan replied without missing a beat.  Aaaaand it comes back around.  I guess he thought he’d see if his dad would indulge his apparent need for a girlfriend since I told him a couple of weeks ago that No, I would not get him a girlfriend for his eighth birthday.  After sharing this I launched into a very sweet, deep and meaningful conversation with him about how God has already picked out and planned a wife for him someday and he doesn’t need to worry about dating right now.

Clearly my words had an impact.

Not to be outdone, Tia piped up from the backseat as we headed down the road to church.  “Hey Mom?  How old do I have to be to get mawwied?”

“Old enough to be able to say your ‘R’s,” I replied…

No, I didn’t.  I actually told her it would be a long time and she didn’t need to start thinking about that now.

“Well, I fink I should be 29 when I get mawwied.  Will I be a mom before I get mawwied?”

“Nope,” I said.  “You gotta get married first to be a mom.”  Yes, I know that’s not necessarily true, but she’s five and we’re keeping it simple.  She doesn’t need an explanation on when and how one can or should become a mom.

Tia has actually popped out a couple of funny one-liner’s lately.  I forgot how funny five year old’s can be.  When we ate lunch one day in Florida, I handed Sloan a ham sandwich. 

“Does that have Man Eyes on it?” Tia asked.  She meant Mayonaise.  And just like that, our family now has a new catch word.  We will forever call Mayonaise “Man Eyes.”

And then there’s Landon – the family clown, the kid who’s always good for a laugh, the boy with expressive eyes and a personality that far outweighs his tiny little bird frame.  He walks through the house daily singing the songs from High School Musical 3.  He sings them completely wrong, but that’s what makes it so fun.  My favorite goes like this:

I don’t know where to go, Whatsa right fing.  I want my oh dwee so Battleforce Strange.

If you know what song I’m talking about, you know why that’s cute and funny.  It also means that you, like me, know way too much about High School Musical 3.

It’s those little conversations that make me laugh out loud that give me reason to blog about my kids.  Well, that and the humiliation thing.

I’m kidding…sort of.

The one with the bags under my eyes

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The clock read 4:32 am.

“Moooooommmmmyyyyyy,” came the pitiful cry.  I quickly got up and went to Tia’s room.  She is my sleeper.  She is the child who could sleep through any illness, the one who once vomited then went back to sleep in it.

Gross.

So when she cries out in the middle of the night, there’s usually a good reason for it.  Usually.

“What’s wrong,” I asked, kneeling by her bed.  Her eyes were closed.  She was asleep.  Like a cruel joke she roused me from my bed then fell back into a deep slumber.  I stumbled back to bed.

The clock read 4:36 and I felt the heat of little eyes staring at me from the bedside.  “Tia, what’s wrong, honey?” I mumbled.

“I had a bad dream about tornados,” she wimpered.  We can all thank her big brother for that phobia.  I got up and walked her back to her room and put her back in bed.  “Think about happy things,” I told her.  “Think of the beach and ice cream and gymnastics.”

I fell back into my bed a minute later.

The clock read 4:40.

“Moooom?”  Her call floated down the hallway like bad alarm that won’t go off.  I waited.  Maybe she would think I was asleep and she’d give up.  All rationality had left my weary body at that point.  “Moooom?” 

I sat up and hissed, “Tia, hush!”

A few minutes later.  “Moooom?”  With less sympathy and a modicum more frustration, I flung the covers off my body and briskly walked to her room.

“Tia!  What?!”

“I sneezed,” she said, her tiny face peeking out from under the mountain of blankets.

I did not respond.  I held onto my own advice of When you don’t have something nice to say, Ssshhh! Say nothing.

That was two nights ago.  Last night the same situation played itself out only she complained of leg and head pain (I believe she’s growing) and she woke up crying because she had a nightmare that Sloan was scratching her.

So if you run into me today and notice the bags under my eyes, or think you can make out Route 66 in the red lines criss crossing my eyeballs, now you’ll know why.  I have slept all night in more than two weeks.

T-Minus 13 days until we leave for Florida.  I may not sleep anymore down there, but at least I’ll get a little tan to mask the bags.  That’s my happy dream…

Cherish the moment, they say…

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I’m currently about 60 pages from completing Mary Beth Chapman’s book, Choosing to SEE.  Have you read it?  You really should.  But I will give you a few warnings up front.

  • Have Kleenex at the ready because when she gets to the experience of losing her daughter Maria, unless you are a robot, you will likely cry and cry hard.  I’m not sure I have ever sobbed quite so hard while reading a book before.  Except maybe Jodi Picoult’s My Sister’s Keeper, which I read late at night while pregnant thereby setting myself up for disaster.  Which leads me to my next point…
  • Do not, under any circumstances, read this book after 10:00 when you’re already tired and perhaps a bit emotional.

Consider yourselves warned.

Lee is currently out of town and I don’t know about you all, but when daddy is away in our home, the mice think they can play.  That’s a metaphor, of course, the mice being our kids.  Not real mice.  If real mice were coming out to play, the kids and I would be at a hotel.

It’s tough when Lee’s not around.  The kids need him.  I need him.  Every process becomes that much more difficult and without daddy’s firm voice, sometimes certain little ones forget how to behave.  Particularly at bedtime.

I’ve heard so often that bedtime is a sweet time to enjoy your kids.  “Lay down and talk with them,” the proverbial “they” say.  “Enjoy those snuggle moments at bedtime while they’re young because when they’re grown those moments are gone.”  Every time I hear that advice, I want someone to tell me how to enjoy bedtime and yet still get them to go to bed!

I’ll admit it.  Bedtime is not my favorite time of the day.  It’s hectic and stressful.  The kids get wild and rambunctious.  If I lay down and talk with one, all three have to pile in with us because “IT’S NOT FAIR” otherwise.  I don’t get to lay and snuggle with just one. 

On top of that, the older two share a room and to be quite honest, all I want is for them to go to sleep.  If they had it their way, they’d have a wild party every night for a couple of hours before slipping into slumber.  Which leaves me feeling like the Wicked Witch of the West in order to get them to be quiet and go to bed.

Last night was no exception.  It had been the longest of long days and everyone was wiped.  I knew they just needed to sleep and yet, once again, as soon as they got into their room the antics began.  And I had to put a stop to it.

    Then I read this from Mary Beth’s book:

    How would I have lived differently if I knew that my time with Maria was going to be this short?  Regretfully I would have lived much differently.  I would have purposely hugged and kissed more.  I would have tried to memorize and lock away in my heart certain smells and smiles.  I would have colored more and worked less.  I would have laughed more and fussed less.

    Bedtime wouldn’t have become a chore to check off the list of things to get done.  Instead it would have been more of an opportunity to listen about the day and offer whatever words were needed.  The swimming pool wouldn’t have been too cold to swim in.  The flowers in the garden would have all been pick, and definately more ice cream would have been consumed.”  Mary Beth Chapman, Choosing to SEE.

I read this and I nod.  This falls into line with the thought that we should live each day as if it’s going to be our last.  And yet…

I can’t really live today like it’s going to be my last.  If I knew for sure today would be my last day, I wouldn’t worry about mopping the floor or answering emails.  (Okay, I actually just laughed out loud because I’m not worried in the slightest about mopping the floor.  In fact, I can’t remember the last time I did that.)  I wouldn’t be concerned with brushing the kid’s hair or what kind of food they ate.  But the fact is, I have to cherish today as if it’s my last while still living like it’s not.

How do you cherish each fleeting moment with your kids knowing that you still have to keep routine?  I want my kids to have fun with me and I want life to be full of laughter.

I also want to sleep.

I think it’s a balance.  After being the heavy last night and then reading Mary Beth’s words, I felt a weight that I couldn’t shake.  And so I went back to their room.  They were finally calm and were close to slumber.  I slipped my arms around each of them and squeezed tight reminding them that they were loved and cherished by me.  With one last kiss, they both slipped into dreamland with the knowledge that their mom, even when she’s exhausted, loves them fiercely.

That’s the best we can do, right?  “Cherish the moment,” they say.  Well, sometimes the moment is tough to cherish, but the kids?  It’s them that I cherish. 

Mind the Gap

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Praying for my kids is something I passionately believe in and often forget to do on a consistent basis.  I pray for patience  with them (six snow days later, that’s almost become a mantra) and I pray for grace to love them well, but I don’t always pray for them.

I don’t know why.  Perhaps it’s because to do so would require me to slow down and really get still.  I’m not good at that.  I hate sitting still.  Unless I’m on a beach.

Maybe that’s what we need!  We need to move to the beach.  My kids would be covered in prayer then.  And I’d be tan…

Wait.  That’s not right.  Scratch that.

The point is, I’m not good at sitting down and really pleading on behalf of my children.  I have great days followed by a plateau of mediocrity and on and on the cycle goes.  But the desire of my heart remains unchanged.  I long to see my kids grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man.  I long to see them grow beyond a head knowledge of who Christ is and to develop a heart knowledge of Him.

I long to not screw them up.

I think my most consistent prayer for my kids is my pleading with the Lord to fill in the gaps where I am lacking as a parent.  On the days when I’m impatient, crabby, tired or just not all there like they need me to be, I pray that the Lord steps in and makes whole any damage I may have unintentionally caused.

This is not an excuse for me to be lackadaisical in my parenting. 

Lackadaisical…that’s a great word, isn’t it?

I wake up every morning desiring to be the mother my kids need me to be.  I wake up every morning with a prayer on my heart to love my kids in a way that honors God and shows them they are blessed, cherished and loved.  And, in the moments that I fail, I ask the God fill in the gaps where I am lacking.

And then I rest in the assurance and knowledge that He loves my kids more than I could ever possibly hope to.

How do you pray for your kids?  Do you have specific verses that you pour over them?  Do you have a specific place or way that you pray for your kids?  If you feel comfortable sharing, I would love to hear how you are praying over your children in an attempt to encourage and spur one another on.

Happy Tuesday!