Because they’re funny, that’s why

I heard a comment recently from someone who claimed to love reading “Mommy blogs” but hated when bloggers went on and on about their kids.

Um…I don’t think you like reading “Mommy Blogs” then.  (Not a fan of the “Mommy Blog” term…couldja tell?)  That’s like me saying I like fish but don’t like when it tastes fishy.  Riiight.  Let’s just call a spade a spade.  I don’t like fish.  Unless it’s thickly breaded and double dipped in a vat of oil then served with a side of ketchup.

That’s my kind of fish.

When I first heard this statement I found myself a little self conscious.  I mean, I talk about my kids all the blasted time here.  What if I’m boring people?  Because let’s face it, I can say that I’m only blogging to keep a record of the cute and funny things they do until I’m blue in the face, but we all know I want you to like me.

And I want to remember the cute and funny things they do so I can look back ten years later and smile…and humiliate them.  It’s a scrapbook that yields sweet revenge.

I’m only half way kidding.

So here it is: I am a blogger who happens to be a mom.  Write what you know, correct?  Well right now, I know Mom-ing.  (I could have written I know Motherhood but turning “Mom” into a verb sounded like more fun.)  So I’m going to write about Mom-ing, and all the other stuff that interests me that doesn’t involve my kids.  Which isn’t a lot because I’m kind of in the trenches of this Mom thing.

So today I’m writing about my kids, because dang it my kids are funny.  Maybe they’re only funny to me and their grandparents, but I don’t care.  This post might seem a little fishy, but I’ll try and deep fry something for you another day, okay?  Just indulge me, if you could be so kind.  Tomorrow I’ll write about something more riveting…like my house.  You’re on the edge of your seat – I just know it!

Lee left yesterday for a two week training in New Jersey.  Before the kids and I headed off to church, he buckled everyone in and doled out last minutes hugs and kisses.  He and Sloan managed to squeeze in an early round of basketball before we left.  I’m sure the neighbors were thrilled.

As Lee leaned in to kiss Sloan, my tender hearted man-child teared up a bit.  Lee smiled and touseled his hair and Sloan grinned, shaking his head.

“I’m not crying,” he said, all macho-like.  “My eyes are just sweating.”

My eyes are sweating a bit as I type this.  Happens to the best of us…

Sloan continued.  “Hey Dad, will you get us a present when you go to New York?”

“Sure,” Lee said.  I think his eyes were a little sweaty too.  “What do you want me to get you?”

“A girlfriend,” Sloan replied without missing a beat.  Aaaaand it comes back around.  I guess he thought he’d see if his dad would indulge his apparent need for a girlfriend since I told him a couple of weeks ago that No, I would not get him a girlfriend for his eighth birthday.  After sharing this I launched into a very sweet, deep and meaningful conversation with him about how God has already picked out and planned a wife for him someday and he doesn’t need to worry about dating right now.

Clearly my words had an impact.

Not to be outdone, Tia piped up from the backseat as we headed down the road to church.  “Hey Mom?  How old do I have to be to get mawwied?”

“Old enough to be able to say your ‘R’s,” I replied…

No, I didn’t.  I actually told her it would be a long time and she didn’t need to start thinking about that now.

“Well, I fink I should be 29 when I get mawwied.  Will I be a mom before I get mawwied?”

“Nope,” I said.  “You gotta get married first to be a mom.”  Yes, I know that’s not necessarily true, but she’s five and we’re keeping it simple.  She doesn’t need an explanation on when and how one can or should become a mom.

Tia has actually popped out a couple of funny one-liner’s lately.  I forgot how funny five year old’s can be.  When we ate lunch one day in Florida, I handed Sloan a ham sandwich. 

“Does that have Man Eyes on it?” Tia asked.  She meant Mayonaise.  And just like that, our family now has a new catch word.  We will forever call Mayonaise “Man Eyes.”

And then there’s Landon – the family clown, the kid who’s always good for a laugh, the boy with expressive eyes and a personality that far outweighs his tiny little bird frame.  He walks through the house daily singing the songs from High School Musical 3.  He sings them completely wrong, but that’s what makes it so fun.  My favorite goes like this:

I don’t know where to go, Whatsa right fing.  I want my oh dwee so Battleforce Strange.

If you know what song I’m talking about, you know why that’s cute and funny.  It also means that you, like me, know way too much about High School Musical 3.

It’s those little conversations that make me laugh out loud that give me reason to blog about my kids.  Well, that and the humiliation thing.

I’m kidding…sort of.