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Why I’m Happy

April 23, 2009 by

1. We’re leaving town today to go to Conway to visit Lee’s family.  I’m not excited about the 6 hour drive, but I am excited to get away for the weekend.

2. We found out we were getting a nice tax return and decided to purchase the bedroom furniture that I’ve had my eye on for about two years now.  I’m near giddy about this.  This marks our first big furniture purchase in our nearly nine years of marriage.  We don’t make financial commitments easily.

3. Li’l and Anoop got voted off American Idol last night.  It’s the little things, people.

4. I’ve got some really fun writing opportunities coming down the pipeline.  I’m having a blast.

5. I cut Sloan’s hair myself this morning and saved us 15 bucks.  Just, please, don’t look too close at it. kthanks.

6. We joined Lifetime Fitness.  And it’s awesome.  I want to live there forever and ever.  Today I’m going to go sit in the Eucalytus steam room.  I’m such a diva.

7. I’m halfway through Harry Potter book 6, which means I only have a book and a half to go until I find out what happens.  I gotta say, the Harry Potter books are amazing.

8. It’s a beautiful day and spring is finally here to stay.

9. We’re buying our flowers next week and cleaning up the landscaping.  I can’t wait!

10. My kids are adorable as evidenced by this video.

Don’t you love dancing babies?  Happy weekending to you all!

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Life, Random

American Idol – Disco Fever

April 22, 2009 by

Last night’s show was surprisingly well done.  It coul dhave easily been a train wreck, but turned out to be pretty entertaining.  Here is my run down.

Li’l Rounds was not very good.  I’ve decided that she is simply not as good as originally thought.  She is not a musician, she’s a singer.  And not even a great singer – just an okay one.  I hope she goes home tonight.  Callous?  Yes, yes I am.

Kris Allen is the exact opposite of Li’l.  He knows exactly who he is as a musician and is really good at it.  He voice is nowhere near as impressive as Danny or Adam, but as far as musicality, he’s excellent.  I thought he did great last night.

Danny Gokey is good, really good.  And, for once, I agree with Paula (for once I sort of understood her, sheesh), Danny’s got a really sexy voice.  I love the rasp.  My only problem is I still don’t know what kind of music he’ll sing.

Allison Iraheta can really, really sing.  I seriously cannot believe that girl is only 16 years old.  She was like a combination of Kelly Clarkson and Christina Aguilera.  She did great, I thought.  I still don’t want her to win though.

Adam Lambert is just a freak of nature.  And he looked awesome last night.  And that’s all I have to say about that.

On a side note, does anyone else think that Ryan is starting to look like an Oompa Loompa?  I think it’s time to lay off the tanning.

Matt Giraud did great.  He was funky and cool and his voice sounded great.  If he goes home before Li’l and Anoop, then I’ll be really, really mad.  I know, you’re all scared aren’t you.

Finally Anoop.  *sigh* I didn’t even watch it.  I heard the first two bars and decided I couldn’t take it.  He looked nice in his hot pink sweater and tie set, but he was almost too pretty.  Even looking at him made me cringe.

And there you have it.  My Wednesday run down.  Who should go? Anoop and Li’l so we can get to the real competition.

Now I’m off to make breakfast for my kids who have been up since before 6:00.  On a day when I have a ton of work to do.  *sigh*  They are just further supporting this theory.

For more insight into American Idol, visit Boo Mama’s site.

Filed Under: American Idol, Random Tagged With:

The Mathematical Probability of Interruption

April 7, 2009 by

I have a theory I’d like to posit.  And no, I’m not sure if I spelled or used the word “posit” correctly – moving on.

Without fail, when I make the concerted effort to get up early in the morning so I can have a quiet time or do some writing, my kids also wake up extra early.

Undoubtably, if I sit down for a moment midday to rest, read a book, read blogs, write, someone will fall down and skin their knee, need a drink, have to use the bathroom, or, as is the case right now with Landon, just suddenly need a few extra snuggles (which I am gladly doling out so this post may take forever to finish).

Okay, I’m back and let me just say that I just got some of the sweetest kisses and hugs from that precious baby.  Wow…I hope he’s not getting sick. 

Anyway, I posted a status update on my Facebook page the other day regarding this particular phenomenon and received a fascinating response from one of my friends that got me thinking.  Her idea was that children can sense a change in air pressure, so if we move early in the morning, it stirs them.  While I find this to be a fascinating theory, I’d like to take it a step further.

Thus, I have now established The Probability of Interruption, which I feel certain should eventually be adopted as a true Theory.  Or not. I don’t know much about that sort of thing, actually.  I’ve always been a literature kind of gal. Me and math are not friends.

The Probability of Interruption states that as the heartrate of the mother, the bpm (beats per minute), rises and falls, so will the bpm of the child also rise in fall in opposite and similar effect.

Got it? No?

An example – this morning, I took my resting heart rate when I woke up.  I had a resting bpm of 56.  Once I rose and moved around enough to use the bathroom, get dressed, come out to the computer and sit down, my bpm had risen to about 62.

And Tia woke up.  Even though it was quite early and she went to bed late last night, she still woke up.  Why is this? Why, it’s because of The Probability of Interruption.  As my heart rate rose, do did hers.  Though I made little to no noise, she was stirred from her slumber.  In this instance, her heart rate rose in similar effect to mine.

Now, after rushing to get everyone ready for the day and Sloan out the door, my bpm was at roughly 68.  I sat down at the computer and after 5 minutes of sitting, it had fallen back down to 63.  It was at this precise moment that Tia hit her brother and he came to me crying.  Moments after dealing with that, both children were in need of a drink.  Why is this?  Because…you got it! The Probability of Interruption.  As my heart rate dropped, the kids’ bpm’s rose in opposite effect thereby causing inappropriate behavior and the metabolic need for sustenance.

This is why I have such a difficult time getting anything done.  If I want to clean, someone will ultimately thwart that plan.  If I want to take a shower, you can be sure that someone will pull open the shower door with some sort of desperate need – all because as my heart rate slowed into a relaxed state, theirs rose into an agitated state, thus necessitating (?) the need to interrupt my reverie.

So, in effect, The Probability of Interruption pretty much guarantees that for the rest of my life, I will likely be interrupted any time I begin to get too comfortable.  My theory obviously proves that as fact.

And, while this theory can have some mild effect on fathers, it appears that mostly and mainly The Probability of Interruption applies to mothers alone.  Even if dad is the one to wake up early and mom’s bpm remains in the resting state, the children will most likely either sleep through dad’s movement, or they will wake up due to the noise that dad inevitably makes and come wake mom up rather than disturb dad. 

So there you have it, ladies.  You now have scientific evidence that your children are hard wired to make sure that you never fully accomplish anything to the full extent.  Oh, and incidentally, this theory works just as equally if mom is doing anything that raises her heart rate.  This means that you and your husband will most likely want to make judicious use of the lock on your bedroom door if you get my drift…and I think you do. (blush)

Now I’ve embarrassed myself and my bpm is surely rising because the kids are going wild.  Gotta go!

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Life, Motherhood, Random

American Idol: Thoughts

April 1, 2009 by

I know you’re all dying to hear my thoughts on this season’s American Idol.  Well wait no more!  Here is exactly what I think.

Anoop: I’m sorry, but I have no mad love for Anoop.  He just kind of gets on my nerves and has from the beginning.  I think it’s unfortunate that he lasted longer than Alexis.  Last night was no exception.  I mean really – Usher?  I do feel for the guy because I think he’s trying just a little too hard, but honestly – nobody should try and do Usher unless they can back up the vocals with the entertainment.  Usher is an amazing performer – Anoop is not, therefore his performance came across as really bad karaoke. 

Megan: Oh how I want to like this girl.  She’s adorable, she’s got a great attitude and she has such a unique voice.  But she’s just not keeping up.  These last two weeks she’s sounded like an old lady in a seedy bar.  Megan needs to stick to coffee shop type song choices – Ingrid Michaelson, Adele, even Sara Bareilles.  And, for once I understood, and agreed with, Paula – Megan needs to sit on a stool because blessherheart, I’ve never seen someone more awkward in their movement.  Yeesh.

Danny: I do have mad love for Danny.  He looks like a man, he sings like a man and he has a great attitude.  But I did not love his song last night.  It could have something to do with the fact that I am apparently the only person in the world who doesn’t like Rascal Flatts.  So sorry to offend, but the lead singer’s voice is like fingernails on a black board for me.  So that was one hit against Danny.  And I thought he was so pitchy through much of the performance.  But the judges love him and I’m sure he’s just fine.

Allison: Before last week, Allison really irritated me.  Then she slayed Papa was a Rolling Stone and suddenly I kind of liked her.  But last night reminded me again that I’m not crazy about her.  No doubt about it, the girl can sang.  But I could not listen to an entire CD of her sanging screaming.  She’s cute and definately precocious, but not my favorite.  She is, however, the only girl who seems to have some longevity.

Scott: Oh sweet, sweet Scott.  I think he’s reached his peak on the show.  He’s a doll, but honestly, I would rather just sit and listen to him play piano rather than sing.  He has little control over his voice and I’m always a little nervous for him when he heads up into the upper part of his register.  And the hair?  Oh no – nononono. 

Matt: I do have me some mad love for Matt.  But he needs to develop more of a personality.  I think that’s why he keeps ending up in the bottom two.  He’s just not very interesting.  He’s a wicked performer, but he’s a little flat when he’s not singing and playing.  But I have hope that he’ll pull through because his version of Let’s Get It On from last week had me all swoony and stuff – so you know…C’Mon Matt!

Li’l: What is the matter, Li’l?!?  You can flippin’ sing, but why in the world would you think Celine Dion was a good idea?  People have been comparing her to Mary J. Blige for weeks, but she hasn’t done anything Mary J-ish since the early rounds and that’s going to hurt her.  She needs to step up her game or she’s gonna be out of there fast.  I did, however, want to pick up her daughter and give her a little squeeze because oh the sweetness!

Adam: I do like Adam, I really do.  That guy is a freak of nature.  I mean, seriously, he sings higher than I do!  I didn’t love last night’s performance as much as last week’s, but he still killed it.  Unfortunately I do not think I could listen to an entire album of him screeching like that so I’m not overly thrilled with the prospect of him winning.  But he’s still crazy good.

Kris: I love Kris. He’s adorable, first of all, and his wife is adorable.  He’s genuine and he’s really, really good.  Last night was, by far, his very best performance.  It was the first time that I thought he not only had the chops as a singer, but also as a performer and a personality.  I really hope he makes it to the top three along with Adam and Danny, because that would be a real competition wouldn’t it?

Alrighty then.  So there are my thoughts.  My hopeful prediction is that it will come down to Matt, Kris, Adam and Danny with either Danny or Kris ultimately taking the whole thing, though I do think Adam may be the one to beat. 

Aren’t you glad you stopped by today?  So tell me – what are your thoughts?

Filed Under: American Idol, Random, the boob tube

Boredom leads to strange things

January 13, 2009 by
Sloan and I were bored this afternoon and the Star Wars figures were sitting in the doll house. We had a good old time making up a very bizarre story.
 

 

The Epic Battle Gone Terribly Awry
Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away, there was a young Jedi knight, Master Ben Kenobi. Trained in the order of the Jedi, Master Kenobi was a special soul with much to offer to the galaxy. As a young man, Master Kenobi came across a boy who showed great potential for good use as a Jedi and so Master Kenobi took this boy, nourished him and trained him and the boy did indeed grow into a bold and fearless Jedi.
But the boy, Anakin, was brash and impulsive. Those qualities were a great hindrance to his quest in the Jedi order. There was a darkness in him that Master Kenobi desperately tried to tame, but it was no use. Anakin Skywalker gave himself over to the dark side losing nearly all of his human form.
More robot than man, he took on the name Darth Vader and became a fierce and powerful enemy.  Master Kenobi was, understandably, disappointed and pained that his star pupil became the very epitome of evil and he took it upon himself to search down his wayward student and destroy him once and for all. Thus began an epic battle.
But Master Kenobi underestimated Vader’s strength and power and he was quickly defeated.Stealing Kenobi’s light saber, Darth Vader swiftly cut off his former master’s arm. In a most uncharacteristic moment of sympathy, Darth Vader left Kenobi to die alone rather than finishing him off.

Summoning his last ounce of strength, Master Kenobi used the force to pull himself up off the ground and, cradling his limp stub of an arm in his good hand, he fled the galaxy and sped to a foreign and new place where he intended to leave his failures and shame behind him.

For many dark days, Master Kenobi wandered through the rugged, thick terrain, wasting from lack of food and losing his will to survive. But, though he no longer had the mystical power of the force to back him up, he did have physical strength that allowed him to push forward despite extreme weakness.

Then he came upon a most strange and beautiful sight. A large palace unlike any he had ever seen. Pulling his weak frame up, Master Kenobi stumbled to the bizarre structure.

Raising his hand, Master Kenobi rapped three times on the solid door. When it opened, he found himself staring into the bewildered eyes of a beautiful woman holding two screaming babies in her arms. Explaining his situation and his need for shelter and work, the woman nodded her head and told him she had just the job for him.

Master Kenobi, however, was not prepared for the task that was quickly thrust upon him.

Due to this family’s extreme lifestyle, it appeared that the parents were in desperate need of someone to watch their children while they both worked.

 Thus, Master Kenobi became Ben-Ben the Manny.
He discovered quickly that he was not well suited for this job. Within the first day, he lost one of the children, a small boy who was quick and sneaky. The girl was a little more manageable, but a handful nonetheless. Ben-Ben sang to her each night, a soft melody that, try as he might, he could not bring himself to stop humming. It was the same melody he had sung to his protege so many years earlier.

One of the more difficult details of his job required changing the constantly full diapers of his young charge. This was all the more difficult due to Ben-Ben’s abnormally small size in comparison to the child. Ben-Ben grew so tired of this cumbersome task that he decided to teach the child the art of using an adult facility.

Unfortunately, this did not go well and Ben-Ben found he had greater messes to clean up. He quickly put the child back in diapers and sent her on her way.

Ben-Ben sighed as he cleaned the bathroom, wondering how his life had taken such a drastic turn.

Looking intently in the mirror, Ben-Ben tried to conjure up the image of his former self. A man full of confidence and self-assurance. A man who was a truely gifted Jedi Master. But, try as he may, Ben-Ben could not summon the force. It’s power took no effect in these strange circumstances.

Every evening, as Ben-Ben slaved over dinner and baked endlessly, he tried to remember the skill that had once been so natural to him.

He sighed dramatically as he set the meals in front of his employers, both of whom took to ignoring him when he lost their son. They now only stared at him with half-smiles frozen on their plastic-like faces. It was unnerving…

The only solice Ben-Ben found were his daily moments of peace in the garden that he had cultivated. It gave him a sense of purpose and skill closely akin to the Jedi powers he had once taken such pride in. In those quiet moments, Ben-Ben felt like Master Kenobi once more.

At night, when the baby was asleep and the house was clean, Ben-Ben lounged on the couch, letting the sweet sounds of Johnny Coltrane and B.B. King wash through his soul. He wondered if perhaps these men were master’s of the force, their music so moved his aching soul.

And of course, every night before bed, Ben-Ben stood at his balcony and looked out at the glimmering, flickering stars that dotted the black sky. He thought of his galaxy, so very far away, and wished that he, once again, could be a great and mighty Jedi Knight.

So, my friends, will Ben Kenobi ever gain back his use of the force and return to his proper position as a leader of the Jedi Order? Only time will tell…

Filed Under: Family, funny stuff that happens, Random Tagged With:

Redeeming Halloween

October 28, 2008 by

As the Halloween season approaches I thought I’d pass on the name of a great book that I think is important for parents to read – particularly those who struggle with the concept of Halloween.

It seems that Halloween has gotten a little bit of a bad wrap over the years. What can be, and should be, a fun, innocent holiday for children has been mired by slasher movies and horror tales of cult-like sacrifices. This, in my opinion, is unfortunate because Halloween is really a fun time for both children and parents.

The idea of Halloween being a pagan holiday is particularly prevalent among christian circles. I understand where this is coming from. In fact, Lee and I really debated whether or not we would celebrate Halloween with our kids. Both of us just assumed that Halloween was a holiday that opened the door to evil and wondered if we should just scrap it. But, when Sloan was born, it broke my heart to think of not dressing him up and parading him around the neighborhood, showing off his cute, fat cheeks and racking up a little sugary delight.

I also couldn’t figure out how to not celebrate the holiday without it seeming weird.  Did we hand out candy to trick or treaters, but just not take our kids Trick or Treating?  That didn’t seem right because it just makes the practice of Trick or Treating seem wrong.

Did we turn off all the lights and hide in a dark corner all night, ignoring the Trick or Treaters on our front step?  That didn’t seem like a good conclusion either because how would we explain that to our kids?

And, while I love fall festivals that church’s put on and have no problem attending them, the fact is, they are still a celebration of the holiday called Halloween.  So before Lee and I made a decision, I decided it was time to research Halloween. And I am glad I did!

I came across a book called Redeeming Halloween: Celebrating Without Selling Out. This book was published by Focus on the Family, a reputable christian organization whose focus is, oddly enough, on issues that affect families. I learned a lot from this book.

Perhaps the thing that most surprised me was the fact the Halloween, the original holiday, is not pagan but rather a Christian holiday. It stands for All Hallow ‘een or “the eve of the holy ones“.

Under the reign of Nero, a tyrannous and horrible Roman leader, christian’s were brutally murdered in public places. Literally thrown before the lions, christians in early Rome were martyred for no other reason than that Nero felt threatened by them. In A.D. 610, as the church gained more honor, these martyrs were officially recognized and given their own holiday, All Saints’ Day or All Hallows Day. This holiday eventually landed on the calendar on November 1. It was meant to be a day for the church to remember and recognize the believers who died for their faith.

(Incidentally, if you’re looking for an excellent read on the early Christian martyrs, I highly recommend the book Quo Vadis.  It’s a novel, but it’s so historically factual that it barely passes as fiction.  It is one of the most fascinating books I’ve read in a long time.)

Now, there is no denying that this meaning of Halloween has been wildly distorted over the centuries. But the fact remains that Halloween is not pagan, and this book gives great suggestions of ways to celebrate Halloween by merging the traditions that we have today, trick or treating, with the true meaning of the holiday. After all, isn’t that what we try to do at Christmas as well? If you think about it, Christmas has also been dreadfully distorted and paganized.

So where did the costumes and trick or treating come into play? The authors state that there is no real conclusive evidence as to where this tradition began but there is some historical evidence that in the mid-1800’s, masquaraders would go from door to door performing plays in exchange for food or drink.

Around this time, a large population of Irish immigrants came to America bringing with them a tradition known as “mischeif night” where they would canvas neighborhoods playing harmless tricks on their neighbors. By the 1920’s, however, this tradition had gotten out of hand leading to true vandalism, so a small town mayor instituted a night where “good” children could go to neighbor’s homes and shops, crying “Trick or Treat!” The idea was that the shop owners should give them a treat so they wouldn’t be “tricked.” Placing this tradition on the eve of All Hallow’s Day was merely a way to designate it as a once a year occasion.

So, for those of you who may be unsure of whether or not to celebrate Halloween, I highly recommend this book.  You still have to do what you feel is right for your family, but you owe it to yourself to be educated about the decision you are making. 

For those of you who celebrate Halloween but feel guilty about doing so – Don’t! You don’t have to skulk around on Halloween hoping no one from church see’s you taking your kids out. Bottom line is that there are ways to enjoy the innocence and the fun of Halloween without partaking of the evil that pervades.

So, in closing, Happy Halloween!

Filed Under: Family, Life, Motherhood, Random Tagged With: ,

What was I thinking?

September 9, 2008 by

A few months into our marriage, I got the crazy, horrific idea that I wanted to be a brunette. This was during a time when several previously blonde movie stars had gone brunette and I thought surely I’d look as good as they did. I told Lee what I was thinking and he was all, “Cool! Great idea! Can I help pick out the color?”

So, we packed our classy selves up and headed to the local Walgreens because where else would a fabulous makeover begin but in the aisle’s of a chain pharmacy? After scouring over the different choices of hair color, we found a brilliant auburn that we both liked. The girl on the front of the box looked beautiful, breezy and very natural. I felt confident as I shelled out my 10 bucks that I was fast approaching a new, radient me.

Upon returning home, Lee had to head off to work and I decided to go ahead and get the process going. We had only one car at that time for some reason that I can’t recall, so he just dropped me off and I assured him that I would be a sexy brunette when he returned.

I quickly tore into the box and applied the hair color, then sat down and waited for the 25 minutes to pass. Finally, with much excitement, I rushed back into the bathroom and checked my hair. I knew immediately that this was not going to turn out as I’d hoped. My head had a blackish purple color to it. I quickly jumped into the shower and tried not to panic as I saw the dark, very dark color, swirling at my feet. Upon getting out and drying my hair, I began shaking and an actual panic attack set in.

 My hair was not the sexy brown of the girl on the box, but was actually a dark, almost purple color. I looked like some punk goth kid out to prove to her parents and the world that reality does indeed bite.

So I called Lee and tearfully told he needed to come home now, which he did and promptly began laughing his head off. And, God help me, I tried to laugh with him, but it’s really hard to laugh when you’re bawling. So, after Lee composed himself, we headed to the mall (mistake number 2) and I walked into a Regis hair salon and shamefully asked if they’d bleach it out. Instead, they tried to just lighten the color so as not to damage my hair with bleach. An hour and a half later, I had red and orange stripes in my hair and I was sobbing…again. They finally bleached my hair.

At this point my scalp was bleeding and my hair was a very vibrant orange. Think Tony the Tiger – on crack. I paid my $220.00 and walked out with my head hanging low. I would go back the next day to try and correct the color but for the time being, they wanted me to let my head rest from all the chemicals.

Ya think?

Naturally, I had to work the next morning, and guess what? I was a gymnastics coach, which meant I couldn’t wear a hat. So I walked into the gym, my neon orange hair clashing horribly with my bright red cheeks. Of course, every kid in there stared unabashedly. And to top it off I worked with almost all russians. I love russians and their blatent honesty as every single one of them asked me what in God’s name I had done to my hair.

Humiliation in two languages! Perfect.

As soon as I got off, I raced back to the salon where they semi-fixed my hair. But I swear, it’s never been the same…
I know this is a terrible picture. The original is in a .tif format and I’m completely computer illliterate so all I could do was print this picture out and scan it in as a .jpeg. You get the idea though…

Filed Under: blast from the past, funny stuff that happens, Lee, Life, Random Tagged With: , , ,

Another sign of spring…which leads me to:

April 2, 2008 by

My five most absurd fears.

1. I was just downstairs working on some laundry and I saw it… lurking in the corner, it’s beady eyes fixed on me, waiting to pounce and drive me to an early grave. That’s right, it was a cricket. Now before you think poorly of me that I would be so terribly frightened of a cricket, you must know that the cricket’s that lurk in our home are not your ordinary, run of the mill crickets. We get what are called Cave crickets and if you look at that picture you will understand how I nearly kill myself trying to get away from one of those suckers. Not only do they look like they could kill you, they also jump like ten feet in the air. Also, when I attended Baylor, every fall the crickets seemed to descend upon Waco, filling every crevice with their creey, crunchy bodies.

Literally, crickets would fall from the sky. It was like a plague.

2. I am terrified of airplane bathrooms.

Someone once told me that they heard an airplane bathroom fell out of a plane and plummeted to the ground. That story has always stuck with me so every time I go into the bathroom on a airplane, my heart starts racing, my hands shake, and I try to get out as fast as I can. I usually unlock the bathroom door and flush just as I’m leaving because I figure that if the bathroom’s going to disconnect itself from the plane, it will do so due to the sucking motion of the flush.

The absurdity of this fear should need no explanation. I’m guessing the story I heard isn’t even true – I mean, it’s not like the bathrooms are just stuck precariously on the side of airplanes. Still, I can’t help but think of how awful a death that would be. Plummeting to the ground with my pants around my ankles. Valid or not, I’m not taking chances.

3. Getting eaten by a shark. This is actually not that absurd considering how often we spend time in the ocean, but the likelihood of it actually happening is quite low. Still, I get very nervous, particularly when I’m in an ocean where I can’t see through the water.

4. Getting pregnant again and it being more than one baby. Need I say more?

5. Losing my hair. That’s a silly thing to fear, but I have a really big head and I also have a couple of moles on my head. I would look weird without hair.  Although I do think it would be fun to have a closet full of wigs. I’d wear a different color and style every single day.

As I said, these are my most absurd fears. Some fears are reasonable, like something happening to the kids or Lee, spiders, etc…But these are the things that when I sit back and think about it, I have to laugh at how ridiculous it is to be scared of such nonsense. Nonetheless, I am scared – no, scratch that…I am petrified of these five things.

I’m also not going back downstairs until Lee gets home and tracks down that cricket.

It’s the cricket or me and if push comes to shove, he can have the basement.

Filed Under: Random

A letter of encouragement…to my body

January 18, 2008 by

Dear, ummm, me…
So I thought it was time to give you a little pep talk. I know I’ve been rough on you these last few years, what with the constant weight gain and loss and all that comes with pregnancy, but fear not. I won’t do that to you anymore. In return for that favor, however, I have a few favors to ask of you.
Let’s start with you, dear legs. Remember the days when you were fit and trim, when you could handle a brisk walk up a steep hill without screaming out in pain? Think back on those days and strive for that again, would ya? Now I must confess, I’ve never really cared for the upper half of you guys…you know, the thighs? But I’m willing to give you guys another chance if you’ll just help me out here. You guys shape up and I’ll quit complaining about you…fair?
Now, on to my stomach and my hips. Remember what it felt like to be flat, to slide into a pair of pants without having to be painfully sucked and tucked in? Let’s get back to that. Tell you what, I’ll do my part and try and eat foods that help you in that goal, if you’ll do your part and shrink. I’ve already started! I’m mean, I ate that nasty bowl of flax cereal this morning didn’t I? Okay, so I added a little sugar to it – I had to, though. I gotta keep the tongue happy! Anyway, I all want is for you guys to trim up. That’s all I ask. And I’ll just remind you that there is a wardrobe of pants hanging in the basement just waiting to be worn – and none of them have elastic waistbands! Oh yeah, and we will be wearing a bathing suit in a couple of months. You don’t want to be humiliated do you?
On to my arms. Is there any way you guys could tone up and not look quite so, uh, masculine? That’d be great.
Moving on to the chest. Riiiight. Since you’re probably the only part of my body that will immediately shrink back to pre-pregnancy size, there seems to be little I can really say. So, you know…whatever.
And you, dear chin. Could you tell your twin to take a hike? You know, the one who keeps popping up in photographs. That’s not cool.
To my face – listen, the chubby cheeks are adorable…on the baby. On you? Not so much so shape it up okay? And if you, my dear eyes, could quit looking so droopy and red, that’d be great. I realize you’re exhausted and are sorely lacking rest, but come one, buck up! Keep looking bright and shiny for me!
Finally, to the part of my brain that keeps sending out cravings for things like chocolate and cookies, please stop! Send out a craving for broccoli every once and awhile. Be satisfied and content with a salad and quit sabatoging (sp?) everyone else’s hard work!
So, there it is. You guys can do it. If we all work together and boldly march forward, each carrying within us the motto “Remember the Glory Days!” I know we can return to our once comfortable shape. It’s up to you all! I know you can do it!

Kelli
Oh yeah, and I need to throw this in. To my big toe, you know the one with only half a nail due to a most unfortunate incident invloving apple juice, a slippery floor and a table leg, could you please grow back and repair yourself before summer? No one wants to see you looking like that. Thanks.

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