Kids do the darndest things | Page 8

The Great Camping Trip of 2010

July 5, 2010 by Kelli

We did it! We conquered the great outdoors. We survived the big woods back woods of Missouri. We lived off the land. We were pioneers – FTW!

Actually, if we want to get technical, we lived off of Walmart brand boxed foods and our minivan served as our trusty wagon, faithfully toting our belongings into the very accomodating land of shaded camp grounds. We are quite the mountaineers.

Aside from the obvious fact that we weren’t totally roughing, we did indeed sleep in the great outdoors, enduring the elements, cooking over a fire and exploring the natural wonders of the land around us. And we had a blast!

First things first – we pitched the tent. This was Landon’s first time to sleep in a tent. Sloan and Tia slept outside several times last year in the back yard. Landon was so excited to be included in this family excursion that he was literally bouncing off the walls before we left. He wouldn’t even nap.

Fun…

Sloan was a huge help. He’s quite the outdoorsmen.

After the tent was up, we let the kids roll around for a bit before setting up the beds. Sloan and Tia slept on the hard ground because they’re bones were made for that sort of adventure. Lee and I slept on an air mattress as did Landon. Because I know better than to think I would survive sleeping on the hard earth.

We were joined by four other families on our weekend trip. Since we were the first to arrive we decided to explore a bit. We hiked up a nearby trail. The hike didn’t last long because my daughter was apparently created with the smallest bladder known to womankind and she’s yet to learn the art of squatting the the trees. So we quickly found ourselves heading back down the path to the shower house where we would make frequent runs throughout the weekend. Thank God it was fairly clean.

Before leaving on our trip, I worried most about the sleeping arangements. Landon still sleeps in a crib so I was concerned about how he would do in the tent. I didn’t need to worry. He was so exhausted that he passed out the second his head hit the pillow both nights, as did the other two.

Lee and I on the other hand…we struggled. We didn’t plan on it being quite so cold in July. The weather could not have been more perfect for our weekend trip, but with a low Friday night of 60 degrees, Lee and I nearly froze under our tiny little blanket. Couple that with a rowdy group of college kids next door and the first night was rough. In fact, I made a hasty retreat to the minivan in the hopes of finding a little warmth.

Thank God for coffee and caffinated tea.

And a husband who is chipper despite a long, cold night of little sleep.

And a minivan that provided a safe haven for naps the next day when the kids couldn’t fall asleep in the tent. Not only are minivans hot, but they are extremely functional. Like a modern day covered wagon, they are.

We explored a local cave where our tour guide taught us all about dolomite and calcite and a bunch of other “mites.” The quote of the weekend came when the guide was explaining the drastic decline in grey bats due to a rather unfortunate virus. “We have only 35 bats who call this cave home,” she said to our group. And bursting through the silence was Sloan who piped up, “Hey! My dad’s 35!” Isn’t it nice to know that kids will always be there to keep you humble?

Saturday night, the grown ups snuck away for a little zip line excursion. Zooming off a platform 90 feet in the air at sunset and zipping over 1200 feet is a good time. Just sayin’…

And Sunday we all gathered together for a feast fit for kings.

We ate bacon (and lots of it), hash browns, eggs, donuts and so much more…

Because we forgot towels and because it was a little too involved for our taste, we did not bathe or shower all weekend. Which means we brought home dirty, dirty children. My bath tub has the largest, nastiest ring of dirt around it now. The shower upon returning home was perhaps the most glorious moment of all my life. I’ve never felt more clean.

In all, the weekend was a smashing success. The kids did amazing – better than I could have imagined. We were surrounded by sweet friends. We laughed a lot, slept a little and made memories that will last for a lifetime.

Now, off to tackle the last three loads of approximately 452 loads of laundry that we brought home…

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Life, Random, summer fun Tagged With: camping in Missouri, camping with children, cave exploration, family fun

Kids Say the Darndest Things

July 1, 2010 by Kelli

Sloan: “Hey Mom! What if I had a fire bootie?”

Me: “Um…what?”

S: “What if I had a fire bootie? Then, if a dinosaur started chasing me, I could just toot and it would be like a rocket and I could get away.”

Me: *silence* There’s really no way to respond to that.

______________________________________________________

Sloan: “Tia! Stop copying me.”

Tia: “Stop copying me.”

S: “Tia, stooooop.

T: “Tia, stooooop.”

S: “Mom, Tia is copying me.”

T: “Mom, Tia is copying me.”

Me: “Tia please stop copying Sloan. That bothers him.”

Tia: “Well I can’t help it. My bwain tells me to copy and I can’t say no to my bwain.”

Me: “Well, you’re gonna have to learn to say no to your brain, honey, or you’re gonna have a lot of trouble in life.”

Sloan: “Yeah. And some of that trouble will be with me.”

Someone tell me again…how long until school starts back up?

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Me to Landon: “What’s your name?”

Landon: “Bubba.”

Me: “No, what’s your real name.”

Landon: “Uuuhhh…Hey you Bubba?”

I swear we don’t go around calling that child ‘Hey You.’ Just want to make that clear.

______________________________________

Tia: “Mom! Sloan called me a wowyer.”

Me: “A what?”

Tia: “A wowyer.”

Me: “What’s a wowyer?”

Sloan: “A lawyer, mom. I called her a lawyer.”

Me: “Oh. That’s not a bad name, Tia.”

Tia: “Yuh-huh. He said it mean and he said I’m a big, fat wowyer.”

Me: *sigh* “Sloan, don’t call your sister a lawyer, please.”

_______________________________________________

Tia: “Mom, I weawy, weawy, weawy wish I was a boy.”

Me: “Why?”

T: “So I can stand up to go potty and so I can carry guns.”

Me: “Well I can’t help you with the potty thing – that’s just how you were made. But girls can carry guns just like boys.”

Tia: “They can?”

Me: “Sure.”

Tia: “Can I have a gun for my birfday? A weal one?”

Me: “No.”

Tia: “But I fought you said girls tan carry guns?”

Me: “Pretend guns, honey. Sloan doesn’t even have a real gun.”

Tia: “Yuh-huh. He said he could shoot me dead wif it.”

Me: “Sloan! Come here please.”

Filed Under: funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Sloan, Tia Tagged With: Kids bickering, kids say the darndest things, Sibling rivalry, summertime

Toy Story 3: Better Titled “Let’s Tear Mom’s Heart From Her Chest and Stomp On It”

June 22, 2010 by Kelli

Thank you, Pixar and Disney, for making me a blubbery, sobby mess. Thank you for gently forcefully ripping my heart from my chest and using it to play ball for 109 minutes. Thank you for making me so emotional that my husband, when asking what I thought about the movie, had to make a hasty retreat as tears shot out of the corners of my eyes like daggers.

Thank you, Pixar and Disney, for Toy Story 3.

I took my kids yesterday to see the final installment of the Toy Story saga. It’s been 15 years since I saw the first Toy Story. I was a senior in high school. Now I’m a mom of three. And the message of this movie was not at all lost on me. Especially given the fact that Tia sat on one side of me clutching her beloved Lovey Bear and Landon sat on the other, his Sock Monkey nestled snug beneath his arm. I couldn’t help but look at those two little toys, both so loved and content at this moment. What will it be like in fifteen years when they are cast off – no longer needed for comfort and companionship?

Excuse me for a moment while I go sob in the bathroom…

It didn’t even dawn on me when we left the house that they were carrying those toys with them to the theater to see a movie about the fate of beloved toys. But looking at my babies as Andy drove away on the big screen with his faithful companions left to watch his tail lights fade in the distance, I got so terribly emotional. It doesn’t help that I’m slightly hormonal, or that it’s been a tough week parenting.

As we drove home after the movie, I glanced in the rearview mirror at these children of mine – children who I love desperately. Time goes by so quickly. Yesterday (or so it seems) I married Lee. And then I blinked and it’s suddenly ten years later. If I weren’t such a prim and proper lady I’d let out an expletive. Instead I’ll settle for a simple, WTH! How does it move so quickly?

I read this on Nicole’s blog yesterday:

“When you’re holding your baby and he’s falling asleep in your arms slowly and the evening is slipping away and your mind is racing through the thousand things at the top of your list, and you begin to feel – as all fathers and mothers inevitably feel from time to time – that you’re wasting your time taking care of this little kid, try to remember that next year you won’t be able to hold him in the same way, he won’t go to sleep in your arms, and after a few more years, you’ll be happy to get a hug on the run. Our children are here to stay, but our babies and toddlers and preschoolers are gone as fast as they can grow up – and we have only a short moment with each. When you see a grandfather take a baby in his arms, you see that the moment hasn’t always been long enough.” S. Adams Sullivan, The Father’s Almanac

This parenting thing is hard. “Enjoy it,” everyone tells you, “Because it goes by so fast.” Even a bunch of animated toys told me the very same thing yesterday. What no one tells you, though, is that sometimes you have to work really, really hard to enjoy it. And that is, perhaps, what had me most emotional. I know it goes by fast, I know I need to enjoy it, I know I need to cherish the moments because they’re over in the blink of an eye – but to be quite honest, I don’t always enjoy being a mom. I love my kids, of course. They are so much a piece of me that I hardly remember life without them. But raising them…it’s hard.

Of course, it’s supposed to be hard now. “Put in the hard work when they’re young so that when they grow into teenagers you can reap the rewards of that hard work.” This is another piece of sage advice I cling to. On the days when it feels like all I do is battle, I remember that it’s better to battle them now when the environment is controlled than to battle them as teenagers when the battlefield is full of hidden mines and has a much larger scope.

But I would be lying if I said that I enjoy every moment of every day. Because I don’t.

I do, however, enjoy more than I don’t enjoy. Stay with me…Yesterday, and the few days leading up to it, was a hard day. There were many battles, many fights, many tears. And I was battle weary. Today, this morning, has been filled with sweetness. The kids have played together this morning without argument (and when I say argument, I mean screaming bloody murder at one another – sorry to any neighbors who were awakened by Sloan and Tia’s death match on the front porch Sunday morning). They’ve been pleasant and sweet, obedient even. And it hasn’t been a stretch to enjoy them. Yesterday, I had to search a couple of times for ways to like them.

So I was partly grateful to Toy Story for reminding me, yet again, that the time I have with my children when they’re young is fleeting. Yesterday was one day. There will be more days like it – days when loving my children is easy but liking them is hard. But I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I dread this time in our lives coming to an end. There are sweet days to come, moments to celebrate, birthdays to rejoice in, milestones to accomplish – but the days of them sitting in my lap, a stuffed animal tucked beneath their arms…those days won’t last forever. And it’s those moments that I cherish the most. I tuck each one away in the crevices of my heart.

And I will now commence to crying once more. Dumb cartoon movie…

Filed Under: Family, funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Life, Motherhood, Sloan, summer fun, Tia Tagged With: Crying through Toy Story 3, Motherhood, parenting, Toy Story 3

Take me out to the ball game

June 14, 2010 by Kelli

Pretend that these pictures are from Sloan’s first game of the season. Let’s pretend that this wasn’t the first time I actually remembered to bring my camera with the memory card in it. Let’s pretend that I’m much more organized than that and that I would never actually forget to put the memory card in my camera until the season was half over.

Nope not me. I would never do that. Enjoy photos from Sloan’s, ahem, first ball game.

Sloan is the only player on his team with a groupie. We can’t decide if we should change Landon’s nickname from Bubba to Mini-Sloan because he wants nothing more than to be exactly like his big brother. This means that whenever he can get his hands on Sloan’s uniform, he wants it on.

It may possibly be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen…

Play Ball!

Filed Under: Family, funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Sloan, summer fun Tagged With: Kids Baseball, Sloan

Bits and Pieces

June 10, 2010 by Kelli

Yesterday was the big day. Landon got his cast removed. I’ve never had a cast before, but I imagine that had my arm been wrapped in plastic for almost a month I would want to bend and straighten my elbow over and over and rub my hand up and down my arm like he did. It was really adorable. He seemed quite thrilled with his ability to once again move his arm. He now has a removeable splint that he’s supposed to wear while he’s playing (so essentially all day long) for the next month.

Right. Good luck with that. He’s already figured out how to take it off.

I had to take all three kids with me to have his cast removed. I was worried. But they did great. They didn’t freak out when the saw was turned on and niether one of them asked if they could have a cast put on.

I cleaned out the bins of old clothes in the basement yesterday. I filled four oversized garbage bags to be dropped off at Goodwill and a fifth garbage bag filled with clothes that had apparently been home to our mouse family last year. Do you know what it does to someone like me to have to stick her hand in a bin that has obviously harbored small furry creatures? I’m surprised I didn’t go into cardiac arrest. I kept expecting little zombie mice to start crawling out of the box and up my arms. I didn’t even try to see if any of the clothes were salvagable. I just dumped them in the trash bag.

*shudder*

Lee and I are still attempting to keep up with P90X. The workouts themselves, while hard, are not that bad. Finding the time to do them, however, if proving to be a bit of a challenge. I can only get up at 5:00 AM so many days before I turn into crazy-psycho-needs-some-sleep mommy. I figure I’m of better use to my kids awake and alert but slightly flabby than super fit and walking in my sleep.

And finally, to cap off this most random of posts, I will let you know that it appears someone got a hold of my new camera yesterday and took several pictures. I’m not going to name any names, but the evidence is compelling.

To read my latest post for STL Family Life, click the tab on the right or right here.

Filed Under: funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Life, Motherhood, Random, Sloan, Tia Tagged With: Funny Kids, Kids and Cameras, Kids and Casts, P90X, STL Family Life

Like Fish to Water…and other stuff

May 27, 2010 by Kelli

Yesterday was a big day in the life of the first born. He graduated.

Kindergarten, that is. I’ve never fully understood the point of kindergarten graduations to be honest, but if having a promotion ceremony means I get to watch 60 five and six year olds sing songs and beam with pride, then I’ll take it. Because it was awesome. I almost got a cavity from all the sweetness.

But here is my dilemma, oh internets. When I was three, I sang my first solo in church. It was Away in the Manger and I belted it out with pride. I have a vague memory of my dad standing at the bottom of the steps snapping a picture. By the time I was in Elementary School I was a performing addict. I would put plays on at my home making my brother suffer endlessly as he played a host of characters in my little productions. I loved drama (shocker, I know) and I loved singing on stage.

I was like a tiny Rachel Berry with a Wisconsin accent.

So how is it, my friends, that I have a child who is so terribly stage shy? Even more? He’s got a great voice, loads of personality and can feel the nuances and rhythms of music extremely well for a six year old. Yet every time he gets on stage he looks like this:

To his credit, he was one of four children who were asked to stand around the microphone for one song and he did it without bursting into tears. He didn’t sing his heart out, but he DID stand up there in front of the mic and I was thrilled. That was a big step for him and I almost clapped my hands raw.

I tried to upload the video but YouTube was being funky and I don’t have all day for it to load. I know you’re disappointed.

In celebration of the graduates accomplishment, I let him pick the restaurant for lunch – he chose Cheeburger, Cheeburger. So off we skipped to the mall, his graduation cap firmly placed on his head throughout the entire lunch. He is a first grader now.

How is it possible that I have a first grader?! Didn’t I just graduate college, like, yesterday?

My birthday’s coming up next week. That, combined with the fact that I have a first grader is causing a minor panic attack.

In addition to the commencement ceremony, we decided to hit the deck for the first time this year. The pool deck, that is. I’m so glad my kids love to swim. And they’re really good at it. They take to the water like little fish. And for the first time, I don’t have to be right in the water with them. I have to be close in case Landon’s float flips him over, but I don’t have to be in the water with kids hanging on me.

Which means I can sit on the side and work on my tan – because that’s what life is all about…gettin’ tan.

I kid. Don’t worry, I do watch my kids while they swim. While I’m getting a tan…

Sometimes I watch them through the lens:

This child is starting to look like a little man. Totally freaks me out.

I'm glad I sprung for the waterproof cast.

Filed Under: Family, funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Motherhood, School, Sloan, Tia Tagged With: Kids swimming, kindergarten graduation, summertime

Live and Learn

May 25, 2010 by Kelli

I had a casual business meeting yesterday. It was at a St. Louis Bread Company so I decided rather than round up childcare for Landon and Tia, I’d just take them along. No big deal. They know how to behave in a restaurant.

Riiiight.

I’m not sure exactly when I determined that bringing them along was a bad idea. It might have been about the time that Landon started dipping his napkin in his cup. Or maybe it was when he poured his entire cup of water over his sandwich.

No, that wasn’t it.

It could have been the moment when they both crawled under the table and started peeking their eyes up over the edge and laughing hysterically. At that point I got a nagging feeling that this meeting wasn’t going as well as it could have.

I think the breaking point came when they spilled out from under the table and began wrestling on the floor. Right in the middle of the restaurant. Shrieking and laughing.

Yeah. That was it. That was the moment that I knew bringing them along had been a very. bad. idea.

Thankfully, the woman I was meeting was gracious, a mom herself, and had a great sense of humor. We might even be able to do a little work together.

Provided, of course, that I never bring my kids along again.

Filed Under: Family, funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Motherhood, Tia Tagged With: Kids, Panera Bread, Working Mom

Disturbing

May 21, 2010 by Kelli

Landon took me by the hand the other day and led me into the dining room (which is used as the arts and crafts room these days) and showed me this:

“Baby. Boo-Boo,” he said, eyes big. “I do dat.” Then he grinned, turned and walked out of the room.

Every time I walk in there, this creepy looking baby is staring at me.

It’s kind of disturbing.

Filed Under: Family, funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon Tagged With: Kids, Kids coloring on walls, Kids do the darndest things

Let’s have a chat

May 20, 2010 by Kelli

This post is going to be a random conglomerate.

Landon got his permanent cast on yesterday. He picked a fiery red cast. They decided to cast him all the way up above his elbow even though the fracture was in his wrist. Otherwise he might be able to pull the cast off. I saw the X-Rays. He broke both the ulna and the radius just above the growth plate. We’re thankful the growth plate wasn’t affected at all!

He’s proud of his cast. And Steve the monkey got a cast too because his arm was hurt. So everyone is healing.

Tia seems to be a little jealous. She told me she wished she had a ‘puwple tast’ for her arm. Here she is pretending she has a cast like her brother. Landon’s trying to figure out how to navigate the world left handed. Watching him eat brings a smile to my face. Half the time he misses his mouth, the other half the time he shoves the fork down his throat.

Lee has found the silver lining in this whole broken wrist ordeal. “He’ll get tons of practice dribbling the ball left handed,” Lee said, his eyes getting all glassy and dreamy. So, you know, he’s got that going for him…

My kids, like all kids, wear me out daily with their constant fighting, whining, tattling and arguing. But it’s moments like this one that we had last night…

…that energize me and give me the strength to get through one more day. I am writing this at 7:48 in the morning and the kids are screaming at each other behind me. I keep looking at the picture to remind myself that there are sweet moments to look forward to.

Speaking of being energized, you can read my latest post over at 5 Minutes for Mom. It’s all about how I’m actually NOT supermom.

Tia had her last day of perschool yesterday. I’m so excited for summer break. I have all sorts of lofty goals and plans for the kids. We’ll see if I can stick with it or if I cave and let them watch TV all day long. Just kidding, I would never do that…

Lee and I started the P90X workout this week. I can’t move anything from my neck to my ankles without gasping in pain and I’m walking like a ninety year old woman with a hunchback. It’s intense but so far we’re enjoying it. Except for the Abs workout, which I’m fairly certain was developed by Lucifer himself. Seriously, if I cough or sneeze I have to hold onto something to offset the pain. Fun…

I had a whole paragraph (or two) written about the Arizona Immigration bill and my horror at the President’s audacity to stand up next to a foreign President and publicly call out another State. I’ll save you my rant, but will say that we are the United States of America. We don’t need a President who’s a man of all Countries. We need him to be the man of the People, which is what we elected him for.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Now I’m going to hobble my way to the bathroom to start getting ready for the day. I will attempt to brush my hair, but given that it hurts to raise my hands above my shoulders I may have to lay a hat down on the bed and shove my head into it…

Filed Under: Exercise, Family, funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Landon, Life, Motherhood, politics, Random, Sloan, Tia Tagged With: Arizona Immigration bill, Childhood broken bones, random post

He had to be first

May 19, 2010 by Kelli

Alternately titled: Those Third-Born’s Are Gonna Get the Attention Any Way They Can…

Sloan is the vivacious first born.

Tia is the only girl.

Landon is the third born who gets left behind a lot.

So he has to make a name for himself in this world.

One way he’s done that? Being the first to break a bone.

We have our first experience in a cast around here. We’re not entirely sure what happened. We were eating dinner. One minute Landon was in his seat – the next, he wasn’t. He came up gagging and choking on the chicken in his mouth, so you know, we had heart attacks.

When we all recovered from that we noticed his wrist was limp. He wouldn’t move it, wouldn’t grasp anything, didn’t want us to touch it. He also got lethargic and sleepy, so we immediately worried about a concussion. Rather than take any chances (Sloan had a concussion when he was 18 months old. We waited several hours to go to the hospital and he ended up on an IV) we decided to take him to the ER.

By the time we got to the hospital he had perked up a bit, but still refused to use his hand. Two hours later we came home with him in a temporary cast. I get to call the Ortho today to get him set up ith a permanent cast.

Goody. Just in time for swimming weather…

He didn’t have a concussion, though and despite his arm in obvious pain, he’s back to his usual self.

So there you have it – the third born has made a name for himself. He was the first.

Yay!