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When Mama’s Away…

June 12, 2009 by Kelli

There is potential for the house to implode!

My husband is amazing – seriously, as husbands go, this guy is top notch. He is super involved with the kids, extremely helpful and beyond capable of spending time alone with them.

But I fear I am pushing him by leaving for 8 days. So, I’m doing all I can to make sure things are in order and to minimize the stress on my dear hubby.

And as I prepare, I’m amazed at how much “stuff” I do in a day. Seriously, us moms have got it going on. I don’t always do everything great – hence the fact that laundry is rarely ever completed and dinner is most often started around 5:00, etc…

But is it any wonder? Seriously ladies – we do a lot. Here is my to do list before I leave town in 10 days:

-Make and freeze a minimum of 6 meals.
-Stock up on daipers/pull-ups.
-Get the dog a haircut. Or a new home…No! That’s not right, she just needs a hair cut. *sigh*
-Go to the grocery store and make sure we have enough of everything so no trips to the store are needed while I’m gone.
-Meet with the two girls who are going to share kid-watching duties for me and walk them through the schedule.
-Write out a meal schedule so there is no thought/guess work into eating. I’ll write out a schedule for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Quick and easy.
-Coordinate Lee’s schedule with the sitters’ and with the friends who are going to take the kids on the couple of day when I didn’t get a sitter.
-Pack two separate diaper bags for Landon for the two days when he will not be at home.
-Write down all emergency numbers for sitters.
-Write down Sloan’s baseball schedule.
-Schedule a man-date for Lee one evening with another friend. He’s going to need a chance to get out and relax I think…
-Actually complete all the laundry and have it put away.
-Clean the house because I absolutly cannot leave with a messy home.
-Love on my kids and spend some quality time with them.
-Get the oil changed in my car because it’s over due.
-Write two reviews and two Say It Forward columns for 5 Minutes for mom.
-Pack my own suitcase.
-Make sure I have everything I need for my trip.
-Fill my husband with confidence that he absolutely can do this and that he’s going to have the time of his life being a single parent…ahem.
-Pray, pray, pray for safety in travels, good times for the kids, no major injuries while I’m gone and a relaxing, fun trip for myself and my mom. (We’re going to the Turks and Caicos islands where my grandparents were missionaries in the ’60’s. I very much look forward to getting a glimpse of my heritage.)

Whew. And I feel like I’m forgetting something. I’ve kind of decided that next week I just won’t sleep – but that’s okay, because I have a week at the beach to make up for lost rest. Right?

Filed Under: Family, Life, Motherhood

Love and Respect

June 3, 2009 by Kelli

Okay, I’m coming out with it. I watch Jon and Kate + 8. I always feel like I need to apologize for myself when I admit to getting sucked into the mindless world of reality TV. And while I’m confessing I might as well let you know that the other reality show I watch (not regularly because Lee won’t let me ) is America’s Next Top Model. There – now you know. My dirty little secrets…

Anywhoo, moving on (blush) Considering that nearly 10 million people tuned into Jon and Kate last week, I figure I’m not alone in my obsession with the show. I’ve watched them for a couple of years now and have really enjoyed the show…until the last two weeks.

Now I’m just sad. It makes me sad to watch them. I’ve always been slightly uncomfortable with the way that they speak with one another on the show, but before last season it seemed kind of cute and real – it was more banter. But beginning last season, the banter became excessive and I became uncomfortable.

Here are a few thoughts I have regarding marriage that Jon and Kate have solidified for me:

Two years ago, Lee and I went through a study with our small group called Love and Respect. If you’ve never heard of this study or the couple who wrote it, I highly recommend you check it out.

The whole premise behind their concept is that in order for a marriage to be healthy and stable, two things need to happen: A woman needs to respect her husband and a man needs to love his wife. It seems simple doesn’t it?

Then why is it so hard?

This has always, in my opinion, been what’s wrong with Jon and Kate’s marriage. Kate shows little to no respect for her husband. She orders him around and he, like a well trained puppy, complies with eyes rolled and shoulders slouched. I almost cried in one episode a couple of years ago when Kate told one of her sons not to listen to daddy because “he’s mean.”

I’m a firm believer in women esteeming her husband in front of others, especially her children. Kate does not do this, and it is a problem. A big one.

Now Jon, on the other hand, has rarely shown Kate love, at least not while the cameras were rolling. This can be a tricky thing, because everyone needs love communicated to them differently. But, if you’ve watched the show for any amount of time, it’s pretty clear to see that Kate’s love language is acts of service. If Jon were to get up and do anything without being asked first – and done to the caliber that his wife desires (which I agree may be unattainable in some cases), he would communicate love to her in volumes. The rare times when he seemed to please her were when he did just this. Oh, and Jon? The attitude with which you volunteer your service makes a big difference. Just sayin’….

Without respect from his wife, a man won’t love her well and without love from her husband, a woman won’t respect him well, and thus goes the vicious cycle.

Now, whether or not a man has been well respected does not at all give him grounds to cheat on his wife. I do think Kate is getting slammed by the media a bit unfairly. And I’m not saying that I believe Jon had an affair – at least not physically. But c’mon – getting caught alone in the middle of the night with a 23 year old? Doesn’t look good, dude.

But it all started with this lack of love and respect. And I find that so sad. It’s sad for their kids, it’s sad for Jon and Kate, and it’s sad for the institution of marriage.

Jon and Kate need to reprioritize. They need to grow up, get it together and repair their family. And I’m with 90% of America in thinking that the best way to do that would be to turn the cameras off. I was struck by how often they both said that everything they do is “for the kids.” Um, that’s another topic for another day, but clearly the kid’s-focused life they’re trying to build is not working out for them. There’s no stability as a couple when everything you do revolves around the children. None.

Also, they’ve both said there’s nothing more important in life than family. Well, Jon, your wife is your family – and Kate, your husband is your family. You were each other’s family long before the kids came around. How did that get lost?

Anyway, those were some thoughts I’ve had. It’s nothing new – nothing that no one else has said, but it felt important to document. Jon and Kate claim to be Christians, and I don’t doubt the sincerity of that claim, but if it’s true, then they need to seek godly counsel to help remind them that first and foremost needs to be their relationships with God; second are their relationships with one another; and finally, their kids. That is a healthy marriage. It’s not easy – especially with eight kids and a camera crew. But it is attainable.

If you are struggling in your marriage or are just looking for something to help strengthen your relationship, I highly recommend Love and Respect. They hold conferences nationwide, they have a DVD series that’s excellent, plus numerous books and resources that you can find on their website. Check it out and join me in praying for this reality family that is facing a very harsh reality.

Filed Under: Family, Marriage, the boob tube Tagged With: Jon and Kate + 8

Nashville

June 2, 2009 by Kelli

Thanks for all your kind words, thoughts and prayers. We had a lovely, refreshing weekend in Nashville and came home rejuvinated and encouraged. A special thanks to Rob and Kyna and Matt and Erin who made the weekend such a blessing for us. There is still heartache present, but also peace.

The kids had an absolute blast with their friends. Here are just a few of the things we did:

We ran through a wide-open field…

We visited the Farmer’s Market in downtown Franklin where we learned to milk a cow…

We got a Light Saber painted on our face…

As well as a butterfly…

We sat in an oversized rocking chair with friends…

We made S’Mores around an open fire…

We played hide and seek…

We spent 11 hours in the car not driving mom and dad crazy…

And we altogether wore ourselves out…

Yes – it was a good weekend.

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Life, summer fun

Getaway in the hopes of some relief

May 28, 2009 by Kelli

We’re packing up to head to Nashville for the weekend where we will spend time with dear friends. I’m hoping to be refreshed during this time away.

It’s been a hard couple of days for me and my family. I won’t go into details here. All I can say is that I am desperately grateful, in times like these, that I have the knowledge and peace of God’s grace and mercy in my life. Knowing that He is ultimately in full control gives me some emotional relief.

Physically, however, I’m struggling. I feel like someone has jabbed me repeatedly with a toothpick from the base of my skull down the back of my legs. Even a half hour in the hot tub followed by the steam room yesterday did not ease the knots that have settled down the back half of my body. Perhaps a weekend away will help ease the stress – or maybe it won’t. I don’t know, but I do hope.

The kids are excited to play with their friends and Lee is excited to play in not one but two rounds of golf. And I am just excited for a change of scenery.

So I’m off. I have about 50 minutes before Lee comes home and I need to squeeze two hours worth of chores into that time frame. I’ll be back Monday…

Filed Under: Family, Life, Random

Waterworks – The good kind…

May 19, 2009 by Kelli

Second to seeing the delight etched across my kid’s faces as they dash down a white, sandy beach, one of my favorite things is watching them run through a sprinkler. It’s so simple and yet they feel as though I’ve moved mountains, aligned stars and hung the moon just for them when I pull out a rusty sprinkler head, attach it to the hose and set them loose.

Evidence of this fact:

summer-09-011

summer-09-017

summer-09-015

The only one who didn’t seem to enjoy himself was Landon:

summer-09-022

He was all smiles by the end, though – as were the other two…

summer-09-027

summer-09-025

It’s the simple things…
A few recipe’s from the tea party are published in a page on the sidebar. I’ll add to it over the next couple of days.

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Life, Motherhood, summer fun Tagged With: Kids, spring fun, sprinklers

Feifel Goes (Mid)West

May 5, 2009 by Kelli

“MMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!”

“What Sloan?!”

“We caught another one!”

With a slight medium insane amount of trepidation, I walked slowly down the stairs where my kids knealt in front of a near decapitated mouse hanging off the trap. Flecks of peanut butter clung to its whiskers, a fact that did not excape Sloan and Tia.

“Look mom, look at the peanut butter on his mouth,” Sloan said. Is that delight I hear in his voice?

“Eeeeewwwww,” Tia said, giggling. Well, at least she has common sense enough to think it’s gross. “I touch it,” she cried, her little finger edging toward the mouse.

“NO,” I yelled calmy said. “Don’t touch it – I’ll get a bag to throw it away.”

As I lifted the trap off the floor, the mouse’s feet swung off the end of the trap and it’s tail hit my wrist. With a yelp, I threw it back down and leapt to my feet. My kids screamed and jumped too. Yes, I am passing on my neurosis to my offspring. Yay me!

I stared at the mouse for a moment, visions of his little eyes popping open and and his little mouth issuing out a war cry to his little friends, who would then swarm my house and take me captive.

“Mom?” Sloan’s voice broke me out of my horror. “I’ll pick it up for you if you want.”

I hesitated for only a moment, then decided, yes, this is good. Kids need responsibility, they need to feel like they are helping around the house.

And so my five year old disposed of the mouse for me. And I felt a mixture of relief and shame that I let him do it. But you know he did feel really good about the fact that he had done a “daddy job” and I for one am glad to have given him that boost in self esteem. I’m a good mommy.

In case you’re wondering, that’s the ninth mouse we’ve caught in or around our house. Maybe tenth. It’s hard to remember. Apparently there’s a colony all trying to infiltrate. We’ve sealed up the dog food tight in the garage, but I’m still finding dog food in my laundry, which leads me to believe that they have a surplus somewhere, which naturally leads to the idea that they are gathering arms to lay siege upon us and take over our house one and all.

And, if it comes down to that, they can have it. I surrender. I’m a pansy…

Anyway – we’ve got glue traps, mouse traps and poison and we’ve caught several mice with each of those contraptions. Even the dog caught one, delightedly dropping it’s mangled, bloodied body at my feet as if looking for a reward. Yeah, I handled that great – I think I clamped my jaw down so hard that I chipped a tooth in my attempt not to spew chunks all over the place.

I hate mice. I don’t think they’re cute or cuddly. I think they’re scary and ugly and if one scurries across my foot while I’m gathering laundry there’s a good chance I’ll break my neck trying to get away. And I am pretty sure these mice aren’t going away. I wonder if I should charge them rent…

You think I’m kidding, but I’m pretty sure I heard the mournful strains of Somewhere Out There last night as I fell asleep.

Filed Under: Family, Gross, Kids, Life Tagged With: mice, mouse trap, somewhere out there

All Hoity Toity…You Know Da Type?

May 1, 2009 by Kelli

The title comes from the movie, Newsies, spoken by the adorable Christian Bale as Jack Kelly. Just a little useless entertainment trivia for you – I’m full of that sort of information. Today, I am feelin’ all hoity toity.

I’m sitting in the cafe at Lifetime Fitness with my little HP Mini 1000 feeling like a rock star diva while sipping on a healthy smoothie. The internet is down at our house and so I came here to get away from the kids to get some work done. I really think I might cry when I have to send this computer back. It’s so fun! and, unfortunately, I did not win the laptop on the Momlogic contest, so all hope has flickered out – at least for the near future. *sigh*

Honestly, though, while I’m a little disappointed, I’m not all that upset. I have spent some time the last few days reading posts like this, and those stories do amazing things to one’s perspective.

Lee and I are very blessed. Blessed beyond measure, really. When I look back and see the way that God has provided for us in the past, in times when it didn’t seem that we were going to make it, I am humbled. Because even in those moments, we were surrounded by good things.

We have so much. We have our own health and the health of our children. We have amazing parents and siblings, such a godly network of family, that surround us with love and joy. We have a home and working cars and more food than we need (much more food than we need)! I mean, it’s just so much.

And it’s time to share. I grew up with parents who gave and gave and gave. My parents opened their home to anyone who needed it. They gave money where it was needed. They sacrificed time for the benefit of others. And I married a man who loves giving as much as they did.

Over the years, however, I am ashamed to admit that Lee and I got lost in our quest to make and earn and acquire and we forgot the simple joy of giving. This past year, we went through the Crown Financial Ministries class and were reminded, once again, of God’s desire for us and the way we use our finances.

So we began praying. And the Lord laid people on our hearts and we, grudgingly at first, gave. And it was a wonderful feeling. So we gave a little more. And it was even more fun. And we realized that giving really is more fun than receiving, as cliche as that may sound. And so, we’ve been impressed to give just a little more. And we’ve been praying about where we should give. And after reading the stories and seeing the photos from the Compassion bloggers, the Lord answered that prayer.

If you haven’t read any of the stories from the Compassion trip to India, I highly recommend it. It’s astounding the power that ministry is having all over the world. Lee and I are excited to sponsor our own child through Compassion. We’ve been praying about it for several months and we finally feel like the time is right.

And I am so very excited about it…

Filed Under: Family, Life, Marriage, Motherhood Tagged With: compassion international, crown financial, giving, humility

Sick and Twisted or Just Plain Funny?

April 28, 2009 by Kelli

When I was thirteen, I got a babysitting job for some neighbors that lived down the street. After hanging up the phone, I checked the calendar and realized that *gasp* I had just agreed to baby-sit on Friday the 13^th.

I handled this realization with typical teenage aplomb, dramatically lamenting about how horrible and terrible it would be. I was all, “Ohmyga, like, it’s gonna be soooooooo scary to baby-sit on, like, Friday the 13^th. Like, what am I gonna do – like…?”

I think my parents responded with an eye roll and snicker. Heartless.

Finally, the big day arrived. I had asked a friend to go with me because I figured there was power in numbers and if any crazed psychopaths came knocking on our door I could sacrifice her and run for my life.

Once we finally settled the baby in his bed, we sat down on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and put in a documentary on the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. Why did we choose to watch that? Hard to say – that’s a part of this memory that baffles me. All I know is that just as the shot rang out on the grassy knoll, we heard it – a scratching sound on the back porch.

Both of us froze, afraid to even glance at one another. Then we heard the bang of a chair falling over. My friend yelped and jumped on top of me. I pulled a pillow over my face and the bowl of popcorn thudded to the floor. It was like a bad horror movie when everything slowed down. I could hear nothing but the rapid beating of my heart.

“What should we do?” my friend gasped.

“I’ll run upstairs and grab the baby – you call 911,” I replied, my breathing ragged.

“How about I go get the baby and you stay down here with the killer?” my friend said back. Clearly, neither one of us was feeling overly self-sacrificial.

At that moment, three short raps rang from the back door. At this point, my friend is nearly in tears, her face hidden in her hands. I poked my head out from under the pillow and could see the silhouette of a man standing on the other side of the glass. I was just about to let loose the blood curdling scream that only a girl of 13 could produce when I heard, “Kelli? Let me in – it’s cold out here.”

It was my FATHER. In a sick and twisted moment of cruelty, he thought it would be a good idea to come over and scare us, knowing how dramatic we had been about babysitting that night.

After opening the door and giving him an earful (Dad, like you are soooooo lame. We were, like, tooootally gonna call the cops on you, blah, blah, blah) I giggled a little, because, well, it was pretty funny.

My dad was notorious for scaring the ever lovin’ life out of us as kids. My brother, who was terrified of “basement monsters,” would creep down the stairs only to come tearing back up when my dad would let out a howl from behind him. My dad found an odd measure of glee in watching us scream in terror. And the funny part is that even though he genuinely scared us senseless, we always came back for more. There was something oddly comforting about being so scared, yet deep down knowing we were just fine.

And, I have to admit, now that I’m a parent – it is pretty funny. Last week, our back door, which hadn’t been closed all the way, blew open in a gust of wind.

“Maybe it’s a ghost,” I whispered to my kids and I crept slowly to the door. Gripping the knob, I yanked it all the way open and let out a piercing scream. Sloan screamed too, his eyes wide with terror. When he realized I was joking, he broke out in a peal of delighted laughter.

Tia, however, did not appreciate the twisted humor. She glared at me for half an hour and refused to sit next to me at lunch. For some reason this made me laugh even more. (And I did apologize to her later – I’m not totally heartless.)

I’m not sure what it is, but giving your kids a healthy little scare is just hilarious. Perhaps it’s a little payback for the sleepless nights? Or maybe, as in my case, it’s the perpetuating of a cycle that started long ago with my own father. Whatever it is, to hear their little screams and then listen to them break out in short little bursts of fearful laughter-those are good times. Or maybe that’s just me…

After all, I am a little sick and twisted.

Filed Under: blast from the past, Family, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Motherhood Tagged With: Friday the 13th, humor, Kids, scared

Cousins

April 27, 2009 by Kelli

I love watching my kids play with their cousins. It takes me back to childhood and how much I loved being with my own extended family. Here are a few snapshots of our weekend in Conway. While getting six kids to play together is a piece of cake, getting all six of them to sit still for photographs is a different story…

Sloan, Katya, Landon

Bribes work well on three year olds...not so much on one year olds

Still not having fun...we have about 15 pictures like this

And they're done

And here are a few pictures of Tia because I just can’t resist.

Isn't that dress great? If they had one in my size, I would have bought it!

She looks very old in these pictures. It kind of makes me sad.

Little Miss Sunshine

All photos were taken by my wonderful sister-in-law, Becke’. Check out her photo blog here.

Filed Under: Family, Kids

Why I’m Happy

April 23, 2009 by Kelli

1. We’re leaving town today to go to Conway to visit Lee’s family. I’m not excited about the 6 hour drive, but I am excited to get away for the weekend.

2. We found out we were getting a nice tax return and decided to purchase the bedroom furniture that I’ve had my eye on for about two years now. I’m near giddy about this. This marks our first big furniture purchase in our nearly nine years of marriage. We don’t make financial commitments easily.

3. Li’l and Anoop got voted off American Idol last night. It’s the little things, people.

4. I’ve got some really fun writing opportunities coming down the pipeline. I’m having a blast.

5. I cut Sloan’s hair myself this morning and saved us 15 bucks. Just, please, don’t look too close at it. kthanks.

6. We joined Lifetime Fitness. And it’s awesome. I want to live there forever and ever. Today I’m going to go sit in the Eucalytus steam room. I’m such a diva.

7. I’m halfway through Harry Potter book 6, which means I only have a book and a half to go until I find out what happens. I gotta say, the Harry Potter books are amazing.

8. It’s a beautiful day and spring is finally here to stay.

9. We’re buying our flowers next week and cleaning up the landscaping. I can’t wait!

10. My kids are adorable as evidenced by this video.

Don’t you love dancing babies? Happy weekending to you all!

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Life, Random