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He’s not having fun at all…

March 12, 2010 by Kelli

While his older brother and sister are galavanting about Florida with their grandparents, Landon is left here at home to experience something he has never known – what it’s like to be an only child.

I don’t think he likes it. I mean, he’s got his dad all to himself…

where he’s allowed to climb,

stand,

and jump

onto daddy’s belly

and he doesn’t have to fight

with anyone else for daddy’s attention.

Daddy makes elephant sounds

And Landon makes them back.

He’s got daddy’s undivided attention,

and he’s clearly not enjoying himself.

Nope – not one little bit.

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Landon, Lee, Life Tagged With: Landon, parenting, Single Child

Our friends Scott and Marci invited us to a client appreciation dinner last night and afterwards we were treated to the play, Menopause: The Musical. A play where four menopausal (or post-menopausal) women sing and dance about all things menopause. Lee and I were completely unsure about this play as we prepared to leave. Lee in particular was preparing to meet the evening with a bit of trepidation. But we were assured by many (men and women alike) that it is indeed a hilrious program, no matter how old you are. And I will say – that is true. We laughed…a lot.

A few observations:

Gettin’ old blows. There’s no two ways about it. Oh sure, with age comes maturity, experience, wisdom and all manner of blessings. But with all those glorious blessings also come hot flashes, memory loss and, apparently, THE CRAZIES.
If you age with a sense of humor, it can be fun. And funny, as these women so aptly proved last night. I mean, really, singing about night flashes to the tune of Stayin’ Alive? Funny.
I’m glad that the “change of life” is still a ways off for me. Sweet mercy, I’ve already got THE CRAZIES. I don’t need THE CRAZIES accompanied by hot flashes and memory loss…
Actually, come to think of it I am having uncharacteristic memory loss. I think it’s kid-induced rather than hormonal, but it does prove that I’m only one hot flash shy of “the change.” Awesome.
No matter which way you cut it, middle aged women dancing in robes and nighties and singing about hormonal changes and sex is funny…and uncomfortable – but mostly funny.
Do not drink two bottles of water and a glass of wine before the show, then take your seat in the middle of the row without going to the bathroom first. There is no intermission…
Should you go see this play yourself be sure to sit directly behind two women who are in their sixties and cackle so loudly that you fear they may wet themselves. It will totally and completely enhance the performance and will cause your husband to roll around in his chair overcome with hysterics.

So, to recap – aging is inevitable; no matter how old you are, if you drink too much then sit down to watch a hysterical recounting of aging you will be uncomfortable and laughing will be dangerous; sit behind women who have already experienced “the change” – it’s way more fun; don’t get scared of “the change”, especially when you realize you’re one hot flash away from it; and aging blows, but it can also be funny.

I think that about covers it.

Filed Under: Family, Lee, Life, Random Tagged With: Menopause: The Musical

The good news? I’m a blonde again…

March 10, 2010 by Kelli

Sorry brunettes – you guys may be smarter, but after several months of being a brunette myself I’ve come to the conclusion that blondes actually do have more fun.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if I had pictures to back up my claim? But alas, I suffer from mom syndrome in that I am always the one behind the camera, never in front of it. Not that I mind, really. Because rarely am I in any position to be standing in front of a camera unless someone with professional editing capabilities is ready and waiting to touch me up. So you’ll just have to take my word for it – I was a smart brunette for three months and I am now a fun blonde again.

See? Look how much more fun I am already.

Ahem.

So….

The two older kids are leaving today to go to Florida for a week with their grandparents. I’m excited – and a little jealous, but just a little. They’re going to have a great time. And it will be fun to have some one on one time with Landon this week, although I’m afraid he and I both may be a little bored. I’m not entirely sure what to do with just one child any more. I remember the days when one child was overwhelming…

It’s always a little nerve racking sending your kids away without you. I hate the feeling of being out of control. I can only imagine how terrifying it will be when they get older and they’re driving and I really have no control over what happens to them. Ugh – I feel an ulcer coming on just thinking about it. Would it be wrong to sequester them in a padded room from the age of 13 until about 23?

Did I mention that I was blonde again? I feel all sassy like. Well, except for the extreme fatigue that’s resulted in bags and circles under my eyes. I was up until 1:00 last night working on my article for STL Family Life. I finished it yesterday morning and needed nothing more than to add the photo and a few hyperlinks. But WordPress and HTML had other ideas – namely eating entire portions of my article not once, not twice but three flippin’ times! By 12:30 I was near tears and muttering all manner of unladylike words (being blonde has made me saucy).

But alas, I finally conquered and prevailed and posted and went to bed. Only to be awoken by a very excited little girl who stormed my bedroom at 5:45 announcing that today was the day they went to “Fwowida.”

Remember staying up until all hours of the night in college and it being all fun and easy and what not? I was trying to figure out why it’s not fun, easy or…what not…anymore. And I think I got it. I had no responsibility back then. I had merely to drag myself to a class or two, then back home where I could sleep as long as I wanted before getting up again. There were no kids to feed, no beds to make, no suitcases to pack, no hugs and kisses to dole out, no fights to break up…life was way less complicated. It was also pretty boring now that I think about it.

So in writing this post I’ve come to a sad realization – while being a blonde makes me more fun, being tired makes me a terrible drag. I’m going to close it out before I bore you all to tears…

To read today’s article on STL Family Life, click here.

Filed Under: Family, funny stuff that happens, Kids, Life, Motherhood Tagged With: Blonde's have more fun, Life, Motherhood, STL Family Life

A Fairy I Am Not

March 9, 2010 by Kelli

This is the view from my bedroom looking down the hallway…

I’d like to say that a little fairy came in while I slept and folded all these mounds of clothing that are waiting to be dispersed (read: shoved) into their respective drawers.

I’d like to say that…but I can’t.

The truth is I folded these mounds of clothes and I’m not done. That’s only five of the nine loads of laundry I did yesterday.

Try not to be jealous of me, everyone. I know it’s hard…

Filed Under: Life, Random

Monday – In Bullets

March 8, 2010 by Kelli

– Spring has sprung. Unofficially, of course. We could still have another deep freeze as St. Louis is prone to experience before Spring really decides to settle in. But I’ll take what I can get. The kids played outside all weekend, skipping naps and all around having a fantastic time. My eyes are itching and my nose is running and I’m so excited about it because it is 60 flippin degrees outside.

– We realized last week that our kids haven’t been on antibiotics one. single. time all winter. I’m knocking on wood as I type this. I believe there are two reasons for this phenomenon. First, we more than paid our dues last winter when someone was sick preeeetty much all winter long. I’m not exaggerating when I say that we spent roughly 600 dollars in copays at the doctors office. Second, I have been giving my kids Emergen-C like it’s going out of style. Seriously – You’re thirsty? Have some Emergen-C. Your throat hurts? Emergen-C. You feel fine? EMERGEN-C! Sloan had a sore throat and a fever on Friday. We pumped the Emergen-C in double doses and by Sunday he felt perfectly fine. Of course he is glowing in the dark now, sssssoooooo…

– Speaking of Sloan, his top tooth is hanging on by a thread. Every time I look at it my stomach flips over and I get all hot and light headed. And guess who he keeps asking to try and pull it out? ME! The one who could quite possibly pass out if blood came spurting our of his mouth. (In my mind I imagine the scene from The Shining when a waterfall of blood comes splashing down the hallway – *shudder*) He doesn’t want Lee to do it – just me. He came into our room at 5:45 yesterday morning to have me wiggle his tooth. That thing better fall out quick.

– I put about 20 items on Craig’s List this weekend. I’ve sold a lot of it and am a little over half way to my goal of remaking my bedroom. But if I get one more spam message from someone who is “interested” in my item but wants me to click on her link to make sure it’s what her son/cousin/brother is looking for I’m gonna go batty. I may have gotten a little nasty with someone yesterday…

– My parents put their house on the market Monday afternoon. They are under contract as of yesterday afternoon. Mom is panicking (*deep breaths mom*). They thought it would take longer. They close in 5 weeks. The bummer is that we love my parents house and are sad to see it go (they’ll get a condo here in town). The plus is that I will be able to sell more stuff on Craig’s List. Wahoo!

– I wrote a giveaway/review over at 5 Minutes for Giveaways today for the Superstar Barbie. It’s not up yet but it will be later. It is now up and running. LEave a comment to enter and win a commemorative st of Superstar Barbie dolls. If you don’t want to win a Barbie but do want to check out Barbie’s rockin’ shoes that I totally love, check it out anyway!

– I am writing an article on raising bilingual kids in a monolingual home for STL Family Life this week. I’m gonna have a few late nights as I work to put that together. Hello procrastination, I’m so glad you’re here.

– Have I mentioned that it’s gonna be 60 degrees today? That makes me want to do back handsprings down the street. But I can’t do a back handspring anymore so I may have to settle for a pathetic hurkey when no one is looking…

– We watched the Oscars last night. I don’t know why. We haven’t seen a single movie that was up for nomination. Well, that’s not true – we saw UP. We haven’t always been this cool, folks.

– Landon’s new favortie phrase is “Oh My Dosh.” He says it a hundred times a day and it’s funny every time. He is also showing a great deal of interest in the potty. He’s not ready to train yet, but I am letting him sit on the potty a few times a day. He hasn’t gone in it yet because he usually tells me he has to go after he’s already gone. But he’ll sit on the potty for ten minutes talking and playing (usually with himself…ah the joys of little boys).

– I have so much laundry to do that I fear I may get lost in the mounds of clothing spread around the basement. That is today’s number one goal to accomplish.

– And with that, I will head out. Have a nice Monday!

Filed Under: Family, funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Life, Sloan Tagged With: Emergen-C, Oscars, Springtime, UP

He gets that from me

March 5, 2010 by Kelli

Yesterday as we drove about town in our (smokin’ hot) minivan, we put on Michael Jackson to satisfy what I can only describe as an addicition that my kids have to his music. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a six and four year old throw their heads back and sing, “I just can’t stop lovin’ yoooouuuu” with reckless abandon. And Landon singing Man in the Mirror? Classic.

As we grooved to Beat It, I laughed out loud at Sloan’s interpretation of the lyrics. He boldly sang every word…exactly as he was hearing it. Here is what he was singing:

Just Beat it, Beat it

Beat it, Beat it

No one wants to beat it beat it.

Showim a buckey

Not a stoplight

It doesn’t mada

Who’s gonna light

Just Beat it

So I did what any self respecting mother would do…I turned down the volume and told him the real words. Only, as I spoke the lyrics that I usually sing, I realized that they sounded ridiculous and that I was likely singing the wrong thing as well.

It’s kind of the story of my life. For some reason I’ve always had a hard time distinguishing lyrics in a song, but I love to sing, so I sing out what I hear boldly. For years (like until I was in high school) I swore the lyrics to the song “We Built This City on Rock and Roll” were The Milk is sitting. The Milk is sitting on Roock and Roll. Miiilk is sitting. The Milk is sitting on Rock and Roll.

It wasn’t until I actually saw the title of the song as a teenager that it clicked. It was an ah-ha moment of sorts. And the actual lyrics made a lot more sense than what I sang. So when I hear Sloan sing along to grown up songs, I often find myself guffawing as we bop down the road. Not only because the words he sings are ridiculous, but also because oftentimes I’m hearing the same thing he is.

So as we rocked out to MJ yesterday, I told Sloan that the actual words were:

Show him how funky

Long as your right

It doesn’t matter

Who’s wrong or right

Just beat it beat it

When I called Lee and sang my lyrics to him he bust out laughing. “That’s doesn’t make sense,” he cackled. “I know, but Michael Jackson’s lyrics never make sense,” I replied. In my mind I started running through the song Thriller.

It’s just a Thriller in the night

And no one’s gonna save you from the knee that’s in your side.

I wisely decided not to mention to Lee that those are the words I sing along with MJ. So Lee and I hung up and Sloan and I decided we would just sing what we heard since nobody seemed to know the real words.

In case you’re wondering, the actual lyrics to Beat It are this:

Just Beat it, Beat it

Beat it, Beat it

No one wants to be defeated.

Showin’ how funky and strong is your fight

It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right

Just beat it.

I was actually not that far off. Score one for mommy.

Oh, and I have also looked up the words to Thriller. Yeah…the real words make a ton more sense. Huh…

Filed Under: Family, funny stuff that happens, Kids do the darndest things, Sloan Tagged With: Michael Jackson lyrics

Makes me laugh every time

March 4, 2010 by Kelli

Generally I try to avoid letting the kids watch too much television. They watch the most TV in the mornings as our afternoons are usually filled with russian lessons, cleaning up, playing outside, etc…

When I do let them watch morning TV, I try to limit it to cartoons as it’s so much easier to turn it off after 25 or 30 minutes. However, Landon has recently decided he enjoys watching TV with one particular movie being his very favorite. And because he’s so dang cute and I really, really have a hard time saying no to him when he scrunches up his face and says, “Pweas?” then flashes his huge grin that dissolves me into a puddle of goo, I decided I couldn’t say no again.

So Tia and Landon are currently sitting on the couch watching Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Or “Cwoudy with da chance of da meatball” as Tia calls it.

When I pushed play Landon jumped up and down and clapped his hands yelling “Beatball, beatball, beatball” then hugged my leg and said “I Yub You” before settling on the couch to watch. Uuummm…so I’ll give him anything he wants for the rest of his life if he keeps doing that.

He’s gonna be rotten.

The thing is, I actually really love this movie myself. I think it’s hysterical. Everytime I watch it I laugh out loud, particularly when the kids quote the lines along with the movie. Fuh-hu-nny.

So that’s it…that’s all I’ve got today. I give in to nearly every one of Landon’s requests, I would give him my heart just to hear him say “I yub you,” and I love the movie Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

Bet you’re glad you stopped by here today, eh?

Well, so I don’t completely waste your time, I will send you here where you can read up on the bloggers who are currently on a Compassion International trip in Kenya. I’ve already been challenged and encouraged by a couple of the posts I’ve read this morning and it’s only their first day there. If you’re not already sponsoring a child, I would encourage you to consider Compassion. What they are doing for children and families suffering in poverty is nothing short of a miracle. For 37 dollars a month, you can completely alter the course of a child’s life. Just think about it. And read their posts.

Also, my first post for STL Family Life will be up and running shortly is now up and running! So check it out this afternoon. Thanks everyone and enjoy what is shaping up to be a beautiful day.

Spring is almost here, yeah!

Filed Under: Family, Kids, Ministry, Random Tagged With: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Compassion Bloggers in Kenya, compassion international

In which I write while freezing

March 2, 2010 by Kelli

My house is cold. I would get up and put on a sweater, but Tia is asleep in my bedroom and I’m already wearing a sweater. I could go sit in front of the fireplace, but then I will probably fall asleep and I prefer to waste my time in front of the computer screen, not snoozing in front of the fire.

Ahem.

So I forgot to pick Sloan up at school today. And he’s apparently not going to let me forget about it. I usually pick him up every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday because I can’t wait for his bus and still get to Tia’s school in time to pick her up. Thursday and Friday, however, he always rides the bus home.

Except today was an early release day, which for half day kindergartners means they actually get out of school later rather than earlier. Try to keep up…

Most often, early release days fall on a Friday. But apparently the school district likes to mess with us parents and throw one in the middle of the week now and again. So…I forgot it was early release day and drove to school at normal time to pick up the boy. As I pulled in, I noticed there were no other cars/buses waiting then saw the sign announcing Earl Release. So I left, assuming that Sloan would just ride the bus home like he always does on early release days. I did not think about the fact that his teacher expects me to pick him up on Tuesdays.

Cut to me, at home, fixing lunch for the younger two monkeys and the phone rings with a report that they have my child sitting in the office waiting to be picked up. I throw the monkeys in the car sans shoes/coats and dash to the school where Sloan greets me with a “Mom, what the heck?!” and a scowl. I then endured a rather pointed lecture all the way home about how next time I need to send in a note so the teacher knows he’s supposed to get on the bus.

Got it, dear.

And now I’m home and it’s quiet. And I’m cold.

I’m also preparing to write my first post for STLFamilyLife. I met up with the lovely Lisa and Melody last night to discuss partnering with them to build this new site for St. Louis area families. I’m very excited to be working on this with them as they are both very experienced, great writers and all around fun gals to be with. It’s a fun new venture.

And so I’m off to make a cup of hot tea, wrap a blanket around my shoulders and hammer out a post. And give Sloan one more hug and kiss…

Filed Under: Blogging, funny stuff that happens, Random, Sloan Tagged With: STLFamilyLife

The Dance of the Little Bee

March 1, 2010 by Kelli

I observed a strange little phenomenon on Friday. It took me a little off guard, made me laugh and also opened my eyes to the fact that this motherhood thing is as easy as it’s gonna get right now. Right at this moment. It’s not going to get any easier. Which kinda stinks because motherhood is really hard right now.

We were in Walgreens picking up a certain variety of medicine that is supposed to ensure that no more little Stuarts enter this world when we ran into a group of giggly girls who had clearly walked over from the Middle School across the street. As I looked at them wandering the isles all silly-like I had a quick flashback to my own days of walking to this very plaza from the same school. The Walgreens is newer and now sits on the corner instead of in the back of the plaza, but it was still funny to watch them flitting about, laughing about things that weren’t even remotely funny and filling the sleepy store with the raucous sounds on tweendom.

At least they weren’t smoking around back, which may or may not be what I did back in my Walgreens days. I was such a rebel when I was 14. ::eyeroll::

As soon as we walked into the store, Sloan’s radar went off. He was immediately aware of the older girls that were in close proximity. And it turned him into something that is beginning to emerge with greater frequency the older he gets. This shouldn’t surprise me given recent comments he’s made, but I found myself utterly baffled by the abrupt change in behavior he exhibited. He was like a little bee, buzzing here and there, ever aware of the females in his presence.

Like every other girl, my mom told me as a kid that the reason boys bothered me was because they liked me. I never believed her, of course. I just thought boys were incessantly annoying. Until, you know, the day they became not annoying.

But as I watched Sloan turn into a ninja warrior in that store, hiding around corners, jumping out and pretend shooting the girls, I caught a glimpse of that little nugget of truth shared by my mom so long ago. And as the girls giggled and squealed and exclaimed, “Oh My Ga, he’s, like, sooooo cute,” I saw Sloan’s face flush and a look of male dominance flash through his eyes. His chest puffed out and he aimed his “gun” (his fingers accompanied by a gun sound that only a little boy can make) at the group once more and shot. And they laughed in such a high pitch tone that my ears began to bleed. And I laughed and shook my head and ushered my little Ladie’s Man along.

“What are you doing?” I asked Sloan who walked along with a satisfied smirk on his face.

“I just like girls,” he said with a shrug. “I like to be with girls. By myself.”

And off he flitted, my little bee, dancing to the beat of a rhythm I wasn’t fully prepared for just yet. He is aware of girls, he is fascinated by girls, he is attracted to girls (obviously in a completely innocent way). And here I sit, his baffled mother, wondering what on Earth we’re going to do with him.

What am I going to do with him? I see the innocence of his actions. He is aware that girls are different from boys and the difference is attracting. He is also still completely grossed out by the site of boys and girls kissing (thank God Almighty) but at the same time I think he is equally fascinated and mortified by the attraction between boys and girls. Oh yeah…he’s only six. Six. I expected this behavior around 10. Not six. Lord help me…

It is interesting, this process of watching your child grow up and mature. It is both terrifying and thrilling all at once. And as this self awareness begins to develop I find myself entirely unprepared to handle the dance of the little bee. We have time, of course. But if there’s one thing I’ve observed since having children it’s that time does not, indeed, slow down. In fact, I’m quite sure it’s speeding up. It won’t be long until I have a tween who is still innocent in the issue of attraction, but whose impulses towards attraction are much stronger. I wonder if I will still find it so baffling and hysterical?

I also have a girl who will one day be one of those silly, giggly, Middle School girls who knows how to flirt and laugh in such a way that little boys lose whatever reason they may have and begin acting in a way that makes your head spin. Maybe Christ could return before that – like…today.

Filed Under: funny stuff that happens, Kids, Kids do the darndest things, Motherhood, Sloan Tagged With: The birds and the bees