It’s like he doesn’t know me at all

Update: Lee took me out to dinner on Saturday night, but before we went to the restaurant, we went to Target. He bought me the hat. He’s a fast learner, friends. A very fast learner. Let’s all give him a round of applause. *winky face!* 😉

Today, after dropping Landon off at preschool, I headed to the Promised Land. Target. The land of bright, happy colorful things that make the world a better, happier place.

While browsing, I came upon this hat:

I finished watching Season 2 of Downton Abbey last night and I have spent the better part of the last two weeks fawning over the fashions and styles of those days. This hat felt very Downton-esque to me and I quickly tossed it in my cart.

Then I stopped myself and put it back on the shelf, took this picture and texted my husband.

“Christmas gift idea. I love this hat from Target.” I included a winky face, of course, because every good wife should send her husband winky yellow ping pong heads when requesting a gift. It’s like wife-law in the new media age. 😉

I felt rather good about myself after sending this text for a couple of reasons, the main one being that I actually gave my husband an idea instead of shrugging my shoulders and asking the poor man (whose spiritual gift is decidedly not gift giving) to surprise me.

I went on my merry way, picking up on the items I needed and imagining wearing my new hat come Christmas day. Then I got a phone call that…well, frankly it took me very much by surprise.

Me: “Hello?”

Lee: “Alright, we need to get something straight here.”

Me: “Uh…okaaaayyyy.”

Lee: “Target is a store for buying kitchen items. You buy can openers and trash bags and maybe a brushed nickel picture frame from Target, but you do not buy hats from Target.”

Me: *silence*

Lee: “I’m not going to buy you a hat from Target.”

Me: “Why?”

Lee: “You don’t wear stuff from Target. That’s not fashion.”

Me: “You DO know that most of my clothes are from target, right?”

Lee: “That’s neither here nor there.”

Me: “Well, I mean, technically it’s here, because it’s true.”

Lee: “Go to Macy’s or some place like that and pick out a hat. I’ll buy you a hat. You look sexy in hats. But go to a place that makes quality hats.”

Me: “No, that doesn’t make sense. I could find a hat exactly like this one at Macy’s and it would cost $50. This one only costs $16 and I like it.”

Lee: “I just can’t buy you a hat from Target. It doesn’t feel right.”

Me: “Um, babe? You do know that Target is basically the Mothership for women, right? I mean, this is Mecca. It’s the Homeland.”

Lee: “No. It’s a place to buy kitchen utensils.”

Me: “It’s like I don’t even know you at all.”

Lee: “Women really like Target that much? I don’t get it.”

Me: “Clearly….so are you going to get me the hat?”

Lee: “I don’t think so.”

Me: “Huh. Can I buy it for myself for Christmas?”

Lee: “No because I’m going to get you a hat. I’ll get you the greatest hat you’ve ever seen.”

Me: “For sixteen dollars or less?”

Lee: “Go to Kohls. See if they have hats. Kohls is better than Target.”

Me: “I…I just…I don’t even know what to say.”

Lee: “Target is for kitchen supplies.”

I hung up the phone and couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry. So I just laughed until I cried, which seemed like a happy comprimise.

First of all, I’m not sure I’ve ever bought kitchen supplies from Target so that alone is cause for a bit of confusion. Secondly, it is clear – CLEAR – he is seeing Target through blue glasses while I see it through pink. That can be the only explanation. Is it the male testosterone? Is that why he’s confused? Maybe he just doesn’t know…doesn’t understand. I think we should all pray for him, that his eyes would be opened to the truth, to the retail glory to which he is so tragically blinded.

I also think that this MORE than makes up for the shock and horror I caused during our conversation about The Natural.

Babe, we’re even. 😉

Now about that hat…

Comments

  1. Um, Bed, Bath and Beyond is for buying kitchen utensils…. With a $5 off or 20% off coupon. Target is definitely for hats, and socks and underwear.

  2. Stan Dutton says:

    haha, love it. Even I know Target is the place to shop

  3. If you would like us to start a petition for him, I’m willing 😉

  4. I’m just jealous you have a Target nearby. After my kids were safely at their schools this morning, I went to Office Depot with a short list of two items, both of which could have been purchased at Target … along with the kitchen utensils AND hats. But, no, the closest Target is an hour and 15 minutes away …

  5. I’m not sure how it’s possible but it seems Lee is remembering the old Target — the one that existed in a parallel universe with K-Mart. You didn’t buy clothes or hats from old Target.

    Then old Target reinvented itself some years back into the Target that it is today; I hope the person that was in charge of that glorious Target rebirth is living it up with drinks and a chaise on a beach somewhere because it’s truly been an amazing thing. Lee is clearly too young to remember old Target all that much but I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. 🙂

  6. Lee Stuart says:

    OH COME ON PEOPLE……we all know you buy trash cans, picture frames and “sold on TV” products at Target. For a face so beautiful such as your Kelli Stuart, it only makes since that a face like your should be framed with a hat from Macy’s, not Target. We go to target late at night to buy pull-ups and get milk. Besides Target has an internal motto……..WE DON’T DO FASHION!!!!! Who is with me Fellas?????? Yell it from the mountaintops with me MEN! Yo Diggity, yo Diggity. Btw, we all know you should buy”sold on TV” products from Walgreens. Now that place is AWESOME. Yeah

    • You’re wrong on this one. It’s a tough pill to swallow, I know, but it’s true.

    • I’d love to support you in the fight but truth is I don’t do Target so I don’t know what they have (aren’t they just like wally world?). I have had similar discussions with my wife and I have found that it is often better to roll over and let the discussion die a quite death than to beat it to death. (go buy the stupid hat and be sure it has something on it that says Target and wrap it in paper with little targets all over it and put it under the tree) peace at last….

  7. Lee, God bless you, but you are so wrong on this, I just bought our whole bedroom including comforter there, and bought sophie a rockin hat there, and myself, well yes, a fleece hat there, but still, I ooh and aww over their jewelry and purses there, so get with the program and go buy that hat for Kelli. Ritchey would kill for a piece of Christmas gold info like that 🙂

  8. I have a hat just like this one and it was from Anthropologie. I bought it for myself as a Christmas gift last Christmas! I love my hat. But if i had found my hat for 16 dollars at target i cannot imagine loving it any less. PS you should have fit that 16 dollars into your kitchen supplies budget, bought it yourself and placed it under the tree from Santa. PS Downtown Abbey ROCKS!

  9. Candy martin says:

    Lee, Kohl’s is not better than Target. In my book, their clothes are inferior. You buy kitchen stuff at Bed Bath & Beyond and Walmart. And heh, a $16 hat for Christmas is all she asked for…..not the Mac that she really wants. I’d run to Target quickly if I were you!

    • The mother-in-law speaks truth.

      I would really like a Mac, though. So you can add that to my Christmas wish list. The hat’s looking a little better now, hmm? 🙂

  10. Between this and waking you up by blasting the Gaithers he OWES you the Mac.

  11. Lol… Lee just by the hat at Target. I am cracking up! ????

  12. The Mothership. Yes, yes indeed.

  13. I finished Season 2 last night as well and after seeing Mary’s “alabaster skin” I didn’t feel so bad about my own pasty self. I suddenly found myself wanting to wear lace, sheer fabric and sequins. I don’t know if Mary would have shopped Target. SURELY, Dowager Duchess wouldn’t have. I’m absolutely certain she would have thrown out one of her awesome one liners about it. Maybe your ladies maid could buy you the hat…oh wait!

    • Hahaha! I just told my husband today there’s something to be said about having a maid and a cook and a manager of the house to make sure life runs smoothly all the time. 🙂

      Isn’t the fashion amazing? I wish we still dressed like that. Of course it would be easier and more practical to dress like that if I didn’t have to lift a finger all day long…

  14. *Yo Diggity*??? I almost cried laughing at Lee’s comment. If Target is not fashion why is their clothing dept so huge?

    Even better, I have the solution. Buy the $16 hat at Tar-Jhay(see sounds slightly classier)…wrap it in a Macy’s box…no one will ever know…and bank the difference from the $50 Macy’s hat and add it to the adoption fund…it’s like paying yourself!! Oh wait! It IS paying yourself! But this way you get TWO awesome gifts in one!

  15. Cracking up over here. Men just don’t understand that Target is where you go to regain a little bit of sanity! And look at pretty clothes, hats, and scarves. (Although, our stock of hats & scarves is lacking compared to the Targets up north. Much more fun stuff!)

    • That’s true. There isn’t as much goody scarfy stuff to wear down here. But this hat isn’t necessarily a cold weather hat so much as a rainy day hat and we definitely have enough rainy weather to justify it! 😉

  16. Maybe Lee is confusing thoughts with memories of the old “Grandpa” stores… now that was NOT the place to accessorize unless “camo” and “Mr. Green Jeans” were your fashion sense!

  17. OK let’s all give Lee a break, after all we are still just guys. I don’t know him personnaly but from everything I read on this blog he does everything else pretty good at least accorcing to Kelli. Lets face it guys are genetically made to be non-shoppers and if the first thing that a guy goes to Target for was kitchen supplies then that is what we think of it. I just can’t come up with any help for him on the Yo Diggity comment, sorry man can’t help you there, I don’t want to say it’s a guy thing because, well, …. I just can’t help you.

    • Hahaha! He does do so many other things well. And really, I’m not complaining that he’d like to buy me nice things. 😉 But yeah…I’m with you on the Yo Diggery comment. Random. But he does random well.

  18. Lee: Get thee to a nunnery and thank Jesus you have a beautiful wife who is low maintenance. She could have called from Tiffany’s to get the Jewels used in the Masterpiece show.
    Don’t be fooled by ads. All the hats and clothes for fancy chain stores and discount are made in the same factory in Suchow China or ChuLai Vietnam.

    • Jeff, I like you.

    • Lee stuart says:

      Jeff, spoken like a true genius. You are right, I should be thankful she is not high maintenance. And it’s probably true that the hats cam off the same line in. It am and given a different tag. Hahahah.

  19. Lee, Honey, this is only one reason why it’s a blessing to have such a beautiful wife, (both inside and out). You can take an item of low cost, place it upon this beautiful wife, and suddenly it becomes an item of glamour in which no one would guess came from Target. Realize the gift you have been given, buy the hat now, place it upon her head and watch the transformation take place right before your eyes. Not sure what the Mac is mentioned above, but I suspect it is electronic and EXPENSIVE. Take the desire to shower your wife with nice things, and surprize her with the Mac for Christmas. I’m just saying, do the obvious!
    Love you,
    Mom

  20. And peace on earth has begun, well at least at your house.

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