Major Mom Fail – I may have ruined her for life

A few years ago, I had this little game I’d play with the kids. For those of you who have been around here awhile, you may remember it. I would put Landon’s sock monkey in all kinds of funny and strange places and Tia and Landon were convinced he was alive. They loved waking up or coming home and seeing where the monkey would be next.

IT was a fun game!

We haven’t played the game in awhile, so last night I thought I’d pull out the old “your toys might be alive and love to move around trick.” Tia has had her American Girl dolls set up like this for days.

“The Girls” have been celebrating McKenna’s 7th birthday. Obviously. And every day, Tia would walk in her room and then immediately run out to exclaim in wonder at the fact they were still partying. “They just really love to party, Mom.”

Our American Girl dolls are party girls. Awesome…

So last night, on a whim, I decided to pull the old trick out of my hat. After Tia went to sleep, I arranged the dolls in various party positions thinking she would wake up in the morning and laugh at the fact that they must have really been having fun through the night.


Around 5:00 this morning, I felt her standing over me. (Why do kids go all Children of the Corn in the middle of the night?!) She was breathing heavy and when I finally opened my eyes I saw her inches from my face. I almost karate chopped her.

“Mom!” she hissed. “I woke up and my dolls were all over my room. IT’S. SO. FREAKY!”

It took me a minute to register her words and to decipher them in my sleepy state. “What?” I asked.

“Marie Claire is sitting on top of the lamp, and Kit pulled a drawer of clothes out and McKenna is on top of the table and Cecile is waving at me on the dresser. I’m too scared to go back to my room.”

I was so out of it myself that I honestly could not figure out what she was talking about, so I sent her to sleep in the trundle in Landon’s room. About thirty minutes later, I heard Tia and Landon both screaming my name across the house.


Tearing out of my room, I ran to them. Tia had turned every single light in the house on from our room to hers. I found her and Landon huddled under the covers.

“Why are you screaming my name?” I said, exasperated.

“We’re scared to get out of Landon’s bed in case the dolls might try to attack us.”

And then I remembered my little…um…joke.

So…I guess that backfired, huh?

For those of you interested, I will be teaching parenting classes in the near future. The first class? How to scare the crap out of your kids in one easy step.

The Tooth Fairy’s a Vampire

Tia lost one of her two front teeth last week. It wasn’t the one I expected her to lose first, which means the looser of the two front teeth was left hanging precariously to the side without a mate to hold it up. In short, it was the epitomy of The Snaggletooth:


Because she outright refused to let us pull it, I tried to come up with as many creative ways to “accidentally” knock the tooth out for her. We went to Busch Gardens twice last week and I purposly put her in front of me on several rides hoping she would slide forward and bump her mouth.

Just a tiny bump, enough to jar it loose is all…

Finally, I caught a break on Sunday when she and her dad were doing some sort of gymnastics/cheerleading move and she bumped her mouth on his knee. Before she even knew what was happening, I had my fingers around the tooth and gave one solid yank.

I figured I only had one chance so I had to make it count, and I succeeded. Then I nearly passed out from all the bleeding. Ugh…mouth bleeding.

Aren’t you glad you stopped by to check in on us today? You aren’t eating are you? Sorry…

I didn't know it was possible for her to get any cuter...

So we had the tooth and Tia had a lisp and all was well in the world again. We spent the night at my parent’s condo last night, which was very exciting, because whenever the Tooth Fairy visits at the condo, she leaves money behind in a shell.

That is, of course, if the blasted Tooth Fairy doesn’t forget and head to bed instead of doing her job.

Tia walked out quite dejected and disappointed this morning. She saw my dad first and I heard the conversation.

Tia: “Boss, the Tooth Fairy didn’t come.” small sniff

Dad (aka ‘Boss’): “Uh-oh. I wonder what happened. You should go see if your Mom knows anything.”

She walked around the corner holding her tooth, her eyes sad and dejected. And I? I thought fast…

“I am so sorry, kiddo. That was Mommy’s fault. You went to sleep last night with your glow sticks by your pillow and the Tooth Fairy is afraid of light so she probably got spooked and left without taking your tooth.”

And then she grinned. At least I think she did. It’s hard to tell if she’s smiling when I can’t see any teeth. A few minutes later, I heard her telling Sloan the reason the Tooth Fairy didn’t leave behind a treat.

“The Tooth Fairy is afraid of the light?” he asked. “Like a vampire?” 


Tonight her tooth is back under her pillow with a very sincere apology note for scaring her off last night. And as soon as the Tooth Fairy gets off her tail and quits blogging, she is going to go deposit a dollar under the patient child’s pillow. The child who insisted there be no light on to scare the Tooth Fairy tonight.

Landon sleeps on the other side of the hallway and just after I put him to bed he called me into his room. “I need light,” he whimpered. “I don’t want the Tooth Fairy to come in here and take my teeth.”

A small note now lays outside his door that reads, Dear Tooth Fairy. Please do not come into Landon’s room. He has not lost any teeth. Thank you so much.

What’s the most creative tale you’ve ever had to tell your children?

PS – I know this business of telling our kids about the Tooth Fairy and Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny can be a hot button topic. We have chosen to allow our children the magic and fun of believing in those things while they are young. We plan on telling them ourselves that those things are just myths when we feel the time is right. We will be letting Sloan in on the secret this year because clearly when you start drawing connections between the Tooth Fairy and vampires it’s time to end the game.

This is what we have chosen to do in our family. I respect completely if you feel differently about the issue.