Archives for 2009

It’s been awhile since I recorded the funny things that my vibrant, talkative five-year-old says. So here you go – the sayings of Sloan Stuart:

“Hey Mom, you know what?”
“What?”
“You know – back in the ’80’s, people didn’t have very much food.”
I don’t know where he came up with that, but I found it disheartening that my kid is now old enough to think of me as really old.

A few days ago we were in the car and I glanced back to see Sloan with his eyes squeezed shut and a pained look on his face:
“What’s the matter Sloan?”
(big sigh) “I’m using my imagination and I’m imagining that I’m in Florida, but when I open my eyes I’m not really in Florida. Why?”
“Oh,” I replied. “Well, using your imagination is like playing pretend. You see yourself in Florida in your mind, but your body doesn’t go there.”
“Oh,” Sloan said looking very disappointed.
“But,” I said, “If you imagine hard enough you might be able to hear the ocean or smell the salty air.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Close your eyes really tight. Now imagine that we are driving on the big bridge over the water and the ocean is right outside your window – can you see it in your mind?”
He nods his head, his eyes squeezed so tight that I’m afraid he may hurt himself.
“Now take a deep breath,” I said.
Sloan inhaled deeply.
“Can you smell the ocean?”
He’s quiet for a minute, then, with his eyes still closed he says, “Nope. Don’t smell it. Smells like our town.”

Oh well, so much for an exercise in imagination. Thanks for all the well wishes yesterday. We are doing much better here today. It was a 24 hour thing so we’re already on the mend. And I’ve settled on the name for my blog, which I will announce once I’ve got the new site underway. Thanks for all your suggestions and for all your voting. I’m excited to move forward with this. Bye now, bloggy friends!

How’s that for a title? Hey! Welcome to sickville – enter at your own risk. Want projectile vomit that will make you feel as though you’re dying a wretched death with your rear up in the air? Please enter to your left. Would you rather have diarrhea that churns your insides like a possessed knife on a rampage? Enter to your right.

Want both? Well, you’ve come to the right place.

Lord Almighty we can’t catch a friggin’ break. This started with the sweet, sweet soul that is Landon and will, hopefully end with me. Last night Sloan threw up so violently and so much that I kid you not, some was dripping off the ceiling. Now I’ve probably made you all sick. You should have seen Lee and I trying to clean it up. We were well coordinated, man. It was impressive.

I slept on the couch, because I was feeling all self-sacrificial – or because it gave me a good excuse to watch all of the post-Oscar hoopla until an ungodly hour. Then I woke with the familar pang in my stomach. I tried so hard to convince myself that it was just sympathy, or perhaps due to the smell of death that permeates our home right now. Or maybe it was because Lee made me massage his feet last night due to a friendly bet that I lost. But alas, it was none of those things. At least I may lose those last few pounds, eh?

Which, incidentally, I gotta tell ya – there’s nothing like throwing up with a 14 month old standing inches from your face. It’s something to behold. Everytime I heaved, he cackled and every time he laughed I heard little bubbles from his behind. It was comical and totally disgusting all at once.

So now that I’ve completely grossed everyone out, tell me, what are you having for dinner tonight? HA! I’ll not be eating. I tried a half cup of chicken noodle soup at lunch and that did not end well. Tomorrow is another day right? Good Lord – it’s time to move to Florida. Vitamin D and salty air is just what the doctor ordered.

Okay – So the clear winner from last week’s poll was Minivans Are Hot. I am ready to pull the trigger on this website thing, but I’m not 100% sold on the name just yet. I like it, but I want to be sure before I committ to it. So, my dear readers, if you would indulge me just one more time and vote for your favorite from the following list I would appreciate it so very much!

I promise this will be the last poll. I will choose a winner between Minivans are Hot and the highest vote getter on today’s poll and I will let you know when the process of building the new site is underway. I appreciate your help on this so much!

New Blog Name – Take 2
( surveys)

My friend Nicole did this on her blog and I thought it looked like fun, and since I don’t really have much else to write about today, I’m going to do it. If you want to join in on the good times, leave me a comment and let me know you did so I can come on by and check out your life playlist!

So here’s how the game works…
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, MP3, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For the first question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button TWICE
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool…just type it in man!
7. Tag anyone, and they have to do it too – I won’t do this, but play along if you’d like!

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
Opening Credits:
Ain’t No Other Man (Christina Aguilera)

Waking Up:
All My Tears Be Washed Away (Selah Duets Album)

First Day at School:
Always Be My Baby (Mariah Carey)

Falling in Love:
Another Try (Josh Turner)

Fight Song:
Baby Hold On (Jerod Starkey – not exactly fight worthy, but a great song)

Breaking Up:
Back in the Day (Christina Aguilera)

Prom:
Beat It (Michael Jackson)

Life:
Between the Lines(Sara Bareilles)

Mental Breakdown:
Bring It All Together (Natalie Grant and Winona Judd – That actually works!)

Driving:
Can You Hear Me? (Cindy Morgan)

Flashback:
Come Round Soon (Sara Bareilles)

Getting Back Together:
Dreamlover (Mariah Carey)

Wedding:
Earth Song (Michael Jackson – ummm, no thanks.)

Birth of Child:
Enter the Circus (Christina Aguilera – ain’t that the truth…)

Have fun!

On American Idol: I think America (mostly) got it right last night. I love the little pink haired Molly-Ringwald-lookalike girl (what’s her name?) and think she is a legitimate singer. Danny is also a very good singer, though I was with Simon in that I didn’t think he did well enough to warrant the swooning from the other judges. And, while I really like the oil rig guy and I’m glad he’s getting a second chance, I really wish the guy with the spikey hair who sang second would have made it through instead. Oil rig is cute and nice and totally likeable, but spikey hair could sing! And I think it’s completely unfair to him that he had no camera time coming into these rounds. He deserves a second chance and I hope he gets it.

Boy, that would have been a whole lot clearer if I could have remembered people’s names, huh?

Anyway, moving on to LOST. All I can say is OMG, OMG, OMG I love that show. Where are they? Where year are they in? What the heck is going on? Why is my heart beating so fast right now? I want to know what happened to Aaron and where the heck is Sun’s daughter? Will Locke come back to life on the island? How did Hurley and Sayyid end up on that plane? What an wonderful show. When it goes off the air in 2010, I fear I may have withdrawals.

So there you have it. Glad you decided to click on over here today? Was it totally worth your time? Well, now I have a question for all you bloggy friends.

I am going to develop my own website and get self-hosted. I’ve wanted to do this for awhile because I really am not crazy about blogger, and I want to have a little more freedom with my blog. When I make the switch to my own URL, I am going to change my blog name. I’ve gone back and forth about this and finally decided that I want to do it. I’ve never been crazy about the name of my blog. I picked it in a moment of sleep deprivation when I knew very little about blogging in general and I just think it’s kind of a mouthful and a little random. So, I’m including a poll at the bottom of this post and I want you guys to vote on the name you like best for my new blog. I’ll let you know the results in a few days and I will likely start putting together the website in the next month or so.

The choices for the new blog are: www.bloggingtheiryouth.com; www.alegacyinverse.com; www.minivansarehot.com

I tried to think of variations of my current blog title that I liked, but couldn’t come up with anything that didn’t sound inappropriate (i.e. Triplelove.com or Lovetimes3.com – yikes!) So vote away – I’m excited to see what your thoughts are.

Bye for now blogland!

What Should I Name My New Blog?
( surveys)

Recently, I’ve joined forces with the lovely ladies at 5 Minutes for Mom, an amazing site dedicated to empowering and promoting mothers. I’ll be joining them as a contributing writer/editor and I can’t tell you how thrilled I am with this opportunity. I love their site and look forward to working with them more closely.

If you haven’t visited their site, why don’t you click on over there now and look around. They offer great advice on anything from cleaning your house to reading books to your young children. They cover a mulititude of topics and have several experienced writers/bloggers on board. They also host weekly contests and giveaways and who doesn’t enjoy free stuff, huh? This week’s giveaway is not only for a great product, but also for a great cause. My Wonderful Walls is run by a husband and wife team who are outrageously talented (makes Lee and I look like a couple of untalented slackers). They make the most beautiful wall murals for children – seriously, they’re spectacular. But, they don’t stop there. The creators behind these gorgeous designs are dedicated to using their talents to bless those who need it. Donating murals to children’s hospitals and kids who are suffering illness, creators Stephanie and her husband aim to brighten to rooms of young ones who need a little sunshine.

Want to know how you could enter to win a wall mural and simultaneously bless children in need? Head on over to 5 Minutes for Mom and read all about it! Then, after you’ve taken the time to do that, check out the website for My Wonderful Walls and look around. I guarantee you’ll fall in love, just like I did.

I love this sweet boy. He’s rotten but he’s so very, very cute. And he knows how to make his mama feel good.

Pray for my sister-in-law, Becke’, today and her family. It was a year ago that her sweet sister, Kiley, went to be with Jesus. Knowing she is basking in His glory is good, but it’s still bittersweet. Please remember them today.

Last week, Lee and I got the bright idea that we were going to start the Master Cleanse diet. C’mon, I know you’ve all seen the commercials. You’ve heard them say that we all have pounds of waste clinging to our colon walls like spackle or paste. Well, Lee and I wanted to detoxify. And, let’s be honest, I wanted to lose the weight. Who cares about my colon? Mama’s going to Florida in a month – it’s time to get serious.

Have any of you ever tried the Master Cleanse diet? It’s crap! And yes, that pun was intended. Let me give you a little glimpse into the world of the colon cleanse.

It all started on Sunday, when we both ate very light, you know, to prep our stomachs for the days to come. That afternoon, I headed over to Wholefoods, the Mecca of all things healthy and good. I had my list of ingredients and I slowly made my way through the aisles picking up lemons, purified, but not flouridated, water, non-iodized salt, Grade B Organic Maple Syrup and pure Cayenne Pepper. Yeah, I know.

I should inform you that neither of us actually read any literature about this diet because we’re too cheap to buy a book. We simply consulted Dr. Google for the list of ingredients and some testimonials from those who have successfully completed this 10-day completely liquid diet.

“It’s amazing!” they all proclaimed. “I have more energy than ever before; I lost 20 pounds; my skin is glowing and looks fresh and young; I feel rejuvinated.”

My personal favorite was the man who was on day 17 of this diet and was planning on going another 3-5 days because he just. felt. so. great. Freak.

All of Google’s input said that the first 3 days were the hardest. After that, you hardly notice the hunger – “you will be energized as you release the toxins from your body.” Uh-huh.

(The drink that you consume during the 10 day diet provides you with roughly 1200 calories/day, so this is not a starvation diet, though it may sound like one…)

So I came home with two bags filled to the brim with all the things that were going to make Lee and I glow with the radiance of youth and health. At this point, neither of us had eaten much all day, and we intended to start night one with the salt water flush. It sounded easy enough. 35 ounces of water mixed with one teaspoon of salt. The idea is to drink the entire liquid, then sit back and wait for nature to take it’s course, thereby beginning the process of cleansing the colon.

The next time you’re at the beach, fill a cup with 35 ounces of ocean water and drink it. If you are able to do that, I will personally send you telepathic high fives and feelings of all over awesomeness. I, personally, couldn’t get past two swallows without gagging and nearly vomiting. (There’s one way to lose the weight.) And I tried. I tried to drink it warm, I tried it cold; I tried to pound it back quickly (that was not a good idea), and I tried a small sip. And Lee watched me the whole time. I finally made him try it and after one swallow, he headed back to the computer to consult Dr. Google on what to do if the salt water flush is too unbearable. “You are pansies,” came the reply. At least that’s how it felt. Are all those people online lying, or do they really think it’s “not that bad?” Geesh. Then, we saw it – Hark! There is a tea you can drink called Senna. Glory! Lee headed back to Wholefoods while I perused the recipe for the lemonade.

You mix water, lemons, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. I didn’t understand the cayenne pepper, but my trusty internet assured me it was a necessary ingredient and was not to be skipped. And so I intended to follow the directions. You know, because thus far that was really working out for us. So Lee returned, we drank our tea and we went to bed.

The next morning, I awoke to a rumbling tummy. It was a mixture of hunger and Senna. At this point I was beginning to doubt my willpower to withstand this diet. I made Lee and I a batch of lemonade and poured each of us a glass. The blasted cayenne kept drifting to the top so we had to continually stir the drink. It reminded me of Chandler and Ross on Friends, drink and stir, drink and stir. Five points to anyone who remembers that episode.

I think I know now why the cayenne is important. Apparently it burns off the lining of your throat making the consumption of food nearly impossible. At this point I was sincerely cursing my internet friends who had assured me that the lemonade was quite good and the cayenne gives it a “little kick.” Liars from the pits of hell!

Oh, and while I was fighting back my urge to begin breathing fire, I got my first “prompting” from the Senna tea. My first of many, I might add. Miserable, miserable tea.

So, wrapping up. The lemonade was so nasty that after drinking my half-day ration, I was gagging violently every time I took a drink. My house was completely destroyed because every time I ran to the bathroom, the children exploited my weakness and tore about like wild apes. My stomach was growling fiercely and I was growing irritable. I texted Lee and told him I didn’t have the balls to follow through with the intensity of this diet. He replied that he was glad because neither did he. And we quit. Right then and there. After only 24 hours, we quit.

All that to say, I don’t recommend the Master Cleanse diet.