On Menopause

Our friends Scott and Marci invited us to a client appreciation dinner last night and afterwards we were treated to the play, Menopause: The Musical.  A play where four menopausal (or post-menopausal) women sing and dance about all things menopause.  Lee and I were completely unsure about this play as we prepared to leave.  Lee in particular was preparing to meet the evening with a bit of trepidation.  But we were assured by many (men and women alike) that it is indeed a hilrious program, no matter how old you are.  And I will say – that is true.  We laughed…a lot.

A few observations:

  • Gettin’ old blows.  There’s no two ways about it.  Oh sure, with age comes maturity, experience, wisdom and all manner of blessings.  But with all those glorious blessings also come hot flashes, memory loss and, apparently, THE CRAZIES.
  • If you age with a sense of humor, it can be fun.  And funny, as these women so aptly proved last night.  I mean, really, singing about night flashes to the tune of Stayin’ Alive?  Funny.
  • I’m glad that the “change of life” is still a ways off for me.  Sweet mercy, I’ve already got THE CRAZIES.  I don’t need THE CRAZIES accompanied by hot flashes and memory loss…
  • Actually, come to think of it I am having uncharacteristic memory loss.  I think it’s kid-induced rather than hormonal, but it does prove that I’m only one hot flash shy of “the change.”  Awesome.
  • No matter which way you cut it, middle aged women dancing in robes and nighties and singing about hormonal changes and sex is funny…and uncomfortable – but mostly funny.
  • Do not drink two bottles of water and a glass of wine before the show, then take your seat in the middle of the row without going to the bathroom first.  There is no intermission…
  • Should you go see this play yourself be sure to sit directly behind two women who are in their sixties and cackle so loudly that you fear they may wet themselves.  It will totally and completely enhance the performance and will cause your husband to roll around in his chair overcome with hysterics.   

 

So, to recap – aging is inevitable; no matter how old you are, if you drink too much then sit down to watch a hysterical recounting of aging you will be uncomfortable and laughing will be dangerous; sit behind women who have already experienced “the change” – it’s way more fun; don’t get scared of “the change”, especially when you realize you’re one hot flash away from it; and aging blows, but it can also be funny.

I think that about covers it.

A Fairy I Am Not

This is the view from my bedroom looking down the hallway…

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I’d like to say that a little fairy came in while I slept and folded all these mounds of clothing that are waiting to be dispersed (read: shoved) into their respective drawers.

I’d like to say that…but I can’t.

The truth is I folded these mounds of clothes and I’m not done.  That’s only five of the nine loads of laundry I did yesterday.

Try not to be jealous of me, everyone.  I know it’s hard…

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Makes me laugh every time

Generally I try to avoid letting the kids watch too much television.  They watch the most TV in the mornings as our afternoons are usually filled with russian lessons, cleaning up, playing outside, etc…

When I do let them watch morning TV, I try to limit it to cartoons as it’s so much easier to turn it off after 25 or 30 minutes.  However, Landon has recently decided he enjoys watching TV with one particular movie being his very favorite.  And because he’s so dang cute and I really, really have a hard time saying no to him when he scrunches up his face and says, “Pweas?” then flashes his huge grin that dissolves me into a puddle of goo, I decided I couldn’t say no again.

So Tia and Landon are currently sitting on the couch watching Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.  Or “Cwoudy with da chance of da meatball” as Tia calls it.

When I pushed play Landon jumped up and down and clapped his hands yelling “Beatball, beatball, beatball” then hugged my leg and said “I Yub You” before settling on the couch to watch.  Uuummm…so I’ll give him anything he wants for the rest of his life if he keeps doing that.

He’s gonna be rotten.

The thing is, I actually really love this movie myself.  I think it’s hysterical.  Everytime I watch it I laugh out loud, particularly when the kids quote the lines along with the movie. Fuh-hu-nny.

So that’s it…that’s all I’ve got today.  I give in to nearly every one of Landon’s requests, I would give him my heart just to hear him say “I yub you,” and I love the movie Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

Bet you’re glad you stopped by here today, eh?

Well, so I don’t completely waste your time, I will send you here where you can read up on the bloggers who are currently on a Compassion International trip in Kenya.  I’ve already been challenged and encouraged by a couple of the posts I’ve read this morning and it’s only their first day there.  If you’re not already sponsoring a child, I would encourage you to consider Compassion.  What they are doing for children and families suffering in poverty is nothing short of a miracle.  For 37 dollars a month, you can completely alter the course of a child’s life.  Just think about it.  And read their posts.

Also, my first post for STL Family Life will be up and running shortly is now up and running!  So check it out this afternoon.  Thanks everyone and enjoy what is shaping up to be a beautiful day.

Spring is almost here, yeah!

In which I write while freezing

My house is cold.  I would get up and put on a sweater, but Tia is asleep in my bedroom and I’m already wearing a sweater.  I could go sit in front of the fireplace, but then I will probably fall asleep and I prefer to waste my time in front of the computer screen, not snoozing in front of the fire.

Ahem.

So I forgot to pick Sloan up at school today.  And he’s apparently not going to let me forget about it.  I usually pick him up every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday because I can’t wait for his bus and still get to Tia’s school in time to pick her up.  Thursday and Friday, however, he always rides the bus home.

Except today was an early release day, which for half day kindergartners means they actually get out of school later rather than earlier.  Try to keep up…

Most often, early release days fall on a Friday.  But apparently the school district likes to mess with us parents and throw one in the middle of the week now and again.  So…I forgot it was early release day and drove to school at normal time to pick up the boy.  As I pulled in, I noticed there were no other cars/buses waiting then saw the sign announcing Earl Release.  So I left, assuming that Sloan would just ride the bus home like he always does on early release days.  I did not think about the fact that his teacher expects me to pick him up on Tuesdays.

Cut to me, at home, fixing lunch for the younger two monkeys and the phone rings with a report that they have my child sitting in the office waiting to be picked up.  I throw the monkeys in the car sans shoes/coats and dash to the school where Sloan greets me with a “Mom, what the heck?!” and a scowl.  I then endured a rather pointed lecture all the way home about how next time I need to send in a note so the teacher knows he’s supposed to get on the bus.

Got it, dear.

And now I’m home and it’s quiet.  And I’m cold.

I’m also preparing to write my first post for STLFamilyLife.  I met up with the lovely Lisa and Melody last night to discuss partnering with them to build this new site for St. Louis area families.  I’m very excited to be working on this with them as they are both very experienced, great writers and all around fun gals to be with.  It’s a fun new venture.

And so I’m off to make a cup of hot tea, wrap a blanket around my shoulders and hammer out a post.  And give Sloan one more hug and kiss…

It was a crisp, clear morning…

As I stepped outside this morning, I was struck by the crisp chill in the air.  It is the lingering mix of winter air as it fights back the impending spring.  I love it.  It’s cold, but I can hear the birds chirping in the distance and the air feels and smells so clean and fresh.

As I breathed in deep, I had a flash back to a similar morning nearly 12 years ago – October, 1998.  The situation and circumstances were so different, but the experience is one that shaped my life and is, perhaps, one of my favorite moments in life.

It was a crisp, clear morning when I stepped off the Ukrainian train and stretched my arms up over my head.  I tried to shake the sleep from my eyes as I looked around the strange platform.  Not paying attention, I turned and hopped back on the train and sat down on the bottom bunk in my small room.  I had had an amazing night’s sleep.  The train pulled out of the station in Kiev at 11:00 and I had promptly fallen asleep and been rocked most of the night.  Except for the occasional stop to pick up new passengers, I had been uninterrupted in my sleep.

Now I was ready to fold up my bedding, pack my backpack and prepare to arrive in Prague, Czech Republic where I was to meet my friend Wanida and the group that she was travelling with for a semester abroad.  I had been in Kiev for roughly a month and half so far and I craved the companionship of fellow Americans.

As I leaned back against the cold train wall, I looked outside at the sterile platform once more.  And in that moment, my heart sank.  The signs were in Ukrainian.

This startled me because my host family in Ukraine, a young couple who were dear friends, had assured me that the train I was on to Prague was an express train.  You will be there in 12 hours, Sergei told me proudly as he handed me the tickets.  And yet here I sat, 11 hours after boarding the train and I was clearly still in Ukraine.  Which means we still had to go through Poland before we would make it to Czech Repbublic.

I hurried out to the conductor – a kind, round faced little Ukrainian man who spoke no Enlgish but communicated well through hand gestures and facial expressions.  In my broken russian I asked him how much longer until we arrived in Czech Republic.  25 hours, he said. 

This isn’t a 12 hour express ride? I asked.

And then he laughed.  Hard.  Shook his head and said.  Nyet.  This is a 36 hour train ride.

Awesome.  I returned to my room and sat down hard on the bed.  I had nothing to read and no food.  I had been planning on buying food when I met up with the group in CR.  I was worried that they would be looking for me and I had no way of communicating with them, or my parents for that matter, that it would be another day before I arrived.

Then the situation got worse…much worse.

The conductor came by my room, his eyes full of apology, and told me they were out of room and he needed to add a passenger to my room.  And in walked a short, stocky Iranian man who clearly hadn’t showered in some time.  His eyes lit up when he saw the blonde haired, blue eyed 20 year old sitting in front of him.  And I got very uncomfortable.

It didn’t take long for me to realize, however, that this guy was a mouse – a dorky mouse.  Had he been anything else, I may have been in trouble.  His name was Cameron.  He was Iranian born, but had been raised in Germany.  He spoke no russian (I never could figure out why he was in Ukraine) and his English was limited to phrases like, I love you and Will you sleep with me?

The beds in the train were narrow cots that folded out of the wall.  Mine had been the bottom cot, but I quickly realized that sitting down there gave Cameron too much access to me.  As soon as he started stroking my leg and professing his undying love to me, I folded down the top bunk, hopped up and did not remove myself.

By this time it was 2:00 and I was famished, tired and in need of some toothpaste.  I hadn’t brought any, of course, thinking I could just borrow Wanida’s.  The sweet conductor brought me some bubbly mineral water and a couple pieces of bread and glared at Cameron for good measure before leaving again.  He also brought me a russian newspaper, which I spread open and worked at reading to distract myself from Cameron’s persistent stares.  Everytime we made eye contact he would raise his brows and point at his cot.  I would, in turn, roll my eyes, shake my head no and stare at the paper again.

Finally, it got dark enough to try and sleep.  But it would be a long night.  As we crossed from the Polish border to the Czech border in the wee hours of the morning, several men came into our room to check our passports.  Cameron’s looks brought on immediate suspisions, unfortunately, so the men kept coming back in and trying to question him – the conductor among them.  Finally, feeling a little sorry for my bunk mate, I told the conductor to tell the men that Cameron was merely travelling for pleasure and that he was planning to head back to Germany from Czech Republic.  I’m not sure if that was true or not – I just wanted to sleep.

This seemed to satisfy the men and they finally left us alone.  After they left, Cameron got up and shut our room door, something that I had already told him more than once was not acceptable.  He stood up on the bunk and ran his hand over my hair.  I pulled the blanket over my head.

Sank you bery much, he said

You’re welcome, I replied.

Keeelli, he whispered.  Come down wis me.

Uuuuuhhhh…Cameron no! Go to bed.

Then he pulled the blanket back and leaned in close, his mouth puckering.  And this, my friends, was perhaps one of my finer moments in life.  I shot up and grabbed Cameron by the shirt collar and yanked his face close to mine.

Cameron, I swear to God, if you touch me again I will scream so loud that the Ukrainian police, the Polish police and the Czech police will all come running to my rescue.  But that will only be after I beat the crap out of you first.  Don’t. you. dare come near me again. Do you understand?”

Then I shoved him all wide eyed backwards off the bed, reached down and flicked the door back open, laid back down and yanked the covers back over my head.  Then I started laughing and shaking all over.  I heard Cameron slowly settle himself back down in his bed.  A few minutes later, very softly, he said.  Keeeellli.  Come down pleeze.

The guy was persistent, I’ll give him that.

Finally, we made it to Prague, 36 hours after departing Kiev.  And as I headed one direction, Cameron headed another to catch his next train.  But not before trying one last time to steal a kiss.  I managed to turn my head fast enough for him to merely slobber in my ear.

And that was only the beginning of this adventure…

I Am Innocent

Caffeine and I, in general, are not the best of friends.  If I even catch a whiff of a caffinated beverage after about 3:00 in the afternoon, I’m usually up all night long.  But, oddly enough, if I consume a caffinated beverage in the morning when I’m exhausted and unable to pry my eyelids pass half mast, it seems to take little to no effect whatsoever.

Last night was russian school night.  Usually I’m prepared when we go, as the kids’ lessons go right through dinner time, so I often pack dinner and bring it with us so they can eat at school.  But yesterday time got away from me and I didn’t bring food, so I ran out and got a little heart hardening fast food and, in a moment of extreme weakness, I ordered a Coke for myself.

Mistake numero uno.

Upon returning home and getting tuckered out kiddos to bed, I prepared hot tea for Lee and I.  I used my favorite tea, and made sure I chose a non-caffinated flavor for myself and a regular flavor for Lee, because he’s a freak of nature who’s not affected at all affected by caffeine.

Only I got the tea bags mixed up after I opened them.  I sniffed the different teas and tried to figure out which was which, and thought I’d gotten it right.

Um…I was wrong.  I figured this out around 1:30 when my mind was still racing and my hands were all jittery-like.  Sometime after 2:00 I fell asleep, but it was restless and fraught with vivid and realistic dreams.

Like the dream where I was sent to prison.  It was so realistic that I was sure it was happening for real (hence it being realistic…*eyeroll*).  I could feel the scratchy fabric of the prison-issued jumpsuit on my skin, I was distraught and upset at the thought of being away from my kids for a long time, I was slightly excited at the prospect of long stretches of alone time…Ahem.  I watched other inmates play ping pong with the wardon.  They were all very young and good looking.  As I watched them play, I actually commented how un-Shawshank my prison experience was.

Then I walked through the large community room where prisoners were reading books and watching TV.  Clearly this was a dreamland experience – everything was bright, neat and clean.  In fact, it seemed to be a rather pleasant place.  From the community room, I walked into my jail cell and I sat alone, stared at a cement wall and cried because deep in my heart, I knew I was innocent and had been wrongly convicted.  I’m not sure what I was convicted of, but I just knew I was innocent and I missed my family.

I felt empty knowing that I wouldn’t see the kids for a long, long time and I thought about them growing up without me and wondering why their mom was in prison.  And as I thought about these things, I cried harder, to the point that my nose was running and I was approaching a panic attack.  It was a very hopeless feeling.

And then I woke up and looked at the clock.  It was 4:30, I was sweating and my cheeks were wet with tears.  And all I could think as I laid there letting reality sink in was I. Am. Innocent.

Then, after a few minutes, I started laughing.  Then Lee rolled over and mumbled something in his sleep about me needing to be still.  And I laughed harder.

And, of course, it took some time to fall back to sleep.  I couldn’t get the images of “jail” out of my head or the feeling that I had been wronged.  By the time the effects of the caffeine finally wore off and I drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep, the kids woke up.  And as I dragged my weary body out of bed, I remembered that things could be worse.  I could be wrongly convicted of a crime I was unaware of and sitting in a dark, quiet jail cell all alone. 

Then I chuckled, pulled on some clothes, and stumbled into the kitchen to make breakfast.

And even now, although I am well aware of the fact that this was just a strange, bizarre, disturbing dream, I can’t shake this feeling that I have been wronged and I somehow need to defend myself.

The Winter Blues

It’s that time of year. The time of year when Lee and I both being ramping up our desire to move to Florida. The time of year when I drool over beachside properties. The time of year when I just struggle. 

It’s the time of year when I look at pictures like this one, which I took last June in South Caicos, and get a lump in my throat as I long for heat, shorts and the smell of salt in the air:

Lighthouse

 

I’ve never thought of myself as a bluesy person, but I’m really feeling bluesy this winter. Part of it is hormonal, I know that. I’m still trying to get things in order after the third born and my body is still not working the way it’s supposed to be working. But a lot of it is just this feeling of blah that comes with being cooped up a lot.

I’m tired of school schedules. I’m tired of the day in/ day out routine. I’m tired of everyone being on top of each other, fighting and bickering. I’m tired of trying to keep the house clean and fighting things like dripping snow boots and layers of clothing. I’m tired of laundry and I’m tired of the TV. I want to send my kids outside and know that they will stay there for a solid hour, expanding their imaginations and exercising their little bodies. Even they are feeling sluggish and blah.

We’re all just tired.

When I was growing up, our family moved to Wisconsin for six years. Wisconsin – the land of the never ending winter. I remember my mom getting very tired of the cold weather and snow and thinking she was loco. Snow was fun! The sledding, the snowmen, the igloos we built in six foot drifts. It was a blast!

Um, I get it now. Winter is not fun as a grown up. Sure, I might enjoy it if I got to sit inside in my jammies all day long reading a book in front of a roaring fire. But I don’t get to do that. 

The monotony of winter is what really kills me.  We can’t run out to the park to get out the afternoon squiggles; we can’t go to the Zoo to satisfy the itch for exploration; even running minor errands becomes a chore as we have to pile on jackets and sweatshirts – and then there’s the 6 year old, who hates, nay – loathes – wearing pants.  It’s a day to day struggle to get him to dress appropriately in the cold weather. 

I’ve given up, by the way.  I’ve decided to pick my battles and when we are home, if he wants to wear shorts and a T-shirt, he’s welcome to do that.  He knows to put on a sweatshirt if he gets cold.

So, I’ll quit complaining and get on to my question.  What do you guys do to break up the monotony of winter?  How do you fight the winter time blues with your kids?  What are some fun activities you do with your kids to keep the TV off and keep them from killing each other? 

Suggestions are not only welcome, they’re imperative to my sanity.

To the ladies of the ’80’s…you’re welcome.

Tonight I am taking a walk down memory lane.  I’m travelling back to a day when life was simpler.  It was filled with scrunchies and oversized tie-dyed Esprit bags.  There were high tops and units belts, Trapper Keepers and jean jackets.  Can you see it?  Can you hear Whitney Houston belting out “I’m Your Baby Tonight?”

I am a child of the ’80’s.  I give you evidence:

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Ah yes, the ’80’s.  That iconic era when the music was good and the styles were horrific.  I was a young child of the ’80’s so my exposure to the glory of that time was slightly sheltered and limited.  I was a teenager of the ’90’s.  An entirely different era altogether.  I’ll reminisce on those days some other time.

You are on the edge of your seats in anticipation, are you not?!

But alas, my memories of the ’80’s and all they entailed almost always include the two girls that lived down the hill from us and served as frequent babysitters for my brother and I.  These girls were ’80’s personified.  They had the hair styles, the clothes, the perfume (Ex.cla.MA.tion!) and the music.  Their rooms were decorated in hot pink, black and turquoise.  They wore their hats sideways, their bangs shalaqued into a perfect, budding rose atop their foreheads.

And they loved…The New Kids on the Block!  Oh yes they did.  The original boy band. The men who paved the way for the likes of N’Sync, The Back Street Boys and that other band made up of boys…   Radical!

These girls gave me oversized pins for my jean jacket and school bag so that I could carry around Jordan and Jonathon, Joey, Donnie and Danny everywhere I went.  They let me watch the VHS tapes that they purchased at the concert and I oohed and aahed over their wicked dance moves while my teenage idols squealed with delight.  They let me look at the polaroid shots they took on that “magical” night. 

I lived vicariously through them out of necessity because when I went home I was only allowed to listen to Leslie Gore.  I mentioned I was sheltered didn’t I? 

And tonight, I am remembering those days.  I’m remembering them through the music…the beautiful, glorious, terrible music.

Seriously, the New Kids weren’t very good.

But the were just. so. awesome!

And so I give you all this moment to step back in time.  You can thank me later…or now.  You can thank me now if you want.

You’re welcome.

Words just simply cannot express the hysterical glory of those videos.

Not here, but over there

It’s a crazy morning and it’s going to be crazier if I keep sitting in front of this computer screen! I’ve got one kid bundled and shipped off to school and two more dressed, fed and plopped lovingly in front of the television.

And now I need to get myself showered and ready for what is to be a busy day. So I don’t have time to spend with you this morning, dear readers.

I did, however, have the privilege of writing a guest post for my sister-in-law, Becke’s, site today. Becke’ is a beautiful writer and photographer and God has blessed me with her as I never grew up with sisters and she has filled that void in my life. Her heart for the Lord challenges me daily and I’m honored that she asked me to write something for her site.

It’s funny, really. I wrote that post last Wednesday after much prayer and consideration. And within a day, God answered a pretty random prayer of mine in a way that I did not see coming. How I wish I could share more of His answer, but I can’t. Not now, anyway. But hopefully soon.

In the meantime, head over to Becke’s blog and check out my post. I pray that you are blessed and challenged by it.

In which I ramble on about nothing

It’s cold outside. Not brrrrrrrrrrrrr chilly. It’s freeze your face off cold. It’s single digits with wind chills below zero cold.

My husband is checking out real estate in Florida and in the Bahamas. He typically starts this process every October and it tapers off around mid-March. It’s like clock work.

I loathe cold weather. I despise it. I’m not a cussing kinda gal, but if I were this weather would lead me to make sailors blush.

Just to remind you – it wasn’t that long ago that I was here:

I know – that picture makes you want to cry doesn’t it?  So ya know – I’m allowed to gripe about the weather.  Gripe, gripe, gripe

Coffee gives me a stomach ache.  But I’ve stayed up way too late the last two nights so coffee has been a necessity.  It’s either a stomach ache or mommy the zombie. 

I drink coffee so rarely that I don’t even know how to make a pot of it.  I think I’ve made all of three or four pots of coffee in my life.  Good thing Lee got this coffee maker for his birthday.  It’s going to make addicts of us yet.  And grown ups.  Because there’s nothing that makes me feel more like a grown up than a cup of coffee in the morning.

Seriously, I tried to clean Lee’s windshield while driving the other day and the water froze as it sprayed out leaving streaks of ice up and down his windshield.  That’s how cold it is.  I almost cussed.  But I’m not a cussing kinda gal.  See above.

It’s Day 5 of the new year and I’ve already slacked on one of my resolutions.  My goal is to be more productive with my time.  One of the ways I’m hoping to do that is by getting up earlier in the morning and getting my writing done before the kids get up.  I’d also like to be dressed before they wake up so that the mornings run more smoothly.  I did great yesterday and I was super productive.

But Lee and I stayed up too late the last two nights.  Did I mention that already?  We’re busy watching Season 5 of The Office.  We got it for Christmas.  We only planned on watching one episode, but the show is so doggone funny that we couldn’t stop. 

In order to accomplish the aforementioned resolution, I think I need to add to it that I get in bed at a decent hour.

My hands are cold right now as I type this.  I got new gloves at Target the other day.  They have no fingers so I can wear them while I type.  They look kind of like this – only not as cute…

And I’m wearing them right now.  My hands are warm…but my fingers are still cold.  Not totally sure what the purpose is, but I’m going to wear them anyway.

My husband is a bit of a nerd.  He keeps yammering on about Facebook and how ridiculous he thinks it is.  He’s leaving nonsensical status updates.  Right now I do believe he is claiming to be a Greek god on his Facebook page.  As nerdy as it is, it’s making me laugh.

I think that means I’m also a nerd.

Okay, I think it’s time for me to close this out.  I need to make a second cup of coffee.  And I need to put on another shirt because I’m freezing my arse off.  It’s not cussing if you write it with a Scottish accent is it?

I also need to start the car.  If I let it run for the next 20 minutes it should be warm when we have to leave to take Tia to school.  Did I mention it was cold outside?  If any of you hear of a job opening in the medical device field in Florida or the Bahamas, let us know…

Okay, seriously – I need to go.  This not a productive use of my time.  I’m failing abismally at my new year goal. 

Stay warm everyone!