More Things I Never Thought I’d Say

This time last year, I posted the first edition of Things I Never Thought I’d Say.  This is the follow up.

“Please don’t wipe your boogers on your brother.  In fact, please just don’t even pick your nose.”

“Guys, quit kissing each other.  Brothers and sisters don’t kiss like that.”

“If you’re out of toilet paper, let me know…please don’t wipe yourself with the towel.”

“Are you eating one of the dog’s treats? Gross!”

“No, honey.  I’m sure you don’t have the spotted mountain fever.”

“I know you’re mad, but you need to fix your face and shape it up.”

“You can kiss your wife like that someday, but you may not kiss mommy that way.”

“Why is my underwear on your head?”

“Don’t forget to wipe and flush.”

“I’m glad you’re having fun, but daddy’s saw is not a sword.”

“You found a slug? Oh great. No, he can’t sit at the table with us while we eat.”

“No, I don’t think that girl is looking at you because she wants to marry you.”

“What’s that sticking out of your diaper-Did you put something in there?”

“I think he just swallowed a penny.”

“I digged through the poopy diaper and I found the penny!  Yeah!”

“I’m going to bed at 8:30 tonight.  I don’t care if it’s Friday.”

“Because I’m the mom and what I say rules.”

“Hey! There’s one mommy and three kids – you guys are going to have to give me a break.”

“You NEVER cut anyone else’s hair. EVER. Never-ever-ever-ever-eveeeer.”

“Honey, if you’re naked and your brother is naked, please wait until you’re dressed before you start wrestling with him, okay?”

What about you?  What are some things you never thought you’d say?  Do share!


  1. “If you don’t think you are ever going to swallow that just spit it in my hand.”

  2. #8-Why is my underwear on your head?

    -Didn’t even know Lee was gonna be included on here.

    “Yes Coop, daddy puts the bad guys in time out.”

  3. Jeremy- Muahahahahaha!!!

  4. “Please don’t use your brother’s head as a handstand.” Ahhh….the joys of parenting.

  5. so ritch is out of town and the boys are wild, so far literally in the last 60 minutes I have said
    “If I have to ask again its going to hurt”
    and to sophie, “your brothers are crazy, I’m crazier”
    “a banana peel is not a whip” and stop swinging that knife at your brother (a real one mind you). Oh and at dinner, “I’ll let you sword fight with your hot dogs two more times, then we’re done.”- that last one should make up for all the other mean ones.