Things I Never Thought I’d Say…

If you need help wiping, let me know.

Hold still, I’ve got to dig this booger out of your nose.

Wow, I love that Crockpot.

7:30? Man, we slept in today.

Don’t grab your brother’s penis.

Can I please use the bathroom in private?

Eat your french fries or you can’t have dessert.

I swear, this house smells like poop.

Gorilla Munch does not go up your nose!

Why is there chocolate running out of your nose? Did you put a chocolate chip up there?

All I want is a nap.

I can’t wait to vaccuum.

Maxipads are not stickers.

We have to leave in 20 minutes? Okay, I’ll jump in the shower.

I wish I had an office job to escape to.

No, you’re not superman so don’t try and jump off the top of the swing set.

Yay! A date night. Let’s go to Borders and have some hot tea while we look at travel magazines.

Because I said so.

I don’t care who started it, I’m gonna finish it.

Take your shoes off I just mopped!

Who flushed mommy’s necklace down the toilet?

What about you? What are some thing you’ve said recently that you never thought you’d say?


  1. If I pay you, will you clean your room?

    Carrot cake is not a vegetable.

    This is 4th grade math? Seriously? I think I did this in high school.

    And of course every other thing my mother said to me that I SWORE I’d never tell my kids. You know, such classics as “if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?” and “because I said so,” and “I’ll give you something to cry about.”

  2. Oooh, I used I’ll give you something to cry about not long ago too, which is terrible because I HATED it when my dad said that to me as a kid. These things just slip out!

  3. heresthediehl says

    my dad used “i’ll give you something to cry about” too and i hated it! and i think i’ve used it.

    loved your list, and several of those are on mine. i’ve also said:

    well, if you’re going to school, you have to wear underwear.

    how many times are you going to poop today? (there was no answer b/c i was asking the kid who doesn’t speak yet)

    please don’t eat that off the floor.

    i’m sure there are more…

  4. Those were priceless! I was laughing so hard by #5!

  5. awesome! i love the list & i also loved the school post from yesterday. as you know, we're not there yet, but i really love that your blog is a place where people can share their experiences about such a touchy christian parenting subject & be open & not judgemental. yaaaay for christians being like jesus 🙂
    (btw – i'm reading a good book on this – "the myth of the perfect mother").
    all this to say, yes i'd like to do one next week! let me know what i need to do.

  6. KC Silverman says

    “Please take your potty off the couch.”

    “Aren’t you done praying yet?” (at bedtime, after thanking God for everyone we can think of twice. Am I the worst example or what?)

    “No, I don’t want to sing.”

  7. This is Wendy:

    “No, no, Juliann, we don’t eat bird poop!”

    “Get your head out of the toilet”

    “Who’s poop is this?”

    “There’s poo on the floor!”

    Shockingly ours have a lot to do with poo…hmm.

    “No, I don’t feel like reading a story from the Bible for you tonight.”

  8. Bugs and Sunshine says

    HA HA HA what a great laugh.

  9. blessedpath says

    too funny!!!! thank you for the laugh. The sad thing is I too, have said many of those same things. I was lying in bed this am trying to think of more. It’s hard. I need to start jotting (is that spelled right??) them down as i catch myself saying them:) i am driving the kids in the am, kay?

  10. “Dad is out of town on a business trip tonight. Let’s go to McDonalds!!” 🙂

  11. Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) says

    I am DYING over here!!!!!

    Laughing till tears.


  1. […] time last year, I posted the first edition of Things I Never Thought I’d Say.  This is the follow […]