Things I Never Thought I’d Say…

If you need help wiping, let me know.

Hold still, I’ve got to dig this booger out of your nose.

Wow, I love that Crockpot.

7:30? Man, we slept in today.

Don’t grab your brother’s penis.

Can I please use the bathroom in private?

Eat your french fries or you can’t have dessert.

I swear, this house smells like poop.

Gorilla Munch does not go up your nose!

Why is there chocolate running out of your nose? Did you put a chocolate chip up there?

All I want is a nap.

I can’t wait to vaccuum.

Maxipads are not stickers.

We have to leave in 20 minutes? Okay, I’ll jump in the shower.

I wish I had an office job to escape to.

No, you’re not superman so don’t try and jump off the top of the swing set.

Yay! A date night. Let’s go to Borders and have some hot tea while we look at travel magazines.

Because I said so.

I don’t care who started it, I’m gonna finish it.

Take your shoes off I just mopped!

Who flushed mommy’s necklace down the toilet?

What about you? What are some thing you’ve said recently that you never thought you’d say?


  1. If I pay you, will you clean your room?

    Carrot cake is not a vegetable.

    This is 4th grade math? Seriously? I think I did this in high school.

    And of course every other thing my mother said to me that I SWORE I’d never tell my kids. You know, such classics as “if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?” and “because I said so,” and “I’ll give you something to cry about.”

  2. Oooh, I used I’ll give you something to cry about not long ago too, which is terrible because I HATED it when my dad said that to me as a kid. These things just slip out!

  3. heresthediehl says:

    my dad used “i’ll give you something to cry about” too and i hated it! and i think i’ve used it.

    loved your list, and several of those are on mine. i’ve also said:

    well, if you’re going to school, you have to wear underwear.

    how many times are you going to poop today? (there was no answer b/c i was asking the kid who doesn’t speak yet)

    please don’t eat that off the floor.

    i’m sure there are more…

  4. Those were priceless! I was laughing so hard by #5!

  5. awesome! i love the list & i also loved the school post from yesterday. as you know, we're not there yet, but i really love that your blog is a place where people can share their experiences about such a touchy christian parenting subject & be open & not judgemental. yaaaay for christians being like jesus 🙂
    (btw – i'm reading a good book on this – "the myth of the perfect mother").
    all this to say, yes i'd like to do one next week! let me know what i need to do.

  6. KC Silverman says:

    “Please take your potty off the couch.”

    “Aren’t you done praying yet?” (at bedtime, after thanking God for everyone we can think of twice. Am I the worst example or what?)

    “No, I don’t want to sing.”

  7. This is Wendy:

    “No, no, Juliann, we don’t eat bird poop!”

    “Get your head out of the toilet”

    “Who’s poop is this?”

    “There’s poo on the floor!”

    Shockingly ours have a lot to do with poo…hmm.

    “No, I don’t feel like reading a story from the Bible for you tonight.”

  8. Bugs and Sunshine says:

    HA HA HA what a great laugh.

  9. blessedpath says:

    too funny!!!! thank you for the laugh. The sad thing is I too, have said many of those same things. I was lying in bed this am trying to think of more. It’s hard. I need to start jotting (is that spelled right??) them down as i catch myself saying them:) i am driving the kids in the am, kay?

  10. “Dad is out of town on a business trip tonight. Let’s go to McDonalds!!” 🙂

  11. Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) says:

    I am DYING over here!!!!!

    Laughing till tears.


  1. […] time last year, I posted the first edition of Things I Never Thought I’d Say.  This is the follow […]