Striking a Deal

There’s a cricket in my basement.  Thankfully it’s not a cave cricket, my fear of which I detailed here.  No – this is just your run of the mill, average, every day black cricket, although I’m fairly certain this one is mutated as it’s quite large.  It’s like the Arnold Schwarzeneggar of crickets.  So I’ve named him Arnie…

I saw Arnie yesterday when I took the laundry downstairs.  Upon meeting we both froze, my arms full of smelly clothes, his antenna cockeyed in a defensive stance.  And through the open air that suddenly thickened between us, we communicated.

That’s right…I struck a deal with the cricket.  He agreed not to crawl under the clothes piled in the basement and jump out at me with a Bonzai when I went to load them in the washer, burrowing himself into my brain through my ear canal and wreaking all sorts of havoc…ahem, and I agreed not to crunch him mercilessly beneath my foot.

(I’m not exactly sure why, but for some reason, I imagine all crickets as Japanese, weilding samarai swords and screeching Bonzai as they leap after their prey…)

And so I left Arnie alone and he reciprocated.  Later yesterday afternoon, he and I nodded curteously, albeit with some tension, as I checked  on the laundry.  He had moved several feet across the room, but true to his word, he was not burrowing in my laundry.

But let’s be honest here.  I’m totally going to renig on my end of the deal.  When I see Arnie later today, I will be sending my husband, my hero, down to take care of our little “tenant.”

I. don’t. like. crickets.


  1. I have one of these (see link) that is RIGHT NOW on my screen door, and I’m scared to go outside with the kids. The worst part?? Ryan is faaaar more scared of spiders than I am!!! If you have any leftover Napalm from Arnie, could you send it my way??

  2. Brian has had to spray our basement, usually twice a year to keep the crickets out. He also puts a fertilizer down in the yard. We now send them all to our neighbors house!!!

  3. What’s with making deals with bugs lady? Glad you plan to renig though. And technically, you aren’t renigging if you’re hero goes down there!

    OH! Jeremy says he got your present and he said if he was in the same room with you and Lee, he would give you guys the biggest bear hug ever experienced by human beings. Seriously. He said that. He LOVED the cd and was so excited about it. He said he immediately popped it in his laptop and started listening to it-cracking up laughing the whole time. He said that his roommate just kept looking at him as if he were REALLY strange.

  4. Oh Bethany – that’s horrible. Absolutely don’t go outside! And, if I were you, I’d start getting ready to sell the house now. Let the spider have it!

  5. Oh – and Tiff – I’m SO glad he liked the CDs. I was so excited for him to get those! They are, truly, hilarious!

  6. I think Arnie has some of his relatives living down the street in our basement. I wish they would come up with some sort of cricket replient that we could spray on them as we stood a good 5 feet away from them in case they decide to jump on us!! I actually tried some Spray and Wash the other day but nothing seemed to happen, darn. I can’t stand those little creatures.

  7. Sorry I forgot to put my name in the name box, I am your anonymous commenter.

  8. Spray and wash Julie??!! At least you have the cleanest crickets in the neighborhood

  9. Awwww, shoot, Julie. I was hoping the Anonymous commenter was Kelli’s Lunatic Liberal who decided to comment on bugs instead of school programs. 😉

  10. Muahahaha!

  11. Esilverman says

    Kelli, does your dislike of crickets have anything to do with your time in Waco? I remember being there during the cricket invasion of 2001…. it was pretty gross. Though, honestly, just a single cricket doesn’t really bother me…. dozens of crickets do.

  12. Eric – It has EVERYTHING to do with Waco. Before Waco, I didn’t like crickets, but they didn’t freak me out. But, after the cricket invasion of 1999, when they were literally falling out of the sky and I had a cricket crawl up my pants in Barnes and Noble while studying, I developed a bit of a phobia. Waco ruined me forever! I mean, as far as crickets are concerned…


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