I am deep in the trenches of editing my book, which is more overwhelming than it sounds. As I read through it a second time, this time with the words of those who have read and offered constructive criticism, I find myself swallowed in the process. It is equally daunting and peaceful.
In the background, the Mozart station plays on Pandora filling my mind with the peace and comfort of art created. I love the way the notes mold and push and swell and fall and each have their place.
My mind still feels full and twisted and confused by all that has happened over the last few months. Sometimes I feel like a lost little puppy. But when I stop thinking and start creating, peace takes over and wraps me tight. I just re-read these words from my novel. They were spoken by a father who had to let go of his son. I wrote this two years ago, but I needed to read again it today.
“Pain is an interesting emotion. It’s more than physical, though it certainly manifests itself in physical ways. As I hug my son for the last time, my arms physically ache as though the muscles are tearing from the bone. And when I pull back and look into his brave but tear filled eyes, I feel my heart rip.
I think I even hear it.
I won’t get that piece of my heart back. And that is the interesting thing about pain. It never leaves you. Sometimes it dulls and other times you may feel healed, but pain always leaves a mark – a scar as a reminder that life and love aren’t free. Pain changes everything.”
©Kelli Stuart, April 2013
I hope I don’t sound terribly angsty and sad. I’m not – in fact, right now in this moment I am enormously satisfied. I still feel unsure of what tomorrow will bring, but today is alright.
Today there is peace in the process of creating.
And there is Mozart.
And…well, I can’t lie – there’s also some coffee and a little bit of chocolate involved.
So tell me friends – how do you all find peace and calm when life feels twisty and unsure?
First, I remind myself that nothing is just happening in my life but it is all a part of a bigger plan and picture – even my passing is already planned. I also remind myself that even the twisty, unsure times are for my good and His glory. Then I go to the woods where peace and calm always exist. Love ya!
Or go to the beach, cause there’s bugs and snakes in the woks!!
“woods” The thought of snakes made me misspell!
Well snakes in the woks sounds incredibly creapy to me. But yeah…I’d take the beach over sitting in the woods any day. Different strokes and all. 😉 Thanks, Uncle Dusty. Love ya back!
Thanks for your post today. We briefly crossed paths on our separate journeys back from Tanzania. You may never know how uplifting your message was.
I do remember you Josh and honestly, I don’t know if you’ll ever know how much it impacted me when you reached out after our return. Many, many blessings to you!
I love art. Created. And flowing through me. In process.
And I love you.
I love creating art with you. And i get to do that again in just a few short weeks. Whaaaaattt???
We contribute to the tapestry of our lives every day. Our view of its completion however, is clouded by what we can’t know of the future in this life. But as Dusty said, God knows, He has a plan for us and from His view – knowing the end from the beginning – the tapistry of our lives is already completed. Our role is to praise and glorify Him by seeking and acting on His will in its assembly!
Love ya!
Dad
So good, Dad. Love you, too!
I do like Dusty and go out for “environmental therapy,” except he shots with a bow and I like my Canon. Not that I frighten the deer any less…which is why I aim for flowers mostly. There is something in a flower that draws me deep into God’s perfect love and reminds me that even surrounded by the pain of an imperfect world He is here and very close.