Don’t go disrespectin’

van

We live in sunny Florida now and I have to say…it becomes my minivan.  If you thought she looked hot cruising the streets of St. Louis, you should see her down here.

HAWT!

But there’s a problem.  “What problem?” you might ask.  “What could possibly be bothering you in sunny Florida?”  I’m so glad you asked! The problem, you see, is that is appears her hotness does not garner the proper respect down in this beach town.

GASP!

I know, right?!  How could it be? At first I thought that maybe it was Florida.  Maybe FLORIDA didn’t understand the royalty of the minivan.  But then I realized that I’m living at the beach right now…where a bunch of teenagers roam free at a time in life when most of them are pretty sure they know everything about everything.  You know…teenagers.

So anyway, as I cruise down the highway between here and Tampa, the ocean spread on either side, I have to tell you – my van?  She sings.  The ocean becomes her. BUT every time I drive that strip of highway, despite the fact that we’re zipping along a little above the speed limit (ahem…we’re at the beach – don’t judge) inevitably, some teenage boy in his sports car drives right up on my tail.  One even flashed his lights at me.

Flashed his lights.

They then buzz past me, their tatooed arms hanging out the open windows, leaving my poor little van quaking in their base filled, disrespectin’ dust.  But not to worry.  Nope…not to worry a bit.  Because I know something those little boys don’t know…

You see, I know that there’s a good possibility that 15 years from now, most of those boys are going to be haulin’ down the highway in a sleek black minivan filled with young ones.  I know that someday most of them are going to trade their unintelligible rap music for Kidz Bop and their ears will bleed as do mine.

I know that someday, they’re going to be driving down the road and some hot shot is going to whip around them, laughing at the power he thinks he wields in the tiny little sports car that he got from mommy and daddy.  And they’ll mutter under their breath something to the effect of “Jackass,” which their oldest child with the eagle ears will hear and shout, “What’d you say?” over the screeching sounds of kids singing the latest and greatest hits and they’ll shrug and yell back, “I said he’s got no class!”

I know this.

And so I drive in confidence down my beach highway.  In my sleek black van…with scratches down the side from the numerous times small children have run into her with their bikes.

*sigh* No matter what I do, driving a minivan is never gonna be cool…is it?

Comments

  1. BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I’m on the floor laughing! He’s got no class…ha ha ha ha ha

  2. You could paint some flames down the side of your van! Not only would it cover up the scratches but it would garner alot of attention!! That would make one HOT minivan!! : ) I will have to remember that one…he’s got no class! ha ha

  3. Bethany says:

    I snorted my coffee, I laughed so hard! “Got no class”!! HA HAHAHAAHAhaaa But actually, that young man will only drive a van as nice as yours if he is LUCKY! If he is not lucky, he will probably end up with an ’84 powder blue Caravan with no window tint and two bench seats. 🙁

  4. I felt so “cool” in my mini van yesterday when a hot guy and hot girl came out of the store and got into their convertible. She was dressed JUST RIGHT. I was just dressed. And I pulled out of that parking lot, praying my van wouldn’t die, and wondered what they thought of a vehicle that only has 1 wheel cover. 😉 And I prayed that someday they would know the blessings I do.

    • Do you think it’s wrong to take satisfaction in the fact that someday they’ll get their comeuppance? 🙂

  5. mel cable says:

    ok, cable funny story similar to this. And this was in STL, I guess i was slow getting over or cut off someone I don’t know, but this man clearly wasn’t happy and me and my minivan, pulled up next to me and motioned his fist in the “jackoff” kinda way. WHAT!! what kind of sicko who has no class and clearly no patience, gives a gesture to some poor young mom with kids in tow in her minivan, c’mon. The least he could have done was honked, or maybe even the finger would have been better. so all this to say, those young punks passing you could turn into that guy too.

    • Well that’s true and let’s hope not because the fewer of those people we have on the road the better. I am hummin “All You Need Is Love” as I type this. 🙂

  6. They ride your tail drop 5-10 MPH. They flash their lights after that then drop 5-10 MPH more. I’ll never drive a minivan but retarded drivers get treated accordingly IMO. Especially if your already speeding to begin with.

  7. Good to see you still have your sense of humor! 🙂

  8. Just so our boys would know how cool he was, my hubby would roll down the windows of our van, hang his arm out “just so” and play loud rap music….makes me laugh every time I think about it!

Trackbacks

  1. […] August people disrespected my smokin’ hot minivan and it was suggested I add ghost flames down the side. I also announced our intention to homeschool […]

  2. […] Don’t Go Disrespectin’ – Don’t mess with a mom in a minivan. […]