Why do I do this to myself?

I’m tired.  Not, gee-I-wish-I-could-catch-a-break-tired, since I, ahem, just had a break; but, I’m tired in a why-on-earth-do-I-not-get-my-duff-in-bed-earlier sort of way.  In short, I’m fatigued.

In addition to going to bed way too late, about 4 nights per week, my sleep is interrupted by someone not feeling well, needing to go the bathroom, having a bad dream or any other sort of ailment you can imagine.  And while I know this will happen, I still don’t manage to get myself to bed before 11:00 most nights.

Why do I do this to myself?

Part of the reason is that I’m just so happy to have alone, quiet time at nights that I relish in the quiet aloneness for much too long.  Going to bed almost feels like defeat, like I’m surrendering.  So instead, I power through, proving to whom, I’m not exactly sure, that I still have the independence to do what I want for how long I want.

Brilliant, I know.

On top of that, I’ve got a lot of work to do and I just can’t seem to get it done during the day – thus leaving the evenings.  And I hate working in the evenings so it takes me twice as long to get anything done.  My brain after 8:00 is like the egg in a frying pan – only I don’t need drugs to get there, just a prolonged period of short, interrupted sleep.

Then there’s the fact that I cannot sleep unless I’ve read for a little while.  But again, I don’t get myself in bed until 10:00 or 10:30, which means the reading time pushes the sleep time back a little further (or a lot depending on the book).

So that leaves me in a jumbled mess of blah with circles under my eyes.  Boo!  Am I the only one who does this?  Am I the only one who pushes herself to the limit simply because it’s the only time I really, truly have to myself in a day?

Tell me I’m not alone…


  1. you are definately NOT alone in this. I have done, and continue to do this nightly. You’re right, it is the only alone time we moms get. I look forward to that part of my day the most. I do catch some alone time in the mornings now, but there is always, bedmaking, bill paying, laundry, etc to do then. It is worth the fatigue physically, in order to give yourself rest mentally!!!

  2. I hear you and are there with you 100%. It is the only time of day/night that I can curl up on the sofa with a good book in hand or simply watch whatever I want on T.V. without someone interuppting me for one need or another. I use to be in bed by 10pm but now that they girls are older and not going to bed until 8pm I find myself not going to bed until at least 11pm. Like you I have been reading a REALLY good book the last couple of nights and the next thing I know the clock is showing after midnight. Why oh why do we do this to ourselves, if you figure it out please share the wisdom.

    Hope to see you outside later!

  3. AMEN! Your post resonates with me precisely, and most of the time I operate in a sleep-deprived fo…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  4. Ha! I read every single night before I can sleep. It helps my brain turn off. And I too, stay up way too late. For the same reasons. It’s nice to have some peace & quiet in the house. But then I’m tired & grouchy the next day & ready for a nap, which starts the cycle all over again.
    I’m right there with you sister!

  5. I stay up for all of the same reasons, but I have virtually stopped reading because otherwise I’d really stay up too late (due to no good sense about when to turn off the light). But, I hate not having a book to read, so I’ll probably start a book soon and just deal with the fatigue.

  6. Reading? What’s that?

    Yeah, basically we have the same life I think. 🙂 I concur.

  7. Yup. My average bedtime this past week has been 1 a.m. Moronic in so many ways, yet much needed in others (not the staying up ’til all hours, but what has transpired in that time). On Monday night Dan and I had the best time talking and laughing (we were getting a little slaphappy) while we were working on various things or just sitting on the couch together. Even though I was kicking myself when we did go to bed, knowing I’d be getting 5 hours of sleep max, it was refreshing. Not a trend that can continue for long though… we ain’t college kids anymore!

  8. Jaime,
    Amen to that. And yet I still feel like a college kid. It seems I stopped aging mentally somewhere in my mid-twenties, but physically I can’t keep up anymore – and dangit, that annoys me!

  9. I’ll let you in on a little secret. The evening mother and morning mother are two different people. It’s true! The morning mother wakes up tired thinking..”oh evening mother, can you please go to bed early tonight, I am so tired, and I don’t have the energy to look after the kids and house the way I want to…please please have an early night!”. The evening mother takes this on board, but once the evening rolls around and the kids are in bed, evening mother goes on auto pilot, high on uninterupted solitude, and forgets the agreement she made with morning mother to go to bed early. “I’ll just read one more blog”, “I’ll just finish off this last chapter” (did I mention she said that a few chapters ago?). So welcome to the world of evening mother vs morning mother, we know how you feel!

  10. I really, truly could have written this post. I always stay up WAY too late, just because I enjoy the peace and quiet so much. And then I regret it every morning…but not enough to go to sleep earlier the next night!