Archives for February 2009

I love this sweet boy. He’s rotten but he’s so very, very cute. And he knows how to make his mama feel good.

Pray for my sister-in-law, Becke’, today and her family. It was a year ago that her sweet sister, Kiley, went to be with Jesus. Knowing she is basking in His glory is good, but it’s still bittersweet. Please remember them today.

Last week, Lee and I got the bright idea that we were going to start the Master Cleanse diet. C’mon, I know you’ve all seen the commercials. You’ve heard them say that we all have pounds of waste clinging to our colon walls like spackle or paste. Well, Lee and I wanted to detoxify. And, let’s be honest, I wanted to lose the weight. Who cares about my colon? Mama’s going to Florida in a month – it’s time to get serious.

Have any of you ever tried the Master Cleanse diet? It’s crap! And yes, that pun was intended. Let me give you a little glimpse into the world of the colon cleanse.

It all started on Sunday, when we both ate very light, you know, to prep our stomachs for the days to come. That afternoon, I headed over to Wholefoods, the Mecca of all things healthy and good. I had my list of ingredients and I slowly made my way through the aisles picking up lemons, purified, but not flouridated, water, non-iodized salt, Grade B Organic Maple Syrup and pure Cayenne Pepper. Yeah, I know.

I should inform you that neither of us actually read any literature about this diet because we’re too cheap to buy a book. We simply consulted Dr. Google for the list of ingredients and some testimonials from those who have successfully completed this 10-day completely liquid diet.

“It’s amazing!” they all proclaimed. “I have more energy than ever before; I lost 20 pounds; my skin is glowing and looks fresh and young; I feel rejuvinated.”

My personal favorite was the man who was on day 17 of this diet and was planning on going another 3-5 days because he just. felt. so. great. Freak.

All of Google’s input said that the first 3 days were the hardest. After that, you hardly notice the hunger – “you will be energized as you release the toxins from your body.” Uh-huh.

(The drink that you consume during the 10 day diet provides you with roughly 1200 calories/day, so this is not a starvation diet, though it may sound like one…)

So I came home with two bags filled to the brim with all the things that were going to make Lee and I glow with the radiance of youth and health. At this point, neither of us had eaten much all day, and we intended to start night one with the salt water flush. It sounded easy enough. 35 ounces of water mixed with one teaspoon of salt. The idea is to drink the entire liquid, then sit back and wait for nature to take it’s course, thereby beginning the process of cleansing the colon.

The next time you’re at the beach, fill a cup with 35 ounces of ocean water and drink it. If you are able to do that, I will personally send you telepathic high fives and feelings of all over awesomeness. I, personally, couldn’t get past two swallows without gagging and nearly vomiting. (There’s one way to lose the weight.) And I tried. I tried to drink it warm, I tried it cold; I tried to pound it back quickly (that was not a good idea), and I tried a small sip. And Lee watched me the whole time. I finally made him try it and after one swallow, he headed back to the computer to consult Dr. Google on what to do if the salt water flush is too unbearable. “You are pansies,” came the reply. At least that’s how it felt. Are all those people online lying, or do they really think it’s “not that bad?” Geesh. Then, we saw it – Hark! There is a tea you can drink called Senna. Glory! Lee headed back to Wholefoods while I perused the recipe for the lemonade.

You mix water, lemons, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. I didn’t understand the cayenne pepper, but my trusty internet assured me it was a necessary ingredient and was not to be skipped. And so I intended to follow the directions. You know, because thus far that was really working out for us. So Lee returned, we drank our tea and we went to bed.

The next morning, I awoke to a rumbling tummy. It was a mixture of hunger and Senna. At this point I was beginning to doubt my willpower to withstand this diet. I made Lee and I a batch of lemonade and poured each of us a glass. The blasted cayenne kept drifting to the top so we had to continually stir the drink. It reminded me of Chandler and Ross on Friends, drink and stir, drink and stir. Five points to anyone who remembers that episode.

I think I know now why the cayenne is important. Apparently it burns off the lining of your throat making the consumption of food nearly impossible. At this point I was sincerely cursing my internet friends who had assured me that the lemonade was quite good and the cayenne gives it a “little kick.” Liars from the pits of hell!

Oh, and while I was fighting back my urge to begin breathing fire, I got my first “prompting” from the Senna tea. My first of many, I might add. Miserable, miserable tea.

So, wrapping up. The lemonade was so nasty that after drinking my half-day ration, I was gagging violently every time I took a drink. My house was completely destroyed because every time I ran to the bathroom, the children exploited my weakness and tore about like wild apes. My stomach was growling fiercely and I was growing irritable. I texted Lee and told him I didn’t have the balls to follow through with the intensity of this diet. He replied that he was glad because neither did he. And we quit. Right then and there. After only 24 hours, we quit.

All that to say, I don’t recommend the Master Cleanse diet.

Two weeks ago, when we visited the pediatrician, the doctor checked Tai’s ears and could only see wax. After digging in both ears and washing them out, a process that was torturous for both Tia and Lee and I, the doctor had successfully removed four plugs of wax that were each roughly the diameter of a pea. Our doctor told us that Tia had likely been only hearing at about 10%, which is probably why she still wasn’t talking.

Today she is talking more clearly than I’ve ever heard her and she’s talking a lot more. She also keeps putting her hands over her ears and saying, “Too loud!” Poor kid.

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While driving in the car the other day, I pointed out a brillinat sunset to the kids. We talked about what a great job God did painting the sky. Here were Tia’s comments:

“Mommy, Do yud me.” (translation God Loves Me)
Me: “Yes he does, Tia.”
Tia: “Yeah. Do dood.” (God is good)
Me: “Yes, He is.”
Tia: “Yeah. Da Hedew bad. Do dood. Da Hedew till me. Do say me.” (Darth Vader is bad. God is good. Darth Vader kills me. God saves me.)
Me: “Ooookaaay.”

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Sloan is into telling jokes. Someone shoot me now. These are the jokes that I must endure multiple times a day.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Gladys
Gladys who?
Gladys ba-Gladys I don’t know where my eyeball is.

I know. Painful. Literally, my stomach starts to twist up in knots every time I hear the words Knock Knock. I even bought him a jokebook in the hopes that he would learn good jokes. Didn’t work. He still prefers to make up his own. How long does this phase last?

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When Sloan tells Tia a joke, this is usually her response:
“Hol, da no hunny.” (Sloan, that’s not funny)
Or, my personal favorite, “Hol, da no may sense.” (Sloan that doesn’t make sense)

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I have recently introduced the movie Singin’ in the Rain. The kids love it. They dance around the house singing, “Make ’em laaauugh.” It’s great. We’ve also started watching Little House on the Prairie on a regular basis. Much to Lee’s chagrin. I keep trying to remind him that this will make Sloan very marketable with the ladies someday. He usually responds by telling me that he doesn’t want me signing Sloan up for some fru-fru dance class. Deal, babe.

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There is a George Clooney movie filming in town in March. I went to the open casting call for extras but when I saw the several hundred people standing in line, I laughed and walked away. On a whim, I sent in my application, but figured I wouldn’t hear anything because I heard they were giving preference to those who actually showed up for the casting call. I got a call yesterday asking me if I could come be part of the shoot on March 10. Fun! I’m excited. My mom is out of town that day so I’ll have to round up childcare, but it should be a good time.

I told Lee I hope I get to see George Clooney because, um, hi – he’s sexy. Lee told me I have full permission to drool over him if we come in contact. My husband is cool.

Enjoy the video of our little rock star. I particularly love the part where he sings “I will levah praise you.” Awesome. He kept starting just a little too high and had to go into his falsetto. So cute. If you click on The Next American Idol link under the Favorites tab, you can see him singing the same song last year as well. Happy Monday to you all!

If you need help wiping, let me know.

Hold still, I’ve got to dig this booger out of your nose.

Wow, I love that Crockpot.

7:30? Man, we slept in today.

Don’t grab your brother’s penis.

Can I please use the bathroom in private?

Eat your french fries or you can’t have dessert.

I swear, this house smells like poop.

Gorilla Munch does not go up your nose!

Why is there chocolate running out of your nose? Did you put a chocolate chip up there?

All I want is a nap.

I can’t wait to vaccuum.

Maxipads are not stickers.

We have to leave in 20 minutes? Okay, I’ll jump in the shower.

I wish I had an office job to escape to.

No, you’re not superman so don’t try and jump off the top of the swing set.

Yay! A date night. Let’s go to Borders and have some hot tea while we look at travel magazines.

Because I said so.

I don’t care who started it, I’m gonna finish it.

Take your shoes off I just mopped!

Who flushed mommy’s necklace down the toilet?

What about you? What are some thing you’ve said recently that you never thought you’d say?

Well, I did it. Yesterday I took the plunge and registered my oldest for kindergarten. Ohmygosh, how did we get here so fast? I try hard not to be one of those weepy moms who gets overly emotional at silly stuff, but this made me a little emotional. It does go by fast doesn’t it?

I thought I’d write a little post about the options for schooling and get some feedback from the rest of you. I have really gone back and forth on this schooling thing the last couple of months. We registered Sloan for public school, which had been the plan all along, but I started to have some reservations about two months ago and it took quite a bit of praying and soul searching (on my part – Lee has been cool with this option from day one) to get me to that school yesterday.

I’ll be honest, private school has not really been on the table. While I’m not against private school I do have some reservations that have held me back from pursuing it as an option (my husband shares the same reservations). I know there are some good private schools in our area, but I just don’t feel like that is for us, at least not right now. We are very blessed to be in a good school district and the elementary school our kids will go to is smaller and is a great school. So, between private and public, public won out.

Until about a year ago, I always said that I would never, ever, under any circumstances whatsoever, homeschool my children. I, like so many people, had misconceptions that those who choose homeschooling are granola lovers with 15 kids who all wear homemade clothes and sing old hymns accapella at night under the stars. But then, out of the blue, I got a little stirring. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. Maybe I should give it a try. Suddenly, I found that I really liked the idea of homeschooling. And who cares if I can’t sew a button onto a shirt? I could make it work! Oh, and guess what – homeschoolers are normal! I now realize that my misconceptions were way off and that most people who choose to homeschool are just like the rest of us – they’re just trying to do what they feel is best for their children.

I have to say, I like the freedom that homeschooling presents us as a family. I like the control it gives me over my kids education and I like the fact that it presents so many other options for the kids. There are amazing homschool co-ops in the St. Louis area. I had no idea how organized homeschoolers are. Which is probably a red flag given that I’m not known for my organizational capabilities.

But, after much prayer, I realized my motives were not right – at least not all of them. Part of me wanted to homeschool because I wanted to be able to say I did it. Of the three schooling options, homeschooling is definately the most challenging and I wanted to take on the challenge. Not a very fair reason to keep my kids at home. Also, I was so taken by several women who I know, either personally or through the cyber world, who homeschool and do such neat things with their kids that I wanted to be a part of that group. You can check them out here, here, here and here. Again, though, it’s not a great reason to choose to keep my kids home. Mostly, I think I just wanted to keep control of our family schedule. I am not looking forward to the craziness of trying to get everyone where they need to be next year. I have had minor panic attacks wondering how on earth I’m going to get Tia picked up and get home in time to meet Sloan’s bus. It may not be as bad as I’m thinking, but right now it seems daunting. Homeschooling just seems easier in that regard.

I finally decided that, for now, our best option is to stick with the public school, which I’m totally comfortable with. When I signed Sloan up yesterday, I walked through the halls and got a little misty-eyed thinking about my elementary school years and what lies ahead of him. Sloan is such a magnetic kid – so people oriented and motivated by a crowd. He’s going to do great in school. I’m excited for him and he’s beyond elated that he’s going to big kid school next year. The fact that he gets to ride the school bus makes him jump around like an electric chihuahua. He’ll be fine…and so will I.

I did, however, pass on the Adventure Club and full day options. I want to keep him home as long as I possibly can. He’s got the rest of his life to go to school. He can stay close to his mama for one more year.

So, this soul searching process has been good in one regard; it’s let me know that I am open to anything and that, I think, is a good place to be. If I have a child that would benefit from homeschooling, I’m all over it. If we have one that would thrive in private school, we’ll do that. But for now, I think we are going to be a public school family. What about you guys? How did you decide what school to send your kids to?

Tia had a purple tea party for her birthday and all she wanted was a purple bike. Here are a few pictures from the celebration. We’re busy here the next of days so I’ll post when I can. In the meantime, hope you’re all having a lovely (frigid) Wednesday morning.