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I’m not sure if you heard or not, but I went to Africa a couple of weeks ago. I may have mentioned it a time or 500. Honestly, I’m a little embarrassed to bring it up again but just know that everything swirling inside of me has been filtered through that one experience.

See the thing is, I feel like I have a million things to write, but I can’t seem to get them out because I’m a bit scared. Petrified, really. Because who am I that anyone should care what I say? I like to hide behind the light, humorous posts in some regard because they’re safe. I spent a lot of time as a youth taking myself too seriously and I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m a blogger who actually doesn’t really like to talk about herself.

Shocking.

But there are other things than just the humorous that I want to share and I’m just so…scared. I’m scared because I don’t want it to all be about me. The fact of the matter is I don’t believe myself to be a great writer of spiritual things. I’m not a super critical thinker, I don’t have the beauty and eloquence of words that so many others hold when unpacking the mysteries of faith. I’m a good writer, yes – but writing about the God of the Universe scares the crap out of me.

See what I mean? I just used the words God and crap in the same sentence…twice. How eloquent am I?!

I mentioned these fears of mine to Shaun one evening in Tanzania and he encouraged me to read 1 Corinthians. I’ve pretty much camped out there since we returned, particularly in Chapter 2.

“And when I came to you, brethren, I did not come to you with superiority of speech or of wisdom, proclaiming to you the testimony of God. For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.” 1 Corinthians 2:1-5 (emphasis mine)

Friends, this is how I feel. I fear writing too in depth about my faith not because I worry about offending (though I certainly do desire this to be a place of comfort for everyone from all faiths and backgrounds and walks of life), but more because I so badly do not want to misrepresent the God I love. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you overcome it?  

There are so many words to say - so many songs to sing - so much praise to give. The Earth itself cries out to Him – why wouldn’t I?! Of course, the humorous posts are where I’ll spend more of my time because I strongly believe that one of the greatest gifts He gave us was laughter and my goodness isn’t there so much joy to be had on this Earth?

For example, Lee and I sat in bed the other night and laughed until we cried at this old gem of an Al Denson video that we found after both sporadically belting out a rousing rendition of “Be the One,” which only solidifies how terrifically dorky we are, but I fell asleep with a smile on my face and a prayer in my heart.

Lord, thank you for laughter. And thank you for cheesy ’90′s Christian music videos.

I love laughing with you guys. I love it so, so much. But I don’t want to hide behind the laughter because I’m scared. Just know that when I speak of my God, I do so with much trembling and not with persuasive words of wisdom. We will still laugh…a lot. But there are also words stirring that I will need to write at some point – all to His glory.

I just need some time to let them develop and the courage to hit publish.

PS - I don’t say any of this as a means of fishing for compliments. In fact, I feel kind of weird and I will probably sit on this post for a bit before hitting publish because I do NOT want to look like I’m asking for people to say nice things about me.

PPS – Thanks for taking the time to read this and for being a community that loves to learn and grow and laugh. I don’t really think of myself as having anything to say worth reading, but my goodness I’m glad to have you guys around. Makes this life journey a little less intimidating and a lot more fun!

PPPS – I don’t like to use emoticons in posts, but I feel like this one is begging for a smiley face – :) .

Comments

  1. First of all — so glad I found you through the Compassion trip. You seem like my kind of people. (insert cheesy emoticon here :)

    2nd of all — I was just reading about Jacob and when He wrestled with God. He wrestled and was blessed. Blessed. Let me say it again – he wrestled God and was blessed.

    And when he got up he said, “Surely the Lord is in this place”. This place of the wrestling match.

    So you wrestle it out girl. God is not overwhelmed by that. He wants you to wrestle this out and He blesses. He can’t help it. He is here, in the place.

  2. i too, found you through compassion … so glad for that! and you see that comment above me, from my dear friend stacey? she is the eloquent writer and encourager of God’s truth, wisdom, and love for us! and to comment behind her beautiful words leaves me feeling like you mentioned above {and like i feel in many of my posts}, “who am I to write of His truths?”

    i love love love the passage from 1 corinth and just may camp out there myself!

    i love knowing that the God of our universe loves us each so individually that He is big enough and small enough to wrestle with each of us right. where. we. are. and in a language we each understand … laughter, eloquence, beauty, or just plain ol’ tell-em-like-it-is words!

    • Well I for one am so thankful that BOTH of you found me so that I have now been able to find your amazing blogs in return. Thanks for your sweet words. :)

  3. Writing tip: Don’t link to Al Denson videos halfway through your post. You lost me for a good 20 minutes chasing the Youtube recommendations (Wayne Watson! Carman!!) before I closed the tab and came back. Then I had to start over and it took everything in me not to click that link again.

    I haven’t written anything new in months (years?) for this exact reason. I haven’t gotten over it, so I don’t have anything valuable to contribute to the conversation except the aforementioned tip.

  4. Karen says:

    As you already well know….it is ultimately about obedience. SInce HE has gifted you….and since HE has given you this platform…..then…..well, you already know!

    I look forward to reading what HE asks you to share!

    Enjoy the rainy day!

  5. Found you through Shaun Groves. Followed you through the Compassion trip. Can’t stop following you now ’cause you’re writing is compelling, funny and 47 different flavors of awesome.

    It’s ok to wrestle. Just let God win ok?

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