It’s Like Butah…

Alternately titled: Sam’s Club Fail

Have you ever taken three children to Sam’s Club? Let me give you a break down of what happens.

Inevitably you will forget your card and will have to visit the customer desk where you will have to wait in line with everyone else who forgot or lost their cards. By the time you get to the desk, your children (who have already been on two other errands before this one) will be restless and annoyed. They will push each other and argue.

The older gentleman in front of you wil tsk at their antics and shake his head. This will make you want to encourage them to fight more out of spite. You will refrain and will ask them to please settle down.

When you finally have your temporary card in hand you will grab a massive cart and head down the aisles. You won’t have a list because you weren’t organized enoughย to get out the door with one, but you have a few vague ideas of the things you need. You will subsequently forget those items and will instead buy everything you don’t really need and will end up having to run out to the store again later.

Your children will mope and complain about visiting this store until you meet your first grandmotherly lady handing out free samples. Suddenly, OMG THIS IS THE GREATEST STORE EVER!

Now your children are angels, but you can’t keep them by your side as they are zipping from vendor to vendor asking for samples. While in the refridgerator aisle, you see a large box of butter and you think to yourself, “I need butter. I’m always running out of butter. I should buy lots of butter at Sam’s.”

And then you feel like a total diva because you are never going to run out of butter again because you had the forethought to buy it in bulk at Sam’s. You pat yourself on the back.

You peruse the boxes of butter, trying to decide which would be the best purchase. The children are at the table at the end of the aisle sampling fiber bars. You briefly wonder if that’s a good idea. As you’re looking, trying to decide between Country Crock or Land ‘O Lakes, you hear a cry and realize your youngest has dropped his fiber bar and is terribly upset. You grab the Country Crock box and toss it in the cart because really, who can resist Country Crock spreadable butter, right?

You will finally finish up your shopping with a full cart and full tummys and will toot your own horn AGAIN when you get out of Sam’s without having to take out a second mortgage on your home.

You will drive home and unload the groceries and you will wonder why on Earth you bought so much in bulk because you have no space for it all.

Finally, after it’s all put away you will turn around and look at the box of butter on your counter – like really look at it closely. You will then gasp and tear open the box to discover your mistake.

The 5 you saw on the side of the box when you hurriedly threw it in your cart was actually 500. You thought you were buying 5 tubs of Country Crock, but actually you purchased 500 individual packets. You quickly realize that these tiny packages will not help you when you are trying to bake a cake and need a cup of butter. You wonder how many of them you’d have to open to get a cup.

You frantically search for your receipt so you can return the butter.

You can’t find it.


It has disappeared.

You now have 500 individual packets of Country Crock in your refridgerator.

The End.


  1. That’s a Kelli fail, not a Sam’s Club fail! :-p

  2. melcable says

    Well first off, Sam’s will return anything, heck I’ve brought back old meat before! And secondly, please don’t try to bake with that faux butter, or maybe do, because then we will get another funny epic fail post to read! Have fun finding those mini-tubs all over the house and with all your toast and crumpets!

    • Wait. You can’t cook with that?! But it’s already softened for you! Just makes sense to me,,,

      I’m totally gonna find me some crumpets.

  3. HAHAHAH! This made me laugh out loud! LOVED the pics! Thankfully this has no eternal impact! Though, maybe a local shelter would want it and you could consider it a charitable contribution! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Yeah. Trying to figure out how to give away multiple hundreds or packets of butter without looking like a weirdo. The odds are stacked against me…

  4. You must not have seen the aisle where they keep the Nutella.

  5. Oh my goodness! Laughing out loud and pointing at the computer as I show and tell my husband.
    What next? I will try to think of an idea. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Best part was when you asked how many would it take to make a cup for baking!
    Thanks for the comic relief.

  6. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I’ve pondered recently how in the world I will go to the grocery store this summer with a baby and two wild and crazy little boys. My solution? Bribery. Lots and lots of bribery.

  7. HILARIOUS. I love this! Probably because it’s something that would totally happen to me!

    • Well, hopefully you learned from my mistake. And just so you know – it’s been 5 days since I bought that box of butter and we haven’t opend a SINGLE PACKET.


  8. Hilarious! Guess you better consider adding toast to your breakfast menu!!


  1. […] the older gentleman in Sam’s a few months back – the one who tsked at me when the kids were acting like rabid baboons while […]