Like welcoming an old friend

I got my good camera back from the shop the other day.

It was like welcoming an old friend back home again.

I immediately pulled it out of the box and ushered the kids outside for an impromptu photo shoot.  They were thrilled…can’t you tell?

I’ve been in a funk these last few days.  Sad.  Discouraged.  Frustrated at everything and nothing.  Unsettled and just altogether irritable.  This phase of life we’re in has left me vulnerable.  Doubts start creeping in like the waters of the beach.  They slide up and over my heart and then quickly retreat leaving me unsure of myself.

I doubt my ability to parent well.

I doubt my ability to pen anything worth reading.

I doubt my ability to love well.

I doubt my ability to exhibit grace.

So much doubt.

I know these are lies.  I really do.  I can see it and feel it and call it out by name.  The frequency with which I’m having to identify and put behind me the lies, however, has begun to wear me down.

And I started to believe the doubts.

Do you know what happens when you start to believe the doubts?  You compare.  I’ve compared myself to everyone these past couple of weeks.

No good can come of that.  I know this and I’m constantly fighting against it.  Sometimes I just get battle weary.

So when I got my camera and took the time to slow down and observe life happening through the lens, I found myself suddenly encouraged.

I am not a great photographer.  I know this very well.

But there is something about snapping a picture that fully encapsulates a brief moment in time.

It’s Grace.  Grace.  Remember how I told I’m learning about Grace?  It’s a daily walk.

A sunset.  A giggle.  My toes buried in the cool sand.

A house awaits us.  This week we will finally begin to set our stake in the sand.  After two and a half months of transition, we will begin to start anew.  Forward motion.

Our beach side transition is coming to a close.  It has been a true blessing to be able to stay here.  It hasn’t been easy…on anybody.  My parents have given up their space and their peace and their privacy for two and a half months as well.

They’ve never complained.  Never made us feel unwelcome or unwanted.

Grace.

Thank you to all of you for supporting us and loving us.

For loving me.

Thank you for the emails and the phone calls.  I’ve had communication from perfect strangers, from friends I haven’t spoken with in many years, from friends so dear to my heart that I sometimes physically ache for their presence.

Your love and support have carried us through the moments of funk – the moments of doubt when we questioned every decision, and every ability.

Grace.

Thank you all, my friends both online and off, for showing that to me unfailingly.  I am deeply, deeply grateful.

One more...just for fun. Dang, he's cute.

Comments

  1. I was actually thinking about you this weekend and wondering how you were doing! Will be praying that you have a sweet week and that you get settled in to your own place quickly Glad you have your camera back. That picture of Tia is precious!!!!! My husband would have been MUSH if we had had a girl! 🙂

  2. love you big time. We all fight the lies.. praise God you know what they are… Now, if only the knowledge made them stop, eh? That’s the part of following Jesus that is hardest for me. If I know the truth that sets us free, than why do I still have to struggle with bondage of any sort? I can quote scripture in right response to my questions… but the emotion of having the questions still remains at times. So tired… talk with you soon,
    Wen

  3. My dear, you are an amazing mommy, a wonderful wife, a perfect writer, a devoted friend, a beautiful woman, a loving daughter. Never doubt yourself, any of your abilities. I believe in you! Love you dearly and miss you…

    • Thank you, Sveta. You are one of my greatest supporters and dearest friends. I’m thankful that the ocean between us hasn’t hindered our friendship from growing. I love and miss you, too.

  4. I love the power of pictures. They have this ability to lift us up to see the blessings in our life, the smiles and precious moments and to help us temporarily forget the emotional sullenness our hearts get stuck in occasionally. I started an annual digital photo album on line and every time I work on it, it cheers me up and gives me perspective. God is so full of mercy in our hurt. I’m excited for the refreshment you are about to receive as you move into your new house and begin to truely let your heart rest. I love you friend! And I really freak’in miss you.

  5. Candy Martin says:

    I think that you have done an amazing job in holding it all together the past 2 months. The journey got a bit bumpy, but you persevered. I am proud of you! I hope we have not been too difficult to live with. We are so excited for you to move in to your new home! I can’t wait to see it.

  6. Good luck with everything Kelli! And Please – in the new home…Blow up this picture of Tia to POSTER size and frame it and hang it prominently – FANTASTIC – your kids ar all so stinkin’ cute, but this picture of TIA is just gorgeous!!

    • Aw…thanks. It is a nice shot, isn’t it? I sent my camera in because the flash quit working and after I got it back I decided that maybe the flash never worked properly because the pictures all turned out much nicer than they used to. Even cameras love the spa! 🙂 Thanks Jen!