Once Upon a Time


Once Upon a Time, I was cool.  Or I thought I was.  I was informed yesterday by my oldest, and ever so wise, child that I’m “not really cool now, so much.”

“Really?  What am I, then?”


*long pause*

*awkward pause*

“Geesh.  Don’t answer to quickly, ‘kay?”

“Well,” he says, clearly thinking hard, “It’s just that I’m not sure.”

“So I’m not even a little bit cool?”


“When I make you pancakes for breakfast – is that cool?”

“No.  That’s more awesome.”

“When I wash your clothes and drive you places – is that cool?”

“Not really.  That’s more stuff you’re s’posed to do.”

Oh no he di’int.

“When I play games with you – is that cool?”

“No.  That’s fun, though.  Hey can we play Uno tonight?”

“So I’m really not cool, huh?”

“Nope,” he says with a shrug.  “But you’re awesome and fun and you do things you’re s’posed to do.  So that’s good right?”


I guess.

Excuse me while I go look for my cool pants.  I know they’re in my closet somewhere.  Probably right behind my fat pants and next to my sweatpants.


There’s a chance I was never cool to begin with…


  1. There are demographics of cool. And children haven’t developed their cool-dar enough to detect the more subtle forms yet. But people in your relative age-group can TOTALLY sense it. 😉

  2. Cool-dar. Nice.

    Next time he tells me I’m not cool I’m going to tell him his cool-dar isn’t developed yet but people my age think I’m totally cool. Then I might give him a good old fashioned BOOYAH or TAKE THAT SUCKA! Who’s not cool?!

  3. I’m stealing the Cool-dar bit…and I’d pay money to hear and see you say BOOYAH or TAKE THAT SUCKA! to your son. The end.

  4. And I was going to say what Jessica said – there are age appropriate ratings for coolness ( or in her words “demographics”) – you just happen to fall into a slightly older and MUCH MORE COOL “Cool” category than Sloan. 🙂 – I like “Cool-dar” I’m using that on my tween at the earliest possible chance I get!

  5. Tom Price says

    This whole exchange had me laughing out loud…because I can totally here me having it with my oldest….Oh and Boo-Yah? Absolutely. Its a regular around here. We use it to keep the little men in line and in so doing, show them just how cool we really are. ; )

  6. OH! He doesn’t think you’re cool? Well you should show him exactly how un-cool you are. Like drop him off at school in wearing a track suit with a cigarello tucked behind your ear. Maybe even throw in a gold tooth or two for good measure. Then wait until he almost gets to the door and yell something like “make sure to wipe your ass good today because I’m sick and tired of cleaning those skid marks out of your underwear, honey!”

  7. Ha! Cigarello’s scream cool, don’t they? 🙂

  8. I am totally trademarking “cool-dar” now.

  9. Jessica, it’s yours. Congratulations.

  10. mel cable says

    Sinbad has a funny bit about this. He says, yo kids say you aint cool, you tell them, I was cool, then you came along, you made me this way, you made me uncool!

  11. Ha! I remember seeing that before. But I fear my recollection of a Sinbad joke only further emphasizes how not cool I am.

    To his generation, of course. The generation with the underdeveloped “Cool-dar.”


  1. […] this video isn’t nearly as cool as I wanted it to be. But as we all learned yesterday, I’m not really that cool anyway, so this actually fits quite […]

  2. […] death, and I mercilessly mocked my husband’s shoulder shaking dance moves. Oh yeah…and I lost my cool pants. Or maybe I never had […]