Does this make my butt look big?

To all the men who read my blog…you know who you are.  I just want you to know that I’m on to you.  I’ve almost got you guys figured out.  Oh yes I do.  I have now birthed two beings of the male persuasion and raising them is giving me unique insight into all of you.  Be very afraid.

My most recent insight come to me this morning in the form of my seven year old who has suddenly become very aware of what others think and how his peers perceive him.  This is not something that surprised me, although it makes me sad that this awareness has creeped in so young. 

This morning I laid out his clothes for him, as I do every morning that he lets me.  Some mornings, when he’s feeling particularly ornery and independent he wakes up and dresses before I can get to him.  Because it’s chilly out today, I made it a point to get to his clothes before him so that he would wear pants.  Because the boy hates pants.

I laid out a pair of loose fitting cargo pants.  They were a cotton material and I thought he would like them because they weren’t tight and they fit more like sport pants.  I paired them with a Star Wars T-Shirt to sweeten the deal and prepared breakfast.  Suddenly Sloan came stomping into the room.

“Mom, I am not wearing these pants,” he huffed.

“Why?” I asked, preparing my argument for why he could, indeed, not wear shorts when it’s 40 degrees outside.

“People will laugh at me,” he replied.

“Why would people laugh?  Those pants are cool!”

“No, they’re not,” he moaned, slapping his hand to his forehead.

“Why are they not cool?” I said, stifling a laugh.

“Look at the back,” he said, turning around.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“It makes my butt look big in the mirror!” he wailed.

I let him change into jeans.  Then he wanted to change into a tie dye shirt, “because that’s really cool.”  I’m trying to win the war, folks…not the battle.

But this just proves that us girls are not the only ones checking out our butts in the mirror.  You guys do it too.  And you care.  You care about image and how you look.  This isn’t isolated to my kid, because my husband…he cares too.  So does my brother.  I’ve kind of been surrounded by the male species most of my life.  You care.  You check.  You build outfits based on the perception of your butt.

Your secret’s out…