Deep Breaths

Do you ever have those days, or weeks, where you feel like maybe, just maybe, this is the moment when it will happen.  When every ounce of composure you’ve managed to muster up to this point has slowly been siphoned away and you will finally lose your mind once and for all?

Yeah, me too.  In fact, I’ve had a couple of days like that.  I love my children with every single fiber of my being, but, well, some days I feel like the life is being sucked out of me; like I can’t suck in a deep breath between the constant demands that surround me.  And I’m just tired and frustrated.

I just sent my daughter to her room where I have half a mind to leave her for the rest of the day.  The trying three’s are upon us and ohmygoodness, they are trying.  I told Lee last night that it’s a good thing she’s the cutest child in the world, because right now, she’s just a little stinker.

I know that these years are short and they go by quickly and when they’re gone I’ll miss them and blah, blah, blah.  But today, right this very moment, I’m just fed up and annoyed.  Given that my face is breaking out like a prepubescent teenager, I am making the assumption that I’m also slightly hormonal, which is naturally not helping at. all.

Oh, and have I mentioned that my youngest, who is also about as cute as a child could possibly get, is teething and getting over a nasty virus which means he’s crying near constantly?   Yeah, cause that helps mommy out a ton.

Some days this thing called motherhood drains the life out of me.  Some days, I just feel like maybe I’m not cut out for this.  I look around and see women all around me handling their children with such grace and patience and I, unwisely, compare myself to them.  All of the bad mommy moments rear their ugly heads and the good moments – the ones where I am that graceful, patient mommy – get buried.

I have to remind myself not to do that.

I know that we all experience these days.  I know it’s okay.  I know that these years won’t last forever.  I also know that I won’t miss these moments where I feel bombarded, overwhelmed, under appreciated and generally frustrated.

What I will miss are these moments:

cute-tia2and these:spring-09-014 oh, and also these: spring-09-007

The mounds of laundry, the constant mess, the crying, whining, fighting and general feeling of suffocation are only a small part of the picture.  They are worth it every time I get a grin, a hug, a silly dance or a funny observation.  There is redemption as I hear my five year old pray before dinner, beseeching God’s mercy and grace on his family.  Those are the moments that I live for – the moments that make days like today tolerable.

Well, those moments and blogging, of course, because I feel much better now that I’ve vented for a moment.  Now, off to deal with the girl…

Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing. I think as mothers we all feel this way sometimes. But the good always out weighs the bad! God Bless!

  2. From MY perspective YOU are one of those, calm and patient moms!! I feel like more days than not, I am crabby to my kids, because I am always feeling overwhelmed with stuff and daily things…that, really, don’t matter, do they. They sure seem important at the moment. Hope your day is going better!

  3. Off to deal with the girl…… I LOVE it! Hang in there like you said you are NOT the only one to feel this way, all moms do have their breaking points and that is OKAY!!!
    Want to go out tomorow night for a drink or dinner? I am sure Carol will come too and we can be kid free if only for a few hours, but we all know that will help. Let me know if you do……

  4. I echo all of the above thoughts, and probably a good half of them just this morning. 🙂 It definitely is easy to look at other “composed” moms through our sometimes messy, brown, cracked, milk-splattered glasses and feel inferior. But then I have to picture them in their “moment of insanity” (because we all have them) and realize that people probably look at me and think I never have a bad day. Not true!

    But a few deep breaths, the help of the Holy Spirit mainly, and maybe a jolt of caffeine help the day a bit. I’m also thankful for a husband who sees when I’m coming to my toleration limit and steps in to help! 🙂 Ha.

  5. Joy Marshall says:

    Love it Kelli! I’ve had those days and in my darkest hour actually vocalized the frustration that they were like leeches sucking the life out of me. In my defense we just finished a bout of the rhota virus 10 days after giving birth to Becket. But I’m still so ashamed! You console yourself the way I do on those days- look at cute pics of them and remember why I it’s worth it!

    Love reading your stories!

  6. Amen and amen. I hear you. I asked Dan at least twice this past weekend if he would run away with me. 🙂 Thank God for the beautiful and sweet moments, the cuteness of kids, and that some of the hardest, most frustrating things at least become great stories!