Archives for 2008

Goodness…I’m tired. When I get tired, I get all emotionally analytical. I take things to heart so deeply. I’m a good tired – it’s not a bad tired by any means. I was so hyped by sweet Nastia’s win last night that I couldn’t sleep. But today, my fatigue is pressing my emotions to think more deeply of some things.

I tend to get very engrossed in the sufferings of others. It’s something that I have to be aware of and in general, I have gotten better at not allowing the pain of others overly affect me. It’s a hard balance to do this because part of me feels like I am so deeply blessed with so many wonderful things and I wonder, why shouldn’t I take on the burden that others feel? Why should I avoid the stories of pain just because I myself don’t want to experience that pain? Part of my desire to keep up with those who hurt is because I want to help carry their burden. I guess that’s a good thing, but it can lead to bad emotions for me and my family. A couple of years ago, an old high school friend lost his baby girl just three months after she was born. She was a very sick little girl when born and just never recovered. They had a little boy who was just a week younger than Sloan and this little girl was born a month after Tia, so the reality of their situation hit very close to home. When I attended that precious little girl’s funeral, I felt like my soul had been lit by the fires of grief. It was so painful and heart wrenching and I prayed unceasingly for that dear family. I got so engrossed in their suffering, however, that I started to fear for my own children. I worried about their safety and their health. I feared losing one of them so much that I began to lose sleep at night. I finally had to distance myself from the updates of these friends a little to gain some perspective on how to grieve with others and suffer for others.

I feel the same way when I read the blogs of Audrey Caroline and Luke Sponberg and even my sister-in-law, Becke, who is dealing with the sudden loss of her sister 6 months ago. My heart aches so desperately for these people and I find myself hoping that if I pray hard enough for them, then perhaps their pain will just melt away. But in searching out my own heart over such matters, I’ve finally accepted the fact that no matter how much I personally grieve for others (and I don’t even know some of these people!) I cannot ease the burden that they must bear. Only God can do that, and it takes time. Because I personally have never experienced the loss of a child, I truly don’t know or understand how He carries people through such grief, but I know that He does. If any of you saw or read any of the recent interviews with Steven Curtis Chapman, you’ll understand what I mean. He heals and He carries and He soothes and He gives those who are suffering the strength to make it through each moment, each day. So, while I will continue to grieve and hurt for them, I do so now with the attitude that I cannot change their circumstances. I cannot take away the hurt. But I can be a part of the healing as I lift them up and I get the beautiful opportunity of seeing God’s grace in the lives of others. I also know that I am not immune to such grief and pain. Though I pray, as any parent does, that I never have to endure the trial of losing one of my dearest, I know that I must cling to them with loose fingers and trust in the provision of a Holy God. I cannot live in fear and I will not live grieving over that which has not happened.
So that is my heart today. Sorry for the random post, but it’s what I’m pondering as I lift up the Sponberg family this week. They will be laying their precious son to rest next Thursday. Pray for them when you think about it. Let’s all, together, be a part of God’s glorious mercies in their lives.

Nastia Liukin just won the gold medal in the all around! I’M SO PROUD OF HER AND HER DAD!!!!! Congratulations Nastia!

I’m so going to regret staying up this late tomorrow…

This morning, I joined my neighbor Julie at her gym, the new and glorious Lifetime Fitness facility to take a spinning class. First of all this gym is like a Mecca for all those who love fitness. It is a world of its own and I am now putting the pressure on Lee to get a promotion so Mama can work out there! Julie told me about this class last week and I though, yeah, that’d be fun – I’ve never taken a spinning class and I hear it’s a great workout. Mmmmhmmm…Take a few moments, would you, and enter into my brain as I suffered/endured an hour of spinning.
-Okay, this doesn’t look so bad. It’s kind of cold in here though.
-Man, these seats are a little uncomfortable. Maybe if I put my hand on the seat and push myself up a little it won’t hurt…nope, still hurts and now my back hurts too. Not a good idea.
-Boy it’s not as hard as I thought it would be. Wait, did she just say to increase resistance. ‘kay that’s easy. Oooohhh noooo it’s not. Am I supposed to keep up with her?
-Boy, my rear end is really kind of hurting – how much longer do I have to do this? 55 minutes – great, cool – I’m gonna die.
-Why on God’s green earth is the instructor smiling and joking? Weirdo.
-Geez it’s hot in here. Why don’t they turn the air down?
-Okay, seriously my butt hurts. Maybe if I sit on my towel it’ll be better. Nope, still hurts.
-Increase resistance again? Is she nuts? My legs are supposed to be hot but not burning? Yeah, no – my legs are fine, but my butt is on fire so what do I do about that Cinderalla?
-Now I’m supposed to stand? And pedal at the same time? How much time is left – 35 minutes, dear God Almighty we’re not even half way done.
-Okay I’m standing and pedaling and my legs are burning – they’re not supposed to burn? How is that possible!!!
-It hurts now I want to sit. Please let us sit, please. Okay we can sit. Ow! Nope it hurts too much to sit – let’s stand back up.
-10 minutes to go and I just realzied that I can no longer feel my butt. Is that a good thing? -You want me to pedal as fast as I can now? Here, how ’bout this…you can pedal fast and I’ll just sit and watch since you seem to enjoy this so much…
-5 minutes to go and my rear end is screaming at me again. I must have shifted in my seat during the fast part. It’s time to cool down. When do we get off the bike? We can get off? Awesome! Whoa, my legs are a little noodle-y (it’s a word).
Obviously I survived and unfortunately I don’t think I worked as hard as I could have because the seats were so very uncomfortable, but according to the perky instructor it gets better the more often you take a class, which I know must be true since I seemed to be the only one in the room suffering – well, except for Julie who, comfortingly seemed to be in as much pain as I was. Oh well…maybe spinning isn’t my thing, or maybe I’ll try again sometime, we’ll see.
Thanks to everyone for the suggestions and encouragement re: the clothes situation. Bethany, I will be calling you soon to set up a time and I’ll reciprocate by watching Enna sometime for you (and if you see any baby boy clothes that you like, you can take them home with you!). Barbara, I would love your help, but maybe not this trip because I want you to be able to come and enjoy time with the kids and not be working so I’ll take you up on it some other time. And I will post pictures of my glorious new organization if/when it ever gets done!

I am not a sloppy person. In fact, I really enjoy order, though I am by no means a perfectionist and can turn a blind eye to most anything if I’m not in the mood to deal with it. However, there are some areas where I am just really not good at keeping order and one of those is organizing clothes, particularly the clothes that the kids have grown out of. And I’ve done such a poor job of it over the years that I am now completely overwhelmed and feel like I’m having a panic attack every time I look at this:

And this:

Yes, that is a pile of clothes stacked up the the nursery next to the crib and in the closet that Tia and Landon have outgrown. Only Tia and Landon – that doesn’t include Sloan’s clothes – I haven’t really gone through his yet so his drawers are busting with clothes, as are Tia’s as you can see here: Because Sloan and Landon were born in different seasons, a lot of Sloan’s stuff didn’t fit Landon. Now, however, he’s getting to an age where things are going to start working. Here is the problem – I have about 12 Rubber Maid tubs in our basement filled with clothes, but they are not really categorized by size – they are to an extenet, then I got lazy and just started tossing stuff wherever it would fit. So, poor Landon is squeezing into smaller clothes because I don’t want to buy him new clothes until I survey what I already have. But I don’t know how to survey what I have without taking it all out and stacking it according to size, which would take up a massive amount of space which means I would then need to be prepared to put it all back in some sort of order which means I need about two days without any kids underfoot because I cannot possibly take on a task like that and still try to keep up with them…*gasp, wheeze, puff* I go back and forth about whether or not to have a garage sale and just get rid of most of it, which, again, would take time to organize, which leads me back into my cycle of panic. But I am not quite ready to get rid of everything yet. I’m pretty sure Lee and I aren’t going to have any more children biologically but part of me fears that if I get rid of everything I’ll pop up pregnant a month later, like I’ll have some gigantic target on my back or something. It’s also just hard to get rid of the baby stuff because it means it’s over for good. I know that’s silly, but I’m just not quite there yet – but I am getting there so we’ll see. No matter what, though, something has to be done and I don’t know how to get it done. Thus my need for a paper bag and a dark room. I just don’t know where to start. Ahhhhh! Okay, now that I let that out, I’m going to take a deep breath and shove this to the back of my mind for a little while longer. Maybe if I ignore it long enough it’ll all just go away…

I have to commend the Ballwin police for the way they have handled my stolen wallet situation. In general, I would not think that a stolen wallet would be something that was overly important to them but they have been so thorough and helpful and I’ve been very impressed. Last night, the officer that took my report stopped by our house to see if everything was going okay as far as getting fraud protection. He also wanted to get the kids social security numbers to have on file in case anything came up. He could have called, but he just stopped by. That was very nice. Sloan was, of course, very fascinated with the police officer in our house. These were his exact words as we introduced him to Officer Richardson.
(Shaking the officer’s hand)”Hi, my name’s Sloan and I’m good to my sister. But sometimes I’m not good to my sister…are you going to put me in jail?”
We all got a good laugh out of that. Maybe that can be my new tactic when he and Tia are going at it. I’ll just threaten to call Officer Richardson to take him to jail. Hmmmmm….

I love the Olympics. I love everything about it. I just think it’s such an exciting time watching athletes who have worked their entire lives toward this goal. The Olympics makes me feel proud of my country. I feel all sorts of emotions, especially as I watch all of the back stories about how the athletes have gotten where they are. I get excited and nervous because I wish they could all realize the ultimate dream of bringing home the gold. But that’s the glory of it, isn’t it? Because only one can win. Only one can stand at the top of the podium with gold on their chest.

Watching the Olympics also makes me feel like a lazy slob who needs to get off the couch and do something important, or just something…But I digress…

I love both the summer and the winter games, though I do get a little more excited for the summer games, admittedly. I can’t wait to watch the swimming, diving, track and field, volleyball, gymnastics, etc…I don’t get overly jazzed about shooting and archery – not at all to diminish the skill and dedication of those athletes, it’s just not as fun to watch – you understand…This year I will be especially attuned to the women’s gymnastics. When Lee and I were first married, we lived in Dallas where I got a job part time as a gymnastics coach at WOGA, the gym where 2004 gold medalist Carly Patterson trained, and this year’s Nastia Liukin. Nastia’s mom and dad became very dear friends while we were there. I would meet with Anna, Nastia’s mom, once a week for coffee and she would speak russian with me to help me practice. I learned so much working with them and really, truly loved that job. It was a great atmosphere to work in – very electric. Lee and I watched Nastia all those years ago as a little 11 year old and even then I knew she was destined to be great. She was so tiny but she could fly! It was exciting, and now I’m so proud of her and am rooting for her and her dad!

So, for the next two weeks, I will shamelessly be glued to the TV. In general, I try hard to keep the TV off most of the day. I don’t like having it on for very long periods of time – I just can’t stand the constant noise – but our TV will be on a lot over the next 17 days! Even Sloan is excited to watch the ‘Lympics, though he has no idea what they are. But the bug has already bitten him. Good family fun!

Sweet Landon rarely ever gets his own post in the blog. So, today is all about him. We went to the doctor yesterday for his 6 month check up (that’s occurring at 7 1/2 months). I knew the kid was big. My sore arms have been telling me that for months now, but it still surprised me when the doctor told me he’s the size of an average 13 month old. He was 22.8 pounds and 28 1/4 in. long. That’s a big kid. (Not as big as his brother, though. Sloan was 28 3/4in. long and 23 pounds at 6 months – the actual 6 months!) I also did not realize the poor kid had four teeth about to pop through on the top. That explains his terrible sleeping the past several weeks. Poor little baby – his mouth hurts! He got his two shots a kiss on the cheek from the doctor and off I went with my brute and the other two hooligans running madly behind me. Landon is such a joy. I know I’ve said that a lot, but he really is. He has pretty much stolen my heart. He just smiles and giggles all the time. Sometimes you don’t even have to do anything – you just look at him and he’ll snort and laugh. It’s the sweetest sound on earth. He’s got the cutest head of hair right now. While Sloan sported a kickin’ mullet and Tia grew a mohawk, Landon is growing wispy blond hair all over his head, and no matter what I do, it always stands up straight. It’s so cute. I try to plaster it down but as soon as it dries, it bounces right back up. My baby wants to crawl right now, something I’m not to crazy about but I know it’s inevitable. He gets frustrated with being immobile and will eventually just start making noise until someone picks him up. He loves his voice and squeals and talks just to hear himself. All around, he’s just a great kid and I can’t wait to see what he’s going to be like as he gets older. I get the impression that he’s going to be the family clown. He’s gonna be the one always looking for a laugh. He definately brings a unique joy to our family unit.

Yesterday, the kids and I met a friend at a local pool and enjoyed some fun in the sun. My kids were having chlorine withdrawals and desperately needed a pool fix and I was all too happy to oblige. After about an hour and a half of swimming, I had a sense that I needed to go check on my stuff. As I walked up to my bag, my stomach sank at the sight of my towels all askew. After frantically searching through the bag, I realized my wallet had been stolen. Not cool.

So, I wrapped a towel around myself and reported the theft to the front desk, who kindly called the police for me so I could file a report. The cops were very helpful, searching the whole park and looking in all the trash cans to see if maybe someone had just taken the cash (a whole 8 bucks – woohoo!) and tossed the wallet – no such luck. As I was describing to the cops the contents of my wallet, I realized that I had mine and all three kids’ social security cards in it. Great – now I get to worry about identity theft! By the time they left, the pool was closing, I was annoyed and the kids were starving and water logged. So far I’ve already cancelled both credit cards, put a hold on the blockbuster account and called Transunion to get info on fraud protection (which is going to be a huge hassle, blah). Tomorrow, I get the grand opportunity of spending what I’m sure will be ridiculous amounts of time on the phone with the FTC to figure out how I protect my kids’ identities, as well as calling several other places to give them a head’s up. I will also have to try to get a new license with three kids in tow – good times.

While for the most part, I’m sure we are fairly safe from any kind of major theft or fraud, it’s been annoying to have to deal with this headache. Whoever took the wallet won’t get our money and likely won’t get our identities (though who knows nowadys), but they have stolen a good deal of my time, and a little sanity as well since the spawn of satan himself seems to descend upon my kids every time I get on the phone. But, besides those minor hassles, it’s been nice to feel relatively unphased by this turn of events. Especially when you read something like this. Reading how people are truly, deeply suffering puts my missing wallet into perspective. Will the next couple of days be difficult as I deal with all of this? Yes. In the grand scheme of life does that matter? No. I don’t care about that wallet. The things I care most about are surrounding me and nothing else really matters when placed up next to them. I am grateful for the things that we have – the blessings that surround us. The rest is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. Now if someone could just remind me of that around 11:00 tomorrow as I sit here with the phone pressed to my ear and the kids screaming in the background…