Literal Art and the worst toy ever created

So Sloan came home from school with this masterpiece the other day. He was very proud of it. I placed it in the window in our kitchen. When Lee came home he looked at it told Sloan how cool it was. “What is it? What does it represent?” he asked.

“It’s just bread and goldfish,” Sloan responded, looking up at Lee as if he had just sprouted a second head.

Riiiight. So, it’s clearly not abstract art.

In other Lee stories (I post these with his permission), the other night Sloan and Tia were running around the house after their bath. They like to run “in their nakeds” as Sloan says. Apparently Sloan tripped and twisted his foot. He cried pretty hard and it was his “I’m really hurt” cry as opposed to the “I’m just making noise” cry. So Lee spent some time putting pressure on the foot and turning it to make sure there wasn’t any real damage. Then, in what was an apparent attempt to be funny gone terribly awry, Lee told Sloan to stand on his feet, then reach down and touch his toes. When Sloan reached down, Lee pushed him. He was hoping to make Sloan laugh and forget about his pain. Instead, Sloan fell on his face and twisted his wrist underneath him. So now the concern was not whether he had broken his foot, but his wrist. Sheesh. Boys (eyeroll).

Then, yesterday Lee came home for work all bright eyed and excited.

“Where are the kids?” he asked. “I’ve got a surprise for them.”

I was in the nursery trying to clean out the closets and drawers of all the clothes that no longer fit. I heard Lee tell the kids to sit down on the couch and close their eyes.

“Now, this is something for you guys to share.”

At this point, my heart fell slightly because my kids and sharing do not mix well. Then, I heard a bag crinkling and Lee told the kids to open their eyes. This is what I hear.

“Oh boy! Thanks dad! It’s a talking parrot!”

At this point I almost cried and let me tell you why. When we go to my parents condo, there is a man that lives down there that is precious and he loves kids. Every time we come, he brings this fake, talking parrot that repeats everything you say to Sloan to play with. After about ten minutes of Sloan screaming at the parrot and it screaming back at him, I generally feel a migraine coming on. That bird always mysteriously ends up on the very highest shelf, where he stays until we leave and have to give it back to Mr. Neal. This is the exact bird toy that Lee bought for the kids. It’s like a cruel joke. When he came in the bedroom he was all smiles.

“They love it!” he said.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked. “Have I done something to offend you in any way?”

It was at this point that he realized what he had done. He started laughing, and God love me, I tried to laugh with him, I really did. Then he offered a mild apology. “It’s just so fun to shop at Cracker Barrell,” he said. So now, as I post this, Sloan and Tia are in the basement screaming at the top of their lungs at the parrot and laughing hysterically as it screams back at them. And I am secretly plotting revenge on my husband.


  1. Stuart Fam says

    We have a talking macaw…the thing that Eli wanted more than anything for Christmas. I don’t know if this is good or bad, but it sits on top of his dresser unloved and untalked to! Maybe the desire to scream at the bird will wear off!

  2. blessedpath says

    OHHHH! You made my day Kelli with those stories. It feels good to laugh after a rough week! I’m sorry but I don’t know which is funnier(that’s a word isn’t it!)I have an idea….”mysteriously” make polly disappear until you have to go out by yourself, then when Lee is with the kids he will be “able to see the joy first hand that HE has created with Polly” Thanks again for yesterday…you are such a blessing to me!! went to the DR today, I have STREP!!!

  3. blessedpath says

    Oh yeah, forgot. You are such a good mom for displaying Sloans fish bread thing. I chucked Brooke’s in the trash!

  4. How about an afternoon of finger painting with Dad while you go to the spa?

  5. I’m so sorry about the talking parrot. I hate those toys! As for the “artwork.” maybe they were learning the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand that day, and Sloan just forgot to tell you 🙂

  6. the broomes says

    Kelli- you are my funniest friend. Seriously, I almost always laugh out loud after reading your posts. This one was no exception.

  7. Melissa (aka Kitty) says

    Lee is like MIke in that way that everytime Mike tries to play with one of Ryder’s new toys, he breaks it. Like the foam bat Mike tried to hit a ball with. He hit so hard, the foam bat broke in half. Or how about the new ball that Mike hit so hard it’s now on top of the garage forever. There sits Ryder crying for the ball. 🙂 Yes, God love them.

  8. r.i.p. michael johns! we hope to hear more from him.
    they did sing “jesus” in the lyrics on thursday night, so that even added more to our questions. why did they omit it the first time, & then add it the second? we’re still so puzzled over the whole thing! thanks for your thoughts…!

    this was a funny entry. clint read it & laughed because he thought it was very “lee” to make that comment about how fun it is to shop @ cracker barrel!

    happy weekend to the stuarts!

  9. So – I assume that Lee only purchased one of those parrots . . . otherwise, I would suspect him of doing some early White Elephant shopping. Hmmmm . . .

  10. Jordan & Christy says

    this is a very fun entry! i laughed alot. i hope sloan’s leg and wrist are okay. hope you have a good weekend!

  11. The idea of shopping at Cracker Barrel as “fun” must be a form of genius I’m not aware of.

  12. Love Love Love


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