On my one night at home in a nine day stretch, I wanted to soak up as much of my family as possible.  So we agreed to have a family game night complete with a completely ridiculous kids game that, in my opinion, makes little sense but whatever.  They like it so I like it.

We finished dinner and homework and got bedtime clothes on and pulled out the board.  This is only a four person game so Lee and I shared our turn.

Wait.  Scratch that.  I played alongside the Board Game Nazi.

There are a couple of things you should know about the man of my dreams.  Besides the fact that he is all kinds of good looking, of course.

• He is hyper competitive.
• He controls his competitive tendencies really, really well and you would hardly know he was competitive and hated to lose unless you were, in fact, the one with the misfortune to come home with him after he loses.
• He is particular and leans toward perfectionism.  This means he wants everything in order.
• He hates when people mess around and waste time – especially when playing a game.

So we bring out the board and lay out the cards and we commence to playing.  We play four rounds.  Everyone gets a chance to draw first.  Midway through round one I notice my husband’s hands tremble slightly.

“Sloan…don’t bend the cards!”

“I’m not bending them!” comes the protest. 

“Yes you are.  See the crease?”

“But you bend them when you shuffle!”

“No.  Well, only slightly but see how they go back to straight when I let go?  You leave a crease.”

“Yeah,” I chime in.  “Like the creases on daddy’s forehead!  See how they stay there even after his eyebrows go down?”

Ahem.  Play on…

Then his breathing shallows a bit.

“Landon…don’t touch the pile!  Just leave it alone.  No!  Don’t mess with the carpet.  Your’e knocking the cards over.  Just sit still!”

A vein begins to protrude from the side of his head. 

“Tia, this isn’t a guessing game.  We don’t have to guess which card you drew.  Just put your card down and lay your chip on the board!  Come on, now!”  *clap, clap, clap*

At this point, I’m laughing.  Right at him.  No holds barred.  The kids are laughing too.   

Lee joins in on the laughter.  But it’s more of a ha-ha-I’m-laughing-to-release-steam-but-I-don’t-really-think-this-is-funny sort of laugh.  And then, my husband attempts to teach the kids strategy.

Have any of you ever attempted to teach a four year old strategy?  What about an almost three year old?  Anyone? 

The object of Sequence is to get four of your own chips in a row either horizontally, vertically or diagonally.  It’s mostly a luck of the draw type of game, but there is a bit of strategy in where you place your chips.  Tia, who happens to be the luckiest child when it comes to games, was constantly one chip away from winning.  In this case, a strategically placed chip would have set her up for victory.  Lee, being ready to end the game, was trying to help without helping.  The conversation went something like this:

“Tia, wait!  Don’t put your chip down yet.  Look at the board.  Do you see a good place to lay your chip?”

Tia shrugs.

“Look closely at all the chips.  If you put your chip here, do you think that would help?”

“I don’t wanna put my chip there,” she said.  “I wanna put it over here.” Points to a place that would not be helpful at all to ending the game helping her win.  I notice the vein pop just a little more.

“I understand,” Lee said.  “But if you put your chip right here, do you see how it would help you out?”

“But I don’t waaaaaaanna…”

*sigh*  “Okay, put your chip wherever you want.”

The next turn, Tia draws a card that would have won her the game if she had listened to the wise counsel of her father.  I’m pretty sure there’s a metaphor in there somewhere.

And then, the vein starts muttering.  “O.M.G. If you had just listened to me you could’ve won. Mumble, mumble, mumble…”

Wait no.  It wasn’t the vein mumbling.  It was Lee.  He was shaking his head and his hands were all a-flitter with pent up energy.  And me?  I just burst out laughing again.  The vein frowned at me, then receded as Lee himself started to laugh.  A real laugh this time.

“You’re going to blog about this tomorrow, aren’t you?” he asked.

Yes, dear.  Yes I am.  Smile for the camera!