Archives for October 2008

Well, there is one thing in life that I wish I was better at and that is photography. I’m okay, but I’m not great. I admire people who just have the gift and the knack for photography. I think it’s a great skill. One person is Tarah over at In the Beginning Photography. She’s amazing. I love to look at her pictures (or I should say, drool over her pictures). She’s taken pictures for us twice now and she is just so talented. My sister in law, Becke’ is becoming quite the photographer as well. She’s taking great photos of her kids. I’m just amateur. I took the kids to the park last night and took some shots. They turned out okay, but again, I wish Becke’ or Tara could have been there to do it right. Anyway, enjoy the ones that I captured. I had trouble with my zoom (which I figured out later when I read the manual – imagine! Taking the time to learn your camera before using it!) But I did get some cute shots.

We are surviving here without daddy, but we are ready for him to come home tomorrow! Thank God for my mom in town. None of us has felt particularly well and my mom has been a god-send. Seriously, I’m so beyond blessed with a mom who is a servant to her core. She stayed home with the younger kids yesterday because I had to sing in church and they were too sick for the nursery. When I got home, my laundry was done and she’s made me some chicken noodle soup! You’re the best mom! Landon’s hair always sticks up like this – no matter what I do. It’s so cute.
My happy, happy boy

Sloan was getting all GQ on me.

This dress is ridiculous but oh so cute. Strasburg Children’s Boutique in Chesterfield was having a major sale. It was 50% off of 50% off, which is the only way I’d ever make such a purchase.

Hey dad! We sure do miss you here at home. We hate it when you leave. But we’re having a lot of fun. Yesterday we went to the zoo and saw all the animals. It was so cool! Especially the giraffes. You can read about that here. Tia really liked the snakes a lot. She kept getting right up to the window and staring at them. For a little girl, she’s not very girly. Landon also got to ride the Carousel and he really liked it. He laughed and squealed the whole time.AND we got to ride the train which was my favorite part. I got to sit in the back and say All Aboard and I said it really, really loud. Mommy sat in front of me with Tia and Bubba.

(Oh, and no matter what mom may tell you, I really was an angel while you were gone. I followed direction immeditaely, was very respectful, and never talked back. Don’t listen to what mommy says. Not a word…)

We went to the Zoo today. It was gorgeous – a perfect day. The first thing the kids wanted to see were the giraffes so we made our way up there. I love the giraffe pen at the zoo because you can stand right in front of those beautiful creatures and just drink in God’s creativity and handiwork. Today, the largest and oldest giraffe was standing directly in front of us. I didn’t know at that very moment that the darker the spots are on a giraffe, the older it is. When Sloan asked me why that particular giraffe was so dark, I said that maybe it was because it’s a boy. Sloan’s response?

“No, mom. It’s a boy because it has a big penis see? That’s what makes it a boy.”

Of course everyone else in St. Louis was at the zoo today and 90% of them were at the giraffe pen to hear Sloan’s anatomy lesson. Laughter erupted all around. Do you know what laughter does to a precocious 5-year-old? Encourages him to say that which incited the laughter in the first place – over and over again. We finally had to leave because I feared my ever reddening face would spontaneously combust and kill the poor creature.

UPDATE
I’m trying to prepare for a garage sale this Saturday…when Lee’s going to be outof town. Why do I do this to myself? I can hardly see the floor of my garage there’s so much stuff in it right now! I still have three more large garbage bags of stuff to go through and organize. Then I have to price it all. My friend Stephanie is here with two of her kids painting the island. The kids are getting on each other’s nerves, Tia has a cold and is whining, aaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh! Do any of you know the Dr. Demento song They’re coming to take me away? Sing it with me:

They’re coming to take me away, haha
They’re coming to take me away
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I’ll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats
And they’re coming to take me away, haha!

I had some of the lyrics wrong, but I felt like you people needed to hear the song that’s now pounding its way through my head all.day.long. Enjoy! (Oh, and forgive the bizarrely spelled lyrics in the posted video – it makes no sense, but then, neither does this song!)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HZq62nqE78&hl=en&fs=1]

It was a perfect fall night last night. The air was crisp and clean. The sky was clear, and it was relatively quiet outside. I love and hate the fall. I love the weather, but I hate the upcoming winter and that taints my enjoyment of this season a little. Last night, however, Lee and I enjoyed fall. One of our favorite things to do is sit out on our front porch with a cup of hot tea and just relax. We always have great conversation and last night was no exeption. Last nights talk, however, resulted in me having a very restless night.

When Lee and I got married, we were, as most married couples are, full of dreams and ambition. The world was ours. We just had to figure out how to take it. Marrying Lee was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for many, many reasons, one of them being that he exudes confidence whereas I’ve always desperately lacked it. He’s brought me out of my shell in a lot of ways, but I didn’t realize what a frustrating person I must be to live with until last night.

I have always had great dreams. There have always been things that I wanted to do and accomplish, but I sorely lack the drive to go out and do them because I so badly fear failure. I am also quite dependent upon what others think of me. If I try and fail, what will people think? Will they secretly laugh behind my back? Will they shake their heads and wonder why I even tried in the first place? I don’t know why I’m so plagued by these thoughts, but they are very paralyzing. Lee, however, could give a flying flip what people think about him. It helps that he is so likeable that anyone who didn’t like him would have to be mentally unstable. Anyhoo, I was explaining to Lee how I wish that I could go see the debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin because I have such an admiration for Sarah Palin. You see, my problem is not a lack of ambition or drive. I have a lot of that, and if I really psych myself up, I can get over the fear thing. But once I became a mom, I began to have a hard time reconciling personal ambition with responsibility. I know that being a mom is my number one priority. So I guess my biggest hold up is a fear that I won’t be able to do everything well. So, I end up doing nothing at all. A bad trade off. Sarah Palin has inspired me that it’s okay to be ambitious and be a mom. Somehow I have a hard time putting those two things together.

Another woman who has inspired me in recent months is Dana from Mamalogues. If you’ve never read her site, you should – it’s great. Here is someone who is just like me. She’s a mom, a writer, a smart, ambitious woman and she’s actually doing something with that. I admire that. I want to do something with my dreams. When I told Lee these things last night, he all but threw his hands up in the air and told me he’s been trying to get me to do something about this for 8 years now. His exact words, so true yet so biting, were, “I’ve never met someone with so much talent and so little confidence to use that talent.” Ouch. You gotta love an honest spouse, yeah? After that he started talking about war and Braveheart as an analogy for networking…Apparently I am like someone on the front lines who gets stabbed and retreats quickly at the discourgement, when I should be running all the way into the middle of the pack so I can see what I’ve got to work with. I admit, I giggled a little during this part of his rant.

After that, we went to bed where I spent the night tossing and turning, thinking about the things I want to accomplish and wondering what I need to do to get started and get past this fear. I’m not sure I’ve come to the conclusion yet, but I am certainly going to try and stop using my kids as an excuse to not be ambitious. That’s not fair to them or to me. I’m not sure I’m ready to share what my dreams are either, because that’s really putting myself out there. But I know I have to do something. It’s not that I’m discontent with motherhood. I’m actually quite content. But I feel like I’m not honoring the Lord by fully using what He’s given me. I’ve felt that way for a long time, but it’s amazing how easy it is to shove those feelings aside and push on. Thank God for an awesome husband who refuses to let me live a life of mediocrity.
To read other ambitious women who are also excellent mothers, go to this site or this site…