Thanks

Thanks for the comments and emails regarding the last post. I know this phase won’t last forever, it just feels eternal right now. Someday, soon I hope, life will feel normal again. Tomorrow is Sloan’s last day of school so maybe once we have a little less going on things will settle down. Or maybe not. Who knows? Oh, and as a disclaimer to those of you preparing to have your third, or hoping to have three children: everything I wrote in that last post is a lie. Three kids is a breeze. You should all do it!

Truly, I obviously would not trade my children for the world. They are each so special and so unique and so very precious to me. This is a season, I know, and it is short and one day they will be grown and I will long for these days again…at least that’s what I’ve heard. I just don’t want to miss it, you know? And I feel like I am a little because it’s so difficult. So that’s part of my struggle. It’s a battle between longing for this season to end and hoping it doesn’t go too fast. Whew. That makes my head hurt. I’m going to take a bath and go to bed!

*update: Last night was another rough night. Landon screamed for over an hour. We finally moved him into the pack n play in our room to let him cry it out. But let me tell you what God did. After an hour of listening to him scream, I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up and picked him up and held him tight against my chest, taking deep breaths to calm my own spirit as well. As he slowly began to calm down he pulled his head back and looked in my eyes. In the darkness I could see the tears glinting on his little cheeks. The look he gave me was so sweet and so precious and in that moment I was reminded that he almost didn’t make it to life on this earth. I remembered the doctor’s words that miscarriage was a very good possibility and I was suddenly so grateful for that moment. Then my mind drifted to the story of Audrey Caroline and I realized that all over the world there are mothers whose arms ache to hold their children. Mothers who would gladly get up in the middle of the night because it would mean that their children were alive. And I was grateful. Isn’t God good to remind us of these things when we’ve reached the point of desperation? I’m tired today, utterly exhausted, but I’m grateful for this fatigue as it serves as a reminder that I hold in my hands great blessings. Blessings which were no guarantee. So I am grateful today.