Another sign of spring…which leads me to:

My five most absurd fears.

1. I was just downstairs working on some laundry and I saw it… lurking in the corner, it’s beady eyes fixed on me, waiting to pounce and drive me to an early grave. That’s right, it was a cricket. Now before you think poorly of me that I would be so terribly frightened of a cricket, you must know that the cricket’s that lurk in our home are not your ordinary, run of the mill crickets. We get what are called Cave crickets and if you look at that picture you will understand how I nearly kill myself trying to get away from one of those suckers. Not only do they look like they could kill you, they also jump like ten feet in the air. Also, when I attended Baylor, every fall the crickets seemed to descend upon Waco, filling every crevice with their creey, crunchy bodies.

Literally, crickets would fall from the sky. It was like a plague.

2. I am terrified of airplane bathrooms.

Someone once told me that they heard an airplane bathroom fell out of a plane and plummeted to the ground. That story has always stuck with me so every time I go into the bathroom on a airplane, my heart starts racing, my hands shake, and I try to get out as fast as I can. I usually unlock the bathroom door and flush just as I’m leaving because I figure that if the bathroom’s going to disconnect itself from the plane, it will do so due to the sucking motion of the flush.

The absurdity of this fear should need no explanation. I’m guessing the story I heard isn’t even true – I mean, it’s not like the bathrooms are just stuck precariously on the side of airplanes. Still, I can’t help but think of how awful a death that would be. Plummeting to the ground with my pants around my ankles. Valid or not, I’m not taking chances.

3. Getting eaten by a shark. This is actually not that absurd considering how often we spend time in the ocean, but the likelihood of it actually happening is quite low. Still, I get very nervous, particularly when I’m in an ocean where I can’t see through the water.

4. Getting pregnant again and it being more than one baby. Need I say more?

5. Losing my hair. That’s a silly thing to fear, but I have a really big head and I also have a couple of moles on my head. I would look weird without hair.  Although I do think it would be fun to have a closet full of wigs. I’d wear a different color and style every single day.

As I said, these are my most absurd fears. Some fears are reasonable, like something happening to the kids or Lee, spiders, etc…But these are the things that when I sit back and think about it, I have to laugh at how ridiculous it is to be scared of such nonsense. Nonetheless, I am scared – no, scratch that…I am petrified of these five things.

I’m also not going back downstairs until Lee gets home and tracks down that cricket.

It’s the cricket or me and if push comes to shove, he can have the basement.