Pass the Bon Bon’s Please

I’m writing this with a cup of coffee by my side. My hair is a mess and I have no make up on. I haven’t brushed my teeth yet and so far all I’ve managed to accomplish this morning is putting a few dishes in the sink, dressing my four year old (and doling out a few dozen kisses and hugs) and eating some eggs that my husband made for me.

You heard that, right?

I didn’t even make breakfast for anyone this morning. My oldest fed his sister, my husband fed me and the four year old doesn’t want to eat.

Some would call me lazy. Literally. Watch this clip. Those two women think I’m lazy and that I’m using my family as an excuse to not take care of responsibilities.

I watched this clip last night with a bit of amusement because, really? Are we really still having this debate? Did someone really spend time and money on research to determine that working moms are happier than stay at home moms?

And what qualifies happier? What does that even mean?

If I can get my obviously underused brain charged enough to make a decent argument, I would tell you that I think the panel of women featured on this segment do not speak for the majority of women. I get it. Controversial statements like “stay at home moms are lazy” stir emotion and emotion increases viewership.

Good job Mr. Cooper.

But really? Is anyone else tired of this argument? For every study that says working moms are happier, there is one that says kids are better off with a parent at home. And what does every single one of these arguments do for us moms?

Keeps us locked in guilt.

Working moms feel guilty that they can’t provide the stable environment that “the studies” claim children need and stay at home moms feel guilty for not being “more responsible” and contributing financially to the family. You know what I say?


Motherhood is hard. It’s the hardest thing any of us will ever do. And if you’re not outright abusing or neglecting your child, then chances are you are doing everything in your power to do the right thing for him. I have friends who work outside the home not because they have to, but because they love it. They love their jobs and working outside the home gives them joy and pleasure.

This makes me happy.

I have friends who work outside the home because they have to. The circumstances of life simply require this of them and though they may not love it, they do it everyday with grateful hearts because in this economy, if you have a job that’s a good thing.

Most of my friends, however, are like me. Staying home by choice. Sure we could all work if we wanted to, but we don’t want to (most days – let’s face it…we all dream of escaping some days) and we are blessed to not have to. And we are okay for it.

We’re all okay. So let’s quit judging one another and start supporting each other instead.

Working women around the world this morning got up, showered, fed their kids and got everyone out the door on time. My hat is off to all of you.

Stay at home moms around the world got up this morning, some showered (well done!), fed their kids and got them out the door on time this morning. I praise you for it.

Home school moms around the world this morning got up, some showered (seriously…I am amazed by you), fed their children and pulled out the books to begin teaching and training their children this morning. Way to go!

All of us, though, got up this morning and straightened our shoulders, ready to face another day as a Mom. Ready to fight the battle as a Mom. We all accomplished something great this morning – we got up and set forth to conquer another day. We all deserve a trophy.

How could we ever classify one another as lazy? I don’t understand this. This argument is as ancient as is the idea that women sit at home in the afternoons eating Bon Bons and watching soaps. Honestly…I would like to see a show of hands. Have a single one of you ever eaten Bon Bons and watched soaps in the middle of the day? EVER?!

I’ve never even seen a Bon Bon. Seriously. I don’t know what they look like.

We’re not lazy, Moms. And we’re all on the same team. Instead of judging and tearing each other down, let’s help each other out. Do you know a working mom who is frazzled and needs a little extra help with the kids or around the house? Help her! Offer to pick the kids up from day care once a week or pick up her groceries for her every once in awhile.

Do you know a stay at home mom who is fraying, at the end of her rope having not had a chance to get away in awhile. Help her out! Offer to take the kids out for ice cream so she can have thirty minutes alone, or ask her to meet you for coffee one evening for grown up conversation.

What if, instead of calling names and slinging labels – she doesn’t care, she’s lazy, she’s irresponsible, she’s selfish – we filled in the gaps for one another? What if we all stopped every once in awhile and ate Bon Bons together.

That’s assuming we can find them, of course. I’ve a sneaking suspicion that Bon Bons are a mythical food conjured up for the sole purpose of adding to this ridiculous argument.

No more judging, Moms and no more debating. Let’s fight the fight together. Who’s with me?!

To watch more of the ridiculousness, click here.


  1. I am with you!!! :high five:

    Lazy schmazy.

    • We gotta stick together, us Mama’s. I’m guessing that if Bon Bons really do exist, they’re better eaten in good company. 🙂

      high five back atcha!

  2. When I saw the beginning of that episode of Anderson on my DVR, I promptly deleted it. As far as I’m concerned, it’s an argument that should never happen again.

    I’ve been a SAHM, WAHM, and have worked outside the home, all in less than eight years of parenthood. I can attest that they’re all equally hard, and equally rewarding.

    Besides, who cares if someone’s perceived as lazy? As long as the child’s well cared for and loved, how is it anyone else’s business? I don’t give one whit what another mom does with her time.

  3. For real! I worked outside the home for the first 2 and a half years of motherhood and have been a sahm for 7 year now and I can honestly say I work MUCH HARDER now that I did then. When you are not home all day, things don’t get messed up, so you don’t have to clean it all day long. When everyone is home all day…omgoodness….it’s a never ending task just to keep the floor clear enough to walk through. And now I don’t miss anything…nothing…of my kids development. My oldest has Autism and we didn’t fully recognize it until he was almost 4. If I had been with him the whole time, I believe I would have figured it out sooner. While I don’t homeschool ( I want to, but just don’t have the confidence in myself to do it adequately) I definitely see a big difference between the knowledge and abilities between my child that went to daycare and the kids whom I taught in the beginning. I have friends that have jobs and I have friends who stay home…well….that don’t have jobs….we all know staying ‘home’ is a myth. Geez….I, too, am appalled that this debate is still around. Maybe I could create a show about people who choose to wear sneakers versus people who choose to wear boots and it would be just as relevant as this one.

  4. I’m surprised this debate is still going on too. We were watching some home movies last night where Seth was a baby and later a toddler. For us, me staying home was a good thing. Seth is a kid who needs a lot of attention. I was able to give that to him. I was also able to recognize some other issues he had and had the time to devote to finding resources. When he needed a speech therapist and occupational therapist’s help, I was home to watch the sessions and pick up tips on how to reinforce what he was learning. In a year’s time, we were able to make so much progress. And we’ve got a much happier child as a result. Just that was a big thing.

    But I’m with you Kelli. Every mom’s gotta do what she thinks is best for her and her family. And I think instead of tearing each other down, we need to stick together. 🙂

  5. Ah yes, so sick of this debate. I have so many opinions, but I will leave them to myself. I think we all work hard and no one has the right to judge anyone else until they’ve walked in their shoes. Women judge each other entirely too much AND for those of us raising daughters, this is making our jobs as mothers that much more challenging. The End.

    • Someone made this comment on Facebook and I will reiterate it here – we women are our own worst enemy. Thanks Melissa!

  6. And you know, I think there are must as many men out there who think less of stay-at-home moms. I’ve heard a number of men make comments about their wives or women who stay at home. Then again, I’ve heard men tear down mothers who work outside of the house because they wanted a career. So I think it’s not just the girls. The guys can be just as bad.

    • It does sometimes seem to be a case of damned if we do and damned if we don’t. We just have to do what is best for our families individually and sometimes, as seasons of life ebb and flow, we may have to do a bit of both.

  7. So damn it, I will.

    I will do what’s best for MY family.
    I will do what’s best for ME.
    Some call it laziness, I call it not having the ability to be super woman. I applaud the women who can do it all, but I can’t, so I choose to be “lazy”.

    (How does ME being a stay at home mom affect anyone outside of my home????)

  8. Well said!

  9. I loved this!

  10. My wife totally agrees with you. As a stay at home working father, I can tell you that the judgement is not just reserved for you ladies though. You should see the looks I get when I tell folks that I was home with my kids and work out of the home. It is a double edged sword though. If I worked outside the home, I would be an absentee father.

    For these reasons, I do what matters to me and my family. I work at home and am able to have time with my kids because it works for our family. To heck with those that judge as far as I am concerned. Great post my friend!

    • Ah yes – you men receive equal scrutiny for your decisions in the work/family balance. It appears we are none of us immune to judgement, but we all have the power to refrain from judging others. I think more are willing to offer grace than are not willing to offer it. It’s just that the judgmental ones are the ones who end up on TV. 🙂